Wednesday, April 02, 2014

I don't like it. No, not one bit.

I have referred to this office in the past as "The Clown Car." It's four of us in one small enclosed space, and it reminds me of that stunt in the circus when clown after clown piles out of the car.

Lately it's felt more like a holdover from the phonebooth stuffing craze of the late 1950s.

No matter which analogy I use, it leaves me exhausted.

One of my coworkers is always on the phone, whispering to her friends and family. I don't mind that. It's none of my business what she does or who she speaks to. It's just that she's so dramatic about being discreet that it's not discreet, and there's something sibilant about her whispered s's that just cuts through any ambient noise and makes my skin crawl a little.

Another of my coworkers can be very negative* and really doesn't speak to anyone but me. Literally. If I'm not in he doesn't talk to the other two. There's one of our merry band of four that he especially shuns because he's thinks that gentleman is stupid. This makes me feel bad, so I feel compelled to overcompensate by being especially blabby and inclusive. I feel responsible for keeping the mood up.

It's a lot, you know? I have to be engaged, on display, all day every day. I can't dig in there with a tissue, pick my teeth or fix my bra, no matter how surreptitiously, because someone is always within a yard from me. Someone can always see me or hear me. And there's always someone I can reach out and touch ... whether I want to or not.

And it weighs on me. To the point that when I leave here, I don't care if I see or speak to anyone.

I feel bad complaining about this, after complaining about not wanting to lose my job, but it's an issue in my life right now and this blog is all about reflecting who I am on any given day.


*Though it must be said he's always fair to and supportive of me.

4 comments:

  1. Oh man, can I relate. I'm never alone, either. There are always students hovering around. And when I come home I want to disengage from the world, too. I hate to complain since this is such a good teaching year.

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  2. my boss and I talked about this very issue today...by the time we get home we want fold into ourselves.
    I even get mad if the phone rings at home...LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!

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  3. We all need personal space, and some need it more than others. It's so stressful when your space is invaded! Can you find a place over lunch where you can go to be alone and recharge? It might make the afternoon more tolerable. I know my own tolerance for everything decreases as the day goes on.

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  4. The only person I can stand to be around for that long is my husband...and even then, at least we have our own seperate places in the apartment we hang out in when we need space. I would not be able to deal.

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