Ambien and Xanax

I'm doing OK. I return to work tomorrow for the first time in a week and a half (3 days with the flu, 5 days of bereavement). I think it's time. I have to stop thinking about what my mother left us legally/financially and start facing forward again.

But mornings are the worst. If I sleep through the night -- which I'm doing thanks to the sleep meds -- then I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest because it's all still true. My mom is still dead. I still have to get through the estate stuff. So I take a Xanax.

It's not like my life was that hot before all this happened. I don't know what the future holds for me at work. My best friend is still struggling with his new jobless status. My oldest friend is still beleaguered by her troubled children. I'm still fat.
BUT this is my favorite weather. The heat is over. My cat Charlotte is OK. And my mom is no longer scared or suffering. That's a comfort.

My doctor thinks a week or two more of Ambien and Xanax is quite typical and will help me fake it till I can make it.