These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
November Challenge: Your opinion of your body and how comfortable you are with it
The way I look at my body, and why, has changed radically over the years.
When I was in my 20s, I worked out obsessively. At least 4-5 times a week. I weighed myself twice every morning, before and after my shower. I had great legs but no matter how hard I worked at it, I could not get down to a size 4. I was stuck at size 6. Much of the reason for that is (to borrow from A Chorus Line) "tits and ass." I'm just round in the balcony and orchestra pit. Which is fine, except it was very important for me to be equally attractive naked as trendily dressed. It was hard. It was a job in and of itself.
You see, I not only had to be hot for my boyfriend in the bedroom, he had to be proud of me in public. No, it was not a healthy relationship.
In my 30s and 40s, it was refreshing to find my next lovers were happy with me as a size 8 or 10.
Menopause hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like I went in for a hysterectomy in 2011 and came out fat. I now wear a size 16-18. I don't really care.
Today is mammogram day. I am more worried about cancer than I am being attractive. In fact, now, when I worry about cancer, it is not the scars that upset me, it's losing my autonomy.
That's how I feel about my body today. Is it strong enough for me to stay independent?
WWW.
WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To
participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.
PS
I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog
won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the
frustration I experienced trying to link up.
1. What are you currently reading?Bad Influence by Alison Gaylin.
Ms. Gaylin is the third author to take on Sunny Randall. Robert B. Parker created her back in 1999 at the request of his friend, actress Helen Hunt. Hunt was really hot back in the 90s, with an Emmy for Mad About You and an Oscar for As Good As It Gets. Her career stalled and poor Sunny never made it to the screen. But the books have survived, the series continuing even after Parker's death.
First Mike Lupica took over, and I like how he honored Parker's tone, setting and characters. With Bad Influence, Sunny finally has a woman author tell her story, and I'm eager to see how it goes.
2. What did you recently finish reading? Grudge Match by Mike Lupica.
This is the book I wanted 12 Months to Live to be! Sunny Randall is just as endearing as Jane Smith. They speak the same way -- both explain their actions by saying, "A girl's gotta do ..." and they both love their dogs, who are threatened in the same way. This makes sense because both books were written by Mike Lupica. However with Grudge Match, I didn't have suspend disbelief in ridiculous courtroom scenes, or shake my head at how many coincidences there are in life. I suspect that's because James Patterson wasn't involved with Grudge Match. Anyway, I enjoyed it and think that wherever Sunny's creator, Robert B. Parker, is, he enjoyed it, too.
This originally appeared on the Anthony Rizzo Family Foundation Facebook page:
Sometimes, the greatest stress in childhood cancer is not the cancer itself. You see, beyond the heart-breaking reality of diagnosis and treatment, there are still many demands in the daily life of the rest of the family.
Imagine, if you would, for just a moment, that you’re a parent or caregiver in this kind of scenario. You are working hard to meet all of the family needs: you’re in the hospital and talking with the doctors. But you’re also making sure siblings have meals, clean clothes, and get their homework done. Perhaps you’re even working through the medical bills, the mortgage payment and the myriad other things that might keep you up at night.
But then you realize that it’s almost the holiday season and you’re out of everything: energy, time, and money. You're out of all of the things that a parent or caregiver needs to make the holidays different from all of the rest of the year. And oh, do your children need something to be different this year of all years! Your family (and you) need a deep breath of hope in the midst of chaos. But you have nothing left to give.
Can you imagine it? I’m sure you can.
You see, this is a part of my story. I am a mom of four children, one of whom has had two different cancers and dozens of complications over a span of many years. And Chase, my fighter boy, had just made it through treatment for his second cancer, was struggling with troubling side effects, and was facing a scan that showed there was still cancer in his body when we turned the corner into the 2021 holiday season. We were still quarantined, completely overwhelmed, and with nothing left to give when we found out that our family was going to be given a holiday season by the Anthony Rizzo Family Foundation. I remember that I started to cry.
On the wall of Chase’s oncology clinic is a quote of Anthony’s. In huge, block letters, it reads: “Stay Strong. Dream Big.” But sometimes, as a parent, I struggle to stay strong and need somebody else to dream for me because I’m just trying to hold everything together. This is where the Anthony Rizzo Family Foundation meets me as a mom and hundreds of others like me too: not only do they encourage us to keep dreaming, but they help fulfill those dreams when we grow too weary to do so for ourselves.
Walking through cancer and all its complications with Chase left our family surrounded by impossible things, but the Foundation did what my husband and I could not find a way to do - they spoke possibility and promise into our family that holiday season. Not only did they take the financial burden of purchasing gifts off our shoulders, but they also wrapped and delivered the gifts to us, so we didn’t have to go out into stores (with an immunosuppressed child in the house) and then find the time to wrap and prepare everything ourselves.
When you donate to the Rizzo Grant-A-Wish-Spectacular, you’re giving a sick child the gift of a wonderful holiday with extra special presents, but you’re also affirming to siblings that they’re seen and remembered (as they get to open their own gifts alongside their warrior brother or sister), and you’re holding up weary parents who could not have put the holiday together themselves.
I could absolutely tell you that the look on Chase’s face when he opened his new video game console that 2021 holiday was the best thing I had seen all year. (It was) But it’s so much more than that moment. Because when you donate to the Rizzo Grant-A-Wish Spectacular, you’re finding a unique and precious way to let a family know they don’t fight alone… and dear friends, that is priceless.
HELP US BRING THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT TO MORE FAMILIES LIKE CHASE'S THIS HOLIDAY SEASON:
Gal's note: I know that this holiday season, everyone has plenty of options for giving. It just meant a great deal to me to learn that the Nerf football I bought for the toy drive not only will help make the cancer patient's holiday a little brighter, it will bring relief to his or her parents. I never thought of it that way before I read this. So I hope that wherever you donate this season, it brings you the heart happiness my Nerf football brought me.
PS Dear Baseball Gods, you bastards! All Rizz wanted was a second World Series ring and you just couldn't let him have it, could you? I'll let you know if this ever stops hurting. Just so fucking unfair!
November Challenge: Five men whom you find attractive
I hate lists like this because I will invariably leave someone off and hurt that hot man's feelings. But seriously, folks ...
I have had this conversation with both my oldest friend and my late friend John. Unlike me, they both found themselves attracted to much younger men. I watch as much or more sports than they do but it's very seldom that a young-un hits me that way. Right now, the only one who inspires that old familiar thrum is Giancarlo Stanton of the Yankees. He's 35, which is old for a ballplayer but way, way too young for me to include on this list. However, in the spirit of full disclosure, and because I want to beautify the blogosphere, here he is.
Now, onto the real list.
Josh Duhamel may not be the greatest actor, but his smile makes me smile.
Former Cubs manager Joe Maddon is a free thinker and always his own man. Love him.
BROOOOOOOOCE!
Sir Paul
I've been bingeing on Moonlighting and realize anew that David Addison is my dream man.
Here's how to play.
• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
This is from Grudge Match by Mike Lupica. Our narrator, Sunny Randall, is a Boston PI. Sometimes I relate to her. 😀
"Tony wants to talk to you," Junior had said at my front door. "And before you say something smart, like you can't never help yourself, it really ain't a request."
"Fortunately my schedule is wide open the rest of the afternoon," I said, "So you're in luck."
Junior turned to Ty Bop. "See that right there? She can't never help herself."
In 2010, my oldest friend and her daughter moved to California to be with her blood relatives -- her cousin Sharon, Sharon's two sons, and their kids. The move has been a disaster. Her physical health has deteriorated, her emotions ping pong, she's lost every job she had out there and is now retired with no money. Zip zilch. She's been served with an eviction notice and has to be out of her rental on December 1.
Who is she moving in with? Her daughter is now 27 and living with her boyfriend, but "can't" take Mom in. Her cousin Sharon, now a widow, wants to see what it's like to live alone. Sharon's sons won't even help my friend with the move, so you know they're not letting her stay with them. My friend's son, now 37 and living with his wife in Philadelphia, echoes his sister and says he "can't" help his mother. So on December 1 she begins renting a room with the only friend she's made out there. The only nearby friend she has after 14 years. And their relationship is tumultuous, since she fancies herself in love with him and stirs up unnecessary drama because the feelings aren't reciprocated. This living arrangement is not tenable long term and I worry about her constantly.
Why am I writing all this here in response to this question?
Because you can't always count on family.
If I found my independence slipping away -- and who knows? I might -- I don't think I would hit bottom as my friend has. I mean, I own this condo and could always sell it I had to. But I know I could count on my niece to kick in at least some cash and my nephew -- who still lives in his old bedroom at his parents' house -- would be there for the move. But mostly I would look to my friends.
Before I found myself on the verge of homelessness, I'd consult with Kathleen, Nancy, Joanna* and Elaine. I'd call on my former art director, too. While I miss the love and support of my late friends John and Henry more than I can say, I do still have good girlfriends to lean on. Btw, I met Joanna and Elaine in 2013 and reconnected with Nancy in 2016. All people who became fixtures in my life after my oldest friends moved. I realize how lucky I am. I really don't have a hard time making friends. Which is the point of this post ...
November Challenge: Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs it plays
I turned to Pandora and here's what she thought I'd like:
1. I Will Always Think About You (The New Colony Six) 1968
2. Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes (Edison Lighthouse) 1970*
3. Over You (Gary Puckett and the Union Gap) 1968
4. Don't Sleep in the Subway (Petula Clark) 1967
5. Dream A Little Dream of Me (Michael Buble) 2005
6. Return to Sender (Elvis) 1962
7. The Way You Look Tonight (Maroon 5) 2010
8. I Only Want to Be With You (Dusty Springfield) 1964
9. I Say A Little Prayer (Aretha) 1968
10. Burning Love (Elvis) 1972
Pandora was right. I enjoyed this thoroughly. I should do it more often.
*This one made me mist up. When my friend's daughter, Rosie, got married in September, this was the bride's dance with her dad. He sang this to Rosie since she was a baby and they both knew all the words. He is one of the most remote men I know and seeing this open display of love and joy was very moving.
1)
This was Whitney Houston's first big hit, her introduction to a mass,
national audience. But music was not her first career. While she was
still in high school, Whitney was a model and Seventeen magazine covergirl. Is there a print magazine in your home right now? If yes, who is on the cover? Vanity Fair: the girls from Wicked.
2) During her modeling days, she also appeared on packaging for Simplicity patterns. Can you sew? I can hem (I'm 5'1, so even petite slacks are too long) and mend and replace a button. But no, I can't really sew.
3)
"Saving All My Love for You" was the record that made Whitney Houston a
superstar in the UK. Let's flip that: Tell us about a British performer
you enjoy listening to. Sometimes I'm just in an Amy mood. Here's my favorite.
4)
This song was composed by Michael Masser. He left his career as a
stockbroker to pursue his passion for music and scored his first major
hit with "Touch Me in the Morning" by Diana Ross. Do you feel you have a
greater affinity for the analytical/logical or the creative/emotional? Creative/emotional.
5)
The lyrics were written by Gerald Goffin. He, too, took a circuitous
route to music success. After high school he joined the Navy. When that
stint was over, he went to college and studied chemistry. He worked in a
lab for a while, but that was just to earn a regular paycheck until he
could support himself with songwriting. What was your first job after
you finished your education? How long did you stay at that job? I was an admin (secretary, in those days) for Sears, Roebuck and Co. in Sears Tower. After 5 years, I was lucky enough to get a promotion to catalog copywriter. They didn't promote from within very often, and I know I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That copywriting job opened the door to a real career and I'm grateful.
6) While this
week's song was Whitney's first hit, it wasn't her most biggest hit.
That was "I Will Always Love You," from the soundtrack of her movie The Bodyguard. "I
Will Always Love You" was written and originally recorded by Dolly
Parton. The film's star and producer Kevin Costner called Dolly
personally to get her permission to use her song, a courtesy she
appreciated. Who has recently been thoughtful or kind to you? Katie O., our temporary manager at the card shop. She gave me an extra, longer shift yesterday. I asked what was up: did we get a big shipment in or has traffic unexpectedly increased? Nope. She told me that right now Corporate isn't being so bearish about payroll and she saw an opportunity to let me make a little more money so she grabbed it. That was so nice of her. She doesn't even know me! We texted and talked on the phone, but I didn't even meet her until I showed up for my extra shift yesterday.
7)
Whitney was a big fan of tomato soup. So is Barbra Streisand. (Maybe is
bestows some kind of musical superpower!) What's your favorite soup for
an autumn day like today? Clam chowder is always good.
8)
1985 wasn't just big for Whitney. It was also the year Bruce Willis
became a household name when his TV series premiered on ABC. Can you
name it? Moonlighting! I've been bingeing on it on Hulu, and falling in love with David Addison all over again.
9) Random question: While dining out, have you ever sent food back? No.
• 7.5 ounces of Cokeat
5:00 AM. I don't usually start the day with a pre-dawn can of soda, but
I woke up with a caffeine headache. Thursday was a weird day and I bet I
didn't have my regular 15 ounces.
• Glass of water. Just your basic 8 oz.
• Glass of chocolate milk. (Milk makes my morning vitamins and meds go down easier.)
• 24 oz. of water at the card shop.
• My big meal of the day: A sliced turkey sandwich with lots of sweet barbecue sauce, a pair of hushpuppies, and a side of mac-and-cheese. (Of course I didn't cook this. Picked it up at the barbecue place on my way home from work.) Washed it down with my second 7.5 oz. Coke. (No headache tonight!)
• Another glass of water and a trio of Chips Ahoy cookies.
• I wasn't hungry, but I had some applesauce and another glass of water because I was worried that my gut wouldn't feel I've had enough fiber today.
• I filled my 18-oz. water bottle for my nightstand.
I'm feeling especially peevish, post-election. So I'm sorry that this was asked today. But here goes ...
1) People who don't acknowledge gifts. I don't expect a formal thank you note, but if USPS or Amazon tells me my present has been delivered, it would be nice to know it actually was received.
2) My neighbor manages to knock on my door at the worst possible times. (I'm in my underwear or I'm grilling a piece of something on the old George Foreman or I'm literally "in the bathroom"). How does he do it?
3) People who come into my space and are negative or rude. Example: Wednesday morning, my cousin Rose sent a joint text to me and a friend of hers in Texas, asking us "childless cat ladies" how we were feeling after the election. Now, I have never met this Texas friend of Rose's. She responded with a tear drop. I said I was sad but I quoted Abraham Lincoln, also a cat lover, and said I hoped the "better angels of our nature" guide Trump. I followed with prayer hands and a cat emoji. That bitch told me I should "learn Russian." Oh, for fuck's sake. Who are you and why are you in my life? Also, I simply refuse to be negative and angry for the next four years.* But more than that, again, who are you and why are you in my life?
4) That my glasses are always dirty and smudged, yet I don't notice it from my side of the lens.
5) Dayforce, the scheduling software used by the card shop, is different on Android than it is on Apple and my screen looks so different from that of my coworkers'. Frustrating! However, I'm not going to invest $1,000+ on a new phone to facilitate my minimum wage job.
*I handwrote and sent 250 GOTV postcards and nearly 50 more for Ohio's Sherrod Brown. That was more than $150 in postage out of my pocket, not to mention time. I also donated money every month to first Biden and then Harris for President. I'd wager while I was doing all that, Rose's Texas friend was scaring her cat by yelling at the TV, but doing nothing more.
13 products Millennials don't buy. I spent more than 40 years in marketing so reading consumer research surveys is a hard habit to break. I've been fascinated by the studies that reveal adults born between 1981 and 1996 are just not that into things that have long been a way of life for old farts like me.
Some, like calculators and alarm clocks, they consider redundant because they have always had smartphones to perform those functions. Others perplex me. There is no app that can replace beer.
Anyway, here's my by no means exhaustive or scientific list of goods and services that have not captured the hearts of millennials.
1. Alarm clocks.
2. Bar soap.
3. Beer.
4. Breakfast cereal.
5. Bulk warehouse memberships.
6. Cable TV.
7. Calculators.
8. Cruises.
9. Designer clothes.
10. Fabric softener sheets.
11. Golf.
12. Paper napkins.
13. Postcards.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
November Challenge: Your views on mainstream music.
For the most part, I like it. I enjoy today's superstars -- Beyonce and Taylor Swift, and if I may go back a little, Katy Perry and Pink. I think it's great that young girls have such successful role models. Of course, I'm old. I turn 67 this month. Every generation has their own music and their own self expression, and this generation's is not mine, nor should it be. (The last "new" singer that felt personally relevant to me was Amy Winehouse, and she's been dead more than a decade.)
One thing about mainstream music has always annoyed me: some feel it's fashionable to diss whoever is popular because they are popular. I find that with today with Beyonce and Taylor Swift. I know when I was a little girl in the 1960s right on through the late 80s, it was somehow cool to shit on the Beatles. I bet it was the same with Elvis and Sinatra.
There's also the "I've never even heard [Beyonce/Taylor Swift]" school. People have commented on Saturday 9 that way as though it was something to be proud of. First of all, you copied the link to this week's song, you wretched nitwit. It's on your own blog (or the post you're commenting on), and you are so lazy or think you're so above it that you can't even click on it. I hope I never become that intellectually incurious.
After the shock wore off, I was offended. The thought of Donald Trump
sitting in the same office as Lincoln, FDR and JFK gave me a visceral
shudder.
I have to believe that those giants of inclusion and eloquence still
inhabit the Oval Office. I hope they can deftly influence my new
President to behave like the great man the office demands.
I pray the better angels of our nature alight and land on Donald Trump.
I originally posted this 8 years ago. I meant it then and I mean it now. I doubt President Trump would believe me, but I do pray for him ... and our country.
WWW.
WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To
participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.
PS
I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog
won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the
frustration I experienced trying to link up.
1. What are you currently reading?Grudge Match by Mike Lupica. Sunny Randall was one of Robert B. Parker's creations. I liked her way (way) better than his Jesse Stone but nowhere near as much as Spenser. Upon Parker's death, Mike Lupica continued the Randall series, with the approval of Parker's estate. As I read 12 Months to Live (below) I was reminded how good Lupica was at getting into the heads of strong women characters and decided to pick this one up. 2. What did you recently finish reading? 12 Months to Live by James Patterson and Mike Lupica. This book was like a candy bar. I enjoyed it as I consumed it, but will remember little or nothing about it a month from now. In fact, I've already forgotten details of the ending. I could look at it again, but I don't care enough.
Lupica and Patterson (I suspect mostly Lupica) have created a very interesting character in Jane Smith, the hot-shot lawyer who never loses. I read to get to know more about her. Not her case. The teased twists and turns were not that hard to anticipate. The coincidences are just ridiculous. I know this is a series, but I doubt I'll be back.
Here's how to play.
• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
This is from 12 Months to Live by James Patterson and Mike Lupica. After opening arguments in a major murder trial, the defendant's wife requests a private one-on-one with her husband's attorney, our narrator, Jane.
"Judge Prentice wasn't amused and, for the record, neither was I."
I feel myself biting through my lower lip hard enough to draw blood. I'm tired. I want to get outside, do my few minutes of standup, and then head back east.
But I'm doing my best to behave. A constant challenge.
"For the record, what I did today had nothing to do with your husband, or the judge, or the prosecutor, bless his heart. And it wasn't for you. I was only addressing the jury ..."
November Challenge: Bullet your whole day (Monday)
OK, let's see how long I do this before I get bored ...
• Woke up on my own (no alarm clock)
• From bed, caught up on the local news (a lot about the passing of Chicago's very own Quincy Jones) and then switched to Morning Joe
• Did those twists the orthopedist taught me. 5 on each side. Roy Hobbs helped by grooming the top of my head. My left knee feels a little wonky.
• Finished that bottle of water on my nightstand. (It's still cold!)
• Tooled around the web -- Facebook, email, fellow bloggers, and my nephew's baseball column. I want to check out the Chicago Sun Times and New York Daily News online, but really, I've got to get out of bed sometime.
• Fed the cats. No cats have ever, in the history of catdom, been as hungry as they were.
• Checked my phone. The oral surgeon can squeeze me in earlier than expected! YAY! No, I am not happy about getting another dual crown lengthening. But I appreciate being able to use up my 2024 benefits.
• Confirmed the dental appointment, wrestled with Dayforce, the scheduling app for the card shop. Apparently it works better for Apple than it does for Android. Unfortunately, I have Android. It took longer than I should have, but I requested the day of surgery and the following as days off.
• Did last night's dishes. Watered the plants.
• Chocolate milk and meds. Only one prescription -- for my cholesterol -- but a fistful of vitamins and supplements.
• Icing my knee and touching up my pathetic pedi. Can't afford a new one until after the 19th. Hope I don't offend anyone at yoga tomorrow with my chipped digits.
I'm bored with this already and I haven't even gotten into the shower yet. Sorry.
Why are we so quick to demonize those who don't look like us or share our same life experiences? Thanks to Governor Abbott of Texas, my neighborhood up here in Chicagoland received a sudden, unexpected influx of migrants.
Instead of resenting them for panhandling, for cluttering our sidewalks, for using tax-payer dollars and community resources, let's consider what it's like for them.
• Fleeing poverty and oppression with just the belongings they can carry.
• Headed for Texas, where at least the climate is familiar, but ending up in the chilly midwest.
• Unable to understand much of what is said around them as bureaucrats decide their fate.
• Not allowed work permits for weeks, so they can't support themselves or their families.
What would happen if, instead of ignoring or glaring, we smiled at them? Treated them like neighbors instead of intruders. Gave them a dollar or at least a kind word. Made eye contact and connected through our common humanity, rather than assume they are here to "poison the blood" of our country.
Tensions would decrease and serenity increase. The world would be safer and more welcoming.
