Disturbing

I had a nightmare the other night that has stayed with me.

In the dream, I reunited with a former lover, a man I was crazy about back in the day. Even though he was politically conservative, I respected his intellect and trusted his heart. I don't know recall the dreamy details, but somehow we each ended up at the same ski resort, encountered one another, and picked up where we left off decades ago.

We're having a wonderful time and he checks his watch. He tells me to wait here, he has to do something, he'll be right back. He's gone longer than I expected him to be and I go looking for him. Remember, this is a hotel so there are many meeting rooms and showrooms. I open door after door, looking for him. Most of the rooms held conferences, with men in collared shirts giving power point presentations.

But the room where I found him was a small one, and what I found him doing was horrifying. He saw me see him and he pushed me into the hall. A moment later, back in street clothes, he told me that it wasn't what I thought it was. That's all I remember.

I know it was only a dream. I have no reason to believe that at heart he isn't still the same good Catholic boy I knew. Wherever he is, I hope he's happy.

Dreams are about symbols, so what is my lover symbolizing? My guess is that this nightmare was my subconscious' way of processing Trump. I can't believe that 40% of GOP primary voters are actually voting for the man. It's frightening, and feels far more dangerous to our way of life than ISIS. I have always believed that what we do to one another in this country is worse than what it is done to us. We pull together after we're attacked by outsiders and after 9/11, after Pearl Harbor we came back stronger. We let insiders like Trump and George Wallace pull us apart and damage our national fabric.