In mid-March I wrote to my Cousin Rose, telling her that I would be busy throughout Memorial Day weekend but would love to spend a few hours with her. All of this was a lie. I have no plans for Memorial Day. I just don't want her staying with me.
I hated doing this. Rose loves me and her heart is tender and dear. The thing of it is, though, she's maddeningly grumpy. Ever since her painful divorce, she's been short-tempered, judgmental and intolerant. I can't stand being around her for more than four or five hours at a crack. (Really, I timed it.)
I felt so bad about lying to her that I've actually had nightmares about it. I have so much respect for her as a person, and I so honor how she stood by me when I was growing up, that this dilemma has really hurt.
So yesterday, when I saw the envelope with her familiar scrawl across the front, I was more than a little nervous. I was afraid that she'd seen through my lie and that I'd hurt her.
Nope. That wasn't it at all. It was a short, chatty and surprisingly upbeat letter about NCIS (a passion we share) and how eager she is to receive the results of her DNA test so she can find out once and for all if she's more Germanic or English (genealogy is her #1 hobby.)
I feel so much better about life right now. Tonight might be the first really restful night's sleep I've had in a while!
These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
Funny how we project onto other people. I've caught myself doing that a lot lately.
ReplyDeleteoh my stars...that is great ha ha!!!
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
So glad to hear it!
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