Thursday, May 16, 2013

Blog Every Day in May -- Day 16

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

I survived physical abuse. When I was a teen, I was sexually molested by a revered older male relative. For the first 17 years of my life I was regularly beaten by my bigger, older sister. These two realities set the stage for a long, abusive relationship when I was in my 20s. I somehow came to believe that was my "lot in life," that somehow it's OK to handle me and treat me anyway you wish.

That is not the case. I deserve dignity, respect and kindness.

When I turned 30, I ended that abusive relationship, entered therapy and joined a church.

More than 20 years later, I still struggle. I ended a relationship with a good man perhaps prematurely, I was so worried about walking down that doormat road again. I have problems with intimacy -- I am more honest on this blog than I am in life. My shrink said my past has made me too reluctant to let people see my "backstage." And I worry about what is my fault, what is my responsibility, and what is not. 

But I am, for the most part, a happy woman. I have a solid sense of humor and many good friends whom I treasure. I find joy in the world around me. My past has made me strong, independent and resilient, and those are all things I'm grateful to God for.


2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing this with us :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I felt that. Every word. I feel for you, and know you should be proud of what you've accomplished.

    Don't fall into the trap of worrying about whether it's "your fault" that you act a certain way. If it's working for you, great. If it isn't, you get to decide what to do about it.

    In the meantime, keep being happy :)

    ReplyDelete

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