I WOULD DO
IF I WAS A WITCH
Yeah, yeah ... I know that there are people who will tell you I am indeed a witch. Or did they say "bitch?"
Oh well, I'm not talking about mere moods here. I'm thinking about being a broomstick riding, cauldron stirring, spell casting witch. I'd also like to be blonde, thin and really pretty and, when I'm upset, say cool things like, "My stars!" You know, like Samantha Stevens of Bewitched. And like Sam, I'd move among you mortals, only using my powers to do these 13 things.
1) Enjoy the occasional picnic on a cloud.
2) Be magically able to tell if there's a washer available without having to go all the way down to the laundry room.
3) Twitch my nose and voila! Laundry folded.
4) Speak to my cats in fluent feline.
5) It would be so much less icky to clean the litter box with an incantation instead of a scoop.
6) Freeze time for a few seconds. You know, like if the train is about to leave the platform and I'm not quite there yet, I could stop time for a moment or two.
7) Organize all my paperwork with a clap of my hands.
8) Press my fingertips to my temples and de repente puedo hablar español.
9) I'd make a little gesture toward the tv screen and guide balls hit by Cub players to go from foul to fair.
10) I'd also make the Yankees General Manager want to take Carlos Zambrano and his ginormous contract of our hands.
11) I could wipe away sink, tub and toilet stains -- no more scrubbing!
12) Watch my hair go from short to long without that awkward growing out stage.
13) By merely touching my throat I can make myself sing like Barbra Streisand.
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