Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme: Final Part

Cheers to all of us thieves!

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Safety and acceptance.

77) How did/could someone win your heart? Bruce Springsteen won my heart by singing, "Show a little faith, there's magic in the night."


78) In your world, what brings on more creativity? Water. I find I'm frequently more creative after a shower, which is why I think it would serve my coworkers well to make sure I have time for lunchtime workout and subsequent shower. They don't seem to get it and keep scheduling meetings for 11:30 to 12:30.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Back in the days when I was a secretary (before there were "administrative assistants") in a huge corporation, I applied for a position as a copywriter in the internal creative department. I didn't have any training whatsoever, but there was a mid-level executive, one of the few women in the company in that role in those days, who encouraged me. That's when I went from "job" to "career."

80) Why did you break up with your last ex? He moved to Ohio to be nearer his big brother and it just didn't seem worth the long-distance thing.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? The way Wilbur eulogized Charlotte: She was a true friend and a good writer.
82) What is your favorite word? "Gubernatorial." It's fun to say.

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: delusional. Meds.

84) What is a saying you use a lot? " ... then we'll miss our deadline and Christmas will be cancelled!"

85) Are you watching Idol this season? If yes, how do you like it? I keep forgetting to tune in.
86) Were you surprised that House got canceled? Nope. Never watched a full episode from start to finish.

87) What is your current desktop picture? I've told this story before, and I'll tell it again here:

These two photos take turns on my desktop, revolving from one into the other, telling the story of the day in the life of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis that provides just one example why I admire her so.

These photos were taken the same afternoon, moments apart, in autumn, 1971. The photographer who took the first shot and appears in the second shot is Ron Gallela. He hounded Jackie on a daily basis, dressing up as Santa Claus to shoot her while shopping at Christmastime, hiding in coat racks for photos of her dining and sometimes even smoking (gasp!) with friends, chasing her in a speed boat while she water skied, following her into movie theaters, etc. When her children were young they still had Secret Service protection and she would ask the agents to, "Please smash his camera," and usually they would. It got so bad that in 1972, just months after this incident, she actually took him to court and got a restraining order. I often wonder what would have happened if Princess Diana had been as ballsy as JBKO; perhaps she'd still be with us.

Anyway, Jackie was running a quick errand, crossing Fifth Avenue in front of her apartment building, when Galella sidled up near her and called her name. She reflexively turned and smiled. When she saw who it was, and that this time he had an accomplice with a camera, she simply slipped the dark glasses on (thereby making the subsequent photos he shot worth a little less), kept her face impassive and kept going.

She hated Galella. He was a stalker and he frightened and enraged her. Yet look at her control. Sure, she could have lost her temper with him (Marlon Brando literally punched his teeth out), but that would have given Galella a front-page shot he could have retired on. So she just withdrew into herself and kept going.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a difficult time with my temper, which often hurts no one else as much as it does me.

I hope if I gaze at her long enough and remember the story, some of it will rub off on me. "Remember, Gal, just put on your sunglasses and keep going."

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Oh, I don't like this question.


89) What would be a question where you'd not tell the truth? "Do you want to get together?" I really like my alone time, and I've learned that people take it personally when I'd rather just sit home "doing nothing" rather than hang out with them. So I lie.


90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by WEEPING ANGELS. The Weeping Angles aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What would you do? Pray that I wake up from this dream really quick.


91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? I would suddenly burn double calories for every move I make!


92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? I was really in love with a very nice man. We were staying with his sister and had to share a twin bed. It was very uncomfortable and I woke up because he was holding me soooo tight in his sleep. I realized at that moment how happy I was, how easy it felt.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Something ugly happened to me when I was in high school at the hands of a male relative.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. (let's say that you are both single and available) Who might it be? See Question #2. The Boss had me at "Thunder Road."



Isn't it nice to see The Big Man again?

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Boston. I have been thinking about Boston a lot lately.

96) Do you have any relatives or friends in jail? Nope.


97) Who's winning the U.S. Republican presidential nomination? Why? If it's Romney, it's because people are thinking about their wallets. If it's Santorum, it's because Republicans are afraid of anyone who doesn't think exactly like they do.


98) Who's winning the next U.S. Presidential election? I'd like to be sure it's Obama, but I can understand Romney winning. No way will it be Santorum.


99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? "The demonizing and polarization in this country is killing us!"

And so it begins

The pitchers and catchers are all there, and now the position players are starting to arrive at the Cubs training camp in Mesa, AZ.

The new crew -- Theo Epstein, Jed Hoyer and Dale Sveum (who I, for some reason, always want to call "Jeff") -- are emphasizing "The Cubs Way," our blueprint to success in 2012 and beyond. I am hopeful that they're right, of course. But this year is going to be so different from recent seasons gone by that I just want to see how it unfolds.

And, oh, isn't it nice to be thinking about baseball again!

Not a perfect Saturday

My head hurts. My jaw hurts. I'm grumpy.  All I want to do is sleep. Not exactly a delightful day off.

It wasn't all bad, though. While it took several hours in the dentist chair, the endodontist seemed optimistic that she has been able to save my tooth. Yea! And it cost less (or insurance paid more) than anticipated. Double yea! But I'm a little sore. Without the Napoxen, I'd be a lot sore.

The Naproxen combined with the sudafed I'm taking for the sinus infection is taking its toll. I don't feel like myself. And I kinda miss me.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Second That Emotion

1. Do you every solicit advice on your love life? I have. I am very lucky to have a wide circle of friends with diverse life/love experiences.

2. What was the last thing you argued with someone about? It wasn't really an argument. My boss and I disagreed about something I had done. Next time he saw it, I still hadn't edited it (because I didn't want to). He asked, "Are you going to change that headline?" My reply was, "If you make me." It went out as I wrote it.

3. Who do you hate right now? My "friend" Kathy. A real friend wouldn't treat me the way she has.

4. Who do you love right now? Lots of people. I'm lucky that way.

5. Where do you want to be in 6 years? I want to be better off financially, which will require behaving more like a grown up.

6. What is your craziest vice? I have lots of vices, but none are "crazy." They're pretty average.

7. How did you celebrate Valentine's Day? I went to the dermatologist for dermabrasion. You're jealous, aren't you?

8. What is your most unique or fondest memory of a special Valentine's Day? A man I was in love with gave me a souvenir mug and a tin of hot chocolate. Less than a month earlier, he had nursed me through a bout of the flu with TLC and hot chocolate, so it was his way of reminding me to take good care of myself when he wasn't around.

9. Were you in the same location five years ago that you are today? Would you have expected to be? Yes. Yes.

Trifecta

The weekend challenge: Take a famous story, poem, book, or fable, and retell it in exactly 33 words.

The Titanic

An early and tragic testament to the Power of The 1%. Only 25% of the third class passengers who board the ship just before noon on April 10, 1912, will survive the ride.

I invited her in ...

I'm still angry and sad about last Saturday's hostile exchange with Kathy. And, unfortunately for my readers, this is where I come to work shit out. I write. It's what I do.

As I reflect on my 30 year friendship with Kathy, it feels a little like the 90s movie Single White Female. Allie advertises for a roommate and finds Hedy. At first they get along well. Then Hedy cuts her hair like Allie, starts dressing like Allie, insinuates herself into Allie's career and sleeps with Allie's boyfriend. I know this comparison is unflattering and unfair to Kathy, but right now, that's how it feels.



I suspect Kathy is really angry at me because my life doesn't work as well for her as it does for me.

Example 1: Ever since I left home, I have lived in this same village. It borders Chicago, which makes my commute to the city very easy. It's racially diverse, supports three libraries, and I have a shopping district and a 7-screen movie theater within walking distance. It has always felt like home.

When Kathy and I first met, I was in my mid-20s and she was a newly-single working mom in her mid-30s. Her teenaged kids remained with her ex in the far western. very Republican/homogenous suburb they grew up in while she moved to a garden apartment in the city. She loved teasing me about how suburban I am, how long I had lived in the same town, how that sort of thing just isn't for her. I tried to explain to her that the town I live in is much more progressive and livable than realized. No, no, she said, always with a smile. She's more of a free spirit than I am, she craves more diversity of experience. She's done with burbs and was now a city girl, through and through. Small town life as I lived is simply not for her.

Then guess what. She not only moved to my town but onto my very street! Just one of those "Kathy things," she said.


Example 2: In the 1990s, after a heartbreaking break-up, I decided to go through training and officially join the church I'd been attending. It felt like the right thing to do. I wanted to make a commitment, to myself and to God, after all the comfort the church provided me when I needed it. I feel comforted and fortified by the congregations emphasis on "Glory to God and service to man." Kathy used to tell me that this sort of thing is OK for me, but she is so much less conventional than I am. To hear her tell it, this Gal requires structure and a patriarchal view of God and religion, but her spiritual life is more creative and more imaginative. She tweaked me about it for nearly a decade -- I remember because she wasn't sure she wanted to go to the 9/11 community prayer service with me right after the attack on the Twin Towers.

Then guess what. I read in the bulletin that she was one of our new congregants. This time she was actually embarrassed when she told me it was one of those "Kathy things," she said. So now she's on my street and in my church -- two of the places she made fun of me for being. She also started going to my dentist (who she took forever to pay) and my accountant.

Example 3: When we met in the 1980s, we were both in-house writers for the same major midwestern company. I left first and found, once I got away from that first job, that my interest turned from hard partying to working hard. I won a couple of awards and found that the encouragement gave me confidence. To my own surprise, I found I had leadership abilities and presentation skills, too. I began my career ascent, developing areas of expertise that would make me more marketable in a competitive industry. Kathy took a different path. She went out on her own as a free-lancer. Saying that she's just a freer, more adventurous spirit than I am. I tried to be supportive. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I recommended Kathy sub for me over 3 days. It didn't work out. I don't know what happened, exactly, (after all, I was home with stitches in my jaw) but Kathy had a hard time conforming and taking input/revisions. After two days my account team told here they didn't need her anymore, and then asked me to come in on Friday, chubby cheeks and all.

Kathy told me there were no hard feelings, but there were. This was when the digs began. Working in a constrictive agency setting is OK for me, but Kathy sees herself as a free spirit, hungry for a variety of clients and work experiences that my place of employment just doesn't provide.


Then guess what. Kathy's free-lance business went under as my star rose. She wanted to be a staff writer again, perhaps at an agency. Instead of asking me to review her resume, she asked to see mine. Remember that: She asked to see mine. Her response to it was bracing. Perhaps my approach is OK for someone like ME, who is all ambitious and wants to make a six-figure salary, but Kathy is an artist, after all. She writes because she loves writing. She was implying that I was a crass sell-out. I was very hurt by this.

Example 4: Our careers then took us down different roads. Once I got the title of creative director, I realized I didn't want it. I don't have a college degree and, as I said, began my career without any serious aspirations, so I wanted to see if I could do it. If I could reach that goal. I was in that role for about three years and found myself completely burned out. I needed time to think and reassess. I got very, very lucky. The agency I was working for needed to make deep, deep cuts and when asked who on my team I thought should go, I said "me" and they bought it! I laid myself off and got a sweet severance package, generous enough to enable me to pay for COBRA. I also had enough connections that I was able to cobble together free-lance assignments and keep the wolf away from the door for a year and a half, until I decided what I wanted to do. (That's how I ended up in this job.)

By now Kathy was in real estate. Agents are independent contractors and again, she didn't have benefits. She and I were both having "woman problems" at that time. I had painful uterine fibroids, with bleeding so heavy and constant my doctor told me I was in danger of becoming anemic. I had a uterine fibroid embolization (UFE), a successful and comparatively non-invasive procedure that worked like a charm. I knew Kathy was struggling in her real estate business so I asked her if she'd cover for me with my free-lance writing clients. After all, she'd been a writer herself almost as long as I had, and all she'd have to do is make any required edits and pass them along to the art director.

She never found out the cause of her pains and bleeding. I suspect it was because she didn't have insurance. Anyway, she actually advised not to get the UFE, saying that she would never just run to the doctor with every malady like I do and become a puppet of the male medical establishment, like I was. I was furious. I told her this was the time I needed her support, not judgement. And, to be fair, she did cover for me without taking a cent and gave me a deck of playing cards to keep me amused during my short recuperation. But this was an important foreshadowing of last Saturday.

Example 5: I have always lived with cats, from the time I was a little girl. My big old tub of guts, Joey, is sitting beside me as I write this. I love animals and I have a way with them. They not only make me happy, I believe that because I have a natural affinity for them, it's my duty to give forever homes to as many as I can, as often as I can.

Kathy always teased me about this, too. It's OK for me to have cats, but she's really a dog person (like I don't love dogs? Really?) and besides, she's too free to be held down by the responsibility of pets. Besides, unlike me, she had children, remember? She gets her fill of nurturing in that way.

Then guess what. She got two kittens. Before they were very old, Kathy found herself over 60 and financially busted. She lost her apartment and had to move in with her adult daughter. Her daughter refused to let her bring the cats. By now I was getting sick of Kathy's lack of responsibility, but my biggest concern was those cats. Pets are like corks on the water, they just bob along where the tides and our lives take them. Why should they suffer?

So I called all the vets and animal shelters I'd had contact with over the years and found one, near my mother's house a few towns over, that was very sympathetic to Kathy's plight. They agreed to "foster" her cats, keep them together in the same cage, until she got herself together and could afford to reclaim them. They charged her nothing for this, but they did expect her to do volunteer work.

The cats had a dormant virus in their systems and, after a few weeks, the stress of being in the shelter environment made them sick. Bobbie, the shelter manager, wanted to protect the other cats in her care and put Kathy's cats down right away. But she was sensitive to how much Kathy loved them so she called and asked her if she wanted to say goodbye to them. Bobbie moved them to an animal hospital, where they were kept alive on fluids for days, waiting to hear from Kathy. According to Kathy, she never got Bobbie's message -- her daughter took the call but didn't think it was that important and forgot about it. They died before Kathy could see them, but not before running up a sizable vet bill. I found out Saturday that she never worked it off. The shelter is too far away and it was just too difficult, geographically and emotionally.


Example 6: John. I met John first, back in 1981, and he introduced Kathy and me. John is a character, a very dear friend, who has always just taken me as I am. We both love celebrity gossip and music and movies. We both fall for the wrong men. We both like to party. We're good and enduring buds.

Kathy and John have been friends almost as long but nowhere near as smoothly. For Kathy is in love with John. Never mind that he's gay and 8 years her junior. She actually tried to seduce him once in her car, begging him to kiss her. ("It was such a kiss!" she told me.) She believes that his homosexuality is a choice, that they share a bond that transcends conventional ideas of gender roles, and she wants him. She also wants him to stop partying and is very vocal about it.

John believes he is who is he, and that while he loves Kathy as a friend, he has no interest in her sexually. None. This puts a strain on their relationship.

Now that she lives out in the faraway burbs with her daughter, Kathy has few opportunities to see John. He and I see and email and talk all the time. We're part of one another's lives. (Who else could I discuss Nancy Grace's sudden Whitney Houston obsession with?)

I think that's what set her off last Saturday. I reminded him about the book I lent him and he commented on my new hair streaks and that I was wearing pink (a color not prominent in my wardrobe) she seemed to feel left out. John and I are both in our 50s, she's 65, I promise you we weren't playing "Mean Girls" and trying to exclude her.


MY TOWN. MY JOB. MY CHURCH. MY HEALTH INSURANCE. MY HOME. MY CATS. MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JOHN. I think she just envies my life. And I'm tired of it.

Especially because it's not real! I have been very honest on this blog. My life is not perfect. I have my struggles, faults, fears and foibles. But I am responsible for myself and I built this life. Just as Kathy made her choices, and now she has to deal with them. And if seeing my life fills her with such envy that she can't behave well, then she can't be in my life.

I'm no longer Allie to her Hedy.

Enough!

Saw American Idiot last night and I loved the music. But oh, my, all those strobes! The flashing actually hurt my head. I blame it on my sinus infection. Or maybe it's just my advanced years.

So tired!

We have been busy at work this week. Yea! While I miss being able to work out (here it is Thursday and I've only managed to get to the health club once), I find this pace comforting. Having a big, important project is a good thing in this economy!

But this ear trouble has been interrupting my sleep, and now the sudafed to treat it is doing the same, but more so. I'm meeting a friend for dinner and a show tonight and I just know I'll be freaking exhausted by the time I get home tonight.

I just may take tomorrow off. My boss is presenting our work tomorrow himself (well, la-de-dah!) and I don't think that the skeleton team that stays behind will need me. I could use some sleep. If it was acceptable, I'd lay my head down right now.

Image: africa / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Thursday Thirteen #159

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT OSCAR'S BEST ACTOR

As we wait to see which actor will take home the award for Best Actor of 2011, let's look at some trivia about nominees and winners in years gone by.

Starting on the small screen doesn't mean you won't get a crack at Oscar gold. Here are 13 past Best Actor nominees who first did well on TV:


1) George Clooney (nominated in 2011, 2009, 2007) has a long TV resume, featuring shows as diverse as The Facts of Life, Roseanne and, most famously, ER.


2) Johnny Depp (nominated in 2003, 2004, 2007) was on 21 Jump Street.


3) Leonardo DiCaprio (nominated in 2006 and 2004) had a supporting role on Growing Pains.


4) Denzel Washington (winner in 2001, nominated in 1999 and 1992) was a doctor on Chicago Hope.

5) Jamie Foxx (won in 2004) was, of course, on The Jamie Foxx Show and In Living Color.

6) James Franco (nominated in 2010) has had a recurring role on General Hospital.


7) Will Smith (nominated in 2001 and 2006) was once The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.


8) John Travolta (nominated in 1994 and 1977) was a Sweathog on Welcome Back, Kotter.


9) Ryan Gosling (nominated in 2006) was a Mousketeer.


10) Bill Murray (nominated in 2003) was one of the Not Ready for Prime Time Players on Saturday Night Live.

11) Clint Eastwood (nominated in 2004 and 1992) was a cowboy on Rawhide.


12) Woody Harrelson (nominated in 1996) was Woody on Cheers.


13) Tom Hanks was most successful TV actor turned Best Actor of all (nominated in 2000, 1998 and 1988, winner in 1994 and 1993) as well as an art director in drag in Bosom Buddies.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

Maybe I should rethink this ...

I have always believed that if only I was pretty, my life would be easier. Perhaps that's not so true.

On the mend?

I saw a nurse practitioner this afternoon who tells me my ear looks clear, so the problem is probably an infection deeper in, perhaps my sinuses and/or Eustachian tube. She gave me sudafed and predicted that in a few days, I'll be fine.

I was hoping for a silver bullet, some magic that would suddenly make me well. But I guess that's just not gonna happen.

Oh well. I didn't have to pay a cent for the visit, and I got a flu shot. So I guess this is a good time to take a moment and be grateful for my insurance.

Ear ache, my eye!

It's been two weeks now that I've been waiting for my right ear to "pop." At night, when I lay on my side, I can actually hear my heart beat through my ear. And it's loud. Like Edgar Allen Poe/tell-tale heart loud. All this has been accompanied by an incipient little headache. So this evening I'm going to the Take Care Clinic at Walgreen's, in search of relief.

 Wish me luck!

2,321,400 minutes

Do you remember that song from Rent? In "Seasons of Love," the cast sings, "525,600 minutes, 525,600 moments so dear, 525,600 minutes, how do you measure a year?"

Well, I did a little math and it's been (approx.) 2,321,400 minutes since Nailah Franklin died in September 2007. Her lover was indicted, arrested and jailed, but as of today there still hasn't been a trial.

I haven't forgotten about Nailah Franklin. I didn't know her at all, but her disappearance touched me. The advertising agency she had recently worked for is located less than a mile from mine and many of her former coworkers were asking my fellow commuters if we had seen her, if we were able to help join in the search. She had good girlfriends in the neighborhood where I live, and I saw flyers featuring pictures of her car and its license plate throughout town. I remember thinking how smart the latter was, since parking spaces are at a premium in this village and an abandoned car taking up space would sure as shit be noticed.

The search did not have a happy ending. Nailah was found dead 10 days later.

One year later, her accused killer -- and former boyfriend -- was facing the death penalty. He sounds like a clever guy because, as near as I can tell, he has managed to use that ultimate penalty as a reason to delay his trial. He burned up months and months saying he wanted to represent himself and needed to time to bring himself up to speed on how to do it. Then he burned up months and months saying he is changing his mind and needs a PD. As I understand it, he now has a public defender but that lawyer needs months and months to prepare for trial.

Tick, tick ... Minutes go by that he has on earth. And Nailah remains, forever, gone.

I am against the death penalty on principal and in practice, and this case helps illustrate why. When the state has the ultimate punishment on the table, of course, we want them to be fair and give the accused every possibility to defend himself. But then delays like this happen, and there's no justice for his victim.

And she is who I care about. So I'm going to close with some of the facts I learned about Nailah Franklin, back when her story was in the news regularly. I know it's Valentine's Day and all, but if you get a moment, say a prayer for this girl. She was much loved and deserves to NOT be forgotten.

Nailah Franklin was one of 5 daughters.

She graduated first from Homewood Flossmoor High School and then the University of Illinois.

She spent 5 years at the prestigious ad agency, Leo Burnett.

She moved to Eli Lilly in 2006 because she believed a sales job would help give her greater control over her finances and career.

She loved "all things Oprah."

She loved clothes and had a terrific sense of fashion.

Her mother told the Tribune that she wondered why Nailah "always seemed to be in such a hurry to live life. I think her spirit knew she had such a short time on this Earth and she had to cram in as much living as possible."

An older sister remembers her "little baby voice that she never grew out of, but she was bold and spirited, headstrong and beautiful."

Her father recalls "an exceptionally smart woman" and says that not a day goes by that he doesn't miss her.

A younger sister smiles when she remembers CD/DVD collection because "it was such a reflection of her -- a combination of old school songs by Luther Vandross and Tae Bo exercise DVDs."

Her youngest sister tried to follow Nailah to Urbana but she wasn't accepted. She treasures Nailah's words of encouragement as she applied to other schools. "When we learned she had died, I considered quitting the nursing program. But I remembered how much she believed in me and I thought it was important to keep going."

She volunteered at the Chicago Urban League.She was eulogized as "not a star, but a superstar."

She was just 28 when she died.

I need a break

"I'm so glad I never had a hysterectomy." That's what Kathy said to our friend John and me. Over her 65th birthday dinner. After asking us if we knew the address of Lover's Lane because she wants to buy herself a vibrator.

Aside from the fact that I'm really not crazy about eating mashed potatoes with the mental picture of a grandma who wears a knit cap that ties under the chin masturbating, it was a mean comment because she knows I had a TAH (total abdominal hysterectomy) back in September. She wanted to make sure that John and I know she still gets aroused whereas I am just a dried up old crone.

Part of her cruel shot across the bow stems from how she has always felt about John, who is gay. Because John and I have always accepted one another as we are, our relationship is very comfortable, while his and Kathy's is fraught with disappointment and thwarted, one-sided sexual tension.

This has been going since the autumn of 1981. That's more than 30 years. It's tiring.

To make matters worse, Kathy's made some bad choices that left her feeling very competitive with me. When we first met, she was a single mother in her 30s and I was in the wildest phase of my 20s. We were both copywriters and she looked upon me the way people look at puppies who haven't quite grown into their paws yet. "Oh! Look at her antics! Isn't she cute!"

Then, right around my 30th birthday, I began taking myself seriously as an advertising writer. I won a couple of prestigious awards and started looking at each new job as a wrung in the ladder. I wanted a career, not a paycheck. This is the time when she decided to go out on her own, representing herself as a free lancer rather than working for an agency.

I tried to be supportive. When I had to take a few days off to have my wisdom teeth removed, I convinced my boss to hire Kathy as my replacement. It didn't go well. I don't know all the reasons why -- my team just told Kathy she didn't need to come in on Friday and begged me to, instead (swollen jaw and all).

Kathy said there were no hard feelings, but there were. She resented me, or was embarrassed, and that's when the digs began. I was building a niche for myself as a financial writer, and that was fine for ME, but she was too creative. She couldn't be bound by all those restrictions. She was an artist, really, and was happier pursuing her own, more varied clients. OK. Whatever. I wanted to do a good job, and in a very Becky Bloomwood twist, financial writing actually comes easily to me (even if my personal finances don't).

Shortly thereafter, Kathy had to file for bankruptcy. She made an innocent but incredibly costly mistake on her taxes. The IRS didn't penalize her, but they did insist she pay back taxes with interest -- after all, ignorance of the law is not an excuse. She started having painful, menopause-related medical problems then, of course, when she had no insurance.

It was at this time she began teasing me because I have a dentist (whom she went to in an emergency when she was in more than a little pain) and a GP and gyne and a shrink.  It's OK for ME to run to the doctor and take medication whenever something bothers me, but she chooses to become more in touch with her own body, listen to it, etc., without becoming a puppet of the medical establishment. I avoid saying, "What you're really saying is that you're pissed that I have insurance and you don't." But it's hard.

So she took a job at a local supermarket. In the bread department. She went in planning just to log enough hours to qualify for insurance. But it turned out to be much more than that. Kathy was in her element. Because by now she was over 50 and a grandmother, she was more mature than a lot of the other checkers and stock people in the store. She was soon a manager, in charge of schedules and new employee orientation, etc. Then she became the store's liaison with the community -- scheduling the charity "shop and share days," making sure that the store was fair to all the Girl and Boy Scout troops when it came to selling out cookies or popcorn out front, giving tours of the store and explaining the value of organics to school children or cooking classes. She was happy and she felt she was contributing.

The store was suddenly under new management, and Kathy had a hard time adjusting. That's when she decided to be her own boss again, so she went into real estate. She lost her group insurance benefits with this move, but she thought that with menopause her health problems were behind her. Besides, real estate was the new dot-com. Property values were rising and buyers were in bidding wars for terrific properties. How could she not succeed?

I showed my faith in her by having her handle my condo purchase. This is my first home and the most expensive thing I have ever -- will ever -- buy. And I was her very first client, her first closing.

Yet she didn't couldn't make that work, either. Unable to pay rent on her own apartment, she's been sleeping in the dining room of her adult daughter's house. (I bet her daughter will be thrilled to hear that vibrator humming in her dining room, huh?) Her daughter wouldn't allow her to bring her two tabby cats along, so I found her a shelter that would "foster" them, free of charge, until she could reclaim them. The cats came down with a virus and died. Because of her tenuous finances, Kathy is unable to repay the shelter for the vet bills her cats ran up. I have kept quiet about this because I know her grief. But there's something crummy about sticking a charity will an expense like that.

So that's how her life looks at 65. And, even though I'm a big fat moo-cow, she still feels the need to compete with me. Lash out at me. It's mean and it's hard to take.

I can't do this anymore for a while.

I'm inspired by this, something I found over at Snarky Pants' ages ago. I'm not going to play with Kathy anymore. Not for a long while.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme: Part 3

Cheers to all of us thieves!

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes. If grudge holding was an Olympic event, I'd bring back the Gold.

52) What is your astrological sign? I'm a cusp baby, so whether I'm a Scorpio or Sagittarius depends on where you look.

53) Do you save money for anything? What? Something (albeit not enough) from each paycheck goes for retirement.

54) What's the last thing you purchased? A t-shirt for my nephew.

55) Have you ever had a relationship that you realized was lust not love? Yes. In retrospect, I'm not even sure he and I liked each other.

56) In a relationship? Nope.

57) How many relationships have you had? Three or four of consequence.

58) What do you want to tell us about your day? My friend Kathy gets on my last nerve and sometimes I don't think she's worth it.

59) Where were you yesterday? All over town. It was a busy Saturday. My accountant, my insurance agent, and a birthday celebration for the aforementioned Kathy.

60) Is there anything interesting within 10 feet of you? Alot. My TBR pile of books is within 10 feet.

61) Are you wearing socks right now? No. And my pedi is a mess.

62) What's your favorite animal? Okapi.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Do I have one?

64) Where is your best friend? Denver. He's a frequent subject of this humble blog. I refer to him, creatively enough, as "My Best Friend."

65) How did you end your last relationship end? Badly

66) What is your heritage? I'm a Cub fan

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Watching TV and wishing I could sleep

68) What's new? Whitney Houston died

69) What is the key to seduction? Liking the opposite sex

70) What was the weirdest thing that happened to you this week? My friend Kathy said something that was either insensitive or intentionally cruel. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. She and I have known one another for decades. I'm going to have to think about this and work through this before I do something I may regret later.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I get fired. Obviously.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?   a) Yes b) Whatever I damn well please. c) Of pain? Yes. Of death? Not so much.

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love. Love

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

75) Who has your cell phone number (other than family)? Friends and coworkers and my dentist's office

FAREWELL, WHITNEY

"And when you talk, I just watch your mouth." Whitney and me ... the two of spent the 80s dancing around together. Really, the best nights of that decade were accompanied by this peerless voice. This is how I remember her, and whenever I think of those days, this is what flashes into my head.





If only we both knew where life would take us from here.

This is my favorite cut from her last CD (2009). I wish it was true that she "was not built to break."

Valentine's Day Trifecta

Today's challenge: write a love scene in no fewer than 33 and no more than 333 words.

The only other restriction is that your response cannot use any of the 33 words listed below or any derivation of those words.

This helps me make sure I don't sink into the trite.

I remember the moment I knew. And he wasn’t even there.

I had just gone through the revolving doors, leaving the office and crossing the plaza. I slipped my sunglasses on to protect against the late afternoon sun.  Walking to the train, my mind was going faster than my feet as I mentally composed the email I’d send to my coworker as soon as I got home.

He’d been travelling all afternoon, and tonight he’d have a client dinner, so he couldn’t get the news of my day until he got back to his hotel and logged on late tonight. And I had so much to tell him!

Shopping at lunchtime I spotted that super-durable brand of umbrella he’d been looking for –   guaranteed not to turn inside out, even in the worst wind – at Macy’s but the price was steep, about $40. There’s the rampant rumor that our company will soon switch to his beloved Dunkin’ Donuts coffee in the cafeteria. Best of all, his faith in me bolstered my confidence. He’ll be so pleased and proud when I tell him I took his advice, voiced my suggestions and now I own that Power Point presentation.

Went through the turnstyle and boarded the train. One of my fellow commuters was reading Night by Elie Wiesel. I remembered him telling me how moving that book was.

It’ll be 6:30 when I get home. That’s only 4:30 in Los Angeles. He’ll still be in meetings so I can’t call. It makes more sense for me to try to remember to get all this down in an email for him to read before he goes to sleep. But damn, I really want to call him with this stuff.

Then it hit me – who feels such urgency to share such "stuff" with a coworker? Um … that would be no one.

“You know what this means, don’t you?” I asked myself.

Yes, I knew.  And it was both exhilarating and terrifying.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Indian Reservation

1. Do you enjoy going to a casino now and again? Yes. Though my most successful visit was my first. I won enough to pay for dinner.

2. What makes you happy most of the time? Lots of little things: Cubs baseball, oldies on the radio, a pretty blue sky ...

3. Are you jealous of someone right now? Yes

4. You're stranded on a desert island with one fictional character.  Who is it? Why? Chuck (Tom Hanks in Cast Away). Because he seems like a nice guy and he has experience with these things.

5. Have you ever been in the emergency room? If yes, for what (most recently)? It was ages ago -- more than 10 years because I was still living in my old apartment. I somehow poked myself in the eye with a can opener. I was lucky. I'd done no serious damage and left after a few hours with a big gauze patch over my eye.

6. Where is the last place you drove to just for fun? I don't drive.

7. If you were to make your living as a photographer, what would love to shoot? I'd like to just capture moments and colors that appeal to me. Like this shot. It was my view as I did the backstroke in the pool when I was in Key West over New Year's. I love the fronds against that blue.

8. Tell us about a band you like that we might not have heard. Meet Danny Wilson. They were an 80s one-hit wonder band but oh, what a hit. I relate to the longing. "Save me, save me, be the light in my eyes ..."

9. Where was the last place you went shopping? Why? FYE. Sir Paul released a new CD.

Just now ...

Stolen from Mlle Kwizgiver.

current time: 8:45 pm

in my mug:  ginger ale

in my belly: broccoli and cheddar quiche

in my ears: Piers Morgan Tonight  

in my bag: wallet, Franklin Planner, makeup bag, hairbrush

feeling good about: my friend Kathleen. Her life is totally coming together in exciting ways and I'm so happy for her.

feeling bummed about: my weight

thinking about: organizing the paperwork for my accountant (tax time)

Classic Film Survey

I got this from survey the Girl with the White Parasol, who found it at Frankly My Dear. If you play along, let me know so I can check out your answers. (And if you love old movies, I recommend you visit those ladies' impressive blogs.)

Now I have answered these without checking out anyone else's answers. For the record, I define "classic" as anything before 1970 (making it 40 or more years old).

1. Favorite classic Disney? Mary Poppins. First of all, because it was the first movie I ever saw in the theater. I remember everything about it … once the coming attractions ended, the heavy red curtains closed, then reopened, and there they were, the rooftops of London! Magic! I have loved going to the movies ever since. Secondly, because for once, old Walt wasn't a sadist. I'll never forgive him for Bambi's mother, or Simba cuddling up to a dead Mufasa, or worst of all, that poor Old Yeller Dog. There's no tragedy in Mary Poppins. And lastly, she really was Practically Perfect in Every Way.

2. Favorite film from the year 1939? I wish I could honestly say Dark Victory or Love Affair, because naming those under-appreciated jewels would help establish my bona fides as a serious film buff. But in truth, my favorite is Gone with the Wind. Which, I guess, just makes me a movie fan.

3. Favorite Carole Lombard Screwball role? I loved her. So beautiful, so elegant, so freakin' funny. I have seen My Man Godfrey most often, but I'm gonna go with Nothing Sacred because I loved her overwhelming hunger to get out of that small town and never, ever go back. Also because the whole movie is so refreshingly irreverent.

4. Favorite off screen couple? (It’s ok if it ended in divorce.) Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. I loved the idea of their off screen life together more than I enjoyed any of their onscreen pairings.

5. Favorite pair of best friends? (i.e: Barbara Stanwyck and Joan Crawford) I didn't know Stanwyck and Crawford were friends! But I have always thought the lifelong friendship of Elizabeth Taylor and Roddy McDowell was adorable.

6. Favorite actor with a mustache? Gable. Because he looks like he knows what I would look like without my shimmy.

7. Favorite blonde actress? Marilyn Monroe.

8. Favorite pre-code? Sorry. I got nothin'.

9. Which studio would you have liked to join? MGM. More stars than heaven! I love the stories like how, on Gable's birthday, young Judy Garland came to sing "You Made Me Love You" directly to him. Of course, since I lean to pudgy, Mr. Mayer would probably limit me to chicken soup in the commissary like he did poor Judy.

10. Favorite common on screen pairing that SHOULD have gotten married? Myrna Loy and William Powell.

11. Favorite I Love Lucy episode? When Lucy and Ethel can't stand Ricky and Fred anymore and escape from Hollywood for a weekend in Palm Springs and end up sharing their troubles with Rock Hudson. Aside from the unintended humor that comes from the girls getting marital advice from the screen's ultimate "confirmed bachelor,"  I love Rock's sweet sincerity and tuneless whistle.

12.  Out of these actresses which one do you like best: Lucille Ball, Ingrid Bergman, Natalie Wood, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Greer Garson, Grace Kelly, or Katharine Hepburn? Lately I am appreciating Natalie Wood more and more, but no one can ever approach the Great Kate in my book.



13. Shadowy film noir from the 1940’s or splashy colorful musicals from the 1950’s? All singing! All dancing! All color for this gal.



14. Actor or actress with the best autograph (photo preferred). Judy Garland, because you can make out every single letter. For a woman with such a chaotic life, she had a remarkably controlled signature.

 


15. A baby (or childhood or teenage) photo of either your favorite actress or actor (or both if you'd like.) Here's the Sundance Kid's graduation photo.

At last!

I picked up Sir Paul's latest, Kisses on the Bottom, and look what came along with it! As a special promotion, a Valentine with Macca on the front, holding a bouquet, was included with the CD.

After all these years, my one true love came through on Valentine's Day!

I like this CD. Especially this one. It's one of the new ones among the standards, written for the new Mrs.

It never gets old

I called and left a message for the White House today. It was in praise of the President's support for equal access to affordable birth control. But it doesn't really matter why I called. It's the fact that I could call.

I realize that there are women in other parts of the world who can't just sit at their desks, pick up the phone and call the President and make their feelings known.

This country is awesome.

Thursday Thirteen #158

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT THE GREAT KATE

As we wait to see who will be named Best Actress of 2011, let's look back on the lady who owns the category, the incomparable Katharine Hepburn.

1) She won four Oscars in the lead category, more than any other actor or actress ... ever. Meryl Streep is unlikely to top her, since of the two Oscars she currently has, the first was for Best Supporting Actress.


2) She had twelve Oscar nominations, spanning the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 80s.


3) She tied with Barbra Streisand for Best Actress of 1968. Babs won for Funny Girl, Kate for The Lion in Winter. This was only the second, and most recent, tie in Oscar history.


4) Streisand accepted her Oscar in person, but Kate did not. She never showed up for the ceremonies as a nominee, saying that sitting through the broadcast, waiting to hear if she won, would give her "dyspepsia."

5) She also never sent anyone to accept "on her behalf." Though all of her Oscars were sent to her home in Connecticut.

6) She did show up for one Oscar ceremony, in the late 1960s. But that year she was not a nominee. She presented the Irving Thalberg Award to her friend, Lawrence Weingarten. She avoided the red carpet and, instead of couture, wore a white turtleneck with black jacket and slacks. Wonder what Joan Rivers and Guiliana Rancic would have made of that?


7) Cate Blanchette won an Oscar simply for playing Kate. I thought she was a lovely Hepburn to Leo's Howard Hughes in The Aviator.


8) Hepburn won her first Oscar playing a struggling actress in Morning Glory. That was back in 1933. It was only her third movie. She was 26 years old.

9) There were only two other actresses nominated back then -- May Robson and Dana Wyland. I have no idea who either of those ladies were.


10) She won her other three Oscars playing mothers. Even though she was childless in real life.


11) Jane Fonda and Anthony Hopkins were among her children in those Oscar-winning turns. Fonda was her daughter in On Golden Pond, Hopkins was her son in The Lion in Winter. Her real-life niece and namesake, Katharine Houghton, played her daughter in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.


12) Two actors won Oscars for playing opposite her: Henry Fonda in On Golden Pond and James Stewart in The Philadelphia Story. These were the only Oscars those screen legends ever won.


13) According to TCM, her most popular movie is not an Oscar winner. They get consistently very high ratings whenever they broadcast her screwball classic, Bringing Up Baby. When that movie was first released in 1938, it was a box office bomb.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want my friends to not have such worrisome career issues! My friend in the Keys is faced with selling his home (which won't be easy) and moving. But I have no confidence whatsoever that his lover is on board with this and I worry about their relationship. The hospital my oldest friend moved to Beverly Hills to work for finally canned her, and now she's going to make another ill-advised, poorly thought-out move.

I am fighting the impulse to just say to both of them, "Move over and let me drive." I am losing that battle. But I must engage again, for I want to be supportive, not bossy or insensitive.

www.Wednesday

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…
1. What are you currently reading?
2. What did you recently finish reading?
3. What do you think you’ll read next?

1. MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a Best Friend. It's just what it says it is -- a writer's chronicle of trying to make good girlfriends in a new city (Chicago). It's funny and sweet and, so far, feels very true to life about how hard it is to make deep, platonic connections with new people once we grow older and away from school. (Though to be honest, I've been very lucky in this regard.)

2. The Beatles: The Biography. Incredibly readable! I came away thinking again of two important supporting characters in the Beatles saga: Brian Epstein and Yoko Ono. Brian, the manager who helped catapult them to fame, was at heart a fan who served and loved the lads well, if not wisely. It was so sad to watch him rendered obsolete by their success. Yoko comes off as the other side of that coin. She didn't care about the Beatles except as her entree to fame and tool to advance her own career. Would they have eventually broken up without her? Probably. Would it have been as acrimonious? I doubt it. 

3. Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America. Warren Beatty has made comparatively few films but some of my favorite movies. Yet, the author opines, he's unknown to anyone under 30 and a joke to moviegoers under 40. How did he achieve so much so fast, and why isn't he now respected as an elder statesman of cinema, like his contemporaries Eastwood and Redford? The answers are what this exhaustive (600+ pages) biography promises to deliver.


To play along yourself, click here.