Saturday 9

Saturday 9: My Funny Valentine (1991)
 
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) In this song, Ms. Kitt sings that her lover is her favorite work of art. Tell us about a piece of artwork you can see from where you're sitting now. (Yes, that crayon drawing created by your 5-year-old nephew counts.)

 
I love this handsigned and numbered print by Klaus Voorman. It eventually became the cover of The Beatles Anthology. I love it. 

 

Last time I posted this, in response to Sunday Stealing, two people actually responded by commenting about how they don't like the Beatles. Why would anyone do that? I had explained that it was handsigned and numbered, so I obviously invested something in it. And I love it. It's just plain ornery and rude to dismiss it because you don't like the Beatles. No one asked you if you like the Beatles. So there. Don't piss on my parade and I won't piss on yours.

2) She asks him to not change his hair. When will you next find yourself in the stylist's chair?

February 24 at 2:00 PM.

3) Ms. Kitt always wanted to be a performer and attended the New York School of Performing Arts (aka the "Fame" school). Think back to your high school self. In what ways would you be surprised by how your life turned out? I really never thought I'd live to be this old (60). When I was in high school. I lost two grandparents -- my mom's mom was in her 50s, my dad's dad had just (so unfairly!) retired at 65 and then, months later, died. So I just figured it was my genetic destiny to kick at a comparatively early age. I don't think that's going to happen. I've already outlived my dad and my mom's mom.

4) Ms. Kitt took over the role of Catwoman on TV's Batman. Name another Batman villain. Oh, the Joker was totally my favorite. Enjoy this delectable clip.

 

5) Ms. Kitt enjoyed tremendous success performing in Parisian nightclubs. Have you ever been to Paris? When I was just out of high school. I was too young to appreciate it. I'd like to go back some day.

6) The holiday is also known as The Feast of St. Valentine. Do you have a special meal planned for next Wednesday? Nope.

7) The phrase "wear your heart on your sleeve" began in medieval times. On Valentine's Day, men would celebrate the holiday by displaying their lady love's name on their sleeves. If you were going to adopt this custom, whose name would you wear?
 

And I love him.

8) Women buy and send more Valentines than men do. What's the last greeting card you received? My Christmas cards. I just send them to St. Jude's Ranch for Children in Nevada. The kids there raise money by recycling our cards and making/selling new ones. It's a feel-good way to extend a feel-good season.

  
9) Men buy and send more roses at Valentine's Day than women do. What's your favorite flower? Carnations. They are so hearty. They come in so many colors. They are so affordable.

On this day in history ...

I think about my favorite uncle all the time. But especially today. February 9 is the anniversary of the Beatles first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show.




That evening changed America and changed the world, of course. But that afternoon was what changed me.

54 years ago today was a Sunday. I was six. For some reason the clan had gathered at my Icky Grandma's house. I was getting bored and fidgety. My uncle suddenly rescued me from certain scolding by inviting me to join him on an errand. We ended up at Korvette's department store -- one of the few that were open on Sunday. I don't remember what we came for, but before we got in line to pay he was distracted by a group of young people. (He was, after all, just out of his teens himself.) They were surrounding a card table. He guided me over there and we checked it out, leaving with a record for 99¢ and a free balloon. The record was "Love Me Do/P.S. I Love You" and the balloon featured a pictured of these four young men that none of us had ever seen before. We returned to Icky Grandma's and, as the family gathering broke up, he reminded me watch The Ed Sullivan Show that night so I could see what all the fuss was about.

Today my Uncle Ted is in heaven. I want him to know that I remember, and I love him for giving me the soundtrack to my life.

Snow Day

4" to 5" of snow fell today. 4" to 5" inches more are expected to fall tonight. I love it. I got to work from home, in my underwear. I rewrote a letter to my client's specs and took a nap. Then I got dressed and did laundry.

YEA! SNOW!

I wish I was more productive, but I'm feeling wounded and depleted. There's just so much grief circulating around the office. I prefer being at home with my cats, with the window open so I can hear the kids next door, laughing wildly as they go down their backyard slide into a half-foot of snow.

Less a friend than an audience

The coworker I spend the most time with is on my last nerve. And it doesn't help that we sit on top of one another, all day/every day.

She doesn't want to converse. She doesn't even really want to work. All she wants to do is talk about herself, how fucked up her family is, how worried she is about all of it ... and how fabulously she's handling it all.

But she's not. She's obsessing. As a 24/7 obsessor myself, I would have more sympathy for her. Except that she's dismissive of me and my concerns. "Worry is a waste of time," she'll tell me. "Worry won't affect the outcome." When I repeated her admonition back to her, I thought she'd slug me.

When I told her what happened to me yesterday, why I wouldn't be in, she said, "Yeah, ok." I'm worried about a cancer screening, and she says, "Yeah, ok." She's made it abundantly clear in the last month that what I say is not of any interest to her and so she doesn't feel she needs to pay attention.

But what is her brother going to say to father? What is her youngest sister going to say to her father? What will her siblings decide together to do? How will her father respond? These nuggets I'm supposed to hang on as though they are the latest findings by the Mueller committee.

Her self-interest is why we can be friendly, but not friends. And why like, King Richard, I want to call out: My kingdom for a door!

Me = Fine

I called my doctor's office first thing this morning. The receptionist promised me, rather aloofly, I felt, that I'd hear from her before 3:00. "Tell her I'll be sitting by the phone," I said. "She'll call you back between patients," was the reply. "Thanks," said I, waiting until after I'd hung up to add, "Bitch."

My doctor called me back within 10 minutes. "Oh, Gal, I'm so sorry!" she said, and at first I thought she was telling me my mammogram revealed something severe and dire.

It wasn't that, at all. "You're fine, you're just fine," was her next sentence. "When I saw you were my first call this morning, I checked your file and I think I know what happened."

She explained that her nurse yesterday was not her regular nurse. Elena didn't check to see that I gave my consent for voice mail messages to be left at my home number. My doctor apologized profusely for scaring me over nothing.

I was so relieved, I wasn't even angry. And really, when you think about it, Elena the Nurse was really just trying to respect my privacy. It was an honest and well-intentioned mistake. One that scared the living shit out of me and cost me a night's sleep, but a mistake nevertheless.

I am so grateful, I forgive everyone everything ... except Yoko Ono. I'm still pissed at Yoko.

I worked from home

I slept about 15 minutes Monday night. I was too scared about my mammogram to relax and surrender to sleep. As I was preparing for work Tuesday, the thought of going in with this hanging over me ... and dealing with my coworker's continual hand-wringing about her father and my boss' agita about his son ... and it just didn't seem fair or right. So I left a voicemail, explaining that I had to coordinate some tests and didn't feel like doing it out in the open so I'd be working from home.

I did. I checked my office email off and on all day. I got a new assignment, agreed to a Thursday afternoon presentation, and wrote the manuscript. I also took a long nap and went to Walgreen's, where I used my AARP discount and saved 20%.

I have to go in tomorrow. I just do, because it's my job and it's a job I want to keep. But I get so weighed down by my coworker's non-stop obsession with her father's new relationship -- which is, I admit, wildly inappropriate so soon after her mother's death. And I get so weighed down by my boss' dramatic relationship with his adult son -- which is, I admit, important and sad and perhaps unsolvable. I am not diminishing their pain.

Their pain is inescapable in the open seating atmosphere. It weighs on me. It's not fair, and today I needed to concentrate on me.

I Miss My Mommy

I'm having a hard, sleepless night. When I got home from work tonight, I saw I had a message. From my doctor's office. Her nurse wanted to discuss my Saturday morning mammogram with me.

I haven't ever received a call like this. Previously, in 2009, I received a letter recommending additional screening because of "abnormalities," and that completely freaked me out. Turned out then I had "microcalcifications," which are nothing to worry about. But in 2009, I was still in my 50s. I'm now 60. As we age, we are at a higher risk of breast cancer.

I called my oldest friend. Not only because she's my oldest friend, but because she spent more than two decades working with doctors and knows about this stuff. She never picked up. She never called back. I know she's dealing with her own formidable issues, but I also know she looks at her phone because she always wants her kids to be able to reach her. So she looked at it, saw it was me, and decided to screen me out. That hurts.

Then I called my friend Henry. He did text me, hours later, to see if I was OK. He had been in the theater and had turned his phone off. I just wanted him to comfort me a little, to distract me. There was no reason to call him back that late.

That's why I miss my mom. She always picked up and she loved to talk on the phone. She would have talked me through this.

Oh well, tomorrow morning I call the doctor's office, and we'll see what happens from there. Pray for me.

2017 Giving

While watching This Is Us, I organized all my 2017 receipts for my tax preparer. I gave to 28 charities in all, and here are my Top 10, the ones I donated to the most. This list feels like a snapshot of what's important to me right now.


My church

Tree House Animal Foundation -- a cageless, no-kill cat adoption center

Greenpeace

Harmony House for Cats -- One of Chicago's smaller shelters, and it's struggling

Feeding America -- A national organization devoted to helping those in need

My local food pantry -- In addition to dropping off canned goods, I've begun donating cash.  When they shop, a $1 goes much further than when I'm at the grocery store.

Planned Parenthood -- With Trump in the White House, it's more important than ever to support women's health and freedom

Toys for Tots

Colonial Williamsburg Foundation -- Just because I can't afford to go back doesn't mean others shouldn't enjoy/learn

Fried's Cat Shelter -- One of my uncle's favorite causes. I generally try to keep my animal welfare donations local, and Fried's is in Indiana, but whenever I want to remember my late uncle, I make a contribution. Also, they, like other animal shelters, have been struggling lately, so I'm glad I have a chance to give them a shout out.

The couple you see in this photo are Hans and Lucille Fried. They escaped Nazi Germany and immigrated to the US in 1939. Upon their retirement, they sold their house, bought an old motel, and turned it into a shelter for cats. Why is this the way they chose to spend their golden years? Because they never got over what they saw in the land of their birth. I will let the late Hans Fried put it in his own words:

Unconscious Mutterings

Time for a little free association.

Week 783

1. Tradition :: Custom
2. Download :: Files
3. Heroic :: Act
4. Sacrifice :: Deprive
5. Forever :: "... forever, you'll stay in my heart and I will love you ..."
6. Backtrack :: Go back
7. Release :: Catch and release, like in fishing
8. Pay :: Day
9. Fear ::and Loathing
10. Jingle :: Jangle

Sunday Stealing

HODGEPODGE

1. January was National Mentoring Month. Have you ever had a mentor? Been a mentor? How would you rate the experience? When my friend Henry introduces me, he refers to me as his "former boss." I wasn't. I was just bossy. But he admits he learned a great deal from me. Through my career, I've worked with many art directors who credit me that way. It makes me happy.

2. What current trend makes no sense to you? Blindly condemning Black Lives Matter for having the temerity to question bias in local policing while blindly supporting Trump as he slags the FBI for bias in investigating him.

3. I saw a cartoon on Facebook highlighting a few 'weird' things that make you happy as an adult. The list included-writing with a nice pen, having plans cancelled, freshly cleaned sheets, eating the corner brownie, cleaning the dryer lint screen, and sipping coffee in that brief time before anyone else wakes up. Of the 'weird' things listed which one makes you happiest? What is one more 'weird' thing you'd add to the list? From that list: Clean sheets. My addition: Ordering Coke and getting it in a real Coke glass. 

 4. What's the last good thing you ate? The manicotti at La Cantina Tuesday night. It was freaking AWESOME. The shell and ricotta just melt on my tongue.

5. Describe life in your 20's in one sentence. Better than my teens.

6. It's that time of year again...time for Lake Superior University to present a list of words (or phrases) they'd like to see banished (for over-use, mis-use, or genera uselessness) in 2018. This year's top vote getters are -- unpack, dish (as in dish out the latest rumor), pre-owned, onboarding/offboarding, nothingburger, let that sink in, let me ask you this, impactful, Cofefe, drill down, fake news, hot water heater (hot water doesn't need to be heated), and gig economy. Which of these words/phrases would you most like to see banished from everyday speech and why? Is there a word not on the list you'd like to add? "Impactful," because it's a made up word. Here's my addition to the list ... At work, we have "practice fire drills." By definition, a "fire drill" is a practice.
 
7. What's something you need to get rid of in the new year? POUNDS! CLUTTER! DEBT!

8. Where do you feel stuck? In my career.

9. January is National Soup Month. When did you last have a bowl of soup? Was it made from scratch or from a can? Your favorite canned soup? Your favorite soup to make from scratch on a cold winter's day? Tuesday night I had a bowl of minestrone with that fabulous manicotti. It, too, was tasty. I like Campbell's soups, especially chicken noodle and bacon/bean. Yes, I know they are high in sodium. I suspect that's why I like them.

10. Tell us one thing you're looking forward to in 2018. The Cubs play the Marlins on March 29.

Bland lunch, delicious conversation

I won't plan events with my friend Mindy. She's a very sweet woman, but oh! Can she ever be difficult! A former fatty who is now a gorgeous size 6, she adheres strictly and passionately to her diet, which severely limits dining choices. She is also (insanely, IMO) affected by weather. She's cancelled ("rescheduled" in Mindyspeak, which is "cancelled" to everyone else) appointments and gettogethers because of snow or even rain. Then there's her calendar. She really doesn't keep one. She'll say she can meet you, but then she realizes she has to work, or pick one of her (now adult) sons up from a train station or airport. I find this last one especially frustrating. How hard is it to write things down on your calendar and then check it as you speak to This Old Gal?

So I dumped planning our Christmas 2017 holiday gift exchange on my friend John. He ran into all the same issues I did, and we finally had it yesterday. John chose the venue -- Millennium Park Grill, so we could watch the ice skaters.

Mindy and her husband Alan (who is on a medically-mandated special diet) and John (who wasn't hungry) all had salads, which they admitted they really didn't like very much. Mindy even sent hers back (no surprise there!). I had the turkey sandwich, because it was the cheapest thing on the menu. Let's face it: the food was crappy.

Yet we had a great time getting together and catching up. For all my pre-meal exasperation, it was a lovely afternoon. I left feeling happy and loved.

I have to admit it's getting better

I've been getting my mammogram at the same hospital for more than a decade. I like the consistency of having the same facility take, warehouse and analyze my films. This location is a neighborhood satellite of one of Chicago's most established hospitals. One of the benefits of living  in a world-class city is world-class hospitals.

Last year, the service, specifically the woman in admissions for the mammography department, was off-the-chart rude. It left me even more tense and uncomfortable for my cancer screening, a situation that's inherently nerve wracking. I was not looking forward to returning this year. I realize that the skill of the technician and quality of the radiologist who reviews this year's mammograms and compares it to last year's are way more important than the attitude of the woman behind the counter, so it would be childish to change facilities.

I'm happy to report that the staff has changed and yesterday I experienced nothing by professionalism. I left a love note in the comments box.

Now all I have to do is wait for the results. I have no reason to expect bad news, but, as Tom Petty used to say, "The waiting is the hardest part."

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Boat Drinks (1979)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Jimmy Buffett is singing about his bandmates watching hockey in a sports bar. Since it's Super Bowl weekend, our first question is: In cold weather, which sport to you watch most: football, hockey, or basketball? I haven't watched a full game of any of those sports.

2) Jimmy sings it's just 20º outside. How high will the mercury reach where you are today? Jimmy is close! It hit 22º on Friday! Today is supposed to be a little warmer.

3) "Boat drinks" are mixed drinks designed to enhance the enjoyment of a boat ride or time on the beach. Popular boat drinks include The Tequila Sunrise, Cuba Libre, and Mimosa. When did you last sip an alcoholic beverage? Was it a boat drink? Friday afternoon, I had a beer. Not even a Corona with lime, just a plain old Miller Lite.

4) Jimmy met his wife, Jane, in Key West at a bar called The Chart Room. Have you ever been to Key West? Every year for decades. I used to go down for New Year's, but since my mom passed away, I've been spending Christmas with my old friends Henry and Reg.


5) Have you ever met anyone worth knowing at a bar? No.

6) While Keith Richard and Paul McCartney have made cameo appearances in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Jimmy Buffet has not. Producers have asked him, but he's always had to decline because of his touring schedule. Have you seen any of the Pirates/Jack Sparrow movies? No. But here's a clip of his lordship as Jack Sparrow's jailer.




7) When Jimmy gave the commencement address at the University of Miami, he showed up in flip-flops. How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? I have lots of sandals, but no flip flops. I hate that between-the-toe thing.

8) Jimmy has his own station on Sirius Radio. Do you subscribe to Sirius? No.

9) Random question: What trend or fad from your youth do you hope never makes a comeback? Big floppy hats. Or anything else they're wearing. God, humans were an ugly race in the 1970s.

Aw, geez!

I continue to be surrounded by sad. I found out this morning that Will, the moderator of our movie group, lost his mother on Wednesday. Violet was 92 and had been in ill health recently, so this was not a shock. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I shared the news with Joanna, and she and I pitched in on a memorial donation to The Greater Chicago Food Depository.

This feels like just another thing. My boss was off today, and will be gone on Monday, because of ongoing problems with his son. Apparently the young man (27) is now in a homeless shelter. He refuses to either stay on his meds or not mix his meds with pot (I'm not sure which) and consequently physically threatened his mother. This caused my boss to throw his son out of the house. They have a family counseling session on Monday.

My art director is on the phone off and on all day, every day, with her siblings as they plan for their recently-deceased mother's memorial service and work through their father's new and inappropriate fondness for another woman.

It isn't that I don't think my boss and coworker aren't handling their travails well. It's that, with open seating, we sit on top of one another. The sadness can be oppressive.

I'm happy for the weekend.

She looks so old!

I had dinner this week with my friend Kathy. We were celebrating my November and her February birthdays. I got her an easel-back canvas print of her and her family visiting Millennium Park, and she got me the Hamilton Broadway soundtrack.

We're in regular contact, usually by Facebook and occasionally via email, but we haven't seen each other since fall. So I admit I was shocked by how she had changed in the last five months or so. She was wearing no make up and her skin was very lined. Could the change in her appearance be winter pallor? Or has this winter been especially hard on her? She's had a lot going on in her ever-chaotic life and has found herself needing to find a new home. We didn't speak specifically about her ongoing money problems (because we were celebrating) but as part of the conversation about her apartment hunting, she mentioned that she made $10,000 last year. She also complained that she can't see well at night anymore, and that worries her in terms of her driving. She's also very forgetful. Her age and frailty made me sad.

I mentioned that my new Ventra card expires in December 2022 -- when I'll be 65 -- and joked that my own expiration date might be sooner. But it did wash over me that we're all old. Kathy is oldest, true, by about 10 years. But John will be 63 in July. Both John and Kathy have diabetes, and John has heart trouble, to boot. My oldest friend, aged 61, battles depression and arthritis and heart trouble and pre-diabetes and dental problems (which can be a gateway to so many other problems).

This all leaves me melancholy.

LaCantina, the delightful downstairs at The Italian Village

On the bright side, the manicotti was exquisite. It's always fabulous at La Cantina. Their minestrone is also always awesome. It's one of three restaurants under the same roof called The Italian Village. If you're ever in Chicago, you must dine here. This is a foodie town, and chic restaurants come and go. But Italian Village and La Cantina are dependably old-school Italian and reliably fantabulous.* And so affordable! Because Hamilton is playing right across the street, it's hard to get in between 5:30 and 6:30. But other than that, you can generally wander in without a reservation. Go, go, go. (And have the manicotti.)

By the way, our waitress saw the packages and realized we were celebrating birthdays, so she brought us a big piece of rum cake with a candle. But even better than the free dessert, was her presentation. She was very young and had a very thick accent (I couldn't identify the accent.) She came over singing "Happy Birthday." She changed the lyric, "Happy Birthday, Miss Americas, Happy Birthday to Youse." So cute!

*I'm not so sold on the third restaurant, Vivere.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

1. What are you currently reading? The Lonely Lady of San Clemente: The Pat Nixon Story by Lester David. I am fascinated by our nation's First Ladies. It's a high-profile, crappy job. There's no job description, and yet everyone is always watching and prepared to tell you how you're doing your completely undefined job completely wrong. It's through that prism that I'm reading, and enjoying, this biography of Pat Nixon.

This book was published shortly after her stroke, when she began living as a recluse because she didn't want the public to see her less than 100%. That's what I'm learning from this volume: she expected 100% of herself at all times. No half measures. She had a tough row to hoe and as I read her story, I don't doubt that she did her level best, every day.
 

Also, it's a used book. I love used books. I picked it up at my local library book sale. It had been removed from the shelf of another library -- can't tell you where, only glue marks remain from the old-school checkout pocket -- back in 1988. How many people have held this book? How did it end up in my town? Ah, the romance of books!

2. What did you recently finish reading? Conversations with Kennedy by Ben Bradlee. If you have seen The Post or All The President's Men, you know Ben Bradlee. But before he became editor of The Washington Post, he was the Washington Bureau Chief for Newsweek. He and his wife lived next door to Senator John Kennedy and Jackie. The twp couples became fast friends and their friendship did not end when JFK moved into the White House. This is a very personal memoir of their time together -- in Georgetown, in The White House, at Hyannis Port and Camp David and Newport. 

It's intimate, at times very funny, and surprisingly sweet. And so much fun. These two couples gossiped, sailed, watched movies and enjoyed long Sunday brunches. And State Dinners in the East Room of the White House and golf games with celebrities. They were having the time of their lives, until it all came to a tragic halt on 11/22/63.

As much as I enjoyed the book, I was disturbed by it. Ben Bradlee could not possibly have been a responsible reporter, covering Washington, while being what Jackie called "our best friend." Later in his life -- and as portrayed by Tom Hanks in The Post -- he admitted this.

 

 3.  What will you read next? Maybe another biography? Or a mystery. My TBR pile is stacked dauntingly high with both. 

Unconscious Mutterings

Time for a little free association.

Week 782

1. Adopt ::DON'T SHOP! Go to your local animal shelter, not a breeder.
2. Summary :: Statement. (As in my monthly communication from my bank.)
3. Intuition :: Women's
4. Tears :: for Fears
5. Folly :: Plans
6. Advanced :: Progressive
7. Debt :: Drowning
8. Sorrow ::Pity
9. Early :: Morning
10. Flaw :: Blemish

Sunday Stealing

The Quiz for Grown Ups

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? It would be unfair to the other bills to highlight just one.
 
2. What do you really want to be doing right now? Sleeping! For some reason, the heat went buggy overnight and predawn, my bedroom was so hot it woke me up. Now I wish I could get back to sleep.

3. Why did you choose the shirt you have on now? It's one of the oversized tshirts I wear as a nightshirt. I bought it at the Titanic exhibit in Vegas a few years back, because it amuses me. It's a boarding pass with the words, "Permission Granted to Come Aboard" stamped on it. If only some nice handsome someone would come aboard while I'm wearing it!

Yoo hoo! Mark Harmon! Permission Granted!

4. Thoughts on gas prices? Um ... Well ... I don't give a shit, really.

5. First thought when the alarm goes off in the morning. "What day is it?"

6. Last thought you have before you go to sleep? Depends on what happened during the day.

7. Do you miss being a child? Sometimes.

8. What errand/chore do you despise the most? Soon I have to organize my tax time paperwork. EW! ICK!

9. Up early or sleep in? On my perfect day, I'd like to get up early and then take a nap in the afternoon.

10. Favorite lunch meat? Ham

 
11. What do you get every time at Trader Joe’s? Their mac and cheese. It's only 99¢, and I'm told kids love it. So I always grab a box and drop it in the food pantry donation box on the way out. It's a painless way to help my neighbors.

12. Beach or lake? I do not understand this question. Lakes have beaches. Maybe it's supposed to be beach or pool? Lake or ocean? 

13. Ever crashed your vehicle? No vehicle.

14. Strangest place you've brushed your teeth? When I was in a long distance relationship, I'd brush my teeth in the airplane bathroom because I knew there'd be serious kissing at the gate.

15. Somewhere you've never been but want to go? New Orleans

16. At this point in your life would you want to start a new career? No. At this point, career talk scares the living shit out me.

17. Do you own your own house? At this point, JP Morgan Chase and I still share ownership.
 
18. Do you have a go-to person? For what, exactly? I need details before I can answer this.
 
19. Are you where you want to be in life? Well, I suppose. As that great philosopher Col. Sherman Potter, once said, "If you're not where you are, you're no place."

20. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons? Either Mr. Magoo or Rocky and Bullwinkle.

21. What has changed since you were a child? I now have a bust and hips.


22. Looking back at high school, were they the best years of your life? NO! No no no no. Negatory.


23. Are there times you still feel like a kid? Yes. Every year when baseball starts again.

24. Did you have a pager? No. Do these even serve a purpose anymore?

25. Were you the type of kid you want your kids to hang out with? Yes.

A Cat Dies

You need to know this. If you are going to see The Shape of Water, there's a scene with a cat you do not want to watch. Look at the wall (as I did) or stare into your popcorn when Pandora the Cat hisses.

That's the only spoiler you will get from me regarding this fantasy film.

Instead I will tell you how beautiful it is. Greens and blues and (in one funny scene) teal. Sally Hawkins makes a sympathetic and ethereal heroine. Richard Jenkins is touching as her best friend -- though his subplot about a diner goes on tooooooo long and contributes to the movie clocking in at more than two hours.

I love Giles' and Elisa's apartments. They live above a struggling movie theater and they have big, arched windows that let in lots of light (natural and neon).

And yes, he is beautiful, too. He of the blue lights and green gills and mesmerizing eyes. Of course, I've always been a fan of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. I have a soft spot for your only-one-of-its-species aquatic reptiles.

Thank God for the Gold Guy

I remember last year, when I was obsessing about Envelopegate and last year's Best Picture Oscar, someone actually posted to Facebook, "It would be great if y'all quit talking about the Academy Awards, m'kay?"Apparently the only acceptable topic for right-minded Americans was how bad "Cheetoh Satan" (aka Trump) is.

I responded by posting a closeup of Warren Beatty's hand as he went on stage with the wrong envelope. Go fuck yourself, m'kay?

I need Oscar. Awards season comes around at just the moment that I miss baseball so much it aches almost physically. And I knew then, as I know now, that if Trump were to be impeached or resign,* it won't be until the first quarter of 2019. While I believe in my bones that our nation installed a dangerous manchild in The White House, I believe the center will hold and besides, I cannot be angry about it all day/every day.

The movies are my happy place, and Oscar is the movies' sacrament. This time of year, there is little as dependably joyful, engrossing and therefore distracting as the race to the Academy Awards.

Right now, I am surrounded by sad. My boss hasn't been showing up at the office because his adult son is in the grips of manic/depression and Asperger's. My art director spends every day on the phone to her siblings, wondering what to do about their father's burgeoning and very expensive love affair with his con artist/caregiver, and then she reports to me on every conversation. I try to be sympathetic, but it's hard because:

1) Every conversation goes the same way. "And he's going to do what he's going to do." To which I say, "Then you have to involve the authorities." And she says, "But the police won't do anything." And I say, "Not the police, a judge. Get him declared incompetent. Talk to a lawyer." Blah blah blah. I know she's just working it through, and I should be more patient, except ...

2) This woman is not especially empathethic. I remember asking her advice when my friend Mindy was coming to grips with her mother being in hospice. My coworker said, "I'd ask her what she gets out of talking about this when she can't change it." So it's everything in me not to ask her what she gets out of talking about this when she refuses to change it.

3) I still see signs that we are on the verge of losing our jobs, and there are things we could be doing together to prepare, and she refuses. She tells me to stop worrying about it. Regarding this -- you know, something she could actually be working on -- it seems, my worry is futile.

Since, with open seating, we sit on top of one another, it's impossible for me not to affected by my boss and my art director. So, when I get away from the office, I just want to decompress. To withdraw. To enjoy.

To go to the movies. And at Oscar time, the best movies are in theaters. So at Oscar time, this fat ass is in a seat.

*And I still think he will be impeached or resign.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Heartbreak Hotel (1956)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Elvis checked in to the hotel at the end of Lonely Street. Where was the last hotel or motel you stayed at? Southwinds Motel in Key West. Here I am on Christmas morning. 

@10:30 am, I had this whole lovely pool to myself!

2) He sings that Heartbreak Hotel is always crowded. The fear of crowds is so prevalent that it has four names (enochlophobia, ochlophobia, demophobia and agoraphobia). Are you comfortable in a crowd? Not really. Walking up Duval Street in Key West, my friend (who lives there) was all, "I've got to get out of here. Let's go up a side street." The "crush" of people was making him crazy. I didn't even notice.

3) The desk clerk at Heartbreak Hotel is dressed black. Do you often wear all black? Not as much as I used to. As I get older, I no longer think the stark contrast between black and my very pale skin is flattering.

4) The song was written by Mae Boren Axton, who said it was inspired by the story of an anonymous young man's suicide in a hotel. She said she read in The Miami Herald that the John Doe left behind a note that said, "I walk a lonely street." What's the last note you handwrote? (Hopefully it was more upbeat.) It was a "farewell" card to a freelancer who shared our office for two months. I signed it from "Me and the Audreys." The Audreys are my massive philodendrons -- named for the plant in Little Shop of Horrors.

5) When Elvis was 11, his parents bought him a guitar. He had asked for a rifle, but his mama convinced him a guitar was a better idea. Tell us about a time one of your parents was right about something. My mother drilled good manners into me. While I have been teased for saying, "excuse me" to file cabinets and chairs, it has, generally, held me in good stead.

6) Not long before "Heartbreak Hotel" was recorded, Elvis' father recommended he give up the guitar and become a truck driver. Tell us about a time one of your parents was wrong about something. Decades ago, when I was not yet 30, I was toying with buying a condo. My neighborhood had taken a turn for the worse and there were units in a new building, just sitting there unsold. My parents vehemently lobbied against it. It was too much money, too much responsibility for me, all alone. If I'd gone ahead and done it, I'd be living in this same neighborhood, but I'd no longer have a mortgage. Thud! Thud! (That's the sound of me, kicking myself.)

7) There are many stories about Elvis' manager, Col. Tom Parker. One anecdote, about his career before Elvis, has the Colonel painting sparrows yellow so he could sell them as canaries. Have you ever been ripped off? Yeah. Last Christmastime I bought some toys for the Toys for Tots drive. It was Buy 2, Get 50% Off the Third. I realized as I left the store I didn't get the 50% off. But the guy who runs the place -- a mom and pop store, literally -- was sooooo nice, and ironically, so proud of mastering the store's new cash register, that I didn't have the heart to go back. If this gentleman is a scam artist, he's very good and deserves an Oscar.

8) Speaking of birds, Elvis once owned a peacock. It damaged his cars, so he gave it to the Memphis Zoo. In earlier days, it might have been dinner, for peacock was considered a medieval delicacy. What's the last poultry you prepared? Prepared? Dear God, I don't recall. But yesterday, at lunch, I had chicken strips and barbecue sauce at my favorite little dive restaurant.

9)  Random question: You and a friend have dinner at a restaurant. Your friend left her wallet at home, so you pick up the entire tab of $62, including tip. A few weeks later, you two meet for lunch and when the bill comes, she puts down half. Do you remind her that she still owes you $31 from the last time you dined together? Hell to the yes! $5 I'll overlook. $30? No. I don't know anyone who can afford to just forgive $30. (Which reminds me, my oldest friend has owed me $100 for two months now. She mentions it every now and then, so I know she remembers. But you know, I could use that money. My end of month check just doesn't stretch that far. I just wish her life wasn't so full of drama. That's what keeps me from outright asking her for it. But if we were having lunch together? I'd say, "This one is on you because of the $100 you owe me.")