Thinking a lot about a lot of money

Back on 6/21, I sent my friend Barb a check for $850. This covers our theater tickets for 2016. It was hard for me to scrape it together. But I owe it to her, she's newly retired, and she probably needs it. I mean, that's a lot of money, right?

Wrong.

The check still hasn't cleared! She mentioned it in passing last week, so I know she received it.

$850 is more than my monthly mortgage payment, and it's rattling around in the bottom of one of her purses.

The disparity in our financial situations really bothers me. This week I'm taking her to Roister, Chicago's hot new restaurant, for her birthday. I'm happy to do it, because she's having another round of reconstructive surgery and this will be one of her last nights out before she's off her feet for a while. Plus, she's a foodie, and their chicken is already the stuff of legend. I wouldn't be surprised if the bill reaches $200.

As a gift, I got her a wine bottle thermometer/cuff, an unbreakable wine glass and a little bag of bath salts. It's to encourage her to lay back in the tub and relax, and concentrate on herself now that work is behind her. I put a lot of thought into it, but the price tag was less than $30.

I know she'll say she appreciates it, but I worry that it will look like nothing to her. 

This isn't the first time I've noticed that money doesn't mean to her what it does to me.  And it's one of the things that hurts me that may be self inflicted.

I just wish I saw me through Barb's eyes. I wonder how she sees our relationship. What does she get out of it? How does she view me? After 20+ years, I probably should be able to answer that, huh? Maybe I'm just having a low self-image day, and I'm sick of worry about money.