And what is stressing me out? Everything and nothing.
The office is reopening 2/22. We will be expected to show up 3 days/week. I don't know how this will work, as the office isn't big enough to hold all of us at a social distance on any given day, but they have 3 weeks to work that out. I am deeply ambivalent about this. There's a freedom to working from home that I will miss. On the other hand, I miss the city and I'm getting squirrelly, spending too much time alone.
Then there's Covid. It seems there's always Covid! Because of O'Hare, there will always be stubbornly unvaccinated citizens passing through Chicago and callously putting me at risk. I'm trying to put a good face on it, literally, and upgraded to N95 masks. But they don't fit me. Not the ones with straps around the head, not the ones with straps behind my ears. So I'll double mask and hope for the best. But the situation makes me sad.
My mind has been wandering to my mortality. I don't think I'm being morbid. I'm not dwelling, but between the pandemic and Kathy's problems, I'm increasingly aware I'm in the late innings of the game. Like yesterday, out of nowhere, it occurred to me that I'll never see Prince William be King. Reading about Big Papi making the Hall of Fame made me wonder which of my beloved 2016 Cubs team will go into Cooperstown. Kris Bryant, I decided. But I probably will be dead before that happens.
I'm not afraid of death, per se. I'm good with God and feel confident I'll be welcome in Heaven. But I don't like prospect of getting there. Will I suffer diminished capacity, like Kathy? Will I be scared and in pain, like my mom was? Will the market tank, leaving me broke, because so many dumb douchebags prefer to believe Tucker Carlson over Dr. Fauci and Covid stays with us forever?
I miss Reynaldo.
My shrink feels my Covid fatigue is pretty standard issue. Normal and understandable, if not healthy. She feels that we're all suffering from it to one degree or another.
In the meantime, where's the remote?
I will keep you in prayer. I think it is normal to start thinking about the future. Nothing worse than seeing your parents die and awful death. Sometimes certain memories come up from taking care of then and I pray my kids don't have to deal with this with me. I understand the whole Covid things too. So many are getting it now. I would double mask too.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading this in the midst of my own self-care weekend. I need to call my therapist for a tune-up.
ReplyDeleteYou are not being morbid in the least. Everyone should be so cautious and aware. But of course it makes us all sad that so many people purposely didn’t get the vaccine and we keep dealing with the threat of new variants all the time.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your old movies, and the story you left me about Sir Paul is beautiful and new to me. Thank you so much! 🥰❤️
I completely relate to this post. What we are going through collectively, as a society, is tough. Covid fatigue and mental health issues from it are real. Uncertainty about aging and beyond - part of our human experience and not particularly fun. Sounds like you have a good therapist to guide you. I hope you self-care weekend helps take some of the edge off. See you again soon.
ReplyDeleteMust've been the weekend for it. My husband and I took what we called a "f*ck it" weekend and didn't worry too much about chores or getting the taxes done. I hope you are feeling better soon. I'm glad you have a good therapist. I miss having a therapist but can't find anyone who didn't graduate from Liberty University around here. Apparently, they hand out those MSW degrees like candy to the locals. Take care of yourself.
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