I really do appreciate the sentiments, BUT …

Last Saturday I received a surprise phone call from a good friend of mine. She's not a "phone person." Generally she only calls to confirm a meeting date, time or location. On this day, she had an important message to convey. She was at a weekend-long seminar called The Landmark Forum and it was having a huge impact on her. She wanted to tell me that she had a breakthrough about her marriage; she was concerned that I disliked her husband because of things she'd said to me about her their relationship. I told her not to worry -- that I just thought of her comments as "venting" and I never doubted the strength of her marriage to a good man. She then told me she wanted to share The Landmark Forum experience with me, that she knew I had issues I was wrestling with and she hoped I could get as much out of the Forum as she did. So I told her that yes, I'd go with her the following Tuesday night. She was very sincere in wanting the best for me, and I appreciate that. Also I was honored that she wanted to share this with me. So I went with an open mind.

The Forum ran from 7:15 to 10:00. I listened to everything. I participated in the exercises. I shared with the rest of the class. I admit that I got something out of it. I felt energized about my power to shape my own short-term future. I had gotten my Day Planner out (I'm not a Blackberry girl yet) and was trying to juggle dates and finances so that I could take the full Forum myself this autumn. Then my session leader -- an unpaid volunteer named Dan -- started on me.

He moved his chair too close to mine and wanted to know which Forum I was signing up for. I said I was thinking about it but simply couldn't commit just then. Needed to check on when/if my windows are being replaced, which weekend I'm going to Vegas, my nephew's birthday … He told me that was a cop-out, that with this attitude I was never going to reach my goals. Huh? What? I told him I didn't see how being responsible to loved ones and commitments would doom me to failure. He wanted to know details ("Why?" "Why not?") and I told him I resented having to share my finances with him. "I don't care about your money," he said. "I don't get airline miles or a new toaster if you sign up." But then he took the brochure out of my lap and wrote on it, showing me different areas of the fine print regarding refunds. Honey Bunny, I'm a financial writer. I COMPOSE fine print. Nobody's got to show me what to read before I sign something. I know that he was trying to convey to me that if I signed up then and there, I wouldn't necessarily be out anything if I had to reschedule. But he was invading my personal space and intimidating me. (Remember Hillary Clinton's debate with Rick Laszio?) I told him I felt bullied and he apologized. I also told him he had strengthened my resolve not to sign up. He apologized for that, too.

Not good enough.

My friend told me that his goal was strictly to help me reach my goals. Since he was an unpaid volunteer, what other motive could he have? How about being the center of attention? And the opportunity to force his will on a new woman?

I can't emphasize enough how uncomfortable his behavior made me. So I googled The Landmark Forum and was surprised to see quite a bit of negative input. And that it's just EST renamed. There doesn't seem to be a terrific premium on independent thought at the Landmark Forum. And it seems you're never "done" with the program. There's always another continuing course to take. The word "cult" was used more than once.

So I won't be going back. We're all different, like snowflakes. If my friend got something of value out of this, I'm genuinely happy for her. I'm glad I went that evening because now I will better understand what's going on with her. Most of all, I'm touched that she cares enough about me to try to help me out of my current funk.

But I won't be going back.