Saturday, October 17, 2015

The world is treating me bad ... Misery!

I care about my job. I really want to do well. But as The Big Project grinds on and on (the launch date -- originally in September -- is now early December), I'm finding it harder to care.

A big part of the problem remains Christine the Mole. She is very good at getting things done and making the trains run on time, but she's not a strategic thinker. She's focused on accomplishing the task before her and doesn't understand the ramifications of some of the client's requests. When I raise issues, and explain that if we do as asked we aren't really serving our client, Christine's response is, invariably, "I don't agree."

So? 

She's a freelancer! Why am I justifying myself to a freelancer? Her last day (God willing!) will be December 15. I have to live with the after effects of her short sightedness and resistance.

Thursday night, after a day of battle, I just felt so alone. I wanted to be distracted. I want to laugh. So I called my oldest friend.

She no longer has a landline and her cellphone voice mail was full. So I texted her. Hours later I got a text back -- she was at dinner with her daughter and would call me back if they didn't get home "too late." I never heard from her again.

I know that she's dealing with her own shit. She's in that program for bipolar disorder three days/week and back at work on Thursdays and Fridays. I am supportive of her efforts to get well and try to understand (as best I can) about her challenges.

But here's the thing: she expects me to be there for her, whenever. Like turning on the tap or flipping on the light switch. It is not reciprocal.

That hurts.

3 comments:

  1. I want to pat you on the shoulder or something. Regarding work, who has control of this project? You, the freelancer, or someone else? If it's you, pull rank. If it's not you, just hang on until it's done and try not to care (hard, I know). Regarding your friend . . . I am very sorry she can't figure out that you need her. Perhaps you should spell it out to her? As in - I NEED YOU. Hang in there, Gal.

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  2. You do have other friends that are there for you (cough ME cough) and I know I'm not your oldest friend but I do genuinely care about you and am there for you. You're not alone. XO

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  3. I've had friends like that before. My mom used to call them "fair weather friends" because when things get rough, they're not around. But when someone has been your friend for a really long time, sometimes it is easier to forgive them or just accept that there are certain things you will never get from your friendship with them.

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