Shout out to Vivian

You have been awfully quiet, Lady. I hope all is well with you.

My own worst enemy

Tonight I had caramel corn -- lots of it -- after dinner.

Not good for my diet. Nor my currently fragile stomach. Nor my self esteem.

BAD GAL!

So I suppose she should have shot him?

This just in -- Zimmerman's attorney fired him, after confirming that George did indeed have his gun with him, holstered to his side during the domestic disturbance.   

(CNN) -- No charges will be filed against George Zimmerman after an alleged altercation with his estranged wife and her father, Lake Mary, Florida, Police Chief Steve Bracknell said Monday.

"Shellie Zimmerman has declined prosecution (after consulting with her attorney)," Bracknell said.

George Zimmerman had been temporarily detained by police after Shellie Zimmerman told 911 Monday that he had threatened her and her father with a weapon.

On the 911 call, Shellie Zimmerman, who filed for divorce last week, is breathing heavily when she tells a dispatcher that Zimmerman is still at the house.

"He's in his car and he continually has his hand on his gun, and he's saying, 'Step closer.' He's just threatening all of us with his firearm," she says.

Shellie Zimmerman also tells 911 that George Zimmerman punched her father in the nose, then smashed her iPad before getting in his truck. "I don't know what he's capable of. I'm really, really scared," she says.

Silly me! I have gone through that awkward situation where I and an ex decided what belonged to whom, but I never once thought of bringing a gun along to argue about that Boz Scaggs Silk Degrees CD.

Character is destiny, Mr. Zimmerman. Rest in peace, Trayvon.
 

Not art, but still engaging

I'm juggling two mysteries at once. One is The Cat Who Turned On and Off by Lillian Jackson Braun, the other is The Accused by Lisa Scottoline, the latest of her Rosato and Associates series. 

Both books are great fun, and both authors know how to turn a phrase and create a moment. As I sit here, waiting for my 3:30 meeting, my mind is traveling back to the books and I wish it was acceptable to sit here reading at my desk.

Really?

There's a rather unfortunate blurb going around the internet aimed at people born after 1977. It's one of those rants each of us will at some point fall victim to -- either as audience or as the one spouting the "in my day ..." cliches. You know, "you kids don't know how good you have it!"

What makes this one disturbing is that point #3 is, "Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass. Nowhere was safe!"

I was born way, way before 1977, and when I was a kid, CPS most definitely did care if our parents "beat us." I remember one summer, when I was about 8, my parents had taken me to the ER twice in two months. First I fell off a lifeguard's chair and hurt my ankle, then I had been jumping on my bed and missed -- don't ask -- and cracked my head on my dresser. It was during the second, especially bloody visit that a very nice nurse took me aside and asked me to tell her "what really happened" and kept assuring me my dad couldn't hear my answers. The ER staff was very ready to call CPS if my responses had aroused their suspicions. (Which, of course, they didn't. They were satisfied that the only reason why my dad was covered with my blood was that he tried to stop the bleeding on his own before taking me to the hospital.)

And it was most definitely not acceptable in our whitebread, Leave It to Beaver suburb for the parents of our friends to "beat us." There was definitely a greater community vibe than I sense now. It was very, "It takes a village to raise a child." My mother had at the very least a conversation, if not an ongoing relationship, with the moms of all my friends. The parents were like a network and they reinforced one another's rules of behavior. If I was naughty, I knew my mom would find out about it -- probably before I even got home. But I cannot imagine what it would be like to have the mother or father of a friend lay a hand on me. Under any circumstances.

It's not funny to joke about adults beating children. Kids and critters are the most vulnerable among us -- like corks on the water, they can't chart their own courses and go only where life takes them. It's the responsibility of all adults everywhere to exercise restraint with the children in their care, and to report abuse when they see it. We're supposed to protect children from the behavior this silly piece seems to celebrate.

Abuse is, unfortunately, cyclical. It's not corny, it's not silly, it's not overprotective to care that no one lays a hand on a child. If you grew up in a world where you were always at risk of having your "ass beaten" by an adult, where "nowhere was safe," then I'm sorry but your "good old days" weren't very good ... and I hope that you at least learned not to treat others as badly as you were.

Perhaps I'm completely humorless. But I hope I never get to the point where it amuses me that "nowhere is safe" from beatings.

Sunday Stealing

The MORE Meme (Part 2)

What would you choose to be famous for? I do not want to be famous. I don't want people watching me and commenting on me and taking unflattering photos and posting them. Sounds like too much work.

If you have a webcam, are you ever paranoid people can see you? Maybe I would be paranoid if I was famous.

Do you find it difficult to sleep at night? Any reason(s) why? Sometimes. I often have struggle to -- as John Lennon sang -- turn off my mind, relax and float downstream.

If you had to go on a game show, which would you choose? Cash Cab! I love Cash Cab. I could ride
around Manhattan making money.

What about if you had to go on a reality show? I'd rather not. But thank you for asking.

Which would you choose then? See above. I'm not trying to be difficult. I just really don't think I'd enjoy it.

Tell me about your favorite TV show: NCIS. A team of Naval crime investigators stationed in Washington, DC. Led by my TV boyfriend, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. My Cousin Rose is hooked on it now, too, and we discuss it rather obsessively in our letters. One of the main characters is being written out during the first two episodes of Season 12. She and I have many ideas for how this should be accomplished! Alas, CBS has not contacted us.

Why were you last irritated? At the UPS Store Saturday morning. I'm always irritated at the US Post Office. Now the UPS Store has annoyed me. I'm left with no one to turn to but Fed Ex!

What time did you get up this morning? About 6:00. My cat Reynaldo deemed it so.

The last city you were in: Where was it and do you like it there? I'm in Chicago every Mon.-Fri. I love it. I can see The Lake from my desk and every now and again, a lonely post-Labor Day sailboat floats by and I get hypnotized watching it.

Do you like the countryside? Not really. I'm a City Mouse.

If you see someone yawn, do you often yawn as well? Usually.

Recommend me a good movie: The Way Way Back. It's a little indie movie starring Steve Carrell and Sam Rockwell. It has some really lovely moments in it. It might be hard to find -- I don't think it's in wide release -- but if you come across it, definitely give it a try.



Do you think you’d make a good model? HA!

Would you ever want to be one? No, really.

How often do you change your hairstyle? Not often. Color, yes. Style, no.

What does it look like now? Short with a sweep of bangs across my forehead.

Do you have a favorite day of the week? Which is it? Friday.

Are you alone? Yes.

When is the last time you were on the phone after 2 am? Now that we text and email, my friends and I don't tend to sit on the phone all night anymore.

Sleeping with Mr. Monk

I think my body is a little tired from the time spent on gastrointestinal issues, so I gave in to the strong desire to sleep today. Almost all day. On the sofa, waking up every now and again to see which cat was now curled up beside me and episode of Monk was being shown.

Monk is the TV equivalent of Lillian Jackson Braun's Cat Who ... books. Both are about murder, but both are low on the suspense, violence and gore. So Monk was an appropriate companion this gentle afternoon.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Band on the Run

1) This song is about a band of musicians that escapes on an adventure. Do you consider yourself spontaneous and adventurous? This morning I just feel lazy.

2) Paul McCartney and Wings traveled all the way to Lagos, Nigeria, to record Band on the Run. That's a long, long way from London. What's the farthest from home you've ever been? Munich. It's about 3500 miles from Chicago.

3) Wings featured Linda McCartney on keyboards. Paul said

that when Linda died, after almost 30 years together, he lost the love of his life. Who is the love of your life? Or have you yet to meet him/her? Usually I answer this by saying my two most enduring loves are Sir Paul and the Chicago Cubs. But seriously, I like to think my great love still awaits me.

4) Paul has said he's very proud of Band on the Run, his most successful post-Beatles album. Brag a little. Tell us something you're proud of. I believe I am very good at something very important, and that's being a friend.
 
5) Paul's birth certificate reads "James Paul McCartney." He's named for his father, Jim. Are you named after anyone? No.

6) Paul enjoys oil painting in his spare time. What's one of your hobbies? I love movies.

7) 20 Forthlin Road, Paul McCartney's boyhood home, has been turned into a museum by the British government. It's a

modest 2 bedroom cottage, with a drainpipe that Paul used to climb to sneak in after curfew. How would you describe your childhood home? A four bedroom ranch in a really boring little town. The best thing about it was the backyard. My mother loved it for her lawn and garden, but for me, the main attraction was the swingset.

8) Paul is 5'11". How tall are you? Very nearly 5'2.

9) Actor Christopher Lee is on the album cover. He played Dracula in a series of movies in the 1950s and 1960s. Who is your favorite vampire? The original, daytime TV Barnabas Collins.

What's up with THIS?

I am not feeling well. I'm gassy and bloated and have suffered from having to go too urgently (Wednesday night) and feeling like I should go but can't (last night). It's painful and debilitating and I hate it.

While this hasn't happened to me lately, it's not unusual. I see from my blog went through weeks of it in summer 2010, and had a bout of it 2008. It's also how I remember living during my teen years. Stress goes to my gut.

But then, after my surgery two years ago this week, I started paying closer attention to how I ate -- being more careful to add fruits and vegetables. Slowly my tummy trouble disappeared.

It's back this week. I don't think it's a virus because I was fine on Thursday. I suppose it's possible I can't/shouldn't eat pork products anymore -- I had an omelet with minced ham on Wednesday and a pulled pork sandwich last night. Or maybe the malaise I'm feeling about life has settled into my gut.

The boy can't help it

One of my coworkers was born and bred in Rio de Janeiro and he's such a cliche. He loves the ladies and flirts compulsively, even with me. Today, when we were talking about our clients new social media campaign, he stood way, way too close to me and stared so intensely into my eyes I almost laughed. I mean, down, Tiger!

Thinking of my mom these days

It was a year ago that her final illness began. Often, when I think back on her last battle for life, I wish different decisions were made. I think that my mother's insistence on coming home, on leaving the wonderful hospital she was admitted to in Madison and taking the long drive back to Chicagoland, was unwise and weakened her. I wonder if she wouldn't still be with us if sh hadn't made that fateful decision.

Right now, at this very moment, I think it's all for the best because my oldest nephew is on The Nimitz. That aircraft carrier is the first of the US fleet in the Red Sea in preparation for battle with Syria. 


My mother always said she didn't have favorites among her grandchildren, but she did and it was him. They had a very special relationship. The worry over him would weigh so very heavily on her. I'm glad that she isn't here to see it, and that from Heaven she has the perspective to and wisdom to handle it better.

I saw myself in her

Before

Today I vacuumed and flipped my futon and went through that massive stack of paper (resulting in 2 smaller stacks of paper) and watched a lot of What Not to Wear.

The episode that stayed with me was Courteney, the tomboy from Florida who clearly, CLEARLY didn't want to be there. Her answers were monosyllabic and she spent much of the hour on the verge of tears. And I was getting misty right along with her.

The Amazing After

For while I think it would be terrific to go shopping with Stacey and Clinton, and while I completely dream of a half hour with Carmindy,* I can't imagine how painful it would be to be on the show. Like Courtney, I would feel terribly exposed. I'd hate to be taped without my knowledge in the run up to the style intervention. I never, EVER want to step foot into the 360º Mirror. I don't want to see my current clothes under fluorescent lights as they move from utilitarian rack to garbage can.

I will miss WNTW when it goes off at the end of this season. While I didn't really learn anything about my own personal style from Courtney's episode, her journey is going to stay with me. She showed tremendous courage in sharing it with us, and I was touched.

*I think hair stylist Ted is a nice and talented man, but my cut and color suit me fine.

It's me

November 3, 2013, it can be you, too. Click here for details.

Sunday Stealing

The More Meme, Part One

Have you ever said you would never love again? No. I want to fall in love again.


Have you heard a song today that reminds you of somebody? I heard "Waterloo," which reminded me of a friend who is a huge Abba fan. (A passion we do not share.)


Do you apologize first? I have been known to.


Has someone made a promise to you and broke it? Yes.


Have you ever won a lot of money in a slot machine? How much? I won $7 from a penny slot. I had the good sense to quit right then and there. I knew if I kept up, I wouldn't be able to maintain that ROI.


Do you watch sport on TV even though you aren’t a sporty person yourself? Yes. I'm a big Cub fan, even though I cannot play myself.


Do you eat / drink at your computer? Yes.

How much do you overeat at special occasions? (Birthdays, Christmas, etc) Yes.




Do you require glasses / contacts to see properly? If so, which do you use? Yes. I'm wearing contacts right now, but to pass the DMV vision test, I need my glasses.

When you hear your voice back on a recording, do you think it sounds awful? Yes.


When was the last time you got the hiccups? A couple weeks ago.


If you had to, which record would you go into Guinness World Records for? Most time spent on Farmville 2



The last sweet thing you ate: What was it? A dark chocolate bar from Trader Joe's


Do you have a middle name? Yes.


Do you find it embarrassing? No

Who's a good girl?

That would be Charlotte! We went to the vet this morning and she got three shots: rabies and upper resp vaccinations and a shot of cortisone for her allergies.

For all her massive diva behavior at home, she is freaking terrified of the world outside this condo. So today -- the carrier, the cab rides, being handled by a stranger and those three shots -- was especially hard for her.

She got a clean bill of health, except that she probably should get her teeth cleaned this winter and she lost 2 lbs. It might be the better quality catfood they're all eating now. Or she might have the beginning of a thyroid problem. (Another reason for her to return come winter time.)

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 31

Today's happiness: I helped! My oldest friend lost her job earlier this month. She's had a terrible time since moving to LA: trouble with her kids, disappointment in her cousin, broken bones, a car accident, a robbery, emotional isolation … and now unemployment. My heart goes out to her. No good has come from this move. But it's where she is, and she has to make it work somehow. She can't afford to move back here just now and besides, the "here" where she lived is gone. (In the past three years, her home has been sold and naturally, her boss replaced her.)

I've been encouraging her to build a life for herself out there. To reach out and try to make friends. To get out of her apartment and enjoy the ambiance that attracts tens of millions of tourists to Southern California every year.

Sometimes I feel like I've been talking to a stapler.

Well, she does hear me. I am helping! I woke up this morning to an email where she detailed her trips to local public library, how she found a nearby coffee shop to sit and read. She's also signed up for a meet-up in her neighborhood. All things I've recommended, and all things that seem to make lighten her mood.

I'm so relieved that she's doing better. She's a good person and she deserves good things. I'm so happy I could make a difference.

Appreciated it. Didn't like it.

I saw Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine today. Just as the wonderful Match Point was Woody's take on A Place in the Sun, this is his crack at Streetcar Named Desire. I get it.

I just didn't like it.

The script is smart. The editing and story construction are masterful. The acting -- especially Cate Blanchett and Alec Baldwin -- is impressive.

But I think Woody Allen hates all his characters. Even the "good characters" -- especially the kid sister played by Sally Hawkins -- are condescended to by the script and the direction. Her "dumpy" apartment is at least 2BR with a fireplace and an eat-in kitchen, and lots of artwork and books. The woman manages to afford this with waitress and grocery store jobs. And somehow we're supposed to pity her. I admired her.

Woody Allen is immensely talented. He's also no paragon of virtue -- there's a conversation between Blanchett and Baldwin toward the end of the movie that uncomfortably mirrors what we know of Woody Allen and Mia Farrow. And he's 77 years old. Maybe he's been cossetted in Manhattan too long, maybe he's too out of touch with the rest of us.

So while I understand the movie and was impressed by its strengths, I was turned off by how toxic it felt.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Come Monday

Thanks to AuntieM4Cabs for recommending the Buffett theme

1) What will you be doing come Monday (Labor Day)? I have no plans beyond some chores and watching baseball. And this is just fine with me.

2) This song is about a performer who is "heading up to San Francisco for the Labor Day weekend show." When you think of San Francisco, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Lombard Street, the crookedest street in the world!

3) As he sings, Buffett tells us he's wearing Hush Puppies casual shoes. What's on your feet as you answer these nine questions? I'm barefoot.

4) So many Jimmy Buffett songs take place on or around the water. When was the last time you were on a boat? It's been forever! I'm off to Tampa this November and I hope that my cousin and I will get a little time in, on the ocean, looking for dolphins.

5) Everyone knows Jimmy Buffett can write music, but he also has more than half a dozen books to his credit. What's the last book you read? Kinsey and Me, a series of short stories by Sue Grafton.

6) Jimmy's persona is that of a simple beach bum, but in

reality he's a conglomerate, with his own beverage company, more than a dozen restaurants and a couple hotels. He's so successful he has several homes, including a luxury mansion in the Hamptons! If you, like Buffett, could just take off and spend Labor Day weekend anywhere, where would you go?

Who would you take along? I'd go to Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica, and I'd bring my oldest friend with me. She lives in Beverly Hills, but she doesn't feel very rooted or happy there. I think a weekend stay at this resort by the sea, virtually in her backyard, would make us both happy.
 
7) This weekend may offer a golden opportunity for napping and sleeping in. Do you snore? Yes

8) Labor Day was introduced to celebrate the achievements of the American worker. Yet this Recession has taken its toll on many of us laborers. Sam's brother, a movie projectionist, hasn't worked full-time in his chosen profession in more than a year. Is anyone close to you struggling with unemployment or underemployment? (If so, they are in our thoughts this weekend, too.) Oh, yes. My oldest friend just lost her job in early August. My best friend has been out of work for a year now. My former boss has given up on marketing altogether and now sells ties part-time at Macy's. My friend John freelances, but hasn't scored even a single interview for a full time, salaried job with benefits and he's been looking for 14 months. It's a cold, scary world out there!
 

9) Onto something happier ... Labor Day traditionally marks the beginning of the new school year. When she was a kid, Samantha was crazy for her brand new box of 96 Crayola Crayons. It even had a sharpener in the back! What do you remember about preparing to go back to school? If you're a parent with schoolage kids, are they ready? I remember my mom taking my older sister and me to the mall to shop for school clothes. We got the majority of our wardrobe at Sears -- and I always pleaded (unsuccessfully) for a bag of the freshly popped popcorn sold by the exit -- and then we went to the other end of the mall for a couple of "nice" dresses or maybe a new coat at Marshall Field's.

 

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 30

Today's happiness: Feeling connected. My grandmother, who died in 1997, was a major Cub fan who loved Ryne Sandberg. She proudly wore his #23 jersey on her annual trip to Wrigley Field -- a Mother's Day gift from my cousins. I have that jersey ... my cousin Ryan gave it to me recently.

Today Ryne Sandberg returned to Wrigley Field. He's older now. What hair he still has is gray. And he's wearing a red jersey befitting the manager of the Phillies, not Cubbie blue. But he's still the square-jawed hero Grandma loved.* He took a moment before the game to sign autographs for fans in the bleachers who displayed a massive #23 banner.

When I saw the crowd cheer him when he presented the lineup card to the umpire, I thought of how much my Grandma would love to applaud her "Ryno" one more time and I got a little misty. His new team beat his old team, and I bet she would have approved of that, too.

People who say that baseball is just a game, that the Cubs are just a team and Wrigley Field is just a ballpark just don't get it. Grandma got it, and I got it from her (and my dad). It is in Grandma's memory that I replace Augie the August Happiness Cat with her all-time #1 favorite Cub.


*She used to say he looked like the cartoon of Dick Tracy come to life.

But she's so pretty

I'm perplexed -- how can someone have it all and still be unhappy?

I have a coworker who is a beautiful girl. She really is. Good body, even better face. The men are none too subtle about inventing reasons to hang around with her. She dresses impeccably. Her husband is adorable and, since he's originally from New Zealand, he has the cutest accent. She has a good relationship with her parents. Her boss -- The Chocolate Covered Spider -- is on maternity leave, so she has an opportunity to show upper management what she can do on some high-profile projects. Earlier in the summer, that's exactly what she said she wanted.

So why isn't she happy?

She cuts corners because of the stress. She complains about the stress. She takes days off because of the stress.

She's always going for coffee "to vent" or sitting in one of the guest chairs at reception, looking sad and texting, texting, texting on her cell (presumably to her husband). This post is inspired by her confession that she keeps a "complaints" folder! What does she have to complain about?

Oh, but to be 30, beautiful and thin, with a great wardrobe, a cute husband and parents I enjoy going on vacation with! And to top it off, to have a golden opportunity to show my bosses just what I can do!

It's everything in me to not go up to her, slap her face and shout, a la Cher in Moonstruck, "Snap out of it!"

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 29

Today's happiness: Amazon Vine. With this program, "Amazon invites its most trusted reviewers to post opinions about new and pre-release items to help their fellow customers make informed purchase decisions." In other words, FREE STUFF! I have been a Vine Voice for years now, so I kinda take it for granted. I shouldn't. The book in my bag, the conditioner alongside my tub, and a Leagfrog keyboard I'm putting aside for the community Christmas toy drive are all mine, at no charge whatsoever. Not even shipping/handling. Once a month I get a listing of a variety of products to choose from, and I can take up to 3 -- as long as I keep reviewing them.

You can't "join" Vine, you have to be invited. As I understand it, I was chosen because I review everything I order from them and my reviews get a lot of "helpful" votes. I began writing the reviews to help me remember which book in any given mystery series I've read. I mean, the titles can be very similar! Then I began ordering CDs and jewelry and ... hell, Amazon sells everything now, and I reviewed.

So if you want to get in on the Vine freebies, start reviewing! You can review books you got from the library or the deodorant you bought at Walgreen's. It just has to be a product Amazon sells but not necessarily purchased from them. (I keep trying to get my friend Mindy to begin reviewing -- she's an avid reader and a good writer -- but she refuses to believe me that she can review her library books.) Once you meet their supersecret criteria, Amazon will invite you to be a Vine Voice.

Regrettably in support

As this nation continues its seemingly inexorable march toward involvement in Syria, I have decided I support President Obama. But not because of the President.

Because of Secretary of State John Kerry.

He is, at heart, a pacifist. He referred to Iraq as "the wrong war at the wrong time," and he was right. He was shaped by Vietnam and what he saw of combat and killing there.* As Assistant District Attorney, he made the controversial decision to not request the death penalty, even when his constituents demanded it.

So if he believes this is the course this country should take, I accept it.

I'm also confident he will keep the well being of our troops in mind as he, Obama, and Hagel work this through.

So while conflict always makes me sad, I'm afraid I support this intervention. (Even as the Brits seem to be withdrawing their support.)

*For a serious examination of his service, not the "Swiftboat" bullshit, check out Tour of Duty by Douglas Brinkley.

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 28

The internet. Yesterday, as I was sitting at my desk working, I was able to watch many of the speeches and ceremonies commemorating The March on Washington, live as they happened. With my headphones on it felt very intimate and I was moved. Right there, in the afternoon, at my desk. This technology is something no one could have imagined in 1963.

Thank God for sunglasses

I saw the most beautiful man on the el platform yesterday. He was big as a tree -- 6'5 or so. He was wearing a Cubbie blue faux Izod. (How I love that shade of blue!) It looked fabulous against his skin. I don't know if he was Hispanic or Hawaiian but his skin was this gorgeous nutshell brown. His arms were muscled and firm and were carrying a tennis racket. (Remind me to hang around tennis courts.) His hair was black and thick and (my only complaint about this god walking among us) had too much product and made him look a little too much like Bob's Big Boy.

He stood next to me as we waited for the platform, and I was able to gaze upon him with complete impunity because I was wearing my sunglasses and could pretend I was looking at the sign that gave us the time/temp and said when the next train would arrive.

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 28

Today's happiness: barbecue sauce. This evening I had it on a pork chop, and it was delicious. I don't know why, but unless it's summer, I seldom use barbecue sauce.

Sight seen

I don't drive -- never have -- so there's a whole aspect of life that I haven't experienced. Today's observation was a revelation.

As I was crossing Michigan and Randolph this morning, late as usual, I saw a woman stop traffic by getting out of her car. She wanted to see what she'd hit. It was a traffic cone, completely squashed, flat as a pancake. She dragged it out and tossed it on the median before getting back in her car and driving off.

At lunchtime, I crossed at the same spot. The cone was still on the median, but it had sprung back to its previous glory. It was dirty and tire-marked, but it was standing tall and proud.

Those suckers must be indestructible!

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 26

Today's happiness: The new bathroom. The remodeled restrooms at work are just about done and they are amazing. The wallpaper, the sinks, the stall doors are all downright elegant. The sensors on the faucets are a little too sensitive and finicky -- you have to have your hands in exactly the right spot to keep the water running. But in all, it's pretty awesome.

Why aren't I happier right now?

For lunch I had tuna and crackers, applesauce and a pudding cup. I worked out. I spent very little money and behaved in a healthy way.

Yet I really, REALLY wanted something gooey and cheesey. And a beer would have been nice ...

Why is misbehaving so much tastier than doing the right thing?

2013 August Happiness Challenge -- Day 25

Today's happiness is "another good stage reached." So read the update to an online journal about Carol, a woman I know who had a massive heart attack on June 30. It wasn't that long ago that Carol was being kept alive by machines, and now she's about to begin physical therapy! A miracle!

Maybe it was the movie, maybe it was the anniversary

I began this morning watching a special rerun of Meet the Press -- Dr. King appearing on that program on August 25, 1963 ... just days before the March on Washington and his "I Have a Dream" speech. I wasn't aware of how frightened the white establishment was, how many predicted violence, for the mall that day. But there it was. Newsmen were asking King and the NAACP's Roy Wilkins questions about violence right there, in real time.

One interviewer then even asked King if "Negroes" have been "pushing too hard and too fast."

Because the March is so often referred to as a great moment in American history, I don't ever consider how it was thought of before it happened. And Meet the Press was a sobering time capsule.

It was with that still ringing in my ears that I saw The Butler. It's the story of Cecil Gaines, a fictionalized black man who served in The White House as butler from the Eisenhower through Reagan administrations, and who got to meet President Barack Obama.

Therefore, it's the story of all of us. Unlike The Help, it's told exclusively from a black character's POV, and is more sophisticated about how it addresses race. Dr. King vs. Malcolm X ... an interesting observation about domestics as "subversive" rather than "subservient" ... and that pesky accusation about "Negros pushing too hard and too fast."

It left me tired, and weepy.

I was thinking of my mother. She was 70 years old when she voted for Barack Obama and was proud and moved by casting that ballot in ways she couldn't articulate and I didn't understand.

I was thinking of Trayvon Martin, and how young black men still have to be careful about living in the white world. And how today many white people still don't even want to acknowledge that this is true, much less talk about making it better.

I was thinking of that other 50-year anniversary coming up, of JFK's assassination. His real voice is one that's heard over the closing credits. It was his June 1963 address that framed civil rights as not a legal issue but a moral one. "Now the time has come for the Nation to fulfill its promise." (To be honest, I don't know if that sentence is actually heard on the soundtrack. I was on my way to the exit as soon as I heard his voice and recognized the speech. I don't like to cry in public so I had to get out of there.)

It was a dizzying mix of emotion. Disgust at our history and pride in how a movie like this could be made and literally applauded by a theater full of people. I mean, hey, Edward Snowden, a movie like this about and by Russians simply isn't possible.

So it's hard for me to think of this movie as just a movie. But the movie lover in me was able to make these observations: Yes, Oprah can act. She's in the movie a lot and after a while, she disappears into her character … Yes, that really is Mariah Carey at the beginning … The filmmakers should be applauded for their attention to detail: Jackie Kennedy is shown smoking and they got HR Haldeman's haircut right … LBJ still suffers, in movie terms, by following JFK. There are some cheap (accurate but unnecessary) observations about him that diminished him and I'm not sure belonged in the movie … Nancy Reagan should feel very good about the controversial casting of Jane Fonda.

So see it. Definitely see The Butler. But bring a tissue. The fact that we are willing to watch ourselves at our worst IS us at our best. So you'll leave the theater feeling patriotic.