These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
1. What’s the coolest item you’ve found at a garage sale, flea market, etc? I have picked up a number of sweaters that I really like: the black/white diamond patterned one, the brown v-neck, the green Izod, the purple and gray jersey, the royal blue cardigan with navy polka dots ... 2. Describe how your day went yesterday. See post below. 3. Do you have issues with people entering your personal space? What do you do when your personal space is violated? Oh, yes! I pout and scowl when anyone gets too close. 4. What is the one meal recipe you think you’ve mastered? I throw a salmon filet on my little George Foreman, mix a salad while it's grilling, and then slather it with barbecue sauce.
5. If you could take back something you did to someone, what would it be? I did the same crappy thing to two different men, and I wish I could take it back. Years apart, I acted as though my voicemail was on the fritz to avoid going out with them. They both liked me too much too fast and it scared me. Naturally it was my right to back away. Still, there was a much better, more compassionate way to handle it. 6. Would you describe yourself as spiritual, religious, or something else? I'm more spiritual than religious, but I am glad that I have a church to go to when I feel the need. 7.
Did you ever receive detention in school? What sort of kid were you in
school – bookworm, smart kid, troublemaker, quiet … etc. Disaffected nerd. 8. When’s the last time you ran a mile? How often do you exercise? I don't know that I've ever run a mile. I try to get to the gym twice a week. I make it once a week. 9. What would you say to your 16-year-old self, and why? Mom is soooo wrong: these are not the best years of your life. 10. What are you avoiding? I'm fighting the urge to go back to bed. The spring ahead shit hurts this morning. 11. Describe a “Hah! I told you so” moment you had recently. Nothing springs to mind. 12. What’s more important, where you live or what you do for a living? Why? It's so easier for me to make a living in advertising here in Chicago than it would in other major cities, so it's hard for me to separate the two. 13. Swear words: Are you pro or con? Why? I don't give shit. 14. Paper or plastic? Do you prefer to pack your own groceries? Canvas. No. 15. Do you have a shoe fetish? How often do you buy new shoes? Do you ever get rid of a pair of shoes? No. I used to love buying shoes, but since my heel spurs 20+ years ago, I'm really limited on what I can wear. And when they wear out, I throw them out.
I have decided to stop cocooning and get back out in the world! First I had dinner with Kathleen, then Barb, and last night I saw Joanna. While I kinda have to force myself to do get dressed and go out, I find it improves my mood.
Joanna and I met for an early tapas dinner at Valencia. I had empanada de buey (beef in pastry) and datiles con tocino (dates wrapped in bacon) and mango margarita. Joanna didn't have a drink with her tapas but she had dessert. It was good to catch up.
Our lives are surprisingly similar right now. At 65, she finds finances chaotic and she's unable to retire. She has a dog and cat she completely dotes on. She's had good girlfriends who have disappointed her. She has a mad crush on tennis' Roger Federer. The details are different, but in broadstrokes, our stories track.
She may have freelance work for me. I may have a job lead for her. But this was not a networking dinner. It was good food with with a good friend.
Then we saw To Be or Not to Be with our movie group. Only three people showed up with week: me, Joanna and a newbie named Penny. I didn't really like the move, but I love Carole Lombard. I love her look and the sound of her voice and the special way she delivers a funny line. This was her last movie (she was only 33 when she died) and here she is in her final onscreen credit. Gorgeous! It was good to see Will, our moderator. I was surprised when he greeted me with a hug, but it made me happy. I was supportive of his search for a new venue for our little group, and I did make a memorial donation in his mother's memory. I think he appreciates that. But we never hugged before. It surprised me, and it was nice.
On and On (1977) Unfamiliar with
this week's song. Hear it here.
1) This song describes the plight of
"poor ol' Jimmy," who caught his girlfriend kissing someone else. Have
you ever spied on a romantic partner? Yes. I remember it vividly. I wasted my 20s on a guy who was so completely not worth it, but it wasn't his all fault because he gave me soooo many signs. We worked together at a big company, and I noticed a new coworker's name cropping up in conversation a lot. Like when we were buying grocery shopping, "the new girl likes strawberry ice cream," etc. He said he had to work late one evening, and I didn't believe him, so I hid behind a pillar in the parking garage and watched the front entrance. Sure enough, he left with her. I could tell she was smitten by the way she was hanging on his every word as they walked and talked. Actually, they didn't sleep together that day, as he just made up an excuse to stay late so he could walk to the train station with her. He beat me home by just a few minutes. It's funny, but I felt sorry for both her and myself. Her, because while he might cheat one me, I knew he was never going to dump me for her and she was doomed to disappointment. Me, because I was in this relationship where I felt I couldn't be happy but I couldn't leave. I finally did -- about 3 years later. (Gee! This was a happy answer, huh?) 2)
In this song, Stephen Bishop sings that he "smiles when he feels like
dying." When did you recently put on a happy face, even though you
really weren't all that happy? Every day at work so far this year. The coworker I sit with day in/day out is so consumed with her own family issues, and she's constantly on the phone with her family issues, and it weighs on me. But I do my best to stay perky! I channel my inner Dick Van Dyke, 40 hours/week.
3)
Stephen Bishop always wanted to be a musician, and as a child he began
playing the clarinet. Did you take lessons -- dance, art, music -- as a
child? If yes, did you take them because you enjoyed them, or because
your parents made you take them? I took ballet because my older sister wanted to take it and my dad wouldn't drive to two lessons on Saturday mornings. I had no talent for ballet and wanted to take guitar so badly!
4) When he was 12, inspired by The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show, he switched to the guitar and began writing songs. Tell us about someone or something that influenced your career path. When I was a secretary (back in those days, we were still called "secretaries"), I worked for an officious, rather silly man. One of the company's few women VPs had the office next to his, and she took a liking to me. "Doesn't it bother you that you're smarter than your boss?" she'd ask me. She gave me pep talks all the time, and when the opportunity arose to take the test to become a copywriter, she literally placed it in my hands (and in the hands of her own secretary). Her name was Celeste. I am eternally grateful to her. She really paid it forward. 5) Stephen Bishop attended Will C.
Crawford High School in San Diego. This school requires students
complete 20 hours of community service every year. Tell us about an
organization, cause or campaign you volunteered for, either as a student
or an adult.
Oh, I'm always doing little things, but frankly not enough. Last summer I worked the library book sale, and I'll do that again. I regularly drop canned goods off at the local pantry. But nothing has captured my interest and heart and time in a big way since John Kerry's 2004 Presidential campaign. I dedicated myself and my finances to that. I think you know how it turned out, and it broke my heart 10 ways to Sunday.
6) In 1977, when this song was popular,
Seattle Slew won racing's Triple Crown. Sam's mother has always been
afraid of horses. Is there an animal you're uncomfortable with? I'm afraid of squirrels. When I was a little girl, I fed a squirrel every morning through the mail slot in our front door. My dad discouraged me by telling me about a little boy ("just your age") who was bit by a squirrel. The squirrel clamped his jaws so tight onto the kid that even after the police shot him, the squirrel didn't let go. None of this was true, of course. But it terrified me and stayed with me. 7) Also in 1977, moviegoers waited in line for hours to see Star Wars. What's the longest line you waited in recently? The post office at Christmastime.
8) The mini-series Roots first
aired in 1977. Today Americans are spending more time and money than
ever to research ancestry. How far back can you trace your family tree? I know of four of my great grandparents -- both my grandfathers' parents. On my dad's side, they were in Berne (Germany). On my mom's side, they were already here in Chicagoland.
9) Random question: It's often said that nobody's perfect. How about you? What quality keeps you from being perfect? I am lazy.
I really wanted an update on her. I really wanted to hear that she and Napoleon are OK. So I circled around to the other entrance and there was her husband, Napoleon's dad, Caleb. The news he had for me was anything but OK. Randi has cervical cancer. Yes, she was hospitalized for a lung infection. They were running all manner of tests on her, trying to get to the cause of her infection, and something suspicious showed up in her bloodwork that led them to the diagnosis. The doctor said that it's possible that the lung infection saved her life, because it brought them to the cancer discovery early.
Caleb was going to the hospital this evening, before going to work (!), and he had hoped to raise the $20 left to pay the first two months' rent on the bedroom they hope to move into. He still had $15 to go. Randi needs to stay in bed for two weeks, and it would be nice if the bed was off the ground. And safe.
I gave him $21. "I can get the key," he said. Followed by, "You don't have to do this."
I squeezed his hand. "Yes, I do. I'm your friend."
He started to cry. "I'll be praying for you guys," I said, moving away. I didn't want to embarrass him.
He said nothing about Napoleon. I hope the cat is OK, and that Caleb just didn't have time to update me on him. He and especially Randi love that cat so much. Now is not the time for them to lose him.
Emma Gonzalez, a survivor of the Parkland shooting who has become an anti-gun activist, chose The Lads when she appeared on CNN.
Sir Paul was spotted last week visiting Beverly Hills. He's quit coloring his hair, and I applaud his decision. He's going to turn 76 this summer. Think of it: 76. He's still here when lesser lights have fallen by the wayside. He's earned those gray hairs and should be proud of them!
I had dinner with my friend Barb last night. It's the first time I've seen her in months, and I think it did us both good.
She is completely obsessed by the Robert Mueller/Russia Investigation. She was even all over the latest news about that secret Seychelles meeting. She admitted she has CNN on 24/7 these days. Her certainty that Trump is a sleazeball criminal has left her both engaged and exhilarated. It's the first time I've seen her this into a news story since her "I-hate-Obamacare" days. Clearly Barb's umbrage does not follow party lines. But I'm glad this time, it's an interest/opinion I share. It's helping her get through. She's packing up her home here in Chicago, selling off her belongings, in anticipation of her big move to Hilton Head -- probably in late summer. It's not going as easily or as quickly as she thought it would, because she still can't shake her crippling heartache over the loss of her husband. He's been gone seven months now, and, in her own words, she's "not doing well."
He was the love of her life, and she's packing up the only home they shared. The home where much of his grueling cancer battle took place. She's moving to the dream house they had built in Hilton Head. The one she will now live in alone.
She's energized by her hatred of Trump. She's excited by selling her stuff because it feels like a game for her, using Craigslist and the Let Go app. She's seeing a shrink who is helping her deal with her grief, and she feels these couch sessions are helping.
But she's still shattered. Every day begins with tears, as every day she realizes anew that he's gone. Then during the day, she fights the desire to say to people -- the girl at Starbuck's, the man coming over to buy one of her bookshelves -- "Don't you know my husband is dead? Don't you feel it?" At times she's furious that the world continues spinning without him in it.
We ate too much, laughed a surprising amount, and drank. I'm happy that I helped her. It did me a lot of good, too. I've fallen into an unfortunate rut of getting home from work and sleeping. I've been letting the sadness around me at the office become routine, and to take over my life. Spending time with Barb this week, and Kathleen last week, has been good for me.
I must learn from this. Kathleen called me for dinner, but I called Barb. I must reach out to people, not isolate myself, waiting for someone else to bust me out of my malaise. I need to regain control of my own life!
Things had been going so well for Napoloen and his humans, Randi and Caleb. After more than a year of living on the streets, the tide was turning. Caleb has been driving a forklift in a grocery warehouse. Randi works in a salon, answering phones and doing laundry and sweeping up. In addition to their jobs, they have continued to panhandle, saving up the money they'll need to pay two months' rent in advance on a bedroom in Chicago's Boystown neighborhood. Once they move indoors, they'll have so much more freedom (a room with a door means they can leave their beloved cat alone) and so many more options (having an address and the ability to shower every day makes them more employable).
But in their quest to get off the streets, it seems it's always one step, two steps back for this little family. Randi spent last night and all day in the hospital! She has a lung infection. Her boss at the salon has been understanding -- keeping the job open for her -- but isn't paying her for the time off.
Caleb is worried that the hospital won't release her this afternoon. He's concerned that even if she is released, he won't be able to raise the $35 he'll need for her meds. It's hard to beg on street corners during today's intermittent snow showers because people don't want to stop. If he can't raise the $35, he'll have to dip into their rent fund, which will push their dream of living indoors further away.
I saved $5.96 at Walgreens today, and so I gave $6 to Caleb. I want to help, of course, but I don't want them to depend on me too much financially because I still feel my own job is tenuous. On the other hand, that $5.96 is what I saved with my AARP discount, so it's like found money. And it brings the total Caleb needs to earn today down to $29.
PS Every now and again, a shaft of sunlight shines through this saga. Today I'm happy to report that the hospital bent/broke the rules and allowed Napoleon to stay indoors, in Randi's room! Caleb explained that they had nowhere to safely leave the cat (don't forget, he works overnights) and Randi refused to stay in the hospital without Napoloen. God bless that doctor.
Four of us were doing the bars that Friday night. Me and my boyfriend, John, and Kathy. (John and Kathy were not a couple, much to Kathy's chagrin, because John insisted on being gay.) First up was Juke Box Saturday Night in Lincoln Park. We were in a booth, waiting for another round and a refill on our popcorn, listening to Ricky Nelson and Dion and the Belmonts (it was a 50s themed bar).
Our waitress brought us our pitcher and my sangria (I didn't drink beer in those days). She told us it was on the house and said, as if sharing a confidence, "John Belushi died. Heart attack."
John and I looked at each other and said, "Drugs."
The bartender got on the loudspeaker and reiterated the sad news. "Belush" came into Juke Box Saturday Night every night while filming The Blues Brothers. According to the bartender, he drank and sang and danced like a maniac and then came behind the bar and literally sank his head into the ice. Thus refreshed, he'd continue singing and dancing and drinking.
The bartender made it clear that "Belush" was like family at Juke Box Saturday Night. This round we were enjoying was in his memory. Then they blasted "Soul Man."
We toasted John Belushi and then, as the bar filled up and got noisier, we moved up the street to The Drink Inn on Lincoln. It was starting to fill up, too, and we were lucky to get a table. It was a more folkie bar and there was a girl on stage, strumming and singing songs that reminded me of Jim Croce. Then the club owner took the stage.
He announced John Belushi had just died in Los Angeles of a heart attack. The next round was on the house in memory of our fallen comrade. He came by every night while filming The Blues Brothers. He got on stage and jammed with band and danced and drank. Then he'd go behind the bar and sink his head in the ice. Thus refreshed, he'd continue singing and dancing and drinking.
We got an extra round free because my friend John could honestly claim to being an extra in The Blues Brothers (he's in the car crash scene at the Daley Center).
That was how news traveled 36 years ago. Before the internet and cell phones, breaking news came to us from Lincoln Avenue waitstaff. Belushi is gone. That boyfriend is long -- and blissfully -- out of my life. But John and Kathy are still in my life. John, especially, is very dear to me. We partied a lot in those days. While I don't specifically recall it, I have no doubt that Stevie, John and I all did coke that night. I always tried to augment my drinking with coke because it minimized the hangovers. Odds are good that the coke was provided to me by a stranger.
Looking back to that night, I feel lucky. Lucky that Chicago is a city that makes it easy to just fall into a cab or onto a bus, so no one had to drive impaired. Lucky that I didn't snort anything too dangerous. Lucky that I finally rid myself of Stevie. Lucky that I have so much history with John.
If I was voting for tonight's Oscars, Saoirse Ronan would get a gold guy tonight. She's idealistic, selfish, shallow, dreamy, yearning ... She plays every high school girl I ever knew, including me. She's the opposite of Frances McDormand in Three Billboards. Mildred Hayes is a ball of rage I hope never to encounter, Lady Bird is who every girl sees when she looks in the mirror.
Just in time for Oscar, Lady Bird is available OnDemand. Do yourself a favor: rent it and enjoy it.
BTW, even though I think Allison Janney should and will win Best Supporting Actress, if I was a voter I'd vote for Laurie Metcalf, who played Lady Bird's mother. She does a lovely and loving job. Also, Metcalf is a Chicago girl. And I think if she won, it would annoy Roseanne Barr. (I hate Roseanne Barr.) The Roseanne reboot is airing soon, and I get a kick out thinking how Roseanne's kid sister Jackie would be the one with "award winning actress" before her name. (No, really. I hate Roseanne Barr.)
1) This song is about a woman who married at 20.
It's estimated that the average American groom is 2.5 years older than his
bride. Why do you suppose that is? Peer pressure, I suppose. Until recently,
it wasn't fashionable for women to date younger men. And if you're not dating
them, you're not marrying them.
2) A 2014 study shows the bigger the age gap in a
marriage, the more likely the couple is to divorce. What do you think is the
reason for most divorces? Infidelity, at least on the face of it. Though I
guess under closer examination, we'd discover that people cheat because they're
unhappy ... and they're unhappy because they've been fighting about money, or
kids, or they feel misunderstood or unappreciated.
3) Reba's second marriage recently ended.
Statistics show that second marriages are more likely than first marriages to
wind up in divorce. Why do you suppose that is? Oh, hell! I don't know!
There are few topics this old spinster is less familiar with than matrimony.
4) This week's featured artist, Reba McEntire, was
discovered when she sang The National Anthem at an Oklahoma City rodeo. Have
you ever been to the rodeo? Yes. I didn't care for it. It seemed terribly
unkind to the animals.
5) Reba dropped out of
Southeastern Oklahoma State University to go to Nashville and pursue a
recording career. In that way, she's like the woman she sings about in this
week's song. "She's done what she should, should she do what she
dares?" Do you ever regret a risk or opportunity you didn't take? As
Francis sang, "Regrets, I've had a few." I think we all have. I try
not to think about my regrets too much, though. Not productive.
6) Reba's heroine is "dying
to try something foolish, do something crazy, or just get away." Does that
sound like you? What would you do, just for yourself, if time and money were no
object? Really fix this place up! I have such plans, so many daydreams about
how I'd redecorate my home. New flooring, new bathroom, new window treatments.
7) Reba recently became a
spokesperson for Kentucky Fried Chicken. Whose chicken do you eat most often:
Popeye's, Church's, Chick-fil-A or KFC? Popeye's, because it's the most
convenient option that's not Chick-fil-A. I refuse to support a company that
opposes equal rights for my gay friends, who are dearer to me than family.
Also, as a Christian, I am offended by the way Chick-fil-A has (at least in the
past) marketed their Christianity. Too often they have sounded like they were
saying, "Eat here because we love Christ!" To me, that's selling
faith, and I learned in Sunday School how Jesus felt about moneychangers and
church. I'm sorry for the mini-rant, but this is a firmly held conviction.
8) In 2001, Reba starred in her
own sitcom. On the show, her character is
first an administrative assistant and then a real estate agent. Have you ever
tried your hand at either of those occupations? If
not, which do you think you
would be a better fit for you? I actually did both at once, when I was an admin at a real estate office. It was a second job that
I got when I was just out of high school so I could pay for my trip to Europe.
I got there at 8:30 on Saturday and Sunday, opening the door, turning on the
lights, making coffee and manning the phones until the agents -- who wanted to
sleep in -- made it to the office. I got to leave at 12:30. I liked it. It
didn't pay very much at all, but it was low stress. It's the kind of job I'd
like to have again, when I retire from advertising.
9) Random question: Which of these super powers
would you rather have -- extraordinary strength or invisibility? Extraordinary
strength!
In preparation for Oscar, I finally saw multi-nominated Three Billboards outside Ebbing, MO. I know I may be alone in this, but I did not like Frances
McDormand. She is favored to win the Best Actress Oscar, as she did for Fargo twenty years ago. I was alone in not especially liking her in that, either.
Regardless of the role, I get nothing but opacity from her. No sincerity. Just technique. Considering the esteem she's held in by her peers, I realize I'm a cult of one. But there's no escaping it. I don't enjoy watching her.
On the other hand, there's Sam Rockwell. He's nominated for Best Supporting Actor for the same movie -- though I would argue his is not a supporting role at all. Anyway, he plays a dim, reactive and racist cop. His character is just as foreign to me as hers, and lacks nobility, as hers does. Yet I appreciate his performance so much more. I always like Sam Rockwell. I sense that he has genuine affection for everyone he plays, even the unlikable fellows. I enjoy watching him play even icky guys. I hope he wins his Oscar Sunday night. Not only for Three Billboards, but for his varied career.
My friend Kathleen and I went out for dinner Tuesday night. I don't know what inspired her to call me, but I'm glad she did. We shared a trio of appetizers -- dates wrapped in bacon, sliders and spinach/artichoke dip -- had cocktails and caught up. It's the first time I've seen her all year.
I've been a little worried about her husband. He lost his mother at the tail end of last year. He had moved here nearly 30 years ago, while his mother remained in England. The family here saw her once a year and kept up with her by phone and email. I met her several times over the years and know his mother felt involved in their lives. It's just I know he must have felt bad that he wasn't with her more as her health declined.
Kathleen seemed to be touched by my concern. Her husband can be a prickly sort and can alienate people. I don't care. I think he's interesting. And besides, I can be prickly and can alienate people, too.
It was nice to fill her in on what's going on with me. I feel that lately I've been so surrounded by sad and worry. It was refreshing to concentrate on me for an evening, and to laugh.
We promised to do it again in a couple months. It inspires me to reach out to other friends I haven't seen in a while. I must get in touch with Mindy, Joanna and Barb.
Back in 2002, when my nephew was a toddler and my niece was in grammar school, my sister called and asked me to open a Upromise Account. She sent me the link via email that enabled me to earn money for her kids' college by using my Citibank credit card at Bed, Bath and Beyond and grocery shopping at Jewel.
I hadn't thought about the account in years, but with my nephew visiting colleges, I called the tollfree number and regained access. Turns out I'd raised a little more than $220 since last I checked, and in 2016 it had been transferred to an account for my nephew, in my sister's name.
I shot her an IM, asking her about it. She replied, "I did not know or maybe remember you had a Upromise account." I explained that I opened it when she asked me to. I gave her the phone number -- 800-UPROMISE, not exactly hard to remember -- and added there might be money in my niece's account, too. (She's still paying on her college loans, and if the money could be transferred, I'm sure she'd appreciate it.) Her response, "Will respond later."
She never got back to me. I assume that she's been too busy to make the phone call.
She never said "thank you." I assume that I don't give enough money to her children to have it acknowledged.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my kid sister! Over 50, and yet forever the entitled baby of the family.
I'm not rich, of course. I'm one of the 33% who has more debt than savings. But today I feel rich. For my federal tax refund hit my checking account on the same day as my paycheck. This is double the amount usually have at the end of the month.
1.
What is more difficult for you, looking into someone’s eyes when you
are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when
they are telling you how they feel. Making eye contact when I tell someone how I really feel. 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? I'm sure it was one of my sisters. They really are not very nice people. 3.
You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire
in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make one phone call.
Who do you call? What do you tell them? I'm not sure I'd call anyone. It would be too awful. I mean, imagine the screaming and chaos in the background. I'd text Kathleen and remind her she promised to take care of my cats.
4. You are at the
doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have
approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are
going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be
afraid? I wouldn't be afraid of dying, because I'm Christian and I believe I'm good with Him. I would, however, be very afraid of any pain associated with whatever I have. I'd try to get everything together for my niece and nephew. The rest of my plans would depend on what I was able to do.
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust. Love
6.
You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog
drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you
that if you are late just one more time you are fired. Do you take the
time to save the dog’s life? Why? Why not? This is a nightmare that I've had more than once! I see a dog drowning in the Chicago River, near the Wells Street bridge, and I have to dive in to save him. My shrink told me that this has something to do with vulnerability. In dream logic, I'm both me and the dog. By saving the dog, I am re-establishing control over my environment/destiny/life.
7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? By the one I love.
8.
Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than
just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or
did you) say? "Thank you. But I'm sorry, I don't love you that way."
9. Think of the last person you know who died.
You have the chance to give them 1 hour more of life back, but you have
to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why? Or Why not? No. He had lung cancer and was in great pain. I'm sorry he had the disease, but I thought it was a blessing when his suffering was over. I wouldn't want to prolong that pain. 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? Yes
11. Does love = sex? No.
12.
Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of
work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there
much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means
of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why
or Why not. No. Because I have no other means of support, either. And besides, this is not how companies should make decisions. If so, would a woman with three children be a more valuable employee than a man with two? Is a man with a baby at home more protected than a woman caring for an elderly parent?
13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY
how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? What
did you have to tell the person? I don't recall. Sorry.
14. What would be (or what was)
harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex – you love
them or that you do not love them back. That I don't love them back.
Had lunch with my nephew today. So much has been going on in his life, and I was grateful for the download.
He's been accepted to two colleges: Western Illinois University in Macomb and Drew in Madison, NJ. A third school in Minnesota has yet to be heard from. Right now he has no favorite. He and his mother are touring Western Illinois on Monday.
Mostly he's happy to finish with high school. He mentions friends in passing, but since breaking up with his girlfriend last summer, there isn't anyone he feels especially attached to. He's more fond, and more eager to spend time with, friends he's met gaming online than his classmates. I said, "You sound like you're ready to start the next chapter," and he heartily agreed. He's happy for his cousin. He and his parents spent a long weekend in Southern California, and my nephew got to hold his cousin's baby girl (born in November) for the first time. He was touched by how fulfilled she was by motherhood. The family spent an afternoon at the Nixon Library in Loma Linda, and he got to sit behind a replica of Nixon's Oval Office desk and board the helicopter the Nixon's used to leave the White House the last time. For a political junkie, this was a high point.
He's thrilled by the Cubs' rotation. With the addition of Yu Darvish, aren't we all? I'm impressed by how knowledgeable he is. There were seasons, when he was a little boy, where we would read the box scores and batting averages together and I felt he was indulging me. I'm happy to see it's something he enjoys on his own. Cub fandom is his birthright, you know.
Girl Scout cookies. I bought a box. I'm not proud to report that was dinner.
The Love Club (2013) Unfamiliar with
this week's song. Hear it here.
1)
Lorde has said this song is about a time when she fell into "a bad
crowd." Her high-maintenance new friends were all about their romantic
dramas and it overwhelmed her. Have you ever had a friend who was just
too much work? Oh, yes! I don't mind friends who are hard work if they invest in me, as well. But my coworker expects me to hang on her every word and then calibrate my responses based on her moods. Yet when I called the office to tell her I had to deal with a breast cancer scare (I'm fine, thank God!), her entire response was, "Yeah, OK."
2) She sings that she longs to be alone. Where do you go when you want peace and quiet? I cocoon at home. Sometimes my perfect weekend is one where the only person I speak to is the pizza delivery man.
3)
Lorde credits her mother for encouraging her verbal skills. "Mum" let
her join a theater class when she was just 5 and was always giving her
books. Tell us about an encouraging, understanding adult who assisted
you when you were growing up. My Cousin Rose. She was wonderfully supportive of me during my difficult teen years. When I think about how terrific she was then, it makes me sad to see how bitter she's become over time. But we love each other. We never let more than a week go by without reaching out.
4)
Lorde is not the only celebrity from her class at Belmont School in
Auckland, New Zealand. Olympian Eliza McCartney was a classmate who went
on to win a bronze medal in Rio for the pole vault. Did you participate
in any sports in high school? No.
6) Lorde wrote music for one of the Hunger Games soundtracks. Have you seen any of the Hunger Games movies, or read any of the books? No. I can never keep up with the movies and books I want to consumer, and The Hunger Games encompasses two genres I don't have much time for: YA and sci-fi. So, no.
7) Her favorite candy is Peanut M&Ms. Do you prefer Milk Chocolate, Peanut, Almond, Mint or Cripsy M&Ms? Peanut!
8)
When Lorde was on stage at Lollapalooza, a sudden storm interrupted her
set. The music festival was evacuated and her performance was
cancelled. Can you think of a time when the weather had a major impact
on your plans? Between Christmas and New Year's, my friend Joanna and I just couldn't get it together to
celebrate and, indirectly, it was because of the severe cold. She was
just getting over a chest cold and inhaling the frigid air hurt.
9) Random question: Please complete this sentence -- Before I leave the house, I always __________________________.I always make absolutely sure I have my keys. I'm more than a little obsessive about it.
Henry called Thursday night and we blabbed, and blabbed and blabbed. It was great to reconnect with him. I don't know why he reached out, but I'm glad he did. I've been feeling adrift, and it's good to know that I'm tethered to people who love me.
Family was on his mind. He told me a story he'd never mentioned before -- that his paternal grandfather shot (but didn't kill) his grandmother. He was so matter of fact about it that it was almost as if he didn't realize that not everyone has a shooting in their family tree.
More important to him Thursday was another family legend -- this his father has an illegitimate daughter in New York City. Dad has always denied it, Mom believes it or doesn't (depending on how hostile she happens to be feeling toward Dad that day), and Henry isn't sure. But he was thinking about it in terms of his parents' relationship, how his father never loved his mother the way she deserved. The subject of family returned him to us. How he loves me, how I'm the sister he chose, and if he hadn't moved from Puerto Rico to Chicago to attend and teach at Northwestern, we never would have met and how sad that would have been. So many of my relationships lately have felt transactional -- specifically based upon what I can do for you -- and it was lovely and comforting to hear this from my old, dear friend.
He's been exploring these feelings for his writing. He's been attending a poetry workshop and working through his relationships, especially the one with his father, through writing. I completely support this because Henry deserves to be at peace. But when our call hit the two hour mark, I had to start winding it down. I had an early meeting Friday morning!
March 30, 1955, was supposed to be the capper of the best spring of Judy
Garland's life.She was a patient at Cedars Sinai, but for the best reason
imaginable -- she'd just given birth to her son, Joey. Weeks before, she'd won
the Golden Globe Award for her bravura performance in A Star Is Born.
Now she was the odds-on favorite to win her first competitive Oscar.
It's hard to overestimate how much this meant to Garland, her career and her
reputation. A Star Is Born was the first film she'd completed in four
years. Beginning in 1936, when she was just 14, she had been in front of movie
cameras, cranking out as many as three films a year. She'd won a special
juvenile Oscar as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. She'd introduced dozens
of songs onscreen and made them standards. Then she was fired. Ignominiously
canned amid rumors -- not all unfounded -- of cost overruns caused by booze and
drugs and suicide attempts.
But she'd done it. Judy had crawled and clawed her way back. She married a
third time -- this time to burly Sid Luft, who helped Judy establish herself as
a concert performer. Her onstage triumphs weren't the only reason for the Lufts
to celebrate. They had a baby girl, Lorna, and developed a reputation as a
happy couple. Tempestuous, certainly. Both Judy and Sid liked to drink and they
liked to fight. But he seemed like a better match for Judy than her first two
husbands (David Rose and Vincente Minnelli) had been.
Then Judy and Sid made A Star Is Born. The idea was originally
Judy's. She'd played Esther Blodgett/Vicki Lester years earlier on the radio
and wanted to do a musical version of it ever since. Sid made it happen for her.
He found the financing to buy the rights to the original script and commission
an updated one. He got a deal out of Jack Warner to produce. He convinced
George Cukor that the older man was the only director sensitive enough to get
the performance out of Judy that she was capable of.
And, oh! How she delivered! She gives what Bosley Crowther called a
performance that makes "the heart flutter and bleed." She's
daring -- laughing, crying and holding nothing back. She sings and dances,
commanding the screen in the famous "Born in a Trunk" sequence and performing new songs, written expressly for her, including "The Man that
Got Away."
The public that watched Judy grow up before their eyes was eager to see her
back on the screen in A Star Is Born. The pre-publicity practically
ordained that she would win the Oscar for Best Actress. The Los Angeles
premiere itself was an event. A who's who of Hollywood appeared on the red
carpet, and the proceedings were broadcast by both Armed Forces Radio and
newsreels.
But within the industry, there were ominous rumblings. Jack Warner
was at odds with the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences over his
refusal to advertise and lobby for any of his pictures, in any category. George
Cukor was complaining far and wide about how Warner Brothers hacked up the
finished film -- cutting more than 20 minutes without his or Luft's consent.
Still, this was Judy! She's luminous up there on the screen. She was
back! She got her nomination, of course. And the field for Best Actress really
didn't seem to present her with much competition.
• Dorothy Dandridge for Carmen Jones.Being black, she
couldn't possibly expect to win -- the nomination was award enough from America
in the 1950s.
• Jane Wyman for Magnificent Obsession. She was fine,
certainly, but her nomination was the film's only honor. Ms. Wyman was a
serious actress, having won for Johnny Belinda, and MagnificentObsession
was a soapy melodrama, not a prestige project.
• Audrey Hepburn for Sabrina. She was beautiful, of
course, and beautifully dressed as the chauffeur's daughter romanced by not one
but two wealthy brothers. But she had just won the year before (Roman
Holiday) and this nomination was seen more as confirmation of her
popularity than an accolade for this particular performance.
• Grace Kelly for The Country Girl. The stylish daughter
of Philadelphia's Main Line had made quite a splash in High Noon, Mogambo,
Dial M for Murder and Rear Window. She had class and presence. But
did she have talent? With her performance as Georgie in The Country Girl,
she had to rely on her acting alone. Her blonde mane was smoothed back, her
face obscured by thick glasses and her figure covered by lumpy cardigans. It
was agreed that she had real promise in addition to her Kelly pedigree. Soon she
would be ready for her Oscar, but conventional wisdom said this wasn't the
year.
Judy was the veteran in this field, so heavily
favored that NBC sent a film crew to Cedars Sinai, ready to broadcast her
acceptance speech live to an international audience.Judy, fully made up and coiffed, watched the show from her hospital bed. When Grace Kelly’s name was announced, the technicians wordlessly, unceremoniously packed up and escaped in embarrassed silence. It was a humiliating end to a shocking night.
So what the hell happened? How to account for
what Groucho Marx referred to as “the greatest robbery since Brink’s?” Sid
Luft believed it was Jack Warner’s refusal to advertise and organize on
behalf of A Star Is Born. Paramount was galvanized
in support of Grace. They’d invested a great deal in her, not only for The
Country Girl but also The Bridges of Toko Ri, and they were
protecting their investment.
Some film historians maintain it was that Grace’s
performance was so radically against type. Or course Judy could sing and dance! We've been seeing her do that since she was a kid! But it was a stretch for Grace to play older and frumpy. As we would see in years to come, with
Elizabeth Taylor in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Nicole Kidman in The
Hours, Oscar is drawn to glamour girls who dress down.
It's rumored that Judy thought she lost because “they” still
hated her. Who were “they,” exactly? The Hollywood establishment. Confident of the
public’s love, Judy felt misunderstood and misused by studios. She pointed to the brutal editing job the studio did, excising her best scenes, without even giving her a heads up. Apparently Jack Warner didn't have any greater regard for her -- as a person or as an artist -- than Louis B.
Mayer had at Metro.
Judy also always said that she was prouder to leave the hospital with a healthy baby boy than a gold statue. And so that is the joyous image I'm leaving you with.
Back in 2016, my friend John and I had planned to go down to Springfield to see the Lincoln sites. He was impressed that I returned to Springfield every few years, kind of like a geeky swan returning to American history's Capistrano. John has lived in the midwest his entire life, and in Illinois for nearly 40 years, and yet he's never seen the history just hours away. He thought I'd be a good tour guide. We were set to go. And then he went into the hospital. And came out without one of his toes. It's hard for me to admit this, even now, but he nearly died from long-term, untreated diabetes. His rehab was long and slow and so we couldn't make our trip.
Earlier this month, John mentioned that he'd like to try again. So in June, we're heading down via Amtrak on a Thursday night. We'll spend all day Saturday getting reacquainted with Illinois' favorite son, and then come home very early Saturday morning.
Barack Obama was a state congressman in Springfield and announced his historic Presidential candidacy from the Old State Capitol, where Lincoln delivered his "house divided against itself" speech. So planning this trip seemed to be a fitting way to celebrate President's Day.
I've been going to the same local accounting firm to get my taxes done for more than a decade. They
do good work, but they're expensive. When I got word this year that they were raising their prices 10% to 30%, I gulped. I paid $360 in 2017. My tax prep bill in 2018 could be (at least) $396.
No.
I have charitable contributions, mortgage interest and property taxes to deduct. I have capital gains and interest income to declare. But even so, my return is not that complicated. I can't see paying $400 to have it prepared.
So I went to H&R Block. They're popular. They're venerable. They're $328.
But oh, the accountant who prepared my return was odd! She started by telling me she was mixed race and adopted by white parents. Um ... don't care. She was later reunited with her twin, who had also been given up for adoption. Um ... interesting story, but can we start on my taxes? She thought it was wonderful that I support my church, and said that she'd pray that I find love and a husband, like hers. Um ... uncomfortable. When we were done, she actually hugged me.
Compared to the CPA who has handled by returns in the past, her work was spot on. She got me a little more from the Feds, a little less from the State. And she charged me about 20% less. So I'm good.
My movie group took a field trip! We saw The Philadelphia Story on the big screen. The rest of the multiplex was packed with young people, in line to see The Black Panther. But our little group (six in all) met to see the TCM event.
It's the first time we've met this year. First we thought we'd lost our venue, but Will managed to work that all out. Then the mother of our moderator, Will, passed away. Dealing with her passing, traveling out east for the final goodbye, was naturally preoccupying him. But TCM planned this, so it was easy for him to just send out the invitation email.
Hepburn was glorious. Her leading men -- Cary Grant and James Stewart, for Christ's sake -- were beyond adorable. I enjoyed the conversation with fellow movie geeks. I wish Joanna had been able to join us. I realized that I need to go out more! It was fun. I always think I'm too tired when I get home from all the depression and sadness at work, but Sunday it occurred to me that it does me good to get out there.
