Still, I'm glad I went

Deanna Durbin was a huge star in the 1940s, and today she's mostly forgotten. Tonight I learned why. Her singing is annoyingly operatic. Give me Judy Garland any day.

That said, I'm still glad I went to my movie group's screening of Durbin's It Started with Eve (1941). The film featured a completely charming co-starring performance by Charles Laughton, and it got me out of the house and socializing.

I almost didn't go. I have work to do -- an assignment that needs to be completed before Monday afternoon. I assumed (correctly) that Joanna wouldn't be going because her dog has been so sick. And It Started with Eve isn't a movie I was even remotely curious about.

But I'm glad I did. First of all, of the 11 who RSVPd yes, only 3 of us showed up. Our moderator, Will, works so hard on these Meetups. I'm glad I could show my support.

And then there's the depression thing. This past week, two celebrities committed suicide. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. The news coverage of these events got me thinking about depression, and how easy it is for me to slide into it. It's a fine line with me. When does the alone time that energizes me turn into isolation that damages me? I must be vigilant.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: (There's) No Gettin' Over Me (1981)
 
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Ronnie Milsap sings about how worrisome it can be when you realize you forgot to pay a bill. It's happened to all of us, hasn't it? Tell about about a time you accidentally missed a payment. Here's why I hate 5/3 Bank: Back in December 2010, I misplaced a bill. It fell behind my desk. I found it the day after it was due. 24 hours! I called Fifth Third and told them what happened. The customer service rep was sweet as could be. She asked me how much I would be paying, told me she was noting it on my account, and recommended I drop the check in the mail right away. She did not tell me to take it to a branch, or use FedEx. She did not offer to take my payment over the phone. She instructed me to drop it in the mail. Which I did. Because of Christmas, and no mail collection/delivery and banks being closed, the payment wasn't credited to my account for a week.

So I'm at the airport in Tampa, having lunch as I'm switching planes en route to Key West to ring in the New Year with friends, and my 5/3 credit card is rejected.

When I got to Key West, I called them and was basically treated like a criminal. Because of one missed payment, which I handled as I'd been instructed to. They even had the temerity to assess a late charge! It took tons of phone calls and nasty letters, but the late charge was finally reversed and my card reinstated. 

But no, I didn't close the account. I still have it. I use it every now and again for a small purchase, which I pay in full. I know enough about banks to know I'm more expensive to them this way -- as a non-lucrative open account on the books -- than I would be if I closed it. Yes, I am that petty and I'm still that angry.

 
2) He also references a dream that keeps him awake. Do you have any recurring dreams? More than once, I have dreamed about trying to rescue a dog from The Chicago River. The dog changes -- sometimes it's white with black ears, sometimes it's a brown mutt -- but it always ends the same way. I'm always hanging onto him with one arm while clutching the bottom of the Wells Street Bridge with the other. All things considered, that's a happy ending so I don't think we can consider this a nightmare, even though it is stressful.

3) He sings about the face you see in the crowd. Tell us about someone you see regularly, but don't really know. Ah, that would be "Cancer Lady." I used to ride the el with the same woman, day after day. She would crush a cigarette before going up to the platform, and light one as soon as we got off, just a half hour later. She disappeared for a month or so, then returned. No longer smoking, now wearing head scarves. In time she abandoned the scarves, and her once-black hair was now close cropped and gray. I surmised that she'd had cancer treatments. The day weeks later that I saw her light up again, I wanted to slap the weed out of her hand and yell, "What are you doing?" But then I remembered, I don't know her. (I started taking a later train, so I don't know if she's OK or not.)

4) He mentions the book that you just can't put down. What's the last book that you finished? The last book I finished was a Spenser mystery a month ago. I've had a hard time paying attention to my read these days. It seems I'm interminably distracted.

5) Ronnie Milsap is a big fan of new technology, and believes the advancements make both his professional and personal lives easier. What about you? Do you embrace new technology? Or do you long for the good old days, when we weren't so connected to personal devices? I'm conflicted. At times, I'm amazed by convenience and how much they help me accomplish. On the other hand, I rue my lack of productivity because the internet is such a time suck. (Did that make sense?)

6) As a child, Ronnie used to surreptitiously listen to late night radio, especially gospel broadcasts. When you were a kid, what rule did you break again and again? I just remember my Icky Grandmother always, always repeating to keep my voice down.

7) Country star Blake Shelton says Ronnie Milsap was a big influence on his music. Do you watch Blake on The Voice? I'm sorry, but I couldn't care less about Blake or The Voice.

8) In May, Ronnie appeared at the Choctaw Casino in Grant, OK. Do you enjoy games of chance? Yes. Which in no way implies I'm any good at them.

9) Random question -- When did you last "do it yourself" and repair something around the house or yard? Just this morning, I glued the wood finial back to my bedpost.

Nowhere to hide

Wednesday morning, as I walked to the train, I spotted a young rabbit. Huddled up against the curb in front of a parking meter.

What to do? Leave it on the side of the street with no grass, no water, no shade, and nowhere to hide? It looked so exposed and vulnerable, I had to do something.

I crossed the street to the grassy parkway and dumped my purse and computer.* Then I came back, bent down and tried to pick up the bunny.

Who was much faster and more determined than I expected, and raced under a car, out of my reach.

I couldn't crawl around under the car, so I reluctantly bid adieu to Bunny and headed to work.

But I was haunted by the rabbit all day. On the way home, I walked past the spot, looking for evidence of Bunny, or of roadkill. I saw nothing. I'll take that as confirmation that somehow the little rabbit found a haven. (Please don't disavow me.)

 
*At first I was worried that they might be swiped when I wasn't looking. Then I remembered how heavy they are and thought, "Good luck with that, Mr/Ms Criminal."

Happy I was there for it

I haven't been able to spend much time with Caleb and Napoleon this past month. At lunchtime, I've often been too busy to venture out, and after work I've been taking taxis and Ubers because I've had so many personal items to ferry home from the office.* I just haven't had many opportunities to visit.

But Wednesday, I got to catch up with them at their usual spot on busy the corner of Michigan and Randolph. Caleb and Napoleon were enjoying the unseasonably cool weather. Napoleon was curled up, tight as a little fur shrimp, sleeping soundly, as though he didn't have a care in the world. And you know what? He doesn't.

They were visiting with a woman, a tourist from St. Louis who was wearing a CAT LADY t-shirt. She seemed fascinated by how well-fed and decidedly chill Napoleon is. He's big now, formidable, with a good coat. So secure that he didn't even lift his head when we all stood nearby, talking about him.

I had two books for Caleb -- he goes through them so fast it's like he eats them! -- and he had one for me. This interested CAT LADY, too.  He had one for me, too. Thereby Hangs a Tale is a mystery narrated (and, I suspect) solved by a dog, with the help of his human.

I asked about Randi, Caleb's wife, who has had such serious health problems. She's up and walking, though the doctor would prefer her to stay in her wheelchair whenever possible. Frustrated by inactivity, and worried about money, she is helping her former boss, the salon owner, by running errands a couple afternoons/week. I wasn't completely clear on what she's doing, but it involves going to the bank. Her boss is giving her $40/trip, which includes cab fare. Randi's take home then is about $20/trip. The extra money is important because neither Randi nor Napoleon like the man who owns and lives in the house where they have a furnished room. "And," Caleb told CAT LADY, "Napoleon likes everybody. So something is up with that guy."

He also told me how excited he is about his own job. He drives a forklift overnights at a food distribution facility. Later this month, he will be able to work double shifts when his coworkers take their summer vacations. That time-and-a-half!

I could see by CAT LADY's face that this was all very moving to her. This man clearly loves his wife and his cat so much. He is hard working, and so is Randi. He's articulate and bookish. Caleb is not what CAT LADY expected from a panhandler.

She asked if she could take Caleb's and Napoleon's picture. She wanted to show her husband who she met this afternoon, and besides, she wanted him to see that Napoleon is more spoiled than their cats, home in St. Louis. As she was walking away, she slipped a bill into Caleb's hand.

Caleb was thrilled! He said nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He told me the story of last "Christmastime" -- he wasn't sure of the day -- when Randi and Napoleon were out on their corner and a woman handed Randi an envelope. The woman had just left her mother's visitation at St. Peter's in The Loop. Family and friends had left cash to help defray funeral costs but, in honor of the season and her mother's memory, the woman thought it would be better to share the money with Randi. When Randi got back to their tent -- they weren't in the furnished room yet -- she was surprised to find over $200.

I liked Chicago, and I like the world, for the rest of the day.

*Our last day at this location was June 7.

Sunday Stealing

Friday Five

1. Is there a smell that will immediately sicken you? I hate the smell of coffee.
 

2. When you want quiet, where do you go? Home

3. Do you need/prefer total darkness when you sleep? No. It makes me nervous.

4. What is your least favorite taste? Peppers

5. How heavily do you rely upon your sense of touch? A lot, I suppose. But not as much as sight/sound.


6. Do you mostly prepare your meals at home or do you eat out more? I'm eating out less and less.

7. Is there a time of day when you are more likely to buy food already prepared? Lunch

8. What is your average weekly grocery bill (for how many people)? What is your total restaurant/fast food bill for an average week? This week, I spent $27.38 at the grocery store, just for me. Approx. $55 for restaurants/fast food.

9. What is your favorite meal to prepare at home? Dinner.

10. What is your favorite meal to order in a restaurant? Breakfast.

11. Do you believe in fate? Sometimes.

12. If Karma was to visit you now, would it be kind or kick you in the butt? I hope karma would envelope me in a fond embrace. I'm a good person.

13. Do you believe you have lived another life previous to this one? No.

14. What do you believe in with an unshakable resolve? Separation of Church and State.

15. What one factor influences your life the most? Trying to live as He would want me to. I fall short, I know, but the effort counts for a lot.

How did I spend Saturday?

I slept. I took Connie to the vet, then took a nap. I did laundry. I napped. I watched baseball. Then, I went to bed.

Not leaving the house unless absolutely necessary is good for my budget. I woke up this morning with the same $12 I had in my wallet when I got home Friday night. It was probably good for my skin, too. I did put on makeup for the 9:15 AM trip to the vet, but washed it all off when I realized I wasn't going anywhere (except to bed).

Two of my friends -- Nancy and Joanna -- have mentioned that they miss me and never see me anymore. It occurs to me that I haven't seen Nancy at all in 2018, and that Joanna and I have only gotten together twice this year. Similarly, I've only seen John three times. I've really got to work on the reaching out and going out thing. Otherwise I'll sleep all my weekends away.

Oh! I caught up on my junk reading, too! Did you know Brad Pitt is dating an architecture professor from MIT? She's beautiful, too. How very George/Amal!

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: It's Impossible (1970)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) In this song, Mr. Como maintains it's impossible to ask a baby not to cry. When did you most recently hold a baby? Did you ask him or her not to cry? I can't recall the last time I held a baby. I've chatted with a few when their moms or dads brought them into the office. But I never reach for them. I always feel kind of sorry for them, handed back and forth from stranger to stranger. They look so overwhelmed. I think sometimes we forget babies are people, too.

2) Perry Como was known for his casual, easy going style. Therefore people were surprised to learn that he could lose his temper. His long-time musical director reported that bad drivers really got under Perry's skin. What is one of your pet peeves?

She didn't pay a fare for those bags!

3) Though Perry Como was born in Pennsylvania, he didn't speak English until he began grade school. His parents were Italian immigrants and the family only spoke Italian at home. Do you know any words/phrases in Italian? Manicotti, carbonara, pizza ...

4) He met Roselle, the girl he would marry, when they were both still in high school. Tell us about a high school classmate you were crazy about back in the day. He was the second tallest boy in the whole high school (6'4) and incongruously drove the tiniest VW Beetle. He had to practically fold himself in half to get in and out. He had the shiniest black hair. He was a year ahead of me. I was besotted. He didn't know I was alive.

5) When he was just 14, his father's ill health made it essential that Perry begin working after school to help support his family. He apprenticed to a barber but was so short, he had to stand on a box when he cut hair. Again, going back to school, were you taller than your classmates? Shorter? Or were you the average height for a kid your age? Shorter.

6) While taping his annual holiday special in 1971, he fell from a platform and broke his knee. He had to wear a cast and endure 8 months of rehab. Have you ever broken a bone? I broke my clavicle when I was still in preschool. I have only the vaguest recollection of being in my mother's arms as my aunt (whose home I'd been at) explained to my mother that I'd been playing on the stairs. I've seen photos of myself in a sling, but I don't remember it at all.

7) During the decades when he was a recording and television star, Perry Como was also an avid golfer. He was so popular that many of the best pro golfers of the day -- Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, etc. -- were happy to play with him. It's estimated that it takes about 4 hours to play 18 holes of golf. What celebrity would you most like to hang around with for four hours? Harry and Meghan!

8) After he retired, Perry's passion switched from golf to fishing in the waters near Palm Beach, Florida. His catch of the day often ended up as his family's dinner. What's for dinner at your house tonight? #3 has me thinking Italian.


9) Random question -- They say "birds of a feather, flock together." But that's not always true. Can you think of an area where you are out of step with most of your friends/family? I'm more conventionally spiritual than my friends and family. I'm the only one in my immediate circle who belongs to a congregation and actually show up at church every now and again. I don't know what's in everyone's heart so I don't know whether they have a relationship with God. I just know I'm not surrounded by churchgoers.

I walked into a glass wall

No, really. I missed the doorway and walked slam-bam into a glass wall. It was painful, and not just to the hand that I shmushed against the metal doorway.

I was one of the last to show up for the meeting, so everyone saw me do it. The Gal knows how to make an entrance.

What disturbed me about it wasn't the pain or the embarrassment. It was the fact of it. I have been going to 10:00 AM meetings in that very room for four years. I know I was distracted, eager to discuss some revisions with Emily who I'd just caught sight of at the conference room table, but still.

I haven't taken any hydrocodone/aspirin since Sunday night, but I have been taking OTC pain killers along with my alpha blockers. I think that's why I'm fuzzy.

Oh yeah, and I'm old and fat.

I think I that I may be hitting a wall* with my health like I am with my finances. I'm just sick of being sick. And the only one who can do anything about health and my finances is me. It looks like me, myself and I are going to have to have a serious conversation.

*Ouch! Pardon the pun! 

Gifts from the blogoverse

Ok, I admit it: I've been battling the blues lately.

It's too hot ... I don't feel very well ... I worry about money all the time ... I hate my condo ... I feel trapped in fat ... I'm undervalued at work ... I'm restless because I alternately miss my closest friends but want to be alone.

If you saw me day in/day out, you probably would have no idea I'm struggling. I make superficial conversation, I fuss over those around me. I get my work done on time. I maintain my appointments.

But if you read this blog, nothing in the second paragraph is news to you. It's here that I come with my hurts. In a way, you know me more authentically without meeting me than the people I know do.

Which is why I'm grateful. For the hits my page gets. I know there are people who visit here regularly and stay for more than a minute or two. You ladies* hear me. Even if I don't know who you are, even if you don't comment, I know from my stats that you've been here and I appreciate it so much.

And for two very special blog buddies who responded to two specific posts from Sunday, 5/20.

•  About the stray cat I saw and was helpless to rescue. Our eyes locked, and I felt she was my responsibility and I let her down. Kwizgiver responded, and made a donation to her local animal shelter on behalf of my Reynaldo and Connie! How generous and thoughtful! It lifted me, assuaged me.

Thank you, Kwizgiver.

•  About the book I lost. I got a perfectly perfect hardcover book for Christmas and I saved it for now. About Bobby Kennedy, I wanted to be reading it when we observe the anniversary of his death. That was important to me. Because I mourn Bobby Kennedy. Because I miss the friend who gave me the book. And then I lost it. Carelessly lost it in a cab or on the train. I was bereft. And then Snarkypants sent me a copy of the book! Anonymously, but I figured it out. So you're getting credit, Snarkela, even if you didn't expect it.

Thanks, Snarkypants.

Writing is cathartic. Writing is what I do. I'm so fortunate to have people reading and hearing and responding. It means all the world to me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

*I always assume you're women.

A close second

In my last post, I said truthfully that there's nowhere I'd rather be than Wrigley Field. But our national past time is not the only intrinsically American thing that's captured my heart. I also love the movies.

I ended my long Memorial Day weekend watching a classic with my movie Meetup. A Letter to Three Wives (1949) is what's known as "a woman's picture." No car chases, no gunfire, no heist. The action all centers on the female protagonists, how they relate to one another, how they feel about their men.

It's about Debra, who married a small town scion and wants desperately to fit into his country club world. And Rita, who has a pair of twin sons and an English teacher husband whom she loves and so juggles home life and career. And Laura Mae, the girl from the wrong side of the tracks who married her way into money, if not respectability.

The girls are all friends, bound by neighborhood and social/charitable commitments. And by Addie Ross. They're all crazy jealous of Addie.

Before he went away to war, and met Debra, her husband had been engaged to Addie. Beginning in high school, and continuing throughout their lives, Addie shared a love of music and theater with Rita's husband -- a passion Rita just didn't have time to share. And before he even met Laura Mae, her husband was in awe of Addie, whose "class" he so coveted.

One day, as the girls were about to board a boat for an outing with schoolchildren, they received a letter from Addie. She wrote that she wouldn't be able to help with the boatride or picnic because she was leaving town forever ... with one of their husbands.

In the days before cell phones, these three are trapped first on a ferry and then on an island, wondering ... wondering .. wondering. Whose husband gave in to temptation and left with Addie?

Is A Letter to Three Wives high art? No, of course not. Is it enjoyable? I devoured every minute. And I loved getting my geek on among other classic movie lovers.

No place on earth I'd rather be

Game Time

When we arrived at the park, it was 6:30, a sunny 90º, and rapidly filling with 40,000+ blue-clad bodies. We were among the last to leave nearly four hours later, when it was cooler, dark and empty. I'd still be there now, if it wasn't for security rousing us from our seats.

It was a fun game. My guys got off to a rocky start. Yu Darvish is on the DL, so Tyler Chatwood took the mound in his stead and promptly gave up 3 (gulp!) runs. But we tied the score just as quickly and never looked back. The final score was 8-3.

I was nervous about the game. My kidney stone has been bedeviling me so I've been taking serious pain meds. And I hate heat. Even under the best circumstances, it leaves me miserable -- and being filled to the gills with opiods and alpha blockers are not the best circumstances!

But I had a great time. Especially seeing Javy Baez smack one into the stands. Noting that he was 0-2 so far for the night, I said to my friend, John, "You know, he's due for a big at-bat." And then POW! My lips to God's ears. The ball went into the bleachers.

I drank water all night and headed off to the bathroom three times. Now at Wrigley Field, three tips to the ladies' room could mean that you miss a lot of game. But where we were sitting (Section 240) is tucked away where the first baseline meets the right field wall. So as luck would have it, once you navigate the steep cement stairs, there's one of the ladies rooms. I never had to wait, so it wasn't so bad. (Of course, taking those steps when I'm a little high was an adventure.)

9 innings later

Then we watched the park empty out. After the game, it was cooler and very, very dark. But still pretty in it's own way.

Apres game we stopped at Mordecai Brown's Bar at the new Hotel Zachary, right across from the park. It's very la-de-dah, very high-end. The bartenders wear white shirts and garters on their sleeves. The decor is all clean lines and class. And yet because it's literally across the street from the park, it was filled with sweaty fans in blue tees and jerseys. I imagine that, on non-game nights, it draws a very different crowd.

John was a little grumpy about the bar, even though he chose it. (Since I was unable to drink anything alcoholic, I didn't much care where we went as long as it had air conditioning.) He thought it was too high-end for families who want to come to Wrigley Field. I pointed out that there was a Taco Bell up the street and a McDonald's next door. I suppose I get his point, though -- Wrigleyville is changing and it's tonier than the dives and hook-up bars we knew in our 20s and 30s.* I know John blames Millennials, but I think it's merely free enterprise. Mordecai Brown's will attract tourists and date night crowds all year around, not just during baseball season. I think that's just smart.

At any rate, it was good to get my mind off my gut. It was good to be within The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. It was good to be with John and to watch the W fly high and proud.

*Come to think of it, it's never been family friendly. More beer friendly and casual sex friendly. I wish I'd said that last night, but I was medicated.

Sunday Stealing

STARS ABLAZE

 
1 - Do you ever wish you were someone else? It's a game I play in my head on the train during a boring commute. I pick someone and wonder what it would be like to find ourselves magically in one another's lives. What would I do in her life? What would she change about mine?

2 - How old are you? 60.

3 - Age you get mistaken for:  50 or 55.

4 - Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: According to the zodiac, I'm a Sagittarius: generous, idealistic, undiplomatic and prone to overpromise. I suppose all that is true.

5 - What did you do on your last birthday? I turned 60 in Las Vegas. My oldest friend and I shared laughter and girl bonding. I miss her.

6 - What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? To be in better shape financially.

7 - What is your hair color? Light brown with blonde streaks.

8 - Have you ever dyed your hair? Ever since I was 21. I was a redhead for decades. Now I've toned it back and settled on highlights.

9 - What is your eye color? Green

10 - If you could change your eye color, would you? No. I like my eye color.

11 - Do you wear contacts/glasses? Always one or the other.

12 - Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it: Post-menopause, I've gotten really fat and no, I'm not comfortable with it.

13 - Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? Lipo. I'd love to have lose these chins!


14 - Do you have any tattoos? No

15 - Do you have any piercings? One on each lobe.

16 - Left or right handed? Right handed.

17 - Do you drink? I have to drink more water. The ramifications of not doing so these days are pretty painful.

18 - Do you smoke? No

19 - Do you have any pets? My cats and I consider ourselves roommates. Reynaldo, Connie and I eschew the pet/owner relationship.
  20 - Do you have any “rules” about food? I love those divider plates in the cafeteria so my food doesn't touch. Alas, I don't have them here at home.

Pain is exhausting

I didn't have anything on tap for today. Which is good, because before dawn this morning my kidney stone alerted me in the most unambiguous terms. Ow. OW. OW!

I know what caused it. I didn't drink constantly, as I know I must. First I dropped boxes off at Goodwill before my hair cut, and then didn't ask for any water while I was in the chair (3 hours). I gulped during a quick lunch (less than 12 oz.). But then I went about three hours at my nephew's graduation without a drink of anything. So that was six waking hours without adequate hydration. 

I took my prescription pain medication again. I hadn't since bedtime on Tuesday because I didn't feel the need. (I mean, it is an opiod and I must be careful.) It took a little longer to kick in this morning but after about five hours (two doses) I was fine. Exhausted, but fine.

Here it is, nearly 6:00 PM, and I'm now finally showered and ready for my day. What a waste!

Oh, well. At least I've learned. Water, water, water. All day, all the time. Even if it means I keep visiting the bathroom.

Tomorrow, John and I are going to the Cub game. YEA! But it will be 90º. I hate heat under the best circumstances, and these are not the best circumstances. So I will bring water for the bus ride to the park. I will drink (but not beer) throughout the game. I won't let anything ruin my Memorial Day celebration within The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field!

PS Impalace, thank you for the recommendation about calcium! I'll ask my doctor if my bloodwork showed anything. I know she's been hoping I can ... er ... um ... "retrieve a sample" in a strainer for analysis, but so far, we have had no luck.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: G.I. Blues (1960) 
Unfamiliar with this week's song? Hear it here. 


1) Are you a veteran? Are there veterans in your family? Do you know anyone who is active military? (We are grateful and want to hear about it.) My dad was in a Navy corpsman in Korea. My favorite uncle was a foot soldier in Vietnam. My oldest nephew is currently a Navy Fireman (which in today's technologically advanced world, is an engineer).

2) In this song, Elvis sings about marching, and complains that the Army doesn't give Purple Hearts for fallen arches. Do you have any aches or pains to report this morning? My ankles and knees are stiff in the morning.

3) This song is from the 1960 film of the same name. In the movie, Elvis is in The 32nd Armor Regiment of the United States Army. That's the same regiment he served with in real life. He had the 32nd written into the script as a shout-out to the soldiers he came to know, but realized he'd likely never see again. Is there an old friend you're missing this weekend? I miss my oldest friend. She was worried about me on Monday and we chatted on the phone in real time Tuesday for the first time in forever. It was nice, comfortable and comforting.

4) Memorial Day kicks off the summer season. What's your favorite picnic food? Baked beans.

5) Let's celebrate the Memorial Day holiday with ice cream. What's your favorite flavor? Cone or cup? I'd like a cup of mint chocolate chip, please.

5) This marks the weekend when Americans step up their outdoor activity and do things they may not have been able to do during the winter months. For example, when is the last time you applied mosquito repellent? I don't remember. Which reminds me, I should pick some up at the drugstore. Any suggestions for a bug spray that doesn't have an overwhelming scent?

7) Or swam? Christmas Day. I celebrated the holiday in Key West with Reg and Henry.

8) As you answer these questions, is there an air conditioner or fan on?  Yup. The AC. It's gonna be hot holiday weekend here in Chicagoland.

9) Random question: How do you define success? I wrestle with this a lot. I think, ultimately, I consider my life successful when I'm happy and at peace with myself.

That's a wrap!

My nephew graduated from high school this evening. He was happy to be out of there. Happy to be facing forward, looking to college this fall in Macomb, Illinois.  

It was weird to be back in that high school auditorium. For this was the high school my niece (his sister) graduated from. And my sisters. And my mother and my uncle. So while I spent four pretty miserable years there, it was still bittersweet to say goodbye to the building forever. So many family ghosts wander the halls.

At least I know I'm needed

Monday was a very tough day for me. It began with debilitating pain and ended with me filled to the gills with medication. And so I took my doctor's advice and stayed home on Tuesday ... taking it easy, letting my body become acclimated to the alpha blocker/opiod mix.

I let my boss know I'd be out. And then I checked my email. That was the moment it all went bad. In preparation for The Big Move, the company reconfigured our email on Monday morning. I logged on, just to make sure I could.

Oh, boy. I saw a meeting I needed to attend scheduled for 10:30. I shot the team an email, saying I wouldn't be there (obviously), but I gave them my input on the project.

I started getting responses, and phone calls, as though I was sitting there in the office. This letter needs to be rewritten ... We need another version of this promotional mailer ... Is this sell sheet OK?

I responded with, "You know I'm not there today, right?" and "This isn't a work-from-home day, this is a sick day for me," and finally, "I"m logging off now. If you need anything else, you have to talk to my boss." In all, I worked about 5 hours from my dining room table.

Naturally, I resented it. The complete lack of regard for my personal welfare was not cool.

On the other hand, it was gratifying to know that there wasn't anyone else at the agency who could do what I do. If you're a regular reader of this blog,* you know that's been a worry. So my insecurity/ego mitigated my indignation.

 
*And yes, you silent lurkers, I see you out there! I hope you know how much I appreciate your return visits and readership.

Well, that was an experience

It started before dawn on Monday morning. About 4:00 AM. I woke up in pain. A severe but familiar pain. There was no blood in my urine this time, but I'd had this pain before. Just not this bad. It was my kidney stone.

I soaked in the tub. The warm water gave me some measure of relief. I gulped Naproxen (Aleve). I peed through a strainer (I retrieved nothing). The pain ebbed a bit. I thought if I slept for a while, I'd feel better.

I didn't. I felt worse. The pain spread to my back. I was nauseous, but I was only throwing up water because that's all that was in my stomach.

I called the office and told them to forget it, I wouldn't be there Monday. I called my doctor and explained my symptoms. She told me to pick up a pair of prescriptions at Walgreens and to take one of each, right away. Then, if I didn't feel better within the hour, I should go to the ER.

I freaked. I don't want to go to the hospital! I don't want to be cut!

"No, no." She assured me. She doesn't believe my kidney stone warrants surgery. It was my pain that worried her. She believed that my nausea was a reaction the extreme pain, and knew that an ER had medications and means that were beyond her.

"Oh!"

And you know what? Within an hour of taking the hydrocodone/aspirin, I was asleep. When I woke a few hours later, the pain had abated.

Better living through chemistry!

The second pill is an alpha blocker. It helps relax the muscles, making it easier for the stone to pass. Hopefully, it will work as predicted.

When the old reliables make me sad ...

Two of the things that I can depend on to cheer me up are failing me, and consequently my mood is dark.

1) Books. I began reading Robert Kennedy: A Raging Spirit, the biography by Chris Matthews. I was appreciating, if not enjoying, it. Bobby was just 42 when he was murdered, and so there's a pervasive sadness to this book. When he marries and begins his family, you realize his life is already half over, and that his brood will grow up fatherless. That's just what made me sad on a personal level. What the country lost when we lost him 50 years ago -- a leader who had the capacity to evolve and reach out to those in pain, regardless of their socioeconomic status -- makes me sad for all of us.

Then I lost the book. It's gone. Just gone. I think I left it on the train, or maybe in the cab, when I was ferrying a ton of personal stuff home from the office and the cord on my cart broke. I'm so angry at myself for this.

So I picked up a book I'd long been meaning to read: The Things They Carried. About the boys who fought the war in Vietnam. I found it moving to the point of painful. My favorite uncle a private in Vietnam. I hate thinking of him experiencing what I'm reading. He was just 20 when he was over there.

What's even more resonant: I found out after he died that he kept the letters I wrote to him. My chatty, scrawled letters about what mattered in my 9-year-old life -- Batman, school and the new swingset in the back yard -- so amused him, and maybe comforted him, that he carried them with him in Vietnam and even retained him with his personal papers. My mom found these letters (from me, not my grandmother or my sister or any of his girlfriends, just me) and returned them to me after he died. My careless and carefree self helped him cope when he was in hell. Just writing this makes me tear up.

So I think I'll put The Things They Carried away for a while. I can't deal with it right now.

2) Cats. See post below.

I've got to shake these blues!

I can't save them all

My relentless knee ache is now just a twinge. I'm so grateful, I've been babying it a bit. Instead of taking the backstairs up from the laundry room, I used the elevator. To get there, I had to go and cut through the parking area. It was there that I saw the cat.

The actual cat was a grey long hair

She raced under a car when she heard my footsteps. I called to her, trying to see if she had tags. She wasn't having it.

I talked to her for a moment. I asked her if she was lost, if she was someone's little girl, but she just stared out at me.

I tried to think of what I could do to help her. Reynaldo is now a senior citizen (14 years old) and Connie's health is already compromised, so I have to be careful adding another cat to their sphere. They are, after all, my first responsibility.

I thought of catching her and keeping her secluded in the den, but I have plants in there now. I could keep her in a carrier. She'd be safe and dry. But it was Saturday night. The vet wouldn't be open until Monday. I couldn't do that to her for more than 24 hours. She's an adult cat, not a kitten. She needs to be able to move comfortably over that period.

Also, I'd have to contact my vet. Will they check for a microchip and then hold her until her owner arrives? Or would I have to take her to the animal shelter? Since it was Saturday evening, not Friday evening, I know I would have to wait until Monday to get answers. Can I afford to take Monday off?

By the time I dropped one load of laundry off and returned with another, she was gone.

I hurt for her. Hiding under cars is no way for the descendant of Egyptian gods to live! She shouldn't be scared and chilly and possibly hungry and thirsty.

I wish I could have helped. But here's the sobering reminder: according to the ASPCA, 1.4 million cats are euthanized each year. That doesn't count runaways and strays who die outside and alone as a result of cars, abuse, starvation or illness. The cat under the car was just one of millions who need our help.

It's supposed to rain off and on today, tomorrow, Tuesday and Wednesday.

Poor Kitty.

I just have to take solace in the fact that I keep Reynaldo (once a stray kitten) and Connie (rescued from a hoarder) safe and happy and dry. They know they are loved. I send money every month to Tree House Animal Society and Harmony House for Cats. I should do more, I know, but it's not like I don't do anything.

That didn't go as I expected

The last few mornings, I've actually awakened without crushing worry. My knee suddenly no longer aches, and I had decided to do a cash-out refinance on my mortgage. Yes, my mortgage payment would go up a couple hundred dollars each month, but I could use the money to pay off a credit card, saving me $200 every month, and then use the rest to finally (FINALLY!) finish my tragic bathroom.

Turns out that refi is only a little more accessible than winning the lottery.

I could have done this six months ago. I could have gotten cash out of my home and even enjoyed a bigger tax refund. But I fucked up. This isn't six months ago. This is May 2018. Laws have changed. Interest rates are higher. It's more complicated now and nowhere near as lucrative.

I missed it. I missed relief to my financial woes and I'm trying not to hate myself.

I applied for a home equity line of credit. Nowhere near as attractive or as effective. I will use it sparingly, monitor interest rates and hope that they don't climb. (I'm not optimistic, though.)

I am my own worst enemy.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Last Night a DJ Saved My Life! (1982)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This song is about a girl who is heartbroken about a boy who won't take her calls. Do you screen your calls, deciding to let some go to voicemail? Or do you pick up whenever you possibly can? (We're referring to calls from people you know.) If you called on one of my landlines (work or home) and I recognize your number, I'll pick up. I never answer my cell, and I never check my cellphone voicemail. I do check my texts all the time, though.

2) When she was feeling her lowest, she heard a song on the radio that lifted her spirits. What's the last thing you heard on the radio? "Groovin'" by the Rascals.

3) This song includes the sound of squeaky wheels, indicating a sudden stop and perhaps a near-miss. Tell us about your most recent traffic mishap. I don't drive, and when I'm in a car, I tend to be in the backseat with my nose in a book or my eyes on my phone. So if I've been in a near-miss recently, I missed it.

4) "Last Night a DJ Saved My Life!" is featured in the 2002 video game, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Do you spend much time on video games? I spend too much time on Farmville.

5) This week's featured artist, Indeep, was a trio. We've had many groups, some duos and tons of solo artists on Saturday 9, but not many trios. Can you name another popular trio? Diana Ross and the Supremes

Stop! In the Name of Love

6) The last time Indeep performed together was in 1997, at a New Year's Eve show in Paris for French TV. Have you celebrated a holiday in another land? Nope

7) Britain's Royal Family is in the news this weekend, with attention centered on the nuptials. The Royals made news in 1982, as well. When this song was popular, Michael Fagan gained momentary fame by breaking into Buckingham Palace. He found The Royal Bedroom, where he came face-to-face with the Queen. He reports that Queen Elizabeth sleeps in a nightie that "reached down to her knees." What did you wear to bed last night? My Elvis nightshirt. England may have The Queen, but we claim The King.

8)  In 1982, you could buy a loaf of white bread for 50¢. Today, the national average price for that loaf of bread is more than $2.50. When you go grocery shopping, do you comparison shop and make purchases at more than one store? Or do you prefer one-stop shopping? I shop at different stores, but not for price, for the products. I enjoy shopping at Trader Joe's, but they don't carry some of the brands I like. I don't enjoy Whole Foods at all, but they carry some cleaning products I like. If I can't get it at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, I'll probably pick it up at Target.

9) Random question: What's the first famous quote that comes to your mind? "A house divided against itself cannot stand." Mr. Lincoln

Diana's Boys arrive at the Church

I believe she's sees, and she's proud.

Meghan's mother looks so proud, too. And as I watched Charles chat with Meghan as he walked her up the aisle, he looked different to me. He was happy.



via GIPHY