But I really wanted to go today because I've been so conflicted about how I feel about my older sister's health scare. Am I being self protective by keeping my distance in this family drama? Or am I cold? Will I regret not reaching out to her?
I needed God today, and God provided.
In addition to the comfort I get just from being in the sacred place that is our church, I got support from the congregation. For today, the subject was mental health and mental illness. The offering went to support NAMI, and the three sermonettes were enlightening and inspiring. The first two were caregivers, mothers of adult children with severe issues. The third was a very courageous member of our congregation who lives with bipolar disorder.
My takeaway is that it's OK for me to take care of myself in all this family drama. It doesn't make me selfish or bad. It makes me a person who loves herself.
I know this conclusion may seem like a "duh" moment to some of you (I read your comments to my original post and appreciated them more than you know) but sometimes there's a chasm between what I understand intellectually and what I feel in my heart.
Thanks to that hour at church, my head and my heart are in synch. And that makes me very happy.
You've been reading me long enough to know about my mental health issues. Living with bipolar disorder is a huge challenge. Loving myself through all of it is also a huge challenge, one that I've risen to. Loving yourself is never a bad thing, and in my opinion, self sacrifice for others can only come if you love yourself enough to do it, if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteOn another note--I would have loved to be in your church today. Sounds like an amazing service.
I am nodding along with your revelation.
ReplyDeleteI am with Lisa G in her comments to you. It's okay to love yourself enough to let go. And if you look at it this way, you are releasing that energetic piece with her as well. When I do energetic cord cutting work, one of the phrases in the permission statement is "so there's no more pulling or tugging of emotion between us ..." and I like that. Maybe now you won't experience so much "pulling and tugging". Glad you found comfort about this.
ReplyDeleteWe all have that chasm within us between what we know and what we feel. Forgive yourself for struggling with it, and being human. I'm glad you got some comfort and revelation.
ReplyDeletethankful for the peace you have received.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo