Farewell, Helmut Jahn

The Thompson Center -- aka The State of Illinois Building -- has always been one of my favorites. I'm afraid I'm in the minority on this. Constructed mostly of glass, it's difficult to cool in summer and heat in winter. New leaks spring up constantly and are almost impossible to detect/repair in a timely manner, which had led to mold. Tenants complain that they can smell and hear the basement food court.

But I love it. I love looking all the way to the ceiling and then down to the floor. I love the Christmas Tree in the lobby. I love the food court.

And so right now I'm sad. 

First the State officially put the building up for sale. The only restrictions are that the new owner must keep the el station (not disrupting service) and keep the name (James R. Thompson was IL's longest-serving, never-indicted governor). That won't preclude the building being torn down. In fact, it's far more likely than not that it will go. It's across the street from City Hall, central to the court houses and not far from the theater district. I understand why this would be the perfect location for a more functional and efficient office building with a prestige restaurant at street level (along with a Walgreens or CVS, or maybe a Dunkin or Starbucks; we seem to need a drugstore or coffee shop on every other block).

Then this weekend, the architect died in a terrible bike accident. Helmut Jahn pedaled into an intersection and was hit by two different cars from opposite directions. He was pronounced dead at the scene. He was 81.

I suppose it's a blessing that he won't have to endure interviews when his creation is destroyed.

He also designed the United terminal at O'Hare. There's a pedestrian tunnel between the concourses with a neon ceiling. It always makes me happy when I come down the escalator and see the red and blue lights. I wonder how many travelers enjoy it every day.

Helmut Jahn enhanced my city life. I'm grateful to him.

Movies! Movies! Movies! Part 2

Day 3 of the virtual fest had me diving deep into Watergate. My current book is The Watergate Girl, a memoir by the prosecutor who questioned Nixon's secretary, Rose Mary Woods, so my head is here anyway.

I watched Scoop, which gives an overview of journalism in the movies. Then I saw TCM's Ben Mankiewicz' interview with Carl Bernstein. There was also a promotional featurette from 1976. where Robert Redford himself interviews Ben Bradlee about how it feels to watch your life portrayed on the big screen. I got the feeling Bob Redford kinda wished he could be Bob Woodward.

Fortunately the Cub game broke very bad very early, which left me free to watch All the President's Men (1976). When I think of this movie, Jason Robards as Ben Bradlee comes to mind. He's so funny, elegant, profane and charismatic, you can't take your eyes off him. But today, I especially enjoyed Redford. There's a controlled tension to his turn as Bob Woodward. Dustin Hoffman has the showier role as Carl Bernstein, but he feels like a bit of a hamhock at times. (I must admit, though, that since reading my beloved Nora Ephron's accounts of her marriage to Carl Bernstein, my overall opinion of him had dipped over the years.) 

Another thing I now appreciate, that I hadn't noticed before, is the use of light and shadow. When Woodward and Bernstein are at the office, they are under fluorescent lights. Everything is open and visible ... and safe. When they're out digging for the story, they're almost always in shadow. On porches, in darkened living rooms, in a parking garage ... and uncertain. The use of light is important to creating suspense in a story where we all know the outcome. See? I'm learning things from the "extras" TCM is giving me!

DVR'd and saved for later: Hollywood Home Movies: Treasures from the Academy Film Archives.

Sunday Stealing

FROM MUSICAL MANIAC

1. Five problems with social media. MISINFORMATION! It can be a cesspool. Let me use these "five" to enlighten any of the confused. 

a) Joe Biden was fairly, legally elected.

 b) Donald Trump incited the Capitol Riot. 

c) Masks are not "muzzles" any more than wearing shoes when you enter Walmart "muzzles" your toes or a shirt "muzzles" your nipples. 

d) Qanon has been thoroughly discredited and the only "storm" on your horizon will occur naturally when warm, moist air rises into cold air.  

e) Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone when he shot JFK. 

Happy to help!

2. A place you would like to live, but have never visited. Quebec. Or Maybe Montreal. Not Toronto, though I loved it and felt very much at home there, because it's a place I have visited.

3. Someone who fascinates you and why. Nicolle Wallace. She's my Republican BFF. We disagree on many things (she opposes the social safety net and adores Dick Cheney). But we're both patriotic and we're both women, so I love her MSNBC show, Deadline: White House. She calls 'em as she see 'em, and it's good for me to hear the conservative point of view explained sanely and plainly, without the MAGA misogyny and racism. Also, we like the same movies and TV, so I could see us Netflix bingeing together. In between shows  I'd tell her I enjoyed her novel but I'm worried about her divorce. She could help me decide which home improvement project to do next.

4. Do you have tattoos?  What are they and why? No tattoos.

5. A book you love, and one you didn’t. One book? No, I'll give you series! I loved Sue Grafton's alphabet series and miss my fictional BFF, Kinsey Milhone. I don't like the Stephanie Plum series. I quit reading One for the Money early on when the heroine was handcuffed naked to the shower rod. Simply not amusing to me. BTW, I know how popular the books are, so maybe I'm just tight-assed and humorless.

6. A fruit you dislike, and why. Tomatoes. Their consistency creeps me out. That thin skin, those runny innards. EW!

7. Two words/phrases that make you laugh. I don't really get this question. But my oldest friend uses a catchphrase whenever she says something really absurd: "Just putting it out there." That can make me laugh.

8. A quote you try to live by

 
9. Something you miss. I miss my favorite uncle a lot. He was gone before he died because Parkinson's took such a cruel toll on him. But before he became ill he was so funny, so imaginative. Whip smart, too. I believed he brought magic with him when he entered a room. I would love to talk with the whole version of him now, ask him questions and get his advice. I also can't ever recall telling him I love him. I would do that in a heartbeat now if I could.

10. Three weird traits you have:

a) I think I love my time in the shower too much. I know I shouldn't spend so much time in there (wasting water and all) but it makes me happy. 

b) I am lazy and messy about my surroundings but I kinda freak out if my towels -- kitchen or bathroom -- don't match. 

c) I'm confused by people who talk about their faith all the time. I have always believed in and spoken to God. I try to live a life that would please Him. But my faith is private between me and Him and, I suspect, not especially interesting to anyone but Us.

11. What you wore today. Jeans and a t-shirt. It's what I'll wear tomorrow, too.

12. Word/phrase you use constantly "The thing of it is"

13. One thing you’re excited for Cubs/Pirates. First pitch is at 1:20 PM Sunday! My guys have won five in a row!

14. Your feelings on ageism Now that I'm old I don't like it.

15. Three interesting facts about yourself:

a) I won a Clio Award. It was back when Reagan was President, so I don't talk about it much because I'm afraid it ages me -- see question above. But it is a big deal. 

b) I've done very well for myself professionally, considering I only earned three credits before dropping out of community college. 

c) In my entire life, I've never not shared my home with at least one cat. When I lived with my parents there was Jingles (but I only know her from my baby pictures), Tommy, Little Tommy, Snoozer and Trouble. When I moved out on my own, there was Annie, Arthur, Wilma, Alison, Tara, Billy, Joey, Charlotte, and now Reynaldo and Connie.

 

Movies! Movies! Movies!

 

This year the TCM Classic Film Festival is online again. I am so glad that the my big presentation was over Friday afternoon so I can enjoy it without work stress hanging over me.

Now I’m trying to juggle movie watching with baseball (Cubs! 5 in a row!) and catching up on my sleep. So I’m taking advantage of the virtual format and DVR-ing what I can and concentrating on watching the content that may disappear after tomorrow.

FRIDAY: I saw an interview to Ali McGraw. Now 82 years old, retired and living in New Mexico, she looks back on a career that included three of the biggest films of the 1970s: Goodbye Columbus, Love Story and The Getaway. She is refreshingly honest about her acting ability and her career choices. She wasn’t a very good actress, just a lucky one, and she took the best of what she was offered. When her luck ran out, she transitioned to TV. Then she quit altogether and left acting behind, and eventually found peace. I found I liked her more than I expected to.

Then, of course, I rewatched Love Story. It’s corny. Ali McGraw really isn’t very good. Ryan O’Neal is better than I remember. His scenes at the end, first with John Marley (Jenny’s dad) and Ray Milland (his own father) just broke my heart. Maybe it’s because it’s Mother’s Day weekend, but now I think the love story isn’t the romance but the unbreakable bond between parent and child.

DVR’d and saved for later: Plan 9 from Outer Space. I’ve always heard it was the worst movie ever made, and one of the (unintentionally) funniest. I look forward to judging for myself

SATURDAY: Saw an interview with Rob Reiner (Misery) and a look at Howard Hawks’ approach to dialog-driven screwball comedy. I should have followed with Misery, or maybe a Hawks classic like Bringing Up Baby. But I went in a totally different direction.

The Mortal Storm (1940) is a new-to-me, not often seen movie about intolerance. About how Germans chose a man, Adolph Hitler, over an ideology. One of the characters is a professor who is ostracized because his scientific research didn't serve Hitler's narrative. Naturally, after having lived through the violence of January 6, after listening to the anti-mask/anti-vax propaganda, after watching Republicans chastise conservatives like Sen. Romney and Rep. Cheney for choosing truth and principle over loyalty to Donald Trump, this movie is especially chilling. It was powerful, but I didn’t enjoy it. I couldn’t enjoy it because it was too painful

 I love James Stewart. Like his contemporary Henry Fonda, like Tom Hanks today, he is exemplary at presenting conscience and integrity. Margaret Sullavan is luminous. She is an actress whose work and life I’m just becoming familiar with. There's a thrilling chase through the Alps. The special effects are pretty remedial, but it's engrossing because it's literally a matter of life and death.

DVR’d and saved for later: They Won’t Believe Me, a 1947 noir being presented with restored footage and tours de force by a pair of songbirds: Judy Garland in A Star Is Born and Diana Ross in Lady Sings the Blues.

Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: Mom (2016)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.





1) Meghan Trainor's mom gets a vocal credit on this song ("featuring Kelli Trainor") because the audio of a mother/daughter phone call is included on the recording. Who is the last person you spoke to (not texted!) on the phone? My art director. We've been crazy busy at work these past few weeks. I look forward to the time when a ringing phone means a fun conversation and not project work.

2) The earliest version of this song was a poem co-written by Meghan and her brother as a gift to their mom. Do you enjoy writing/crafting/baking or [insert your skill here] gifts for people? Not really. I write entertaining letters and emails, but I'm terrible at coming up with a clever or heartfelt sentiment for a greeting card.

3) Meghan's mom ran Jewel of the Isle, a jewelry store in Nantucket, MA. Have you ever visited Massachusetts? If so, where have you gone? I've been to Boston a couple of times. I especially enjoyed my little side trip to the nearby suburb of Brookline. Visiting the home where JFK was born and then the somewhat larger house where he lived into adolescence helped put Kennedy family lore in context. In the Brookline days, they were a well-off family with a lot of kids, living on a nice street. Then Joseph Kennedy made major money. When the rest of the country was plunged into Depression, Joe was able to move his family to a 20-room mansion in Bronxville, NY. Today the Kennedys are considered an American dynasty -- and the family worth is still estimated at over a billion dollars -- but in real time Joe and Rose were nouveau riche outsiders, considered tacky pretenders by the WASP establishment. They aren't DuPonts or Rockefellers. The Kennedys are a 20th century phenomenon, and seeing the house in Brookline hammered that home for me.

83 Beals Street in Brookline

 I toured the house was delighted to see these books in his nursery. These are JFK's actual copies of King Arthur and Billy Whiskers. I don't buy into the Camelot myth and believe it was Jackie's savvy post-assassination invention.* But Billy Whiskers really did impress him. An imaginative goat with an independent streak, Billy Whiskers just couldn't stay out of trouble. Young Jack's grandmother and nanny noted he couldn't get enough of it, and his mother Rose thought Billy Whiskers was "a rascal" and a bad influence. It tickled me to see the actual book that turned my favorite President into a lifelong, voracious reader.

The copy of Billy Whiskers he held in his pre-school hands.

 *I accept that JFK read about King Arthur because he read whatever he could get his hands on but I've never seen anything that indicated it was a favorite.

4) Mother's Day is a big holiday for card shops. So are birthdays, weddings, and dozens of other special occasions. Hallmark sells greetings for everything from "Congratulations on Your New Job" to "Happy Retirement." Who received the most recent card you bought? I just sent my friends Henry and Reg an "anniversary" card of sorts. Next weekend is the 30th anniversary of the day they first met, though they said no more than a casual "hello" on a crowded dance floor. Still, May 16, 1991 is a big day in Henry's heart and so I'm celebrating it.

5) While Crazy Sam was growing up, her mother used to scold her for leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Sam admits it: as an adult she still puts off washing her dishes. Are you more like mother or daughter? Do you clean up after every meal, or do you let the dishes stack up? I'm a slob. I do my dishes, wipe out my microwave and clean my George Foreman grill every Monday, though all that should be done more often.

6) Mother's Day is for grandmothers, too. Sam grew up calling her grandmother "Grandgran." What did you call your grandmother? Out loud, they were both called Grandma. In my head, they were "Nice Grandma" and "Icky Grandma."

7) The German word for "mother" is "mutter." What other German words do you know? "Gutentag" is a friendly greeting.

8) In the United Kingdom, Mothering Sunday is celebrated. It's on the fourth Sunday in Lent (March 14 this year) and in addition to flowers and cards, mothers are treated to Simnel cake. Are you going to indulge in any sweets this weekend? I indulge in sweets every weekend.

9) To celebrate Mother's Day, Sam is giving away her mother's favorite: Hershey Bars! Would you prefer classic milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or milk chocolate with almonds? I'll go with almonds.

Happy Mother's Day to Me

This morning, an Amazon/Whole Foods mini bouquet arrived. It is a Mother's Day present from my fur babies, Connie and Reynaldo. My oldest friend said the cats chose my gift but asked her for her credit card number. 

It was a lovely, thoughtful thing to do. This is the kind of friend she is when she's on her game. 

I must remember that. She's bipolar and doing the best she can. I have to try not to let her hurt me because it's not her, it's her condition. And she can only hurt me because I love her so.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna stop and smell the flowers.

This week in Rizz

I've been really stressed with work this week. (You know what I know less about than cars? Running my own car care franchise!) Much research was required to do a good job for the client, and I didn't have much time.

I did, however, have Anthony Rizzo to keep me company. My favorite-most Cub had quite the entertaining week. I enjoyed having him on in the background, and wonder what people who don't love baseball do for respite and relief.

First the Reds Amir Garrett struck him out. Fair enough. It happens. But Garrett beat on his chest and kept taunting Rizz as he walked back to the dugout. Rizz gave him a look I'm not familiar with. It's as though when Garrett yelled, "I'm a bad motherfucker," Rizz was thinking, "Why yes, yes you are, Amir."

The core of this Cub team has been together for a while and they're a tight unit. By the time Rizz made it back to the dugout, Javier Baez was on the field, charging Garrett and letting him know how he felt about the way Rizzo had been unnecessarily disrespected. It's good to know that gesture means the same in Javy's hometown of Bayamon, Puerto Rico, as it does in Amir's birthplace of Victorville, California.

The benches cleared. No one was ejected in the fracas, but the league fined Javy and suspended Garrett for 7 games, so clearly they were offended by the way the Reds pitcher behaved. Bravo!

Then the Cubs welcomed the Dodgers to Wrigley Field. Los Angeles is confusing, because on paper they are a great team (much better than the Cubs) but on the field they are struggling. My guys were ready for them. 

Now Rizz is strong with a bat. He's an award-winning first baseman who can stretch and leap to get a runner out. Lacking among his skills, though, is speed when he runs. At 6'3 and 240-245 lbs., he's a big guy who most decidedly does not move like a gazelle.

So when he raced desperately to stretch a double into a triple, he looked ... well ... stupid. This is the most inelegant slide I've seen in a very long time, but I loved him so for trying (and succeeding).

 

Then there was last night. He was supposed to have Wednesday off. He'd appeared in all 30 games so far this season and it's been chilly here lately. Cold weather can cause his back to tighten. So Manager David Ross decided to give Rizz a little bench time.

Except this last game of the Dodger series went into extra innings. Ross decided the team needed the Big Guy after all. He came off the bench and got the winning hit. How fitting that the Los Angeles Dodgers were treated to a Hollywood ending, starring #44 Anthony Rizzo.

I live in terror that will be our last season together. I want to enjoy every moment with Rizz that I can.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.  

1. What are you currently reading? The Watergate Girl by Jill Wine-Banks. You may know her from MSNBC, where she was a legal analyst during Trump's first impeachment. It's a role she's uniquely qualified for, as she was a Watergate prosecutor.

She was a woman among men at the center of history. She had to be smart and talented to play a prominent role when so much was at stake. And yet, in the press, she was the pretty blonde lawyer. This is her memoir of her extraordinary life at this extraordinary time.

2. What did you recently finish reading?  Peyton Place by Grace Metalious. What a hot mess this book is! Some of the characters are well drawn and believable. I liked some and disliked others, just as I would react to the denizens of any small town. I was involved and never bored.

 

But the plot! You have to go back to the Old Testament and Job to find suffering like 17-year-old Allison MacKenzie endured in 1939. In one day (spoiler alert!) she learns -- in a cruel and ugly way -- that she's illegitimate and her mother had been lying to her for her entire life. Naturally she runs upstairs crying and finds the family housekeeper had hung herself in Allison's closet with the belt from Allison's bathrobe. She has a breakdown and takes to bed. Understandable enough. But on Labor Day, on her first social day out, she sees her friend injured in a gruesome carnival accident. Then (yes, there's more) Allison is decimated on the witness stand during the civil trial after the accident. I mean really! All of this happens over the summer and fall. Frankly, I know some people who have gone their entire lives without this much drama!

 

Still, I developed a massive crush on old Doc Swain. If I was a spinster in Peyton Place, I'd be throwing myself at the good doctor like nobody's business. I genuinely admired Selena Cross, Allison's classmate who grew up to be a brave and clear-eyed woman.

 

So now I've read it and I'm glad. 65 years ago, when Peyton Place was first published, it was considered a dirty book. Today, it seems less about sex than class and toxicity of secrets. There's a reason why "Peyton Place" is still in the Urban Dictionary today, defined as "means a location or a group replete with gossip, secrets and double-crosses." This may not be a good book, but it's a powerful one.

 

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

 

Oh, I don't know!

I'm so weary these days I don't know what to think about anything. This is the third weekend in a row that I've worked and I'm tired. There was a time in my career that being the go-to girl was fulfilling. Those days are over. I have too much to do in too little time, and I don't feel confident I can deliver my best for my client. It's stressful.

Adding to my stress was a Mac problem. As my MacBook Air started up, the Apple briefly flashed blue/green. I really need my computer these days, as my work Mac is a piece of shit and I can't compose with any speed or fluidity. (It's hard to be creative when you're worried your "e" and "t" are sticking.) Anyway, I did preliminary online diagnostics with the good people at apple.com and they told me they could find nothing wrong with my laptop and I should take it to the Apple Store on Michigan Avenue, which I did on Friday.

I was crazy nervous all day. I had so much work to do, and I had to knock off early to go downtown. I hadn't been in the city since last July. You're reading the musings of a gal who has been to work in the city every day for more than 40 years. (Except for the year I worked out by the airport, but never mind about that now.) I missed my city so much, but I was worried about public transportation in the age of covid. 

It was a sunny day. The city was pretty. The streets are full of cars but the sidewalks are still pretty empty. And my MacBook Air? It does what it's doing because it does. I have no software glitches, no hardware issues. I have to remember to reboot more often (instead of just putting it to sleep) and the tech deleted a ton of unused/never used apps and files and stuff. But it's fine. And I'm grateful.

Since it was my first time downtown since July, John and I were eager to get together. But he cancelled on me last moment. The reason was disturbing. He spent a few hours at his favorite bar, The Hole, and realized he wasn't feeling well and was going home. He has trouble breathing and needs his cane to walk any distance. He thinks the problem is his medication. He's been "playing with the dosages." Why?

He hasn't seen a doctor since late 2019, after he lost his job. Obamacare is "too expensive." He was eligible for Medicare in July 2020, but he couldn't get his shit together to make a decision about which plan. ("They inundate you with paperwork!") Never mind that he was unemployed, everything here was locked down and he had nothing better to do than read the paperwork. Never mind that he has friends who are already enrolled and could have advised him. He just didn't do it.

So he's been hoarding and meting out his meds now for more than a year. Without insurance, Entresto costs $700/month. I believe he's also taking Ozempic. That's more than $900/month.

WHAT THE FUCK HAS HE BEEN THINKING? WHAT THE FUCK HAS HE BEEN DOING? Is this what happens when I'm not there to nag him?

Meanwhile, he has a "job" at The Hole. He goes in a couple times/week (yeah, right; I know it's every day) and answers any questions they may have about marketing and menu, and they give him free food and drink. How nice.

I am upset about this, and at a time when I can't afford to be. I've got to work on my project all day/every day until Wednesday afternoon.

I love John, and I am too mad at him to stand it. He's going to let himself fucking die because he couldn't be bothered to sign up for the healthcare coverage he's been paying into since he was 19.

But nothing is ever all bad. Elaine from movie group -- which has been on Zoom for a year now -- was eager to meet me in person. Insistent, in fact. My cat Reynaldo has been crashing our meetups and she's become a fan of his, sending him messages in the chat. She has a senior cat, too. Anyway, when she heard I was going to be in the city on Friday, not far from where she lives, she thought it was time we saw one another 3D and in real life.

Once the worry over my laptop was alleviated, I was ravenous. She introduced me to Shake Shack. It's farther down on Michigan than I usually travel, but it was spectacular. And it was good to talk to someone who doesn't have a TBI (Henry) or dementia (Kathy) or bipolar disorder (my oldest friend) or whatever the fuck is wrong with John. 

I learned that Elaine is long divorced and recently broke up with "a boyfriend" (the term amuses me because I know she's over 60). She "consults," but to be honest I don't really understand what she told me she does for a living. She did say she considers herself retired, because and until someone hires her at her regular consulting rate. She won't sell herself short.

Mostly we talked about our cats. We're both ridiculously indulgent fur moms.

Then I walked the half hour it took me to travel a mile from Shake Shack to the train station. I enjoyed wandering about. The city is slowing waking up and it was good to see. I was surprised, though, that in all the time I was walking I didn't see a single taxicab. Elaine told me that she hasn't seen them cruising around anymore, that you can't hail them you have to request them on an app. That made me a little sad.

It was good to take the commuter train home. Everyone was masked, but it still felt normal. Normal is nice.

Now I must get back to work!

Saturday 9

LOVE STORY (2008)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here. 

1) The lyrics tell us about a romantic summer night on a balcony. Does your home have a balcony? Nope.

2) Taylor Swift sings that her father warns her boyfriend to stay away, but she sees him anyway. Tell us about a time you defied your parents. Oh, golly. I rebelled in a million little ways all the time. But most of my infractions were verbal or clothing-related, nothing big. In retrospect, I think I was a pretty obedient kid.

3) The castle in this video looks European, but it's in Arrington, TN. Castle Gwynn is the site of the annual Tennessee Renaissance Fair. This May the festival will be back, and among the items food vendors are offering are Scotch eggs. When did you most recently eat eggs, and how were they prepared? I just had a hard boiled egg.

4) Love Story is also the story of Jenny and Oliver in a book by Erich Segal and a movie starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal. Are you familiar with either the book or the movie? When I was in junior high, I loved the book. My girlfriends and I saw the movie at the theater, twice. I had this poster in my bedroom. I saw the movie again a few years ago and I still enjoyed it.

5) Taylor was born in Reading, PA. which is home to the Reading Railroad, one of the four railroads featured in Monopoly. Without looking it up, can you name the two most expensive Monopoly properties? Park Place and Boardwalk.

6) When she's not performing on stage, Taylor likes to keep it casual and prefers to wear cowboy boots. Tell us about your favorite footwear. Since the pandemic and work from home, I find myself wearing my Crocs more often. Don't judge me. There's so easy to slip in and out of if all I'm doing outside is taking out the trash.

7) Taylor's brother, Austin Swift, is an actor and

producer who studied photography at college. Think about the last picture you took. Did you use your phone, tablet or camera? (Feel free to share it, if you'd like.) I took this last Sunday because I get a kick out of how alert my Connie Cat always is. She doesn't want to miss a thing. I took it with my phone.

 

8) In 2008, the year this song was popular, the Emmy Award winning show Breaking Bad premiered. Were you a fan? Nope.

 

9) Random question: You and your best friend sit down to write the story of how/when you met. Do you think the stories would be almost the same or quite different? (In other words, will you two remember the event the same way?) I know we don't remember it the same way. She claims to remember me from Kindergarten, and she's right, we're both in the class photo. But the first time I remember noticing her is when her family moved in across the alley from mine, in first grade. We were classmates and walked to/from school together. It was life changing, because it meant that 1) I wasn't stuck with my older sister anymore and 2) I had someone to talk about the Beatles with.

 

 

Friendly Update

I sucked it up. I called my oldest friend Tuesday night. She kept posting pix of her son's wedding on Facebook and them IM'd one to me specifically. So I put my ambivalence behind me and called her. She loves her son's new wife. The wedding went well. Her life is about to change -- she has to move and is trying to decide between Los Angeles with her daughter or Austin with her son. To walk any distance, she needs a cane. Yet she sounds happy! And when she's happy, I laugh. And she was generous in listening about my problems. I must remember that when she can give, she does.

Speaking of canes ... I'm going to see John on Friday! We're both vaccinated,* we haven't been in the same room together since July (!), and so this is exciting. He gave me a heads up that he's using his cane again these days. Whereas my oldest friend is having trouble with her knee, John is suffering from a respiratory problem and the cane helps him move faster and more easily. I worry about his health and will feel better when I can see that he's OK.

And then there's Elaine. I know her from movie group. She messages me in the chat all the time. Sometimes she wants affirmation about her comments, usually she wants to say "hi" to Reynaldo, who enjoys crashing my Zoom get-togethers. Anyway, she's eager to meet in person. Her vet has recommended this particular brand of CBD for her senior cat and she wants to see how Rey responds to it. That's extraordinarily kind of her. I don't know why I'm surprised that she's drawn to me. I'm funny, I'm smart, I obviously lavish attention on my skinny old cat. All those are good things, right? Yet I am surprised. I met Joanna and Will through movie group, but that was in person. Elaine's entire exposure to me has been through a screen. I've never had a friendship that began this way.

*I'll be 72 hours away from the two-week mark, but I think Dr. Fauci will cut me slack if I remain masked most of the time.

Accentuate the positive

Today really kinda sucked. It started with an impossible project kick off that I'm not going to talk about here, and then went on to include a root canal. Oh, and I found out I need a porcelain crown on the tooth, and this could set me back between anywhere from $700 to $2400, depending on where the procedure is done.*

But nothing is all bad. It's not going to be as taxing financially as I thought. Not because of any good planning on my part. Just good fortune and timing.

For years, I specialized in card marketing. To learn more about our competitors, I said "yes" to every credit card offer that came my way. Consequently, I have a drawer full of cards. 

One card has $140 in unused cashback rewards. I used that one to pay today's $387 bill for the root canal. I just cut my portion by more than 30%. Yea!

My Sears Master Card just sent me a "please come back" offer: 0% financing for 18 months on any single purchase over $549. I called and asked if the service of a dentist counted as a purchase. It does!

So for all I have on my mind right now, money is not one of them and I'm grateful.

 *My dentist just retired and referred me to an endodontist for the root canal. I have to find a new dentist to handle the crown.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.  

1. What are you currently reading? Peyton Place by Grace Metalious. Originally published in 1956, it became what Vanity Fair called "one of the best-selling dirty books ever." Its success grew into an Oscar-nominated film and TV's first nighttime "continuing drama" and today it remains short-hand for small-town scandal and hypocrisy. 

 

65 years later, Peyton Place doesn't seem trashy. It's less about sex than the pressure to conform, and the price one pays for being different. The book begins in the late 1930s, so there are aspects of life that are gone (listening to the radio, anxiously awaiting the next edition of the newspaper and going to movies were this town's -- and most towns' -- only entertainments). But the fixation on "them," and always asking what "they" are thinking of us, is timeless.  

The writing is less soapy/melodramatic and more slice of life than I expected. For example, eighth grader Allison MacKenzie is embarrassed by her mother's sophistication. Mrs. MacKenzie spent her 20s in Manhattan, and it showed. She was the only mother, among all Allison's classmates, who "prepared dinner" and "attended worship services." Everyone else's mother "made supper" and "went to church." This exacerbated Allison's feeling of otherness, as though she had a red line drawn around her. I remember being 12, and I understood. Allison had no idea that her best friend, Selena, secretly wanted to grow up to be just like Mrs. MacKenzie.

I don't know that I'll continue enjoying the book as much as I do now (I'm about a quarter of the way in), but I can say regardless, it's a pleasant surprise and better than I thought it would be.

 

2. What did you recently finish reading?  Dolls! Dolls! Dolls! Deep Inside Valley of the Dolls by Stephen Rebello. This book was terrific fun ... until it wasn't. I'm reminded of what Orson Welles once said, "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop the story." I wish Mr. Rebello had stopped  this tale with the hilarious premiere voyage (the film was premiered onboard ship, and everything that could go wrong, did). Because up until and including this, the story was highly entertaining. Jackie Susann goes from showbiz neverwas to best-selling author, then Hollywood took her book and -- with hammy acting and a terrible script -- turned it into a camp classic. The hair! The clothes! The makeup! The awful songs! It was gloriously bad.

 

But Rebello goes on to tell us what happened to the Dolls gang after the film. The fun stops fast. The damage to Patty Duke's reputation and career lasted a decade. Jacqueline Susann battled and succumbed to cancer. So did Susan Hayward. The producer dropped dead on the golf course. Judy Garland, fired from the film, never made another movie and was dead in less than two years. Sharon Tate died the same summer as Judy, and in the worst way possible.

So if you're interested in the wonderfully bad movie, by all means pick this book up! I just recommend you put it down and move on as soon as the movie premieres.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

 

Don't like doing it, proud I've done it.

The Big Project was done today at about 2:30. I had a miserable time working on it. And yet, when it was done, I felt elated. In a fortuitous coincidence, I just so happened to get word that the client was happy with the results of last month's Big Project.

My relief was short-lived, though. At 6:30 this evening* I got an invitation to start a new project. I'm rattled by this, since I have a dental appointment tomorrow afternoon which means I lose 4 hours. And, since the office officially closes at 2:30 on Fridays, I had hoped to take my newly-vaccinated self downtown and maybe meet John. But that might not be possible now.

I also worry because I don't yet know what this new project is. Will I be able to do it? I really hate doing new things now. My fear of failure is enormous. Fortunately, I exude confidence so my newer coworkers don't smell the terror.

You would think that, with time and experience, I would gain confidence. But that's not what's happened. Whereas earlier in my career, I only saw the potential, today I only see the peril.

 

*That's the bad thing about work from home. They assume I'm always here, regardless of the hour, and they're always right.

Sunday Stealing

FROM THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY PENPALS

1. What issues are important to you? Commonsense gun laws, reproductive freedom, an end to the pandemic. I have faith that Joe Biden is the man for this moment.

2. Which breakfast foods are your favorite? If I'm not cooking, I like Eggs Benedict. If I'm in the kitchen, I like yogurt and cold cereal.

3. How often do you change your hair style? Probably not often enough. I worry about aging myself out of credibility at work. Questions like this make me realize that, when retirement arrives, I'm emotionally ready.

4. Your most peculiar talent or interests? I am fascinated by everything mid-century. I just indulged in Valley of the Dolls (1967) one more time. To paraphrase dialog from the film, it's a rotten movie, but I love it.

5. Something you’re a natural at. Words. I'm naturally very verbal.

6. Women who inspire you. My all-time idol is JBKO. Jacqueline Onassis endured more than anyone should. She handled much of it with the public staring and judging. Yet she did it her own way, mixing strength and femininity.

7. How often do you take a break from everything? Last night, I watched Valley of the Dolls.

8. What are your go to dancing songs? "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire.

9. Favorite carryout and takeaway foods to order. I've been longing for Chinese food lately. The place around the corner has great egg foo yung.

10. People you like to spend time with. I miss my friends! Joanna, John, Nancy ... hopefully by this time next month we'll all be vaccinated and together.

11. Hobbies you started within the last year. Mask wearing and hand sanitizing.

12. What scents, sounds, and sights of Spring do you like? I like the smell of a mowed lawn. I love the sight and sound of a bat meeting a ball, or a ball landing hard in a glove.

13. Cultural aspects you cherish and enjoy I don't understand this question. I'll be happy to see how others responded.

14. TV shows and films you liked this month. I was very moved by the Oscar contenders I saw: Trial of the Chicago 7, Compromising Young Woman, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom and The Father.

15. What do people usually come to you for help with? I wish my friends had smaller problems. Let's leave it at that.

 

 

I admit it: I'm insincere

My oldest friend is bipolar. I know this is a real condition. I know there's a lot in her behavior that she can't help. She has poor impulse control and few financial resources.* To my knowledge, she hasn't made a single friend in her eleven years since she moved to California. This makes me sad because she can be one of the funniest people on the planet. But she gets depressed and filled with self-loathing. No one would want to hang with her because she's divorced ... overweight ... unemployed ... broke ... She's so sure everyone is judging her she seems to get paralyzed.

I love her. My heart goes out to her. But here's the thing: she really can't be there for me in any meaningful way, and I'm hurt.

In the run-up to her son's wedding in Austin, I offered to help her with a wig. I sent her a visor and masks to wear on the plane. I heard nothing back. For a month. The wedding was Friday. My phone kept going off. 

Ping! She'd arrived in Texas. Ping! She loves Texas barbecue. Ping! She's staying at an airbnb! Ping! She's getting her hair done. Ping! It's raining really hard. Ping! She's home.

Ping my ass. I don't give a shit. I'm angry.

Last fall, when my niece was getting married, I got no support from my oldest friend. She has known my family nearly as long as I have -- we've known each other since Kindergarten -- and she knew how deeply ambivalent I was about spending time with my kid sister, how alone I felt going into the ceremony. She knows I'm afraid to fly under the best circumstances, and during a pandemic before anyone had been vaccinated is not the best circumstance. She didn't care what I wore or how my hair was done. She didn't ask about the coach house I stayed in. 

She could not have cared less.

She never bothered to check the wedding photos I posted to Facebook. She knows my niece. She didn't "have time to log into Facebook." She was too busy writing fan fiction about Keanu Reeves on a website called Wattpad. That was, literally, more important to her than me or my niece.

Well, guess what: People pay me for what I write and I am facing a Monday deadline. I'm supposed to take time away from that while she couldn't tear herself from fantasy Keanu.

She doesn't know about Henry's decline since losing his job. She doesn't know about my broken tooth. She doesn't know how isolated I feel, how lonely I am for my friends but I've been too busy with work and Henry and Kathy leave me depleted.

She doesn't care about any of that. She's begun writing fan fiction about Beatle George circa 1964 and an American girl with a pretentious name. Oh yeah, and my friend has to find a place to live.† But here's the thing about Wattpad: entries are date stamped. So I'm not the only thing she's ignoring for fantasy.

Intellectually, I know she can't help any of this. Intellectually, I forgive her 100 fold because I support her struggle with a very real condition. Intellectually I remind myself how much she has to offer when she can. Intellectually I honor our history.

But emotionally, I'm struggling. I'm hurt. I feel used and I miss my oldest friend as she was.

Still, if she chooses to call me this week -- after my deadline and dental work -- I will ooh and aah about the wedding. I will be insincere, but I will do it. Because I am her friend.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

 

 *In 2018, when I was away for the weekend with my friend John, I got a call from the finance company that held the loan on her car. She'd used me as reference. They were about repossess it. I never returned the call -- I'm 2000 miles away, after all -- and never told her about it because she'd be mortified. She never told me what happened to her car.

†I'm not exaggerating: her cousin sold the home she's been living in.