Compassion Challenge -- Day 14

I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Today, I'm using compassion to just "let it go." 

In our blogging community, there are bloggers I just avoid. Their toxic, angry messages are often cossetted in their own brand of Christianity and that really upsets me. Why use my faith to justify hostility and misinformation? I find it's better to just leave them be.

Anyway, feeling all compassionate because it's Sunday and because of this challenge, I decided to break my own rule and check in on one of these bloggers. She linked up for Saturday 9 and even commented on my blog so, hey! In the spirit of being friendly, let's read one another's words.

Mistake! As I was scrolling down to leave my benign response to her answers to the benign Saturday 9 questions and I learned that (as Saturday 9's author) I am "unspeakably rude" for asking such "intimate" questions and "demanding" an answer. I admit it got under my skin. My intent in doing Saturday 9 is to bring people closer.

I could have engaged. I did not. First of all, I suppose it's not the blogger's fault that one of her commenters is over the top. Secondly, why? The memes are meant to foster conversation,  community and fun.

Most of all, how sad a person must be to get lathered up over something like this. There are so many things to be genuinely upset about. I guess some simply must express ire over everything that crosses their path, even an inconsequential meme. Does it make them feel superior? Safer, perhaps? Clearly, there must be a lot of pain there.

Mindfulness. Mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness! Obviously that's the message I'm learning from this congregation exercise. "Walk a mile in their shoes." Learned it in Sunday School, learned it in Girl Scouts, being taught it again as I hurtle toward retirement. 

 

 

 

Compassion Challenge -- Day 13

I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Saturday, I used Facebook for good.

First, I had lunch with Nancy and her husband. It was the first time I'd seen them since July! We had a lot to catch up and were blabbing when Nancy noticed someone outside of the window. A woman had taken a fall getting into her car, and her family was slow to help her onto feet. Nancy was up like a shot and within moments was out there, hands on her knees, eyes locked onto the woman's. With her first aid training, she ascertained that the biggest problem wasn't her leg but the bump to her head. Nancy recommended they call paramedics and let the professionals decide next steps. It was a bravura performance! (Plus, as he watched through the glass, her husband told me, admiringly, "Nancy has the best heart!" I melted.)

When I got home, I went on Facebook to thank Nancy for meeting me for lunch, and to share her heroics. Why not? The lady did a good thing. Why not let our mutual social media friends in on it? Nancy should know how special she was this afternoon.

In between loads of laundry, I picked up my mail and there -- a week early -- was my gift from my Cousin Rose. She never forgets! I know she's on the road (I believe she's visiting her brother in Michigan) but she checks Facebook on her phone. I thought about what I wrote in Saturday 9 about my friend Mindy -- she's not always sensitive to follow ups and that can feel crappy. So I used Facebook to let Rose that the gift arrived, safe and sound.

Mindfulness. I put myself in other people's shoes again. I hope I'll continue to do this after the month, and this challenge, are over.

 

Sunday Stealing

STOLEN FROM NED THE DUCK

Name Your Favorite…

    Place: Chicago's Loop. I just began commuting downtown again after 19 months of work-from-home. It's exciting to be back.

    Color: Cubbie blue. Here's a picture of the Chicago River, dyed Cubbie blue to celebrate the 2016 World Series.

 

    Smell: Cinnamon. At least I think it's still my favorite. I had covid last year, right around this time, and I'm very lucky that my case, while long lasting, was mild and I was never in danger of dying. It was not without consequence, though. Example: my sense of smell is forever changed. Scents I was neutral to before, like lavender and vanilla, are now more vivid. That's good. Scents I once liked, like citrus, now smell vile. That's bad. The smell thing: it's a constant, ongoing reminder of this pandemic.

    Magazine: Vanity Fare

    Texture: Do I have a favorite texture? I don't think so.

    Thing to do when bored: Nap.

    Precious stone: Sapphire. Not that I own one.

    Animal: Cat

    Time in history: 1960s, for the feeling that we were changing and as a nation could do anything.

    Font: Something san serif

    Sound: Cat purr

    Fruit: A toss up between apple and peach

    Vegetable: I'm going through a potato phase. Hash-browned, french fried or mashed.

    Store/shop: Target

    Quote:

 
    Historical figure(s): Two very different people whose lives intersected.

Fascinating individually & together

    Letter: Do I have a favorite letter? I don't think so.

    Memory: First one that comes to mind is sailing through the air on the swing my grandpa built in his backyard.

    Dessert: Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. And a glass of milk, please.

    Candy: Right now I'm kind of craving an Almond Joy bar.

    Restaurant: My local coffee shop. Best breakfasts in town.

    Language: I only speak English.

    Thing to learn about: What I can accomplish

    Thing about yourself: I'm a good friend

Better each day

Connie had dental work on Friday: a tooth extraction and something I don't quite understand with her gum/top lip. I brought her home Friday night and she was sooooo full of anesthesia and pain killers. Her gait was so wobbly she literally fell into her water bowl. She was confused and all she wanted to do was hide under the bed.

I woke up Saturday and she was beside me on top of the bed. My waking disturbed her and she continued behaving oddly, just a different kind of oddly. She mewed a bit, conversationally, walked around the apartment as if to reassure herself everything is where it should be, and back under the bed. It was an improvement.

Connie on the Cubbie throw last spring

I was out all day Saturday. When I got home, I did laundry and paid bills. The temperature had dipped and, when I got ready for bed, I got out the Cubbie throw. Connie has always loved the Cubbie throw and regarded it as her good friend. Seeing it again, feeling it under her paws again, after six months. helped shake her out of her stupor. Purring, flipping back and forth, she was more like her old self.

She still hasn't eaten anything or even drank water (at least not in front of me). She's interested in what Roy Hobbs is up to, but not prepared to participate in any of his games. So she's still not well.

But Saturday night was better than Friday night, and I predict Sunday will be better yet.

Thank God! I was so, so worried about her.

Saturday 9

Without You (1972)

Unfamiliar with this week's song. Hear it here.

1) Nilsson sings that he can't forget this evening. Did anything happen this evening (or last night, if you're answering during the day) that you expect you'll recall for a long time? As I write this Friday evening, I just brought my Connie Cat home from the vet. She had a tooth pulled this morning. She's still all dopey and dilated. If her recovery from this routine procedure is successful, I'll likely never think of it again. But if it isn't? Oh, sometimes it's not fun being a fur mom.

2) In the 1960s, he worked in a very "un-rock-star" job: computer programmer in a bank. Looking over your career, have you more often worked in or out of an office setting? Always in an office.

 

3) He fibbed to get the job, telling the bank he'd graduated from high school when in reality, he was a drop out. Have you ever fudged a fact on your resume? No. I'd never do that. A job is like a relationship. The employer and employee have to be straight with one another.

4) The bank found out the truth but was so pleased with Nilsson's personality and performance they kept him on. Tell us about a friend or loved one's misbehavior that you have overlooked. My friend Mindy sees herself as the kindest, most empathetic person in the world. She really means to be. But she's not. She likes getting her way too-too much and is lazy about returning phone calls and honoring commitments. I don't bust her on this, though, because it would break her heart. She truly does believe she's the most sensitive person any of us knows.

5) Before finding success as a singer, Nilsson was a songwriter. He composed "Cuddly Toy," recorded by the Monkees. Do you have a favorite Monkees song? Not only one of my favorite Monkees songs, one of all my all-time favorite records.

 

 

 

6) In 1976 Nilsson married Una O'Keeffe. They met in a New York restaurant, where she was a waitress. He asked her about her accent -- she was from Dublin -- and a romance ensued. While the waitress and the rock star seemed like an unlikely couple, they remained together until his death in 1994 and had six children. Do you know how your parents (or grandparents) met? My dad was a mechanic, working on this lady's car and he completely charmed her. No easy feat, because the lady could be intimidating. Anyway, she asked the mechanic if he had a girlfriend, because her daughter had recently broken up with her boyfriend. My dad invited the lady's daughter to a party at his place that weekend. Unfortunately, he was picking up ice when she arrived and, in his absence, she took an immediate dislike to his drunk and rowdy friends. She ran out and was walking home when he caught up with her. And so it was on the street, with my dad calling to her from a rolled-down car window as she stormed down the sidewalk, that my parents first met.

 

7) Nilsson was a night owl and found he felt most creative late at night, right before he fell asleep. When are you at your best: morning, noon or night? Late afternoon or late night.

8) In 1972, the year "Without You" was a hit, Alice Clark Browne made history as the first African American aerialist to perform with Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Did you ever attend the circus? My parents took us to see the Shrine Circus a couple times. I liked it better in theory than practice. They had three rings and I didn't know what I should be looking at. I liked the horses but hated the clowns and the cotton candy left my hands all sticky.

 
9) Random question -- Think about last week. Would you prefer this week to be more exciting, or more boring? LESS! This week brought a great deal of stress.

 

Compassion Challenge -- Day 11

I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

I forget that I'm not the only one feeling stress right now. My art director (she who frequently annoys me) and I go through every work day in double harness. While it's true that she doesn't accept the same level of responsibility as I do, she does have to crank out a great deal of work on the same unreasonable timeline as I do.

I often forget how hard she works. That's wrong.

So Thursday, I celebrated it. I told her how happy I was for her when, during a Zoom meeting, her photo selection was praised by our client and I saw the look of pleasure spread across her face. I said I was glad she enjoyed a job well done. Small moments like this cost nothing. I should remember to share like this more often.

MIndfulness. I should put myself in other people's shoes more often.

 

Compassion Challenge -- Day 10

I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Today I felt overwhelmed by everything (see post below, add to it a pair of client meetings which amped up the pressure on me). I closed my eyes "for a minute" after dinner and found I just couldn't stay awake. So I put on my pajamas and went to bed.

As I write this, it's 10:30. I'm going to organize my thoughts and notes for tomorrow and then I'm going back to sleep. Without (much) guilt. I'm clearly feeling worn down, and perhaps the rest is called for. It may even leave me sharper tomorrow.

This is Self-Compassion.

Yikes!

Things were going OK. And then suddenly they weren't. And now I'm scared.

1) I'm supposed to have two 6-page brochures and a powerpoint presentation written (and designed) for my client by next Tuesday. I don't have enough guidance or information to do this. The date is not moving.

2) Connie has to have a tooth pulled and it's scheduled for Friday. I'm taking the day as vacation but I know I'll have to work through it (see #1). Anesthesia is dangerous for cats. Not as dangerous as the risk of infection from the tooth, but still. She had bloodwork in late September and the results clear her for surgery, but I worry. She's 9 years old, the equivalent of about 50 in human years. 

3) There may be big problems with the building I live in. Elevator, roof, structural stuff. Expensive stuff. Potentially dangerous stuff? I don't know. I'm not an engineer. But I don't want to wake up in rubble like those Miami condo owners did. Am I letting my imagination run away with me? Perhaps. But this is not my area of expertise and I have to depend on others.

You know, Tuesday morning I was fine, wandering through The Loop, looking at the Christmas decorations slowly going up. Happy to be returning to normal.

Now I'm just scared.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.  

1. What are you currently reading? The Nest by Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney. This novel, about the dysfunctional Plumb family, turned up on a list of recommended books for Thanksgiving and I'm trying to get in the mood. So far, there's little about Turkey Day, but I'm still very into it.

"The Nest" itself is what the four adult siblings call the nest egg left to them by their wealthy dad. They each need that money, but they can't touch it until the youngest (Melody) turns 40. That day is rapidly approaching, and the tension comes from worry about the oldest brother, Leo. Charismatic and, apparently, their mother's favorite, his brother and sisters are worried that Leo will be allowed to blow their inheritance because of his huge and immediate legal issues.

The siblings and the in-laws are well drawn and I feel I'm getting to know them. I also enjoy the affectionate way New York City is depicted.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Lucille: The Life of Lucille Ball by Kathleen Brady. Lucille Ball had a full, consequential life. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of joy. This woman who has made generations laugh -- and will make kids not yet born laugh, too -- was often sad, and that seems so unfair.

Lucille had a difficult childhood. Her father died young, tossing his family into economic hardship that no little girl could possibly understand. She saw little of her mother, DeeDee, and it seems much of the rest of her life was spent trying to re-assemble the nuclear family she yearned for. 

She had a weakness for "bad boys." First there was Johnny Devita, the man she fell for when she was just 14. Yes, I meant "man." He was 21, and involved in the family business of legal (and illegal) liquor distribution. (No one was surprised when Johnny's father was gunned down.) Then there was dark, handsome, Oscar-nominated producer Pandro S. Berman. Pan had tremendous faith in Lucille's talent. He also had a wife. When he became a father, Lucille's conscience kicked in and she broke it off. Then there was Desi. How she loved that passionate, handsome, younger man! How he broke her heart! But she was not blameless. As their marriage wound down and descended into fights, she said unforgivable things to him, things their children heard. "Why don't you just die?" was a common, cruel go-to.

This book is sweeping and well-written. I felt I was with Lucille in those early, heady days in New York when she modeled and tried unsuccessfully to get onto the Broadway stage. I was with her when she tried, and failed, to get her Hollywood film career off the ground. Her years with Desi, when they revolutionized television, were more familiar to me but no less compelling.

Just please, don't pick this up expecting a lot of laughs. In that area, unfortunately, Lucille gave more than she got.

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

Compassion Challenge -- Day 9

 I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

Today was our one day/week in the office. We had a team meeting with Justin, one of our new master muckety-mucks. I don't enjoy these "meet-and-greet" meetings, I don't imagine anyone really does.

Anyway, I went out of my way to walk over to the conference room and then sit with James, one of our newer team members. Yes, he's about 40 years old, but he's still new and it must be awkward, no matter how old you are, not to have someone to sit beside and whisper to during these get-togethers. It's really the same as not having anyone to sit with in the school cafeteria, isn't it?

I don't know that I would have thought of changing my same-old routine and sitting with James if it hadn't been for the challenge. Isn't that sad? I really have to get over myself and get out of my own head a little more.

I think this one goes under, "Mindfulness."

Compassion Challenge -- Day 8

 I'm encouraged to participate in this November challenge with my church congregation.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet.

 I'm squeezing this in Monday afternoon. Tonight is my movie group, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to dial back the snark. Yes, Betty and Marvin get on my nerves, but they have every right to be in the group. It wouldn't kill me to make an effort to be more accepting of their quirks. I won't call this "Compassion for Friends & Family" because I'm not at all interested in being friends with Betty or Marvin, and it would be hypocritical to pretend I am. 

But I can be kinder and less judgemental. I should be kinder and less judgemental. So I'll call this one "Compassion for All."

 

I'm always late for church!

Even when it's virtual, I just can't seem to get it together in time. Anyway, I missed service altogether last week and didn't see that we were doing this.

Inspiring Compassion: The 30 Day Compassion Challenge. 30 days to explore the topic of compassion: Mindfulness, Compassion for Friends & Family, Self-Compassion, Compassion for All, Compassion for Our Planet

Today I'm determined to focus on two of these -- Self-Compassion and Compassion for All -- with a single act. I'm going to walk to the other side of town to the dollar store.

Self-Compassion: I'm facing a crazy few weeks at work, and today is a warm, sunny autumn Sunday. There will be precious few of these perfect days before winter. I'm going to be good to myself and get out in it. Laundry can wait! Monday morning, with stress and worry about work, will arrive soon enough.

Compassion for All: I will pick up dollar store goodies for my "blessing bags." I try to carry them in my purse. These baggies include a disposable mask, a dollar bill, and something else. I like to toss in a packet of tissues, maybe cough drops, and a breakfast bar. All of these things are available at the dollar store at such an affordable price there's no reason not to do it! It's grounding to remember -- as so many complain about gas prices, empty store shelves, etc. -- that there are those among us who sleep outside, and for them small comforts like a clean mask and a clean tissue are blessings.

I hope that these daily observances will open my heart into a more Christian heart that responds.

 

Diana is just not Jackie

I loved Pablo Larrain's Jackie. It's a super-depressing movie, but it's engaging and human, taking Jacqueline Kennedy through those first days when she became the former First Lady. A woman, still mourning for her dead baby, loses her husband in the most violent and public way possible. We're with her every step of the way as she rises to the moment, as she transcends pain to feel her power. It is, for the most part, historically accurate. Yes, Tish Baldridge and Nancy Tuckerman are morphed into one character, no, Bobby Kennedy never smoked cigarettes, and yes, it was Maud Shaw and not Jackie who told Caroline her father was dead. Theodore White dreamed of looking like Billy Crudup. But only us hardcore Kennedy-philes would notice these things.

So I was eager to see the director's take on Princess Diana in Spencer. Could he do for the Princess of Wales what he did for JBK-not-yet-O?

No.

Like Jackie, Spencer gets the clothes right (and when we're talking Jackie and Diana, we care about the clothes). It has a similar discordant score which keeps us both in the mood and uncomfortable. Larrain's leading ladies turn in spectacular performances. Kristin Stewart was unexpectedly good. 

But for some reason, this time Larrain takes more liberties with history. Too many characters are composite or fabricated (the equerry and the dresser are major characters, and as portrayed here they didn't exist). The Royals are not introduced and if an audience member didn't know Princess Anne from Princess Margaret, they won't recognize them here. And Charles! I know he's the villain of our piece, but why did this girl ever marry this drip? Why is Anne Boleyn hanging out with Diana?

Watching an unhappy Diana unravel -- or, more precisely, fight to keep from unraveling -- in the face of formidable in-laws is inherently not as dramatic watching Jackie wipe her husband's blood and brains off her face.

The movie tells us early that it's "a fable," so maybe I should have expected it to be more Joker (which, strangely, is what this reminded me of) than Jackie. But look at the posters. Jackie is shown in her iconic pillbox hat in the moments before the world -- hers and ours -- changed. You wouldn't know it without seeing the movie, but Diana is kneeling before a toilet. The movie treats her bulimia with sensitivity. But still, I can't help thinking Diana deserved better than this. 

PS I do love going to the movies!

Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: All I Have to Do Is Dream (1958)

Unfamiliar with this week's song. Hear it here.

1) Did you dream last night? My sleep has been fitful lately. Stress at work has caused me to have dreams about literally losing my way: I can't figure out how to get out of a strange house, or I've gotten confused in a new town and can't find my way back to the hotel. Never anything too scary, no real menace. But stressful and frustrating.

2) In this song, The Everly Brothers dream of kissing "lips of wine." Do you prefer red or white wine? Since menopause, I can't drink any wine any more. Even a thimbleful gives me a migraine.

 

3) In 1975, Rolling Stone ranked Phil and Don #1 on their list of the greatest duos of all time. Name another musical twosome. Salvatore Philip Bono and Cherilyn Sarkisian.

 

4) Mike Love has acknowledged the influence The Everly Brothers had on The Beach Boys' harmonies. What's your favorite Beach Boys song? Not really a Beach Boys fan. Song after song about cars and surfing. But this one has always made me happy.

 

 

5) The pressure of touring took its toll on the Everly Brothers' personal relationship, and those stresses spilled onto the stage. They once had a fight in front their audience that ended with Phil smashing his guitar and storming off. Have you ever busted something in anger? Not that I can recall. I've thrown things, and I've slammed doors. But I don't think I've broken anything.
 
6) One of Don's friends was author/storyteller Garrison Keillor and that's how the Everly Brothers came to perform on Keillor's radio program, A Prairie Home Companion. Do you often listen to the radio or to podcasts? I like TCM's The Plot Thickens and The History Chicks.

 

7) The brothers chose to live in different cities and held opposite views on politics. Don said, "Everything is different about us, except when we sing." Do you have siblings? If so, are you more alike or different? One sister is year older, the other is 8 years younger. We have very little in common.

8) In 1958, the year this song was a hit, Americans were doing the Cuban dance, the cha-cha-cha. Do you ever dance or sing when you're home alone? Yes. Badly.

 
9) Random question -- Do you believe we each get one true love? I don't think love is finite, and so I believe we can each love many times during our lives. But I think there may be one that stands apart. As John Lennon sang, "In my life, I loved you more."

 

 

Dona Nobis Pacem

I am a peace blogger. Here's why.

I live in a city that awash in illegal guns and blood. I'm scared, angry and oh-so tired. 

Let's look at one weekend in Chicago. One very average weekend. No major events, like a street fair or a concert. The weather wasn't hot, so we can't say our neighbors were "crazy from the heat." 

Between Friday and Monday, 44 people here were shot. To put this in perspective for you, 33 were shot in Columbine. We have a Columbine here, every weekend. 

Here are the dead:

•  On Friday, a 32-year-old man was DOA at Stroger Hospital. Shot in the chest.

•  On Saturday, a 45-year-old man was shot in the torso on the sidewalk near his home. He died hours later  at Mount Sinai Hospital.

•  No rest on Sabbath. On Sunday, a 30-year-old man was found unresponsive in an alley. He'd been shot in his arms and stomach. He was pronounced dead at University of Chicago Medical Center.

Here's a geographic representation of the total carnage. The placemarks in green had more than victim.

We can do better. We must do better. 

•  We need federal gun laws to help stem the flow of illegal guns from neighboring states. 

•  We must help police and banish the "snitches get stitches" mentality. 

•  Let's abandon the Second Amendment paranoia. Gun owners survived 8 years of a Clinton Presidency and still possessed their firearms. Obama didn't take them away, either, now did he? Neither will Biden. Replace the panic with commonsense solutions.

Bring peace to our streets!

LEARN MORE ABOUT BLOGGING FOR PEACE HERE.

We're a community of writers who believe words matter.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.  

1. What are you currently reading? Lucille: The Life of Lucille Ball by Kathleen Brady. Have you noticed Lucy is turning up everywhere these days? She's featured on TCM's current The Plot Thickens podcast and a big-budget feature film, starring Nicole Kidman and Javier Bardem, will be out in time for Christmas. So I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon.

This biography tells us how Lucille Ball evolved into Lucy Ricardo, but also makes it clear that the two were very different. Both were driven, but Lucille was serious, kind of sad, and dedicated to her craft.

It's amuses me that this woman -- now considered an icon of family entertainment -- could be way less than wholesome. She was the first of her crowd to wear makeup, even though she couldn't afford it (she concocted the rouge herself using red crepe paper). At 14, she began dating a 21-year-old involved with his family business of bootlegging. She tore through town at high speeds in her boyfriend's car, even though she had no license. She caused further scandal by dropping out of her small town high school to go to New York (alone) to study drama. Her mother supported her because, as she admitted to disapproving neighbors, she couldn't stop her. As a struggling actress, Lucille paid the rent by posing (like many young women did) for racy photos. Lucy, we hardly knew ye.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Last Girl Ghosted by Lisa Unger. "Think twice before you swipe," is the warning on the cover, so you may expect this thriller to be about online dating. And it is, sort of.

Our narrator, Wren, seems to live an enviable life. At 28, she owns her own home, has a thriving career, and a surrogate family, courtesy of her best friend Jax. But she doesn't have a boyfriend. Jax encourages her to join Torch, a dating app.

Her first two hook ups are just "eh." But then she meets Adam. She falls in love, for the first time in her life. He's very private, but it doesn't bother her because she's a loner, too, and they're "taking it slow." Suddenly, he disappears. 

No email. No text. No social media profiles. All erased. It's as though Adam never existed. What the hey?

I enjoyed this part of the book. A lot. But then it veers off into Wren's very troubled past, and I admit, I didn't much care. It was well written and, I suppose, well plotted. But it didn't feel like the thriller I'd picked up, or even the same book I began.

Also, Wren takes sooooo long to figure out Adam's real identity. I cut her slack on this because she's a columnist, not a sleuth. But there is a detective in this book. What's his excuse? I expect the detectives to be at least as clever as little ol' me.

So I don't recommend this book, which makes me sad. I loved Confessions on the 7:45, Unger's previous effort. I wanted to love this one, too.

3. What will you read next? A biography.

Big OOPS!

Some in my Zoom movie group drone on and on and are obnoxious. Worst of all is Marvin. He's about 40 and new to classic film, which he believes makes his opinion fascinating. Every week he says, "This will shock you, but this is the first I've heard of Rita Hayworth/film noir/Howard Hawks." Then he goes on, and on, and on, lecturing the rest of us. I feel like shouting, "NO, MARVIN! I'm not 'shocked.' I'm too apathetic about you for my reaction to rise to 'shocked.'" Instead of shouting, I usually just turn off my camera and do dishes or balance my checkbook until he shuts the fuck up.

But not Monday night. Monday night I remained engaged, exchanging snarky comments in the private chat with Elaine. She told me about how she felt "forced" to go to dinner with Marvin and his wife, our moderator Will, and annoying Betty. I joked that I imagined Marvin opening the menu and announcing to the table, "This will shock you, but this is the first I've heard of empanadas." I could see Elaine smile on camera and start typing.

"I know! I wish someone would cut out Marvin's tongue." 

Only she didn't put that in the private chat. She shared it with the whole group. Including Marvin.

Elaine was, naturally, mortified. No one said anything to her, so perhaps he never saw it. That's what we hope, at least.

Because of this, I know I'll be more careful before I hit post. I hope by sharing this, I'll inspire you to be more careful, too.

 
 

"Steve Kornacki at the Big Board!"

Six of my favorite words. He makes MSNBC's coverage. He's so passionate, you can't help but care what happens in tiny Bath County, VA. 

I also always enjoy listening to Nicolle Wallace, my Republican pretend BFF. 

Get ready!

On November 4, I'm joining in Mimi's Blogblast for Peace. Why don't you do the same? It would be lovely if we filled the blogosphere with peace signs and gentle good wishes for a better future.

Meet Roy Hobbs

Roy Hobbs behind bars

He began Thursday at the shelter. By Thursday night, he was home. Here. With me and Connie.

I actually met him last Sunday when I visited the shelter with my empty carrier, hoping to bring back a cat. I begin going back to the office next week (just one day/week at first) and I was worried about Connie. How would she handle being alone -- all alone -- with no me, no Reynaldo, for hours on end? 

Roy called out to me. He wanted me to open the cage and hold him, and I obliged. He's a big boy -- 13 lbs., twice the size of Connie or Reynaldo. A very loud purr.

Unfortunately, I couldn't bring him home because he was recovering from a cold. I saw no sneezing or coughing, but still he couldn't be released to me before his Wednesday checkup from the vet. I let them know I'd be back for him on Thursday.

Once I heard his story, I knew I could help him. If you look at the little cards on the cages at the shelter, you frequently see the words, "Seized/Surrendered" to indicate how the animal ended up there. "Surrendered" is almost always circled. An owner is moving and can't the cat anymore, or a compassionate neighbor brings in the hungry stray that's been hiding in the yard ... This card had "Seized" circle. You seldom see that.

Because of the criminality involved, the shelter staff couldn't give me all the details. But here are the bare bones ...

A woman had Roy (then named "Bandit") and his "sister" (were they really littermates? we don't know) for a couple years. Then she got involved with a bad man. He decided the way to "discipline" the cats when they threw up on the carpet was to throw them into a running shower.

The humane society got wind of this and and seized the cats. The girl cat "didn't make it." This big fella spent a few weeks in foster care, to get him comfortable with people again. In early September, he was placed for adoption at the shelter.

Now he's with us. Me and Connie. A human who won't abuse him, and a girl cat who will -- eventually -- become his friend.

At his furever home

I renamed him Roy Hobbs for a number of reasons:

1) Roy Hobbs is the hero of The Natural, my favorite baseball movie, and I adopted him during The World Series. 

2) In The Natural, Iris tells Roy, "We each get two lives, the one we learn with and the one we live after that." I want this guy to enjoy his second life, the happy and safe one.

He does love it here. He purrs all the time. The resiliency of this spirit is truly inspiring.

Connie is beside me as I post this, pre-dawn on Saturday morning. She is coming around to accepting him. It took her 24 hours to realize he wasn't going to hurt her. Now she views him with a wary curiosity. I predict that by Thanksgiving, they will be pals.

And, next week, when I go back to work, she'll have some comfort in knowing she's not the only living thing here at home.