Thursday Thirteen #284

Thirteen popular Thanksgiving dishes. The big day is nearly upon us. Are you thinking about your menu? Here's what Americans are considering for Thanksgiving 2022.

1. Roast turkey

2. Classic stuffing

3. Mashed potatoes

4. Gravy

5. Cranberry sauce

6. Sweet potato casserole with marshmallows

7. Biscuits

8. Spinach salad

9. Butternut squash soup

10. Cornbread

11. Mac and cheese

12. Pumpkin pie

13. Baked apples

What about you? What's your favorite turkey day dish?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

Compassion Challenge: Day 15

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Day 15 was Mindfulness.

I admit I'm struggling right now. It seems I have something icky to do every day. Doctor appointments -- now that we seem to have my kidneys in shape, it's time to turn our attention to my pancreas and I'm scared. The dentist and the oral surgeon (two different teeth). Calls about my 401k rollover and annuities. Coordinating COBRA and Medicare. Follow-ups with Illinois Unemployment. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting Connie's vet appointment!

I'm nervous about my fiscal and physical future. I'm facing a lot of unknowns here. I don't deal with unknowns well.

But you know what? I am not the only person in the world. I must be mindful of that.

Last night, Patrick called. He's the one who knows Henry and Reg best. We're spending Christmas together again in Key West. We admitted to one another that, with the precipitous decline in Henry's condition, this could be the last time. That weighs on us both.

At 68, Patrick is looking at a new job opportunity. A new restaurant is starting up during the busy Key West winter season and they want his input and help. It's exciting and flattering, but it's also a big responsibility and it will be physically taxing. 

He's trying to get past a bad relationship. He's making progress, but at times it washes over him that he was foolish. 

Last night, we listened to each other. 

I respect Patrick's insights and was comforted to hear what he had to say about my life. It was also good for me to get out of my own damn head for 45 minutes and talk about his.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? Death of a President by William Manchester. This month marks the 59th anniversary of President Kennedy's assassination. I'm an old lady now, having lived through Vietnam and Watergate and the Challenger explosion and 9/11 and Katrina and Sandy Hook and the January 6 attack on the Capitol. All those national nightmares were heartbreaking, but none has left the mark on me personally that 11/22/63 did.

We murdered our own President, in broad daylight, during a parade, and it was caught on camera.

That day -- coincidentally my 6th birthday -- fundamentally changed America and I want to revisit it. In a sober, scholarly way (no lurid, tin-hat conspiracies for this gal). This book is considered the gold standard and now is the time.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Murder Is Easy by Agatha Christie. People are dropping like flies in the peaceful rural town of Wychwood. Though the deaths are happening at an alarming rate, the local constabulary doesn't suspect foul play. After all, each cause of death is very different and all the victims seem to have in common is that they all lived, and died, in Wychwood.

A charming spinster thinks she has it figured out, though, and is on her way to Scotland Yard. If the local Wychwood police don't appreciate her insights, maybe Scotland Yard will. Only she's run down by a hit-and-run driver before she can get to the London office.

It takes a while for all the suspects to be revealed, and even longer for the killer to be found out. That's OK. Most of the 250+ pages was an entertaining ride. I don't think Agatha Christie gets her proper credit for dialog. One of the characters, raven-haired Bridget, sounded just like Lady Mary of Downton Abbey to my ear.

I didn't love it, though. The denouement was too long. I was like, "OK, I know who did it. I know why. I know how. Let's move on to the next book." But Dame Agatha had other plans for me and went on ... and on ... and on. It's too bad when the very ending kinda spoils a good read.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

Compassion Challenge: Weekend Edition

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

This weekend, two of my friends did not behave as I would have, or as I wanted/expected them to. I had to adjust my thinking and calibrate my compassion. It's not up to them to their lives the way I want them to.

Elaine had to put her beloved cat down recently. The pedigreed ragdoll had been very ill for a long time. She took him to regular vet and acupuncture appointments. He kept fading and losing weight. He was dying. Her vet gently explained this to her, and even more telling to me, her dog started treating the elderly cat differently, go so far as relieving himself in the cat's litter box. Elaine hung on, and she admitted she was feeling different about her dog. She didn't think she could "forgive" the pooch for "bullying" the sick cat.

Nature is brutal. The dog was behaving like a dog, trying to drive a dying animal from the herd. The cat was suffering. I kept my mouth shut throughout all this, except to say, "I'm so sorry." It wasn't my business.

The cat finally was out of his misery, and Elaine gave the dog away. To the couple who petsit her and loved her. Who want her. So I suppose it was a happy ending. Then Elaine set out to get another cat.

She flirted a bit with animal shelters but couldn't find any cats she clicked with. I can't fathom that. I go into a shelter and fall in love instantly. Then she contacted a breeder will be picking up another pedigreed kitten soon.

It's important to the story that the dog was a shelter rescue. I wonder if she would have so quick to part with a purebred dog

Do I sound judgey in the above? Well, I am. I have volunteered at animal shelters. I know how many furry souls are waiting to/willing to love us if we will let them. Just because they didn't cost thousands of dollars doesn't mean they don't deserve good lives.

But Elaine is grieving. She is doing what she can to get through. As long as the dog will be well cared for -- and she will -- none of this is my business, except to support my friend as she deals with the loss of her cat.

So I made a contribution to a local animal shelter in memory of Elaine's cat. Elaine will get a note from the shelter, mentioning him, and that will salve her heart. And his death will help save another feline life.  

My oldest friend is grieving a cat, too. She won't talk about it. At least not to me. Except for a text or two, all I've gotten is radio silence.

I haven't forgotten what she told me last year, when I had to say put my Reynaldo to sleep. "I couldn't do it," she said more than once. Well, now she's had to. So I am worried about her -- she's 2,000 miles away and has myriad health problems. I want her to check in with me. I want her to tell me she's OK.

That would make me feel better. But would it make her feel better? Maybe not.

Like Elaine, she's doing what she can to get through this. And it's not about me. Everything is not about The Gal!

So I sent her an Uber Eats gift card, so she could indulge in some comfort food. I sent her a chatty email. I'll keep the lines of communication open to remind her that I'm here when she's ready.

When she's ready.

Sunday Stealing

SWAP BOT

1. If you could witness any event from history, what would it be? I'd like to be in this photo. In 1860, when Abraham Lincoln won the Presidency, Springfield residents went to his home to celebrate with him. I've been to Mr. Lincoln's home many times -- and am tentatively returning again soon -- and love imagining how exciting and joyous this was.

I always wonder exactly who the Lincoln family friends were in the upstairs windows

2. What do you think about conspiracy theories? That some people are gullible, sad, and desperate to demonize. No, the 2020 election was not stolen. No, Dr. Fauci did not push certain covid therapeutics to get rich. No, the Clintons did not kill Jeffrey Epstein. No, JFK Jr. is not coming back from the dead to support Donald Trump. No, Barack Obama was not born in a foreign land ... I try to find compassion for people whose lives are so empty they cling to nonsense. 

3. Do you like cartoons? Do you have /had a favorite one? My favorite show was Rocky and Bullwinkle. In addition to the world's favorite flying squirrel, there was always an episode of Mr. Peabody. I loved that Wayback Machine.

  

4. What did you most dislike in school times? The first day. How would I get all the way from the math/science wing to the English/language wing in just a few minutes? Where would I sit at lunch? It was stressful, man!

5. How do you think the end of the world will look like? I hope it's sudden.

6. What sounds are in your opinion relaxing? The sound of the sea? Traffic? Vacuum cleaner? Combine harvester on the field? Some kind of music? Birds singing? I like the constant sound of a train rumbling along the tracks.

7. Which would you take: The well-worn path or the road less traveled? Depends on the situation.

8. What was the last thing you read? I just cracked open William Manchester's Death of a President. I haven't read it in decades. I'd forgotten how well written it is.

9. What is one thing that has stumped you so hard you won't ever forget it? There are lots of things I'm really very bad at. Ice and roller skating spring to mind. I could give you loads more.
 
10. What are you interested in that most people aren’t? I don't know how to answer this, since I've found plenty of people who share my nerdy passions. For example, not everyone loves old movies as much as I do, but every year thousands of us congregate at the TCM Classic Film Festival.

11. What’s something you really resent paying for? Light bulbs and batteries.

12. What did you think was cool when you were young but isn’t cool now? I love shoulder pads. I wish they'd come back.

13. If you could choose a different time period and place to be born, when and where would it be? I'd like to have been born in the late 1940s. I think I would have made a great hippy.

14. Do you think cats have any regrets? No. I don't think dogs or frogs do, either.

15. What question do you hate answering? I don't know that I hate answering any of them.

 

 

Wow.

I can't get over that parents threaten to hit their children for an infraction as minor as "sassing." (See post below.) But apparently they do, or at least did.

Not my mother. She grew up the daughter of two alcoholics and she and my uncle were abused physically by their father and verbally by their mother.* Consequently she strove to create a home where harmony ruled. I seldom heard her raise her voice in anger. And no one ever, EVER even mentioned spankings. I was often sent to my room, and my mother joked as recently as the 1990s that she thought I was probably still grounded "for something or another." But strike me? Dear Lord, no.

She used to tell us all the time -- my young friends as well as her own daughters -- that she wanted our home to be a place where "kids could be kids." We were welcome to express ourselves and play freely. She enjoyed us.

I learned from my mom that might does not make right. I was polite to my elders because if I wasn't, it would embarrass my mother or hurt her feelings. NOT because I was afraid she would hit me. My mother would never, ever hit me.

The results of her permissive approach? I graduated from high school a virgin because she asked me to be careful about sex. I never smoked a cigarette or tried drugs because she warned me not to. I trusted my mother's judgement, I never feared her.

She was not perfect. No mother is. To avoid arguments with my father she would be incredibly passive-aggressive, and theirs was not a relationship I wanted to emulate. She truly never understood why I didn't want a life like hers. She thought that because my dad didn't drink or hit her or us, ours was a happy home. That's setting the bar awfully low, isn't it? She believed my life and career choices were a rejection of her own and you know what? They were.

It was the example she set as a wife, and her acceptance of the role she relegated to, that I rejected. It had nothing to do with how she disciplined me or my sisters. In that regard, she was a wonderful role model.

I like to think that if I'd had a child, I would have instilled the same sense of fairness my mom gave me. You share your toys with your friends because it makes them feel welcome at your house. You have good manners at the table because it makes the meal more pleasant for everyone. Etc., etc. She always explained the "why." It made a lot more sense to me than, "Do that again and I'll hit you" ever could.

*My mother would always dismiss her own mother's sharp tongue with "she doesn't mean it" or "it's not so bad," but my grandmother hurt my uncle desperately.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Walkin' After Midnight (1957)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

1) The lyrics tell us Patsy Cline was out walking after midnight. Where were you at midnight last night? Watching Cry of the City. It's a 1948 film noir, and my movie group is discussing it Monday.

 

2) She's sure she hears the night winds whispering to her. Is it windy, breezy, or still outdoors right now? It's pretty quiet outside.

3) When she was 13, Patsy came down with a fever and throat infection so severe she ended up in the hospital. She believed the illness changed her vocal chords and enabled her to sing in a lower key. How are you doing this cold and flu season? I just got my flu shot and covid booster, so I'm ready!

4) Patsy is well remembered today not only for her voice but for her generous spirit. Loretta Lynn, Dottie West and Barbara Mandrell all considered Patsy a trusted personal friend and professional mentor. Have you ever been a mentor? I tried to be a good mentor to Rita at my last job. I am pleased that she still feels comfortable turning to me, now that she has a new position at a different agency.

 

5) Patsy had a tough side, too. While traveling by bus and playing one-nighters, she found she and her band sometimes never got paid for their efforts. So she began demanding payment -- in cash -- before they would take the stage. She'd insist, "No dough, no show." Tell us about your tough side. When I was in advertising, I always made my due dates. Sometimes that meant I pushed those I worked with. I was heard to say, "If we don't make this date, Christmas will be cancelled and we're all going to die." Looking back, I don't regret any of it. Our clients we counting on us, and we were paid to be on time.

 

6) Patsy became the first female country star to headline at a Las Vegas showroom. Who is your favorite country performer? I am fond of Patsy, but my #1 is Garth Brooks. I really love this one.

 

 

7) In 1957, the year this song hit #2 on the charts, embroidered cotton handkerchiefs were a popular present for the ladies on your gift list. Do you own any handkerchiefs? Nope

 

8) 1957 was a banner year for Elvis. He released four hit records, two top box-office films, and his TV appearances topped the ratings. 65 years later, he is still recognized the world over by his first name alone. Can you think of another performer for whom one name is all that's required?

I grew up on Cher. May she go on forever!

9) Random question: What's the most embarrassing story your parents (or siblings) tell about you? Even as a child I was very verbal. I believe you should choose your words wisely and well. My mom annoyed young me with her word choices. She would scold me for "throwing" my jacket on the chair. I did not throw my jacket on the chair, I placed it there. Besides, if she wanted me to hang it up, why didn't she just tell me to do that? Similarly, in winter, she would admonish me to, "put something on your feet!" instead of telling me to wear my slippers. Once when she sent me back to my room to put "something" on my feet, I came out with gloves slipped onto my lower extremities. It cracked my grandmother up and she never let me forget it. She regularly gave me slippers and socks for my birthday after that. I was 39 when she died, and her last present to me was "something" to put on my feet. I was a brat, but Grandma thought I was adorable, as grandmothers will.

 

 

A salute on a special day

President Kennedy @ Arlington, Veterans Day 1961

 

Compassion Challenge: Day 10

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Day 10 was Compassion for All. Just about every one I met.

It was not a good day, but it was no one's fault. Sometimes, when things go wrong, there are no bad guys. Shit just happens. And I kept reminding myself that we're all in this together.

I think I finally got the snafu resolved with Illinois Unemployment. You're not going to get a rant against government bureaucracy from me. I understand why it was especially complicated for me -- it had to do with fraud prevention -- and I just had to go through all the necessary steps to get it worked out. Every civil servant I dealt with* was professional and some were especially kind and helpful. As unhappy as I was about having to show up in person, to wait in folding chair, to produce my Social Security card and State ID and cell phone bill, to answer the same questions over and over, it was not the fault of any of the people I dealt with, who were just employees doing a necessary job.

Because of the low unemployment rate, the most easily accessible location never reopened after covid and I had to travel quite a way to do this. If I took a rideshare the whole way, both ways, it would $70 with tip. GULP! I'm now unemployed, I have to economize! So I figured I'd save $15 on the way home, when time was less important, by taking the car to the train and then using my train pass.

The woman who picked me up in her LYFT was pleasant enough. But then after a few blocks she pulled into a Walgreens parking lot. Her car just wasn't handling right and she didn't think it was safe. I appreciate her caution, but here I am, in an unfamiliar neighborhood, with a train to catch and no way to get home. Still, this woman needs her car to make her living and it wasn't running well -- I smelled something very bad when I got out -- so there was no point complaining to her. She was unhappy enough.

I called an Uber. By the time it arrived, I would never catch my train. It wasn't the Uber driver's fault that it took her 8 minutes to reach me, and that by now traffic was picking up. I was miserable about wasting money this way, but it was no one's fault.

The first chapter of Joe Maddon's book is "Whatever You Put Out There Comes Back to You." I tried to keep my favorite Cub skipper's voice in my head as I traversed yesterday's rocky path. It is my hope that if I treat everyone with patience and compassion, that's what I will receive in return.

And you know what? Even after a tiring and rather difficult day, I was in an OK mood. Lesson learned.

*Except one. But let's accentuate the positive.

Thursday Thirteen #283

 Thirteen top vending machines. OK, I learned something this week. Most of the vending machines you see -- whether in the hospital or laundromat -- are not the property of the business they're in. Entrepreneurs buy vending machines and convince businesses to allow them space and then visit regularly to replenish the machines and, of course, collect the money. Who knew?

Here are 13 of the most popular machines for those looking to earn.

1. Soda and cold beverages
   
2. Candy and snacks
   
3. Coffee and hot beverages
   
4. Ramen or noodles
   
5. Beauty products, like lip gloss and mascara (these are most successful in the ladies' room at restaurants and college dorms)
   
6. Donuts
   
7. Doggy treats and bags (these are most successful near dog parks and highway rest areas)
   
8. OTC healthcare and family planning, aka condoms, vitamins, pain relievers, stomach meds
   
9. Cell phone chargers, headphones and accessories (these are most successful in train and bus stations)
   
10. Laundry products
    
11. Gumballs and small toys
    
12. Beach accessories, like sunscreen, swim goggles and mini-towels
    
13. Disposable masks and gloves
    

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

Compassion Challenge: Day 8

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

On Day 8, I needed some Self-Compassion.

My dear friend Henry's husband Reg has been railing on Facebook again. About how miserable his life is. How hard it is to be Henry's sole caregiver. Henry suffered a TBI after a bike accident in 2018 and he is not the man he was before. This year has been particularly difficult. Henry has had two stints in the psychiatric ward because his grip on reality and the here-and-now is slipping away.

 

What Reg doesn't say is that:

 

1) Henry never got the occupational and physical therapy doctors recommended. Reg insisted he could handle it.

2) Henry has never been declared disabled. This would have released funds from Social Security. Funds Henry is entitled to. Reg won't do it. He has the name of an attorney who specializes in this. Reg won't even talk to him.

3) For all his complaints about caregiving, Reg has never received any training whatsoever. He won't join any support groups. He won't speak to a therapist. Even though our mutual friend Patrick has offered to pay for it.

I am offended. Why does Reg insist on putting Henry's personal life online like this? Because he's hooked on the "likes" and on hearing, "Poor, brave you."

I am angry. My darling Henry's life is slipping away, and Reg has engineered this. 

I am frustrated. Reg is Henry's husband. He has the legal right to make all decisions. All I can do is wring my hands and watch.

I am heartbroken. Henry can be so dear. He deserves better than this. 

I am guilty. Reg and Henry were happy once, and I know that many of the misguided decisions Reg made at the beginning were made from love. As keenly as I feel the loss of Henry, Reg's loss is greater. Who am I to be so judgemental?

 

I have to let myself off the hook. These are just my feelings. I have not responded to Reg's Facebook post. I haven't even acknowledged it. 

I am going to spend Christmas with Henry and Reg again this year. When I think of how Henry has deteriorated over the last 12 months, I suspect this will be my last holiday season with my friend. It's possible that by this time next year, Henry won't even know me. 

I hurt. I am mourning. 

If my reaction to Reg's Facebook post was harsh, so be it. I can't control my feelings but my actions have not been unkind. So there's that.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? Murder Is Easy by Agatha Christie. Retired police officer Luke Fitzwilliam misses the train he wanted and ends up on another, finding himself completely by chance sitting next to a pleasant lady who reminds him of his aunt. When she learns that he was once a cop, this chatty old "dear" (as he thinks of her) shares that she is on her way to Scotland Yard to report a serial killer in her quiet little town. He thinks she's a little dotty and imagines how the inspectors at Scotland Yard will politely brush her off.

 

But then events take over and Fitzwilliam begins to suspect she wasn't crazy after all, and there may be something very evil loose in the countryside.

It's Dame Agatha. The chick was so good at this! So of course I'm enjoying Murder Is Easy.

2. What did you recently finish reading? The Perfect Mother by Aimee Molloy. A mommy group, organized online, starts meeting in person. In a park under a tree. They're there to support one another in this new adventure: motherhood. Sounds perfect, doesn't it?

These women all want to be perfect. They want to be the best possible mothers, and they want all the others in the group to think they have perfect babies, perfect marriages, perfect homes, and the perfect balance of family and career. Of course they don't. No woman can. But projecting perfection is important.

So when something goes horribly wrong, and one of the babies is abducted, the illusion of perfection is shattered. 

This book tries to be a lot of things: paranoid thriller, commentary on the media and motherhood, a demonstration of the toxicity of secrets. I applaud the author's ambition, but I think she attempted too much. There are so many mommies in the mommy group that the archetypes distracted from the mystery.

But that's a quibble. This was, in all, a satisfying read and one of the best books I've read this year.

3. What will read next? Time for some non-fiction.

 

Compasion Challenge: Day 7

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

I don't know how to classify this one. But I learned a lesson about how easy it is to be nice, and that it matters.

Donna joined our movie group months ago and, since she lives in Philly, has never actually met any of us in person.* Some of us have been in this group for nine years. We take occasional "field trips" to see movies in person and several of us have attended the TCM Classic Film Festival together in Hollywood. This group is how I've made friends with Will, Joanna and Elaine. Being in Philadelphia, Donna can't benefit from in-person bonding. 

So at the beginning of our online Zooms, I give her a shout out. Not every week, frankly, but when it occurs to me. I remember showing off for her by correctly pronouncing Philly locations Bala Cynwyd and Schuykill (I admit that while I pronounce them, I had to look up the spelling just now because they are so not phonetic!). When I saw her wearing a Phillies hoodie at the beginning of the playoffs, I wished her luck and talked to her about former Cub/Phillies star Kyle Schwarber.

Just a quick exchange, seldom more than a minute, over Zoom. After all, the group meets to discuss movies, not to hear me blather on other topics.

Last night, Donna reached out. Wanting to know if I'm going to the Film Festival this year (I am) and would I be willing to meet her for dinner in Hollywood. It's her first time, she's going alone, and she wants tips. She also wants to be Facebook friends. Of course!

Little things mean a lot. I notice when someone is kind to me, so I guess it should be no surprise that my acts of kindness matter to others. Yet it did surprise and please me.

*Before covid, we met once/month and watched movies together on a big screen. Now we're weekly on Zoom. We watch the movies online on our own.

 

Shout out to the lady from New Mexico

I read your comment and I appreciate the invite. I enjoyed your blog and hearing about your life. It's just I'm so frank about people and things here that I don't want my real name attached to it, and sending you an email would include my real name.

I don't want you to think I ignored you or that I don't care. 

I admit I may be too careful (paranoid?). 

It's me, it's not you.

Thanks for understanding.

Compassion Challenge: Day 6

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Today would be Compassion for All, because I don't know exactly who I was extending myself for. It doesn't really matter.

Sunday I walked about a half mile to Dollar Tree. It was a lovely Sunday afternoon -- about 65º and sunny. I wanted to buy their canned pumpkin. It's $1.25/can vs. $2.99 at Target and my cat Connie gets a few spoonsful every day. Anyway, after I paid and was on the way out of the store, I saw a big bin. Mostly empty. The store is collecting toys for underprivileged children at Christmas.

If there's anything I'm a sucker for, it's kids at Christmas. Maybe it's because I worked in advertising for more than 40 years and did my bit to commercialize Christmas. I even wrote toys for the Sears Wish Book (I was the Care Bear lady in the 1980s). 

So instead of leaving the store, I went back to the toy aisle and picked up two things. One was a plush Berenstein Bear (the pink one). The other was a heavy cardboard Frozen movie tie-in book. I purposely went with brands kids would recognize. My second purchase came to less than $3. I suppose it was, quite literally, the least I could do. But I did not know the organization Dollar Tree was collecting for, and I try to be smart with my donation dollars, so I didn't want to invest more.

But that doesn't mean I'm done for the holiday season. Even though it's still unseasonably warm and sunny, Christmas will soon be on us. I will have more opportunities to do good and I shall seize them.

Compassion Challenge: Day 5

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

I guess today would be Compassion for Friends & Family, though Aisha and I have never really been friends. In a way, it's also Self-Compassion, because it gives me something productive to do with my anger. Let me explain ...

Aisha is a project manager. She was added to our team at work a year ago, when the agency/client relationship was still good (meaning, before agency management completely fucked it up). Her job was to help keep all of our schedules straight so we could meet our deadlines. She was OK. She certainly tried hard. Every morning she sent out a "hot sheet" listing our daily deliverables and she closed it with a "Today in History" trivia tidbit. I appreciated the latter. Most of us were too self-involved to read the whole "hot sheet," we only checked our portion, and probably didn't even see her "Today in History," but I loved that little bit of extra effort.

Anyway, due to colossal mismanagement on our boss' part, we lost the client and Aisha lost her job. Because she'd been with us just 11 months, she only got one week of severance. While we were comparing our travails with unemployment from the State of Illinois, she casually mentioned that the food stamp application process was easier.

FOOD STAMPS? Upper management screws up and now Aisha has to depend on food stamps? That is so massively unfair. They have no accountability, she has no money. I cannot begin to articulate how mad this makes me.

So I tried to refocus. Instead of thinking of management, I thought of Aisha. I offered to be her reference when she starts interviewing. I left her a recommendation on LinkedIn. I told her to call on me any time.

I also realize, and am grateful, for how lucky I am. I will be receiving severance for 4 months. I qualify for unemployment and then, if I choose, I can collect Social Security. I have a 401(k). I'll be OK, for a while at least. I can afford to relax, concentrate on getting better, and take stock of my future and my options. Aisha doesn't have those advantages. My energy is better spent supporting her, not railing against the management that doesn't have any relevance to my life anymore.

Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: New Attitude (1984)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) In this song, Patti Labelle sings that she feels good from her hat to her shoes. Do you often wear hats or caps? Never. I hate hat hair. When it gets cold, I go with my ear muffs.

 

2) The lyrics tell us that Patti's worries are few. Is anything particular bothering you as you answer these questions? Yes. I'm very concerned about election deniers on the ballot. I remember how incredulous my classmates and I were when discussing Germany and the Nazis. "How could the Germans let that happen?" Now I get it. People are so focused on their daily lives that they don't see the danger right wing extremists present to our personal rights and our democracy. ("But the price of groceries!")

 

3) The video for this song takes place in a high-end boutique. What's the most recent article of new clothing you bought, and where did you buy it? I bought this sweater on Thredup. It's comfy and I like the pastels.

4) In 2019, a street in Philadelphia was renamed "Patti LaBelle Way." At the ceremony, she was referred to as "The Godmother of Soul." Do you have godparents? If yes, tell us about them.  My godfather was my mom's brother, my favorite uncle. My godmother is my dad's sister, my aunt, who is still alive and kicking. She was a freshman in high school and he was a junior when I was christened more than 60 years ago. She recently confessed that she had a mad crush on him. That makes me smile.

 

5) Patti dropped out of high school during her senior year. When she was in her mid-30s, she went to night school and earned her diploma. Do you have any diplomas or certificates framed and displayed in your home or office? Nope.

 

6) Patti was once engaged to Otis Williams, founder of the Motown super group The Temptations. Who is your favorite Motown recording artist? Here's my girl. She's enchanted me ever since I first saw her with The Supremes on The Ed Sullivan Show. I have seen her in concert many times and she never disappoints. My favorite Diana live moment was during my birthday trip to Las Vegas in 2015. She entered by triumphantly striding from the back of the theater to the stage singing this, my favorite of her solo songs. It was like the diva herself was wishing me a happy birthday! 

 

 

 

7) A diabetic herself, Patti has volunteered her time to organizations that fight the disease. Do you know anyone currently dealing with diabetes? Yes. I have two close friends who have it.

 

8) In 1984, when this song was popular, Angela Lansbury premiered in Murder, She Wrote, a show still seen in reruns today. Were you a fan? Nope.

9) Random question: What's your secret to a good night's sleep? Hell if I know. I have tinnitus, so sleep can be complicated for me. Now that I'm no longer setting the alarm clock, I hope that my body will show me what I need sleepwise and I'll be able to comply.

 

 

 

Compassion Challenge: Day 4

We did this as a congregation in 2021 and I'm doing it myself this year. My life feels different now than it did 365 days ago, and I hope this will keep me grounded and help me live my faith.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet

Today I indulged in self-compassion. I've had a rough month: kidney stone pain, lithotripsy, lay off, dental work, my niece's gallbladder surgery and the subsequent complications,* back aches, enrolling in Medicare, a snafu with Illinois Unemployment ... I deserve a break. So I gave myself one.

My calendar was completely empty. I stayed in bed past 9:00 AM, watching one of my favorite classics, Holiday. Then I lingered in the shower and listened to some baseball podcasts. I went to the movies and saw George Clooney and Julia Roberts in Ticket to Paradise. Now I'm watching another oldie (I'll Be Seeing You) in advance of Monday's movie group.

I like myself. I'm a good person. I deserve a no-stress, happy day!

*She suffered from a bile duct obstruction and was readmitted. She will be fine, but it upsets me that she was scared and in pain on her birthday.