Pounding the Pavement

Much of why I'm blue is that when surrounded by people who are sad, or distant, or resigned, it's hard to stay upbeat. Since I care about these friends and relatives and am helpless to help them, it's hard not be to become sad myself.

So while I continue to follow John Lennon's advice and have hopped off the merry-go-round, I did instead force myself onto the treadmill.

I hadn't been looking forward to it. I've been eating salads, doing my cardio, even adding a new machine to my regimen, and I HAVE NOT LOST A POUND!!! I'm one of those people who would like immediate gratification if it didn't take so long, so I found myself quite disheartened by my most recent trips to Bally's.

Then it washed over me: I cannot control the world. I cannot make those close to me listen to me. I cannot provide adequate comfort for those whose problems are beyond my expertise.

I can, however, control ME. I can add extra time to the treadmill and have a McDonald's yogurt parfait instead of a Three Musketeers bar for dessert. This won't put me in competition with Jennifer Love Hewitt and her Hanes commercials, but it's good for my heart and it's good for bones and it will give me that all important sense of control over my environment.

So I did. And now I have (a renewed sense of control.)

And because when things start feeling better, they tend to start getting better, I got a (nearly, almost, bordering on) happy email from my best friend today, reassuring that no matter problems he's having, they have nothing to do with us. If his issues have nothing to do with me, I can't resolve them, can I? As the sign on my bulletin board says, "I Will Not Obsess. I Will Not Obsess. I Will Not Obsess."