Oldest Friend. She has money trouble. She has kid trouble. She has health trouble. None of that is new. Her life has been a disaster since she moved to California. What's new is the complete lack of joy in her life. She claims to be a rabid Black Hawk fan, and yet she paid no attention to the Stanley Cup play offs. She claims to love Mad Men, but missed several episodes of the short season. She became obsessed with Michael Jackson after his death, but has not listened to the latest CD. She claimed to move to California to be near her cousin, who lives 90 minutes away in the mountains, but hasn't visited in weeks. Each of us needs something to make us happy each day. I'm lucky: no matter how bad my life gets, no matter how much I worry about career or finances, I always have The Lads and the Cubs and my cats and another book about JBKO. I wish her the same dependable joy.
Best Friend. We used to talk several times a day. Then we morphed to emailing several times a day. Then every day. Then every few days. Now it's sporadic. The thing that bugs me about this is -- he always sets the pace. He always has. I sent him a birthday gift and he let a week go by without acknowledging it. Then he wanted to know why I didn't respond to his email right away. AARGH! I know how hard his protracted period of unemployment has been on him, both financially and on his ego. I know that he can get to feeling low and, remarkably, worries when that happens that he has nothing to share with me. (As if feeling low isn't something to share with a friend!) But I hate that I don't know about his life anymore. Makes corresponding that much harder. And I hate feeling like I'm at his beck and call. I realize now, after a decade, that I've always resented this.
I feel better now that I've gotten this down. For while I'm pissed at both of them right now, I love them, too, and seeing it all written out reminds me that loving them is all I can do.
Sometimes, I find, we have to love people in the only way they will allow (which is not always the way we wish for, right?). And it's hard to watch people go through difficult times, knowing they have a safe place to come but they choose not to, for reasons we don't know.
ReplyDeleteThey can feel your love over the ether, Gal. Trust that that is true and keep sending them high vibration of love and peace. They will feel it even if they don't show you they do.
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