The new phone is here! The new phone is here!*

 I am the proud owner of a VTech CS6419, the cheapest cordless phone my local Radio Shack sells.

There was a time when choosing a new phone was fun. When it was my only link to the world outside my parents' house. When getting a Princess phone that was neither white nor black was a status symbol.

Those days are gone. This was a strictly utilitarian purchase, and I approached it with the same enthusiasm as I do shelling out hard-earned bucks for a new toilet.

 *With apologies to Steve Martin.