My best friend left me a message late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. He called me where he knew I wasn't at that hour (the office) to update me on the travails of moving to another state. His wife and little girl were worn out and had crashed at a friend's. He was alone in his empty house, patching holes and painting, preparing for the final walk through before the Monday morning closing. The message was detailed and friendly and comfortable and it meant the world to me.
He may have called because as he looked over his weekend and experienced yet another unplanned turn, he thought, "Laurie would appreciate this shit." Or he may have called because we won't be able to talk in real-time for several days and he doesn't want me to feel anxious about not being able to contact him. Did he want to share, or was he just being thoughtful? I don't care. It doesn't matter.
The only thing that does matter is that we're still friends, and we're still good. I feel less isolated, less vulnerable, knowing that. It's a good way to prepare for Monday and a possibly tension-filled, deadline-driven week.
I'm not sure if you are interested in opinions or not and if not I won't give any more but for now from someone outside looking in from the words you have written it would be my guess that your friend indeed cares deeply for you but because of his wife and daughter, who he probably loves, he has to keep his feelings separate almost like you exist for him in his parallel universe in his mind. AND sometimes having someone special like that is as important as a wife and child but not something he could probably ever really articulate to you as there would be too much guilt involved on his part. Unless someone has had feelings like this they really do not understand how you can become so deeply attached but you were right about people being office spouces as often you spend more quality time with this person than your actual spouse. I have a feeling no matter what happens to him in his life with his job, his move, everything with his wife and daughter, when he is upset now or overwhelmed his thoughts probably turn to you and the special feelings that you both share. As long as you always feel good it is a good thing but don't let the friendship you share with him stand in your way if you should meet someone who you could truly share your life with as we all know the cliches but Life can be short and as long as you are happy that is all that matters but allow yourself to be open to the possibility of allowing someone else to touch your soul as your special friend has with all of his heart.
ReplyDeleteSomeone you made laugh.
Wow. You really have been reading these posts for a while. It's very nice of you, very generous of you, to care and I appreciate it. I am sure his/my relationship won't move to dangerous ground because I'm not even sure he knows my feelings have changed to something more complicated and intense.
ReplyDeleteHI,
ReplyDeleteLate at night I stumble upon different things on the internet and yes I have been reading your posts for awhile. I don't think you have mentioned in your blog whether you have ever been married or not just that you are single now. I married at the very tender, very young, impressionable age of 40 a few years back. I do know exactly what you mean about someone not knowing that your feelings have changed to something more complicated and intense. Sometimes do you just laugh to yourself how men can seemingly know you so well ( I have gathered from your posts your friend and you have a relationship that is very close) and not realize your feelings. Through the years one of the things I have noticed about men is that whether it be marriage, dating, work friendships, work serious spouse-like relationships like you mentioned, wherever they are they are so in the moment and nothing else exists and then when they go home they are in that moment and sometimes I think that is why they cannot always get what someone else's true feelings are when it involves them. I have read some really interesting books on all the differences between men and women and how some things neither sex will ever understand why the other feels the way they do but I think that is what keeps life interesting. I am a firm believer in your life that relationships can be of the paramont importance even if they don't always lead to marriage and making memories with someone special is what truly matters. It sounds like you have a lot of wonderful memories with your friend that you wouldn't trade for anything in the world and that is what truly is precious! My husband and I met through work and it all worked out happily ever after. I know lots of people think having relationships with people through work is a bad idea. I am not one of those people and I truly believe no one else ever really understands why one person feels the way they do toward another and having feelings for someone is never bad when you are happy with your feelings.
It sounds from your writing like you are a really nice person and, I am guessing like me, you like to do nice things for other people and it always frustrated me to death when sometimes you are just being a nice person doing nice things and your actions get misinterpeted because so many people only do things when they want something from someone. They make it really bad for truly nice people who have no alterior motives in their actions.
I hope you are surviving the heat wave up there okay. There is no place in the world that is quite like Chicago. Once Chicago is in your blood it is their for life! One of my favorite songs is by Allotah, Hayes and Jerimiah ( I know I crucified the spellings on those names) Lake Shore Drive! Do you love Rosatis Pizza. That is just a Chicago thing and the rest of the world doesn't know what they are missing. Same goes true for Duos Pizza!
Someone you made laugh.