Thursday, July 25, 2013

Worried about him, worried about us

   Heard from my best friend today for the first time in two weeks. It was a quick email, apologizing for being so quiet for so long and giving me a brief overview of what he's been up to -- a stay at his father-in-law's house in Long Beach and visiting colleges with his oldest daughter, barbecues with friends. Today he and his family are off first to Las Vegas and then the Grand Canyon.

I didn't bother to answer it because I was very busy at work today and by the time I got time (which would be now) it hardly seemed worth it. After all, in a few hours he's going to be on a plane, surrounded by his wife and daughters.

He asked me what was up at work, whether or not I'm still scared of losing my job. (Yes.) He asked if my oldest friend's life is still filled with drama. (Yes.) I'd love to tell him about that. I'd love to tell him about my visit with my niece in Muskegon -- how alternately nice and uncomfortable our visit was. I'd like to tell him how worried I have been about Carol's heart attack and all the feelings that has stirred up.

I am lonely and I miss him.

But something has stopped me from reaching out to him. When my niece and I were sitting in a coffee shop, and I was writing up postcards with photos of downtown Muskegon and the Musical Fountain to get a Michigan postmark, I didn't include one to him. I thought about it -- I had enough cards and stamps -- I just didn't and wrote a "thank you" note to my niece's boyfriend instead.

I just don't feel like being the one who does all the heavy lifting any more. It's not the same between us anymore.

Part of it is his attitude toward money. His father-in-law went from wealthy to multimillionaire in early 2006 when the company he worked for went public. My best friend never liked what his FIL stood for and resisted being sucked into his sphere. He was so was proud of his independence.

But over this past year, when he's been unemployed ... well, my friend has gone to Long Beach twice, spent Thanksgiving in Mexico, and Easter in New York, and now they're off to the Grand Canyon. And he lives in a 5BR/5BA house with multiple fireplaces. His daughters go to a private school. He's diabetic, so there's his insulin pump and testing strips and hefty medical insurance premium payments.

Yet he's taken 5 vacations in 12 months. I hear about trips but not much about job interviews. I know he's been blue and even a little embarrassed about his difficulty in finding a job, but now I wonder how hard he's trying.

It's not so much that I disapprove of my best friend, it's that I don't know him anymore.

I am lonely and I miss him.

5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. It's such a sad and confusing feeling.

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  2. it is hard to realize that sometimes relationship come to an end. do you think you are headed in that direction?

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  3. The evolution of friendships is natural. I'm sorry you're uncomfortable with him.

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  4. tricky impasse. the quantum mechanics of the heart: people are always shifting.

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  5. Things shift and change - he must feel awful not being able to do what he used to for his family. I wonder if shame has been keeping him away?

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