Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Queen's Meme -- The Crazy Hospital Meme

1. What is the strangest thing that has ever happened to you in a hospital (besides your illness)? Not enough towels? No condiments? Can't get your favorite channels? Come on, you can tell me. **Or....maybe this answer doesn't involve you being the patient.** Six years ago this past June, I had a uterine fibroid embolization. Because the procedure was performed by a radiologist, the hospital did not assign me to an obstetric floor. Instead, for some reason, I was with orthopedic patients. A nurse came in and asked me what I had done and why. She'd never seen a UFE before. It did not fill me with great confidence.

2. If you had your choice of IV cocktails, what would you choose? Vicodin. I like Vicodin. May I have some, please?

3. Tell us your funniest hospital story. Before I went to the hospital to meet my new nephew (almost 10 years ago!), his older sister (then almost 7) promised to handle the introduction and tell me "everything" I needed to know about the hospital. When I got to the room, I didn't even get to hold him before she grabbed my hand and said, "Let me show you the cafeteria. They have Doritos."

4. Do you have any hospital phobias? Nope.

5. Imagine you are in bed trying to get some sleep after a long night of interruptions by the nurse on duty who would NOT stop waking you up to see if you were asleep...It is 3am. You finally get to sleep. She comes in at 3:15 and wakes you up again. What happens next? I can't even fathom this. I had the opposite problem. When I was in the hospital (see #1) I had breakthrough pain so severe it woke me up. I pressed the button to increase the dosage from the dip but it did no good. I buzzed for the nurse, and it did no good. I actually got out of bed and dragged the IV and stood in the doorway and hollered up the hall. This got their attention, and it got me scolded. Like I gave a flying fuck. Excuse me, I HURT!

6. You are stuck in the elevator with an attractive person of the opposite sex. You notice there is no wedding band. Do you strike up a conversation? If so, what is the first thing you would say? Are we at Seattle Grace, the hospital on Grey's Anatomy? If so, then we just start making out. I suspect that's why the elevators on that show are so big.

7. A very odd patient wanders into your room from the upstairs psychiatric ward. What do you do? First, let's establish what kind of odd. Dangerous, waving his privates and claiming Obama wasn't born here crazy? Or just lifelong White Sox fan crazy? If I ascertain that he's not dangerous, then we'll chat and I'll see what he wants. After all, my own train of thought has left the tracks a time or two.

Play the Queen's Meme yourself by clicking here.


  1. It never occured to me that's why hospital elevators are so large!

  2. I love your answers--especially the nod to Grey's.

  3. All of your answers are hillarious, especially the one about Grey's anatomy.

    It would seem that your neice did not want you to see the baby?doritos! that is too funny!


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