Sad

Last week was very slow at work. That offered me opportunities. I could have taken long lunches and worked out. I could have straightened out my files and caught up on emails. I could have surreptitiously worked on my online portfolio or updated my resume.

I did none of those things.

I had the blues, and that kept me frozen in place.

Part of it is my coworkers. One is still (naturally) mourning the loss of her mother last month. One is dealing with his son, who was hospitalized (again) with mental health issues. I've always been a bit of a sponge, and I suck up their sad vibes. My natural impulse is to try to fix things, and these are unfixable problems. Plus, I have had to withstand snark from each of them, which I guess is to be expected as they deal with what they're dealing with. But that doesn't make it fair, or easy for me.

Part of it is fear and panic. I worry about what is going to happen to me (which reminds me that doing nothing isn't smart, which leads to self loathing). I actually found myself jealous of my oldest friend, because she's moved in with her cousin and is looking at subsisting on aid because of her pre-diabetes, heart trouble and bad knee. Damn! I'm too healthy for welfare, I thought. Then whoa! It hit me how incredibly fucked up that is.

Oh well, today is Sunday. The dawn of a new week. An opportunity to start anew and remember my OneWord. Reynaldo is on the mend. I'm fine. I must remember to enjoy the moment.