These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
Here's how to play.
• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
Siracusa by Delia Ephron. Taylor and her husband Finn have decided to travel to Sicily with another couple, Lizzie and Michael. Before the trip, Taylor, a working mom with a daughter named Snow, takes a moment to discuss the upcoming trip with her friend April.
"What's really wrong with Lizzie," said April, "is that she doesn't have children. Women who don't have children are entirely different from those of us that do."
"She's nice to Snow," I said.
"Nice isn't what I'm talking about. This may be a terrible thing to say, but women without children are emotionally stunted. They lack depth."
4. Did you ever participate in a talent show? I'm sure I did as a child, but I don't recall any details.
5. Do you have any piercings or tattoos? One piercing on each lobe.
6. Do you prefer Mac or PC? Mac.
7. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? I didn't think so, but it seems that one last, lonely one has worked its way down and poked through on the upper left.
8. Do you watch cartoons? Nope.
9. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes.
Twice. I had a uterine artery embolization back around 2002, which they
thought would help save my reproductive organs. And it did, until 2011,
when I was back in the hospital for a hysterectomy. I've been to the ER several times, but was never admitted.
10. Have you had braces? Yes.
11. Were you ever a Girl or Boy Scout? (Or a brownie) Brownie, Junior, Cadette.
12. What is one food you refuse to eat? Anything with red peppers. I have a sensitive gut.
13. What's the most expensive item of clothing that you own? Golly, I don't know. Probably one of my coats.
14. What's your favorite foreign food? Lasagna
15. Who's your favorite fictional character? Oh, it changes. Right now, I aspire to be more like Melanie Wilkes. (Book and movie. She's better than me in both iterations.)
"Michael Jackson set his hair on fire. Druggies do that." So went the answer to what I thought was an innocent enough question on this week's Saturday 9: Without looking it up, can you recall why Michael Jackson's Pepsi commercial made headlines the world over?
No, you dark-hearted dipshit, Michael Jackson did NOT set his own hair on fire.During filming, thepyrotechnic display went horribly wrong and, as he was descending the stairs, the explosion went off too close to his head and his hair caught on fire. In front of thousands of witnesses. On videotape. I only asked the question because it was one of the major news stories of 1984 and I thought anyone not living under a rock would recall it.
Michael Jackson had second and third degree burns on his face and scalp. Can you imagine how painful that must have been? (Remember the last time you burned your finger on a hot iron? Magnify that a million times over all over your head and face.) He endured several surgeries as a result. Here's the video:
Yes, Michael Jackson went on to have serious substance abuse problems -- likely as a result of this accident. I am no Michael Jackson fan. In fact, I can think of little nice to say about this artist as a man. But neither he, nor anyone who struggles substance abuse, deserves this black-hearted dipshit's dismissive attitude. Addiction is a disease, not a character flaw. No one would say, "He set his hair on fire. Asthmatics do that."
Well, maybe our black-hearted dipshit would. Who knows what misinformation about asthma she embraces? After all, look at all the conspiracy theories that stubbornly swirl about the covid vaccine.
And, of course, there's the FACT that he didn't set his hair on fire. Not that facts matter when you accept a stereotype and hug it tight.
Sometimes I love the internet. Right now I hate it. "Michael Jackson set his hair on fire. Druggies do that." That cruel, cavalier, thoughtless comment encapsulates everything that's wrong with the world wide web. Because someone might read it and believe it's true. "I read someplace Michael Jackson set his hair on fire. He was freebasing. He was a black kid from Gary so naturally he was on drugs and druggies will do that ..." And so it will go.
Or let's look at the case of Paul Pelosi. The 84-year-old was home alone. Asleep. He woke up to find a man half his age standing over him. With a hammer. He tried to reason with the man. He contacted police. The intruder bashed his skull in. Again, like the Michael Jackson accident, the attack was filmed. Instead of regarding this as a crime, it became the source of ugly rumors ... and unexpected hilarity. Want to see Donald Trump Jr., eldest son of the former President and officer of The Trump Organization, joke about it? Click here. Suddenly a home invasion becomes a gay tryst gone wrong, and somehow Hunter Biden is dragged into it. This ugly bullshit was retweeted more than 4,000 times. (People take tweets down all the time. Not Donald Trump Jr. He apparently stands by this. Which tells you a lot about him.)
Of course the problem is not the internet, per se, but media in general. And the willingness of some to be uninformed and hateful. It's an age-old problem. I've wandered through the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum many times and the cruel stories and cartoons printed about Abe during the 1860s would be enough to make you cry. (Unless, of course, you're a black-hearted dipshit. The proliferation of Confederate flags makes me wonder what my countrymen really believe about our greatest President.)
Before I slide my soap box away, I promise you this: I try not to spread misinformation. As with the Michael Jackson and Donald Trump Jr. references, I try to include links. I want to be what's good about the internet, and human nature. Not what's bad.
1)
In this week's song, Kenny Loggins encourages everyone to lose their blues by dancing. What reliably shakes you out of a funk? Cuddling a cat.
2) To cut footloose, he has to kick off his "Sunday shoes." What's on your feet as you answer these 9 questions? Nothing. I'm barefoot and suddenly very aware of my chipped pedi.
3)
This is the title song of the popular 1984 movie of the same name. It's
so well-identified with the film that the AFI named it #96 of the top 100 movie songs of the last 100 years. Have you seen Footloose? Once. I didn't care for it much, one way or the other. I can still sing along with the soundtrack, though. "Let's Hear It for the Boy," "Almost Paradise," "Holding Out for a Hero." They were all very popular and ubiquitous on the radio.
4) The title of his 2022 memoir, Still Alright, was inspired by "I'm Alright," the song he wrote for the raucous golf comedy, Caddyshack. Do you play golf? (Yes, putt-putt miniature golf counts!) Do you watch it on TV? I don't get golf. I wish I did, because I admire the passion of those who are into it.
5) Thinking of movies, Kenny says watching Yankee Doodle Dandy
when he was just 7 years old made him think performing looked like fun
and says, "I knew deep inside this is something I could do." Do you
recall when you set off on your chosen career? When I was a little girl, I used those wax paper squares made to separate hamburger patties. I'd trace pictures out of my Golden Books and make up my own stories. Then I'd staple the squares and announce I'd "written another book." So my mom was not surprised when I became a professional writer.
Where it all began.
5)
Kenny grew up in Everett, Washington, north of Seattle and 84 miles
from the Canadian border. Have you ever visited Canada? If yes, where
did you go? Montreal when I was 8, Toronto when I was in my late 30s.
6)
In 1977 Kenny struck up a friendship with Stevie Nicks, who was a
source of encouragement and would sing with him on one of his biggest
hits, "Whenever I Call You Friend." Tell us about when you met one of
your best friends. At my first job as a writer, for the Sears catalog, I was given the cubicle next to John. He was an old-timer who had been there two years already. He came over to give me the keys to my file cabinet. My first assignment was to write about men's tube socks. "Why do I have to lock the drawer? Are we worried about spies from JC Penney's?" He knew then I had attitude and he liked me. Over our shared cubicle wall I saw a cardboard silhouette. I went into his cubicle and saw he'd taken a photo of Diana Ross (his goddess) sitting at a fashion show, cut it out, backed it with cardboard, and made a paper doll to "watch him work." I knew then he was an original and I liked him. We were dear friends for 43 years, until his death in April.
7)
In 1984, when this song was a hit, Angela Lansbury premiered in Murder, She Wrote, a show still seen in reruns today. Were/are you a fan? Not really. I'll watch it if it shows up in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, or if I'm spinning the dial and see a guest star I recognize.
Yes, that's a young George Clooney in Cabot Cove.
8)
Let's tweak your memory about something else that happened in 1984.
Without looking it up, can you recall why Michael Jackson's Pepsi
commercial made headlines the world over? His hair caught on fire during filming.
9)
Random question -- Think of your last professionally prepared meal. Did you dine in, carry out, or have it delivered? Carry out.
I recently finished My Name Is Barbra, Streisand's epic autobiography, and was delighted to read how consistently positive Barbra was about Judy. Over the years I've read that Judy felt threatened by Barbra, or that Barbra dismissed Judy as irrelevant, but in Streisand's telling, none of that's true. Judy recognized Barbra's talent and was enthusiastic about working with her, and Barbra acknowledges Judy's exceptional skills as a performer and how open and welcoming the established star was to the newcomer.
So if you're looking for juicy gossip about a feud, move along. There's nothing to see here. Not in my post, nor in Barbra's book. I'm going to concentrate on how Judy influenced Barbra and the younger woman's career trajectory.
Barbra appeared on The Judy Garland Show in October 1963. Considering
Judy's career in the 1960s, I've always wondered: What If? What if Judy
had a manager who cared about her, respected her talent, and took the
long view of her career, the way Brian Epstein looked out for the
Beatles and Marty Erlichman took care of Streisand. Marty discovered
Barbra when she was just 18 and has been with her more than 60
super successful years. And it's Marty who made Barbra's historic appearance
on The Judy Garland Show happen.
David Begelman and Freddie Fields were handling Judy at the time, and they wanted to bring young Barbra to their agency. They kept calling Marty, asking him what they'd have to do to "get Barbra." Marty said, "You get us The Judy Garland Show and you'll get Barbra." While Judy's show was not a hit, Marty was smart enough to know watching these two generational talents work together would get a tremendous amount of media attention. Barbra, just 21 and still in rehearsals for Funny Girl, could benefit enormously from being in Judy's spotlight. Judy was enthusiastic about sharing her stage with this hot new girl singer. As Mel Torme recalled in his book, "When Judy and Barbra met, it was instant warmth. I knew Garland would be on her toes all week to keep pace with this extraordinary girl."
Now for the legendary "Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy" Medley. Barbra included "Happy Days" on her first album. Listening to the LP in her dressing room, she began weaving her own song, "Get Happy," in with Barbra's. Judy requested that Mel Torme, musical director on the show, shape it into the duet that the two ladies so memorably performed.
Barbra recalls Judy as "completely generous." She was surprised that, when they performed together, Judy grabbed her hand and held on. At 21, Barbra didn't know why Judy was apparently so nervous during the taping. Now, 60 years later, she thinks she does. Barbra believes that Judy wasn't worried about her audience, but producers, money men and critics who often seem to just be waiting for artists to fail.
In
2012, I saw Barbra perform the "Happy Days/Get Happy" medley live onstage with her sister
Roslyn Kind singing Judy's part. (Not as well as Judy, of course, but I was excited to hear it again all the same.)
Near the top of the charts in the autumn of 1964 was Barbra Streisand: The Third Album. You
see Judy's influence the moment you pick it up. The
photograph on the cover was taken by Judy's dear friend Roddy McDowell while Barbra was
performing on The Judy Garland Show.
Caution! In the early 1960s, Barbra threw a party and Judy surprised her by showing up. She didn't stay long but demonstrated why Barbra referred to her as "kind, truthful, supportive." Watching Barbra's career take off with gold records, award-winning TV specials and a starring role on Broadway, Judy warned the younger woman, "Don't let them do to you what they did to me."
A Star Is Born.Full disclosure: Judy's version is my very favorite, Barbra's is my least favorite. But I'm not going to debate that here. Nor am I going to compare and contrast. Instead I'm just going to point out that both Barbra and Judy performed in menswear-inspired outfits as Esther.
Esther Hoffman sings "Woman in the Moon"
Esther Blodgett sings "Gotta Have Me Go with You"
Again with the What If? Barbra has two Oscars. In fact, she's an EGOT. I am a Streisand super fan and celebrate her accomplishments.
But this all makes me wistful about Judy. What if she'd had the gift of time (Barbra has more than 30 years on Judy) and the benefit a role model, like she was for Barbra? How much more joy could she have given us, and enjoyed herself? At the end of My Name Is Barbra, Streisand is content with her life and happy in love. How I wish we could listen to Judy at 80, reflecting on her life and career.
4. Laura by Vera Caspary. A. Originally published in 1943 and made into a classic film, this is a very nearly perfect murder mystery.
5. Mary Lincoln: Biography of a Marriage by Ruth Painter Randall. B+. A fascinating study of our most misunderstood First Lady. Originally published in the mid-1950s, so some of the language gave me pause, but that makes it an accurate reflection of its time, as well as Mary's.
6. Agatha Raisin and the Terrible Tourist by MC Beaton. C- Number 6 in the series, this wasn't my favorite. It takes Aggie out of her usual setting in the Cottswold and places her in Cyprus, so the small town charm is missing.
7. Camera Girl: The Coming of Age of Jackie Bouvier Kennedy by Carl Sferrazza Anthony. A+. A unique biography of one of the most famous women of the 20th century because it focuses on a very narrow slice of her life: the period between her college graduation and her marriage to Senator John F. Kennedy. She traveled extensively, got engaged to and broke up with a stockbroker, and embarked on a newspaper career she loved. A completely charming book. Made me wish I'd discussed this period of my mother's life with her.
10. She's Not Sorry by Mary Kubica.C+. A thriller set in Chicago, it's good at setting the time/place. I enjoyed it while I was reading it. Then, after it was over, I kept turning the plot holes over in my head. "Hey, but how did ..."
11. My Name Is Barbra by Barbra Streisand. B+. More than 990 pages of Barbra's story told by Barbra. Charming at times, infuriating at others, but always fascinating. A delicious wallow for Barbra buffs.
12. The Doorbell Rang by Rex Stout. B.I returned to Wolfe's brownstone with the series creator, Rex Stout. And yes, it's better with Rex.
13. Any Given Tuesday by Lis Smith. B. A political consultant takes us through 20 years of Democratic campaigns on both the state and national levels. I was fascinated because hers is a life I could imagine myself living -- if I wasn't so cautious. I just wish I liked her more.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
My favorite-most ball player Anthony Rizzo is in a slump. This has broken my heart in 1,000 different ways. The owner of the Yankees pretty much called a press conference just to say they weren't going to keep him next year so they can give more money to Juan Soto. I am obsessed. I must be watching/listening when he rises up from this ravine.
It's against this backdrop that I went to volunteer for the local library book sale last night. At this point, all we're doing is sorting donations. You know: FICTION, NON-FICTION, CHILDREN'S, DVDs, CDs. It's neither complicated nor taxing, but it's important.
I volunteered to build boxes. I'm good at building boxes, and we need lots of boxes. It's easy on my back, too. Books are heavy and toting them to and fro can be a strain. Best of all, it's a rather solitary activity. Just me at a table with a palette of flat boxes and a tape dispenser. It gave me an opportunity to keep up with Rizz on the MLB Gameday app. No sound, so I wasn't disturbing the trio of sorters.
One of those sorters was a very nice-looking, age-appropriate man
with nice arms and sandy hair. I like men. I liked looking at him. Between him and the ballgame, I was looking forward to a pleasant 2 1/2 hours.
What a jerk he turned out to be! I stacked my newly-built boxes three deep on the floor. More than once he cavalierly kicked them over -- literally, with his foot! -- so he could get closer to the sorting table. He also slid books across the table where I was working, knocking into my phone and water bottle.
At the end of our shift, we all chatted amiably for a few minutes. One woman told us how hard it was to part with the books she donated. I recalled how last year an argument broke out how to categorize In Cold Blood -- non-fiction? classic? true crime? A man in a Sox cap was asking if anyone knew military time as he looked at his parking receipt and tried to calculate what he owed.
Good Lookin' just wordlessly signed out and went home. Ha! Just for that, I'm not going to fall in love with you.
Rizz went 0-4!
I had to content myself with the fact that I'd given of myself to the community.
WWW.
WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To
participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.
PS
I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog
won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the
frustration I experienced trying to link up.
1. What are you currently reading? If Death Ever Slept by Rex Stout. Otis Jarrell is a millionaire businessman who lives in penthouse with his extended family. He's sure his daughter-in-law is "a snake" and hellbent on destroying his son and his fortune. He hires Wolfe (and his associate, Archie, of course) to find the evidence he needs to convince his son to divorce her. What begins as an easy case with a big fee for uncovering marital shenanigans and perhaps industrial espionage becomes murder and nothing is as easy or obvious as it seems.
2. What did you recently finish reading? Fairy Tale Interrupted by RoseMarie Terenzio. RoseMarie was John Kennedy Jr.'s personal assistant at George and she shares her insider's view. It was exciting and fun -- chatting with Marlon Brando on the phone, celebrating her birthday with courtside seats for the Knicks, helping Carolyn Bessette pack for that super-secret wedding -- until it wasn't. When John's plane went down, she lost her boss, her mentor ... and her job.
In short order her best friend died suddenly, then JFK's plane crashed, and her father lost his battle with illness. The book could be infuriating and tone-deaf at times, but the universality of her struggle and loss at the end redeems it.
On the way home from the card shop yesterday, I stopped for a cup of mint ice cream. I deserved it. I got two -- 2! -- compliments for my work.
First, my boss Ceecee held the first of what will be regular monthly meetings of the assistant store managers. I found afterward that Jen, the manager I work with most often, reported how well I was doing. I don't know the details -- I'm going to be formally reviewed this sometime this month -- but Ceecee wanted me to know.
I appreciated hearing this because I'd been a little anxious about the review thing (I thought I'd left that heinous ritual behind when I retired from advertising) and because when I first started at the shop six months ago, Jen and I were like oil and water. Since she's become more patient with me, I have been doing better.
Then something extraordinary happened.
A woman called the shop. She wanted a narrow gift box for a tube of mascara. I recommended a gift bag -- we have plenty of those -- but no, she wanted a box. So I carried her with me as I checked our box stock. None on the display on the east wall ... none under the gift display in front ... none in the overstock on the back wall. Sorry. No gift boxes that would be perfect for a tube of mascara.
She asked to talk to the store manager.
Gulp.
I told her I'd be happy to put Ceecee on the line, but she should know that we are corporate owned and don't have a lot of influence over the stock we carry. "I still want to talk to the manager," she insisted.
I took the phone back to Ceecee, who was in the office, and told her who the lady was and what had happened.
Ceecee listened for a moment and then said, "Thank you. Very nice to hear .... Our store has been here 30 years but the Gal is one of our newer employees ... I will tell her ... We hope to see you in person soon ...."
She was that impressed by how "pleasant" and "extremely helpful" I was! All I did that anyone else might not do was, instead of putting the phone on the counter and looking around, I brought her with me and told her what I was seeing. Not that big a deal and it felt very natural to me. But it was a big deal to her.
Here's what I learned: If you receive good service, compliment it. I never before realized how much it matters.
Here's how to play.
• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
If Death Ever Slept by Rex Stout. Otis Jarrell is a wealthy Manhattan businessman with a problem and he hopes that with a persuasive argument and a ton of money, he can convince Nero Wolfe to solve it.
Jarrell opened his mouth, closed it, made a decision and spoke. "I want you to get a snake out of my house." He made fists. "My daughter-in-law. My son's wife. It must be absolutely confidential. I want you to get evidence of things she has done, things I know damn well she has done, and she will have to go!"
1. If you like art, who is your favorite artist and why? Thomas McKnight. I love his idealized interiors. They make me want to enter them and sit down.
2. If you were able to learn any three skills or talents instantly and with success, what would they be? Speak Spanish, play guitar and -- most of all -- master that fucking cash register at the card shop. Just when I think I've got it down, something happens and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle: woman vs. machine.
3. If you were to live in Ancient Times, where - in what country - would you want to live in? I wouldn't go. I'm too fond of running water, deodorant and air conditioning.
4. What is something you’re embarrassed to admit to liking? Whether it be a guilty pleasure show, or unusual hobby, etc. Valley of the Dolls. I love every wretched frame of this trashy film.
5. What is the worst job you’ve ever had? I was an admin to a trio of men I neither liked nor respected. One of my bosses had me xeroxing catalogs all day to help him buy and sell his toy cars. Another had me take his personal checks -- made out to cash -- to the company cashier so his wife wouldn't know he was funneling money to their adult son. The third would scold me for either opening his mail (if it was personal) or not opening his mail (but didn't he just tell me ...). I truly hated going in each day.
6. What is something that you wanted to do as a child that you would still like to do now? Marry Paul McCartney
7. What do you hate being judged for more than anything else? I'm not crazy about being judged at all.
8. What is your life’s mission? To be a kinder person.
9. If everyone walked around wearing warning labels, what would yours say? Tread lightly.
10. At what age did you first feel like you were an adult? 19.
11. When did you not speak up, but wish you had? At my old job, I let us present work I didn't believe in because I didn't want to argue with my new boss. It wasn't fair to my client.
12. What is something that makes your skin crawl? Donald Trump
13. What was the last thing to give you butterflies in your stomach? Air travel. I really hate to fly.
14. What's your favorite type of media to work with? (Paint, clay, pens etc.) I like a good marker.
15. What question do you hate answering? Nothing is coming to mind. I guess that means you can ask me anything!
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust
Joanna came into The Loop to have lunch with me, even though she's quite broke these days. She said she's missed me, feels invigorated by our time together, and is "honored" that I felt close enough to her to reach out after John died. That was nice of her, as I'm always worried that when I ask for help I'm a bother.
Elaineinsisted on driving me home from the movies last weekend. Even though it was way out of her way. She said that now that I'm retired, I shouldn't waste my money on rideshares. Part of me wanted to tell her it was really none of her business, but another part of me was really touched. I'm usually one who worries and fusses and sticks my nose where it doesn't belong. It's nice to be on the receiving end.
My former art director and her boyfriend took me out to dinner. Not only did they pay, but he brought me an unexpected gift. Recently retired, he had something hanging in his office that he had no room for at home and thought I'd like it. HELLO! YES, I WOULD! It was a print of broadcaster Pat Hughes' scorecard from the Cubs World Series Game 7 (the greatest baseball game ever played).
John is dead. Henry is lost to me. But life goes on, and I realize I'm fortunate to have such charming gardeners attending to me.
Every day I try. I do. I want to live my life in a way that would please the Lord. Or, to put it in classic movie terms, I try to be more Melly and less Scarlett. Sometimes I succeed. Not always. But every now and again, goodness prevails.
Like with Audrey. She's a movie group regular, and usually she annoys the living shit out of me. First of all, after three years she still doesn't understand how Zoom works. She forever leans into the camera and looks down, treating all of us to a lovely view of the part of her hair and her dandruff. And you can count on Audrey to lose the thread of the conversation and ask a dumb question. She reliably brings out my inner Scarlett.
Until last weekend. We met in person to see From Here to Eternity on the big screen in celebration of Memorial Day and then for lunch afterward. I don't think I've ever been physically close to Audrey before. In person, her fragility touched my inner Melly.
Her vision is severely compromised. The reason she looks down so often during our online meetups is that she practically has to put her nose on her laptop keyboard to see. Zoom isn't the only thing she doesn't understand. When we sat down to lunch, it was established that we would either give Betty -- seated at the head of the table -- cash or we'd send her funds via Zelle or Venmo. Yet when the check came, Audrey kept trying to give our moderator, Will, her credit card. So that conversation that swirled around her when we took our seats, that thing she agreed to about paying Betty with cash or by online payment service? She didn't understand any of it. I sensed her confusion and was touched by how hard it must be for her to navigate the world.
On the way out of the restaurant I saw her backpack was wide open. I stopped her and zipped it. As we watched her disappear down the busy city sidewalk, I asked Elaine if maybe we shouldn't try to walk with her. "Oh, Gal," Elaine said, aware of how I fixate on problems I can't solve, "who is going to keep an eye on her for the 51 other weekends when we aren't there?"
Still, my humanity was awakened. I liked myself just then. From now on, I will be more patient and engaged with Audrey.
But that doesn't mean Scarlett is gone forever. My old friend Kathy has dementia ... or something. I don't know because she won't see a doctor. Our relationship was complicated even before her cognitive difficulties because she was always jealous of how comfortable our friend John and I were. Kathy was always more than a little in love with John -- even though he was gay as a box of Crayolas -- and she viewed me as a competitor. Since her brain battles she's been even more difficult.
When John died last month, two of our mutual friends asked me if I was going to tell Kathy. Fuck to the no. John's passing has broken my heart. I can't deal with Kathy on top of that. If Mindy and Vanessa think Kathy needs to be told, let one of them tell her. I have every right to protect myself as I heal from the shock of losing someone I loved.
Still every time my phone chirps, I swallow hard. I'm afraid that somehow Kathy has figured out that John is dead and reaching out. Maybe to commiserate, maybe to yell at me (she's quick to temper these days). I'm sorry, but I'm in pain and the price of admission to my life right now is that you not yell at me.
So when Kathy's adult granddaughter posted to Facebook first that Kathy lost her phone and then, days later, that while the phone was found, her contacts can't be recovered, my first and enduring reaction was, "GOOD!"
Yes, I know Kathy can't help her dementia. Yes, I know her phone is the lifeline that connects her to the outside world and she must be lonely without it. I know Melly would have compassion for her, but I'm still full-metal Scarlett on this one and glad I don't have to deal with her.
I admit I'm a work in progress. I'll try to do better tomorrow because, as Scarlett herself said, "tomorrow is another day."
1)
In this week's song, The Presidents sing about a long married, very
happy couple. Who is the longest married couple you know? Who is the
happiest? Are they the same couple? Married about 35 years, I think my friends Mindy and Alan are both longest married/happiest. They have weathered quite a few storms -- her infertility, unemployment, a son with learning disabilities, the death of their parents, now Alan's own health crises. Mindy once told me that she didn't think anyone who wasn't her or her husband could understand what's gone into the life they've built together.
2) The lyrics ask repeatedly: "Aren't we happy?" Are you feeling happy today? Why or why not? At this particular moment on Friday evening I'm feeling a little meh. My gut is bothering me, the Cubs lost today, my favorite-most ballplayer Anthony Rizzo is in a slump, and I've got this week's movie group movie, The Day the Earth Stood Still, on. Sci-fi tends to leave me cold, but I'm watching it because our moderator, Will, is so enthusiastic about it. Tomorrow, when my tummy settles down and the Cubs take on the Reds again and Rizz gets his swing back and I can watch a mystery or musical or melodrama, I'll be happy.
3) This happy couple enjoys watching children at play. Is there a park, playground or schoolyard near you? I live next door to a children's home/daycare center, and their playground is under my living room window. I love listening to them play, and I often check down on them to see if I need a sweater or jacket when I go out.
4)
This song reminds Crazy Sam of when she used to recite the
multiplication tables. Think back to your school days. Was math one of
your favorite subjects? No.
5)
The Presidents seems like a good name for a band formed in Washington
DC. What would be an appropriate name for a band from your hometown? Here's an idea: get a band with a powerful horn section and have them play jazz/rock and the occasional power ballad. Call them Chicago and you just might have something there.
6)
DC trivia: The street names are letters, but J was skipped. That's
because in the 1700s, the way many wrote their alphabet, "J" looked like
"I" and so "J" was passed over to avoid confusion. Tell us something we
may not know about your hometown (or state). O'Hare Airport is one of the world's busiest airports and its code is ORD. That's because back in the olden days, it was known as Orchard Airport because it was kinda in the middle of nowhere. It was renamed for Butch O'Hare, the fighter pilot who became the Navy's first Medal of Honor recipient in WWII.
7)
In 1970, when this song was on the Billboard chart, The Mary Tyler Moore Show
premiered on CBS. The theme song said Mary could "turn the world on
with her smile," yet in real life, MTM was self-conscious about her
"wide mouth." Are you comfortable looking at photos of yourself? More now than in the past. I used to be very hard on myself. I recently came upon some photos of myself in my 20s and 30s and saw I really had it going on. I wish I had enjoyed my youthful good looks when I had them. I have to stop being my own harshest critic.
8)
Also in 1970, Dinah Shore became one of the first women to host her own
national daytime talk show. Today, Kelly Clarkson, Drew Barrymore,
Tamron Hall, Jennifer Hudson and Kelly Ripa all have their own shows,
and The Talk and The View are both hosted by women. Who is your favorite talk show host? I can't say because I don't really watch any of them. I like Kelly Clarkson's singing, though.
9)
Random question -- Would you rather have a job that has you on your feet all day, or one that has you parked in a chair? Being on my feet at the card shop is kinda tough on my heel spurs, but I find it's better for my back than sitting all day. So I guess it's kind of a wash.
The first 13 names for hurricanes and tropical storms.It promises to be an active storm season in the Atlantic, and here are names you can expect to see on the news.
1. Alberto
2. Beryl
3. Chris
4. Debby
5. Ernesto
6. Francine
7. Gordo
8. Helene
9. Isaac
10. Joyce
11. Kirk
12. Leslie
13. Milton
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN.Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
WWW.
WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To
participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.
PS
I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog
won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the
frustration I experienced trying to link up.
1. What are you currently reading? Fairy Tale Interrupted by RoseMarie Terenzio. There's a great deal of buzz about the new bio of Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy. I was going to waitlist it at the library and then I saw this readily available decade-old tome. So I gave it a shot.
RoseMarie Terenzio was John Kennedy Jr.'s personal assistant at George, and personal friends with his bride, Carolyn. She was a real insider with a unique view of the paparazzi targets who strove to live a normal (as normal as possible) life. She's credible, and this is no hatchet job.
It's also an interesting look at a young woman kicking off her career a lifetime ago. She was in her 20s back in the 1990s when she worked for John at George. A lot of her behavior seems weird and unacceptable now.
Crying at the office? Honey, that just shouldn't happen. Ever. I admit I did that exactly once in 43 years in advertising, and I'm not sure it counts because we were on WFH for covid so no one actually saw my tears. I was expected to create content on deadline using a new software program while on meds and battling a kidney stone. RoseMarie's feelings were hurt when her boss shared news with editors before her. The next day, John apologized! I would have reminded her where the ladies room was and advised her to shed her tears there.
Boundaries? There were none. RoseMarie gossiped with Carolyn Bessette every day about what was going on at the office, and it was Carolyn who advised her boyfriend to apologize after the above incident. Carolyn took RoseMarie (her boyfriend's assistant) shopping and paid for the designer duds. This spree made RoseMarie late for a meeting, but what the hell. Shame on all three of them. Then John and Carolyn lent RoseMarie their historic Kennedy cottage in Hyannis Port for a week each summer. Free of charge. Unless John was willing to offer it to every one of his employees, that kind of favoritism and access would not fly in today's workplace.
Was everyone still in love with smoking in the 90s? I certainly wasn't, but RoseMarie writes about cigarettes as an indicator of empowered women and cool men. Her take-no-prisoners mother was a smoker. RoseMarie and Carolyn would "sip white wine and smoke cigarettes" as though it was an activity, like drinking beer and watching the game. Sean Penn chain smoked throughout an event where no smoking was allowed, and RoseMarie admired his individualism. No, he was an entitled asshole.
Of course, George premiered in 1995. Maybe I'm unfairly viewing RoseMarie's conduct through a new millennium prism. 30 years on, Ms. Terenzio now runs her own PR firm. I assume the office isn't filled with employees weeping at their desks between puffs of their Marlboro Lights.
2. What did you recently finish reading? Any Given Tuesday: A Political Love Story by Lis Smith. She worked for some of the highest-profile names in politics. Terry McAuliffe. Andrew Cuomo. Bill De Blasio. Pete Buttigieg. Barack Obama. I loved the inside dirt. Also, as one who has volunteered on campaigns, I enjoyed this view of how/why strategy was developed behind the scenes, and how operatives like Smith choose which campaigns they will work on. I suspect, though, that you have to be a bit of a political junkie to really enjoy this book.
3. What will you read next? I've had enough real life. I'm returning to the brownstone with Nero Wolfe, Theodore, Fritz and most of all, my imaginary boyfriend, Archie Goodwin.
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