Not sleeping

It's 4:00 AM and I'm blogging. Why?

Because I can't sleep. Mostly because I can't breathe. It's pathetic what a baby I am when I have a cold. I complained less about the discomfort of having my internal organs removed (a year ago at this time!) than about this weariness and nasal congestion (my throat feels better just now).

Part of it is worry about money. My mom checked into a nursing home in her hometown, about 20 minutes from me, this evening. Her doctors in Madison, WI, predict she'll be there two weeks. Which is good because not only is she feeling "antsy," Medicare will pay for up to 20 days.

I hadn't planned for paying for my mother's healthcare costs. I help her out every month because she's my mom. I pay for her Medicare Part B insurance and her snow removal every autumn and give her a $20 giftcard* for the local drugstore each month. That comes out to about $230/month. I can afford that and I'm happy to do it because she is my mother.

I have always known in the back of my mind that I'll have to pay the lion's share of her funeral costs because she doesn't have life insurance and because my sisters are ... well ... the way they are. (One is always broke and the other has never been forthcoming with money for our mother.) This I am not happy about because it's so not fair but hopefully it's not something I'll have to deal with for quite a while.

But this was never on my radar. Not for a moment. I'm going to be 55 in two months. If I empty out my savings to pay for my mom's care, who will pay for my old age and retirement? I don't have kids to lean on.

This scares me awake.

But hopefully she will be strong enough after two weeks that she will be able to come home. Her recovery so far has been really awesome. I'm surprised and impressed by how tough she's turned out to be.

Much tougher than her whiny middle daughter, who has a cold.

*She uses it for "treats" -- nice shampoo for herself, treats for her cat, presents for the grandkids …

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