I Want ... no more goodbyes!
One coworker has decided not to return from maternity leave. Another is following her husband's career trajectory to Nebraska. While I am happy for the personal fulfillment their decisions promise these women, I am melancholy for myself.
For I don't like goodbyes. I really don't.
And I'm especially haunted the prospect of the BIG ones -- my mother and my uncle. My mother's deterioration has escalated since her first bout with pneumonia in 2009, and it's scaring me. She's forgetful and her perception is way off somehow. Last Sunday she told my nephew that the world we live in today -- two wars and a Recession -- is every bit as bad as it was when she was a little girl. Now, really! Where's our Hitler? Where are the homeless people knocking on the door, asking for food in exchange for work? I asked her if she was serious and she said, "yes." All I can do is shake my head.
Likewise my uncle is fading and fading and fading. The State of Illinois now commandeers his mail and pays his bills for him, and has decided that he needs neither cable nor a cell phone. His response is to be petulant. Just 15 years older than I am, and deemed not able to handle his own affairs. It's rattling.
These two goodbyes -- the inevitable ones, the ones that are moving inexorably closer, are the ones I fear most.
What about you? What do you want this Wednesday?
I've had to fire two nurses this week. I want to hire two nurses who are proud of what they do, who practice with care, who own their mistakes, and who love being nurses. Is that too much to ask?
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