My friend Kathy has been having a rough time again, and I really hate it.She's 61 and broke. Now she is unemployed again, too. She lost her new administrative job last week. (I don't know the details and I'm not asking, as she's feeling wounded and embarrassed.) This means no more health insurance. Gas is $4/gallon here already, and that's no help. She's disconnected her landline and ISP, using her cellphone and the computer at the public library.
This is not the time of life to find herself in this situation. It's going to be very difficult for her to ever retire, even if her health eventually demands it. We don't discuss this because I'm sure this has crossed her mind, too, so what's the point? But it is the 800-lb. gorilla in the room.
To make matters worse, her grown daughter has landed in quite the sinkhole, too. Her daughter is married with four kids, a big house, two cars and a truck. Well, scratch the truck -- it's been repossessed. The big house is slipping away, too, going into foreclosure.
So Kathy is moving in with her daughter's family, temporarily in the house, and then together into a rental somewhere. This means she has to find a new home for her two four-year-old tabbies. I think this is the saddest circumstance of all.
This situation must be handled carefully. Kathy is proud, embarrassed, and terrified. I am only helping as asked -- which involves finding a home for the cats. (I can't take them, though I considered it. 5 cats in a 2BR condo would simply be too much.)
Frankly, just handing her money isn't smart for either of us, or our friendship. She'd resent it, even if she didn't articulate it. Our relationship has been prickly at times over the years, and I must be sensitive to that. Also, I don't know how much financial help my mom is going to need, not to mention my niece and nephew. My sister and brother in law have been having money trouble and I want to be able to help them. And what of my own future? I feel it's like the oxygen on the airplane -- I have to secure my own mask first before I can help those who are depending on me.
So I worry.
Sucks even worse because you feel darned helpless. Or thats what I am guessing at least
ReplyDeleteYour friend Kathy and I are pretty much the same age. I cannot imagine being at my age and - basically - having no income, no place of my own to live, and no money "put aside for a rainy day". And you're right, you'll do what you can for her - if only a shoulder - but you've got to secure your mask first.
ReplyDeleteBut, I have a feeling you are the type of friend that can get her through this - if only with the shoulder! (Snowbird)