There's always wine

My darling Henry has been drinking too much for years. He's joked about it, daring servers to "twist my arm, please!" when they offer to refill his wine glass.

He hasn't gained weight because of it. To my knowledge, it never affected his worklife. It has had an impact on his behavior -- when he drinks, his otherwise very sharp mind gets sloppy. And he makes bad choices ... like getting on his bike and turning into a van.

He knows how I feel about his drinking. I don't belabor this. I went through this with my friend, John, and I know that if I press too hard, I just find myself frozen out.While I don't want to be an enabler, I understand that the only ones who are responsible for Henry's and John's alcohol intake are Henry and John.

Complicating this are Henry's TBI and his relationship with Reg. Henry is taking a mix of meds every day, and he ignores the warning that they should not be mixed with alcohol. He is not the only one in his household who likes his wine. Reg has been drinking too much, too. It's balancing his roles as caregiver and breadwinner that compels him to find relief in the occasional glass (or two or three).

And so there's drama. There's fighting. Reg blames it all on the TBI. He insists that the reason they fight so much is that he is the only Henry lets his guard down with, and that's why he bears the brunt of Henry's rage.

Henry disagrees. He feels that, while Reg does a lot for him, they are the things Reg wants to do, not what Henry needs him to do.

To me, it looks like Reg is in love with his martyrdom and he should stand up for himself and tell Henry to stop being a jerk. Henry is the sweetest of men. He is. But he's only human. He feels vulnerable and frightened and he lashes out. I've felt it. On Christmas, when I handed him his present, he said even before unwrapping it, "Oh. A shirt." Upon opening it and seeing it was an artist's rendering of his favorite, Frida Kahlo, he said, "Who is this supposed to be?"

"Oh, don't be a dick," I snapped. "I had prepared a little speech about how she turned her accident into art, and I hope now you'll turn your accident into art. I was happy about Christmas and your present. And you wrecked it."

The next day, Henry made a point of wearing the shirt. Because he is a sensitive man, he loves me, and he was sorry.

Of course, since I've never been married, it's possible that I'm wrong about all of this.

But I am right about this: both of them being buzzed is not helping the situation. I wish they would each put their glasses down and walk away from the bottle.