My mother liked to buy me hangers. Specifically padded "huggable hangers" she saw on HSN. She liked thinking of the shoulders of my cardigans looking natural, not pointy.
I need more hangers. I went to CVS and bought 10 plastic tubular ones for less than $5. I paid for them using a CVS giftcard we found among my mom's things -- a card I bought her originally but she died before she could use. So in a way, she bought me the tubular hangers, too.
But I don't want these tubular hangers. I want the "huggable hangers" my mommy chose for me.
It's predawn and I'm sad about hangers.
Sometimes I don't think I'm taking this as well as I like to think I am.
These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
It's all a process. Grieving is so odd - it's the little things that trigger it. Lauren and I used to touch stuff when we went shopping - just feeling fabrics and all. About a year after she passed away, I came to the realization in a store that I had no one to "touch stuff" with and just about had a huge breakdown right there in aisle 3.
ReplyDeleteYou miss someone caring about you the way she did. So so natural.
(HUGGS)
I get this.
ReplyDeleteDon't rush yourself. It hasn't been that long, and there will always be things that make you think of your mom. Over time, the feeling of loss will ease.
ReplyDeleteIt shows how much impact she had on so many aspects of your life, and that's something she can be proud of.
Many things can remind us of our mothers--I look at my hands, for instance.
ReplyDelete