August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 23

My virtue. I not only worked out at lunchtime, I brought my lunch. AND I resisted the seductive scent of barbecue and made my own dinner at home. Brings me just that much closer to my dual goals of no longer being fat and poor.

Introducing Urban Shocker

Is this not one of the greatest baseball names ever?

Born in 1890, Urban played for the Yankees and the St. Louis Browns from 1916 to 1928. According to my baseball page-a-day calendar, yesterday would have been his 120th birthday. I wish I'd known so I could celebrate accordingly.

"Oh, Gal, this is AWFUL!"

That's how my 10-year-old nephew responded last night when I said, "Hello." The family has been away all week, up in Wisconsin in a cabin without a TV, and he didn't find out until Sunday morning (from friends at a birthday party) that the Cubs had traded D Lee and Lou had suddenly retired.

We agreed we would rather keep losing with a team we like than say goodbye.

He's a Cub fan.

Movie Monday -- Prison Movies

Share movies you've enjoyed featuring jail time or the escape from them, linking back here at The Bumbles. However - NO SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION ALLOWED - that is a slam-dunk automatic. And don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

Cool Hand Luke was just on over the weekend so it's very top of mind. So many favorite scenes! The 50 eggs, "Plastic Jesus," and the montage at the end, when the guys are recalling "that Luke smile." I may be alone among women on the planet, but I never found Paul Newman sexy. However, when you see "that Luke smile," you can't help but smile back. He was, without a doubt, the coolest man ever.

Brubaker. How can I think of Newman without Redford? I believe this is the only movie where Redford played a character on the right side of the law. He plays a high-minded prison reformer, sometimes so stubbornly high-minded he gets in his own way. It's almost as though he's playing the Streisand/Way We Were part this time, with Jane Alexander as the one who is willing to work within the system and compromise. While non-sexual, the conflict and respect between these two characters is unusual and interesting to watch. He's so sure he's right, so convinced that he can help these men (whom he admits are probably very bad men) that he gets himself fired. Could he have done more good if he hadn't been so hellbent on being right? I like movies that are about something, and this one delivers.

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 22

The boys. Reynaldo and Joey have become best buds. It amuses me that they play, roughhouse and nap together, because they seem oblivious to the disparity in their sizes. Joe is so happy to have his best friend nearby that he's making curly paws.

So far, this is my "happiness moment"

This makes me laugh, even though the Blago was photographed in the Batmobile at Comic.con yesterday. Watch for the Cubs logo. It's even known in Taiwan!

Farewell, Sweet Lou!

With the announcement that Lou is leaving the Cubs forever after today's game, I will treasure having seen him one last time -- live and in person -- last Thursday even more.

My favorite skipper since Leo back in the 1960s.

Like the song says: "You may have been a headache, but you never were a bore.
I'm awfully glad I met you. And thank you, so much."

My scale once said this

It may never say this again, but I am posting it as a reminder -- What [wo]man has done, [wo]man can do.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Majorly Personal Meme, Part One

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Are you happier now than you were five months ago? Healthier, certainly. Happier? I guess so. Feeling better physically contributes to being happier.

2. Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone that you shouldn't have? Oh, yes.

3. Can you sleep in total darkness? Yes.

4. Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, the one who got away, what do you say? "I hope you're happy." Because of what I learned recently, that's not a question asked lightly.

5. What do you think about the weather this summer? Too freaking hot.

6. How many people do you trust with everything? I don't trust anyone with absolutely everything.

7. What was the last thing you drank? Classic Coke.

8. Is there anyone you want to come see you? I always want to see my best friend.

9. Name one thing you love about winter? Holiday lights brightening the city. What a nice thought on a sticky summer day!

10. Have you ever dated a Goth? No. I'm over 50. Dating a Goth would be pathetic.

11. What are you looking forward to tomorrow? I'm writing this on Saturday night, so on Sunday I'm looking forward to working out. It'll feel good to get this old heart of mine racing again!

12. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? It's too freaking hot.

13. What's the longest that you have committed to one person and one person only? Six years.

14. What’s the first thing you did when you opened your eyes today? Tried to remember if it was the weekend, so I could decide whether I had to leap out of bed or just the waking up process unfold naturally.

15. Has anyone ever told you they never want to ever lose you? Yes.

16. Is there anybody that you wish you could fix your relationship with? Yes. I'm far from perfect as a friend or as a romantic partner.

17. Could you go out in public, looking like you do now? Yes. But to borrow from Jurassic Park, just because I can doesn't mean I should.

18. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? How? Define "things." Do you mean national, international, professional or interpersonal situations? Yes, some "things" will definitely change in the next 3 months. Personally, I'd like to be less fat and less broke.

19. Do you believe that you never know what you got until you lose it? I think that's often true. "We take paradise and put up a parking lot."

20. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes. My best friend. All this talk of him this meme inspires me to shoot him an email. Gotta run!

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 21

Plenty of nothin'. Today I got a haircut, went to the movies (The Switch), wandered around the bookstore, enjoyed some Ben and Jerry's Mint Chunk Ice Cream, got home and curled up with Cary Grant. A very good, albeit blissfully uneventful, day.

The opposite of Cary Grant

A homeless man was being questioned by police, right next door to the ice cream parlor. He was short and unkempt and missing his front teeth. He was also pissed that the police were detaining him, he was adamant that he'd done nothing wrong. I heard one of the cops say, "Harvey? Did you use their bathroom and then forget to put your penis away?"

It was sad and probably very innocent on poor Harvey's part. But it's a pleasant August night and there were families sitting at the tables in front of the ice cream parlor. I'm sure the parents were disturbed by the show Harvey was putting on, even if it as unintentional.

Isn't he terrific?

I'm halfway through the PBS Cary Grant marathon (a special about his life and career, Arsenic and Old Lace, and Bringing Up Baby). I don't know that I'm in love with him, exactly. But I do believe he may be the most appealing man ever captured on film. I can't imagine anyone looking at him and not being charmed. William Powell could also be elegant and funny, and of course, today George Clooney is irresistibly sexy. But are either of them as unutterably adorable and completely seductive as Cary Grant? I don't think so.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Welcome Back

1. Where were you the last time that someone welcomed you back? Absolutely nothing comes to mind. Isn't that sad?

2. Tell us who is you favorite non-family member to hang out with? My best friend. I'm both my most comfortable and my most engaged with him, and time flies.

3. What was the last thing that happened to anger you? My crazy old neighbor vandalized the washers and dryers ... again.

4. What was the last thing that you saw that was shocking to see? That people (OK, a friend of a friend on Facebook) actually believe Obama is a "Muslim traitor." I thought such people were an urban myth, like Bigfoot.

5. What is your favorite thing to do on Saturday besides Saturday 9? Nothing. I love being lazy on the weekends.

6. Have you had your summer vacation yet? If yes tell us about it. I don't take summer vacations. I take a spa trip (this year to Colonial Williamsburg) in the spring and visit friends in Key West between Christmas and New Year's. That gives me a perfect balance of pampering and partying.

7. Pick out one of your cousins and tell us about them. My poor Cousin Kathy. She is my uncle's only child, and his mental and physical disintegration must be very hard on her. I can't imagine being her position, and having to deal with the choices she has to make when it comes to dealing with an ailing parent while trying to be a good mother to her own sons.

8. Do you have any special plans for next week? Yet another trip to the dentist! Yea! I'm only being a little sarcastic. This dental work (all for a single, exceptionally troublesome cavity) has taken up entirely too much of my time, energy and money … since March! I hope that Tuesday's appointment is the last in the series.

9. At what age will you consider yourself old and why? Oooh, that's a tough one. Sometimes I feel older than Methuselah right now, and other times I feel like a kid.

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 20

They're Playing Our Song. In 1979, this was the big hit on Broadway, Marvin Hamlisch's followup to A Chorus Line. I loved it then but kinda forgot about it. Probably because it was never a movie and it's never enjoyed a big stage revival. Too bad, because it's quite charming. I was so happy to find this clip from that year's Tony Awards. Robert Klein is playing Vernon, a character clearly based on world-class geekatroid Marvin Hamlisch, and doing a wonderful job. And Lucie is a revelation. Sure, the 70s poodle perm makes her eyes look too close together and her dress looks like it was borrowed from Ann-Margret's nightclub act, but listen to her sing and watch her dance -- in heels! There's not a trace of Lucy Riccardo there. Maybe that disappoints people, but I think she was great.

Rediscovering Sonja and Vernon was like hooking up with old friends again. I got the CD from Amazon, and it makes me very happy.

Just pouring it out

This post has been bubbling up inside of me for a while now, and I'm just going to let it flow. Maybe getting it out of my system will help me feel cleansed inside.

First of all, I want to say that I love my mother very much. I also know that, since she's in her mid-70s and in compromised health, I won't have her that much longer. So I can't/won't talk to her about this. I don't want this poisoning our remaining time together.

When I was a little girl, I loved my Grandpa (my dad's dad) to distraction. I think it's because he loved me so much. There's something sublime about that kind of completely unquestioning love. I still remember how he smelled (like cigars and licorice lozenges). He died of a massive heart attack when I was in high school. He's been gone longer than I knew him, but I still miss him.

Those grandparents had one child still at home when I was growing up, my Aunt Jo, my godmother, about a decade my senior. My mother and my Aunt Jo never hit it off. Don't know why, exactly. It was just always there. Consequently I spent a lot of time over there as a kid with just my dad. Sometimes Aunt Joanne was there -- she'd take me miniature golfing and paint my toenails -- sometimes I'd just snoop around in her bedroom. She seemed quite glamorous to me. She'd doodle the name of her then-boyfriend (later husband) Bob on her desk blotter, had a framed photo of President Kennedy over her door and had a sloping ceiling over her bed, which gave it an especially cozy look.

Shortly before Grandpa died, Aunt Jo married Bob and they had a baby. My Grandma, now a widow, spent more and more time at our house and consequently I saw less and less of my Aunt Jo.

It's about this time that I was also molested by one of my relatives -- on my mother's side.

There. Now you have the cast of characters.

Recently my Aunt Jo has begun corresponding with me and my kid sister on Facebook. She's unemployed, lives in Florida with her second husband, and has a lot of time on her hands and is reaching out. I'm OK with being reached out to. At my request, she posted a treasure trove of photos of my Grandpa (her dad) and even one of me when I was tiny. In that shot I'm in her lap, we're in the backyard at my grandparents' house and I can barely make out the swing where I would spend so many happy hours in a few years. My aunt also sent me a family history that some distant cousin did -- it just arrived today and I'm going to pore over it this weekend.

I have copied my kid sister on everything because, well, her kids never knew our Grandpa and only my niece knew Grandma and they may be interested in all this. After all, it's her family, too.

She apparently told my mom. I think she may have emphasized how Aunt Jo wrote things like, "You were so the favorite in our house" because when my mother mentioned it to me, her voice had something of an edge to it.

"Your sister tells me you and your aunt are corresponding on that Facebook thing."

"Yes." And I told her about the photos of Grandpa and the family history.

"I don't care," was my mother's response.

"You wouldn't," I said, trying unsuccessfully not to get testy. "It's not your family. It's dad's."

"I wouldn't care even if it was my family."

"You asked what Jo and I talk about. I'm telling you."

My mom started on what a spoiled brat Jo was, how she was "beyond fat" as a young girl and very jealous of everyone who was prettier, which according to my mom, was everyone. OK. I believe I've heard this before. It may even be true. I mean, when my mom married into that family, she was barely out of her teens and Jo was not yet into adolescence and may very well have hated my mom and acted out. Whatever. It has nothing to do with me.

And maybe, just maybe, I'd like to have a more solid tie to a simpler time, to a woman who wrote that, "to me, you'll always be my sweet little niece who liked to snuggle on the couch with me and her Lassie dog." (I loved that plush dog, and was touched she remembered.) Maybe, just maybe, after my mother dies, I'll want to have some link to family who actually LIKE me. Someone who also loved Grandma and Grandpa (though, as I told Aunt Jo, I appreciate that my pining for Grandpa might sound insensitive to her since, after all, he was her dad and she must miss him even more than I do).

If my mom doesn't want anything to do with Jo, that's fine. I understand. That's why I never brought our communication up to her.

But what I can't understand, what hurts so, is that my mother can dismiss someone whose only sin seems to have been being bratty while young, and yet keeps a framed photo of my molester in her bedroom.

My mom has been away for a week. Maybe now that I've written this, shared it with the cyber universe, put it out there, I won't be as angry and hurt when I talk to her again this weekend.

What the hey?

My brother in law quit his job. Quitting means no unemployment. His boss wouldn't give him the whole week off to go up to Wisconsin and get my niece, suggesting he leave early today instead. Since they agreed he could have this week off months ago, he lost his temper and quit.

Did I mention quitting means no unemployment?

He had health insurance, a truck and gas with that job, too. All gone.

I can't help my mom AND take care of them, too. Not to mention that it's a little galling to help someone who judges you as harshly as my sister does me. Or that when I'm old, I won't have a Gal equivalent to turn to.

On the other hand, they have two kids and two cats who didn't choose which home they landed in. So I sent the kids giftcards to help with back to school clothes and supplies. I have a coupon here for a free bag of premium catfood from Petco. Bet you can guess what I'm gonna do with that.

My sister's job as lunch mom begins again next week. Her take home is $45/week. The school year is only 9 months. Taking school vacations into account, my sister contributes less than $2000/year to that household. That's less than I give my mom.

What the fuck are they going to do?

Trying not to obsess …

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 19

The Stadium Club at Wrigley Field. One of the coworkers who went to the game with me knows people who are actually members of the exclusive Stadium Club, the upscale sports bar within Wrigley Field, and she got us in! After the ninth I had a drink and rehashed the game and enjoyed the atmosphere. Her friends, while older and wealthier than we are, are season ticket holders and true fans, so it was great to go indulge my inner Cubbie blue fan girl with others of my ilk. Margo actually carries a signed photo of herself with Ryan Theriot in the same album that features pictures of her grandchildren! Great folks and a good time.

Melancholy afternoon

Cubs lost 5-3, but it was an entertaining game. We were ahead at one point, and in the ninth we closed the gap. Our seats were so good that I was able to take this photo of Starlin Castro without even getting up.

But I was a little blue throughout. When the game was over, I didn't want to get up and leave because when this season ends, I feel like I will be losing something dear. Derrick Lee is gone. Lou has announced his retirement. Both Ted Lilly and Ryan Theriot are gone.

This happens every 5 years or so. Management loads up the truck and hauls away players that I have come to care about. It bothers me more than the losing.

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 18

A moment of class. After more than 14 years with the agency, my boss' boss was let go on Monday. He was back in the office today and packed up his stuff. After he was done, he stopped by to shake my hand and say goodbye. He didn't have to do it. He was frank and unsentimental but not bitter. It is what it is, he saw it coming, and he'll be fine. It was as though he didn't want me to worry about him, or to have what happened have any impact on how I feel about the agency. Very impressive, very classy.

The upside of a bad situation

OK, so maybe my agency has sustained even more lay offs. And perhaps the Cubs do suck this year. But that doesn't mean I can't find the pony amid all this shit.

I get to sit in the agency's PRIMO box seats at tomorrow's game!

Never mind that I only get this opportunity because so many people no longer work here and so few people still care about the season. I still intend to go and have a fabulous time. And I'll be wearing my official MLB Greg Maddux #31 Cub jersey!

I Want Wednesday

I want Blago to go away.

He's been found guilty of one count, a felony, which has jail time attached. I don't care that it's a "lesser" charge. He's now a convicted felon and he should serve time for that. Do we really need a retrial? Do we really need to go through all this again?

He's no longer in the statehouse. He's no longer in politics. He's broke. He will probably be disbarred. That's enough for me.

Now I simply want Rod Blagojevich to go away.

What about you? What do you want today?

Everyone needs Frangoes

According to Macys.com: "A delectable combination, smooth milk chocolate and refreshing mint come together to dazzle your taste buds. Since 1918, Frango has been cooking up batches of savory, yet refreshingly melt-in-your-mouth mint chocolate."

Until recently, Frango Mints were the trademark of Chicago's Marshall Field's. When the Field's name disappeared, Macy's picked up the banner. While I'm a fan of the original milk mint, you can also enjoy double chocolate, dark mint, toffee, sugar free and milk caramel.

They are fabulous. Completely fabulous.

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 17

91¢ A tourist did the nicest thing today! As I cut through Macy's at lunchtime today, I decided I deserved a four-pack sampler box of Frangoes (retail: $3.25). While I was paying, a young man suddenly appeared at my side and handed me a Macy's gift card. "It's got less than $2 on it and I can't use it. I want you to have it." Then he disappeared.

There was still 91¢ left on the gift card. My Frangoes were even more delicious than they would have been at full price. Thank you, generous tourist.

10 on Tuesday

Where It All Goes

I have two credit cards in my wallet. One I use for big purchases that I intend to pay for over time, the other for more expected things that I charge so I can get airline miles. I pay this second one off every month. I'm budgeted for $650, and it's always way more. And I'm always surprised. For example, this month it's $737. This warrants closer examination.

The last 10 purchases to post to my Citi/American Airlines credit card statement:

1) Guthy-Renkor Principal Secret. My moisturizer, cleansing mask and tinted moisturizer are delivered to 4 times a year, and my card is billed automatically for this every month. A good deal, and not a surprise.

2) Groupon -- $5 for $10 worth of frozen yogurt. An impulse purchase, yes, but undoubtedly a good deal.

3) Book of the Month Club. A Robert B. Parker tribute/Spenser compilation. This one I kinda regret. For while I loved Robert B. Parker and Spenser, I don't think I will ever reread these mysteries. PLUS it violates my "no new books in 2010" edict. So that's $13.78 I wish I hadn't spent.

4) Paypal for computer software. I hated spending this, but it was necessary.

5) Peapod. Grocery delivery service. It's been so freaking hot, there's no way I was going to lug a 15-lb. jug of cat litter, carton of Coke, bottle of bleach and Lord knows what else home. I stand by this one, too.

6) Quinn for Governor. Don't know if you've heard, but Illinois has had some bad luck with Governors lately. I hope this turns out to the a good investment.

7) Pumpkin Moon. Local card shop. I stocked up on silly cards and funny notepads and magnets to send to my friend Kathleen as she deals with her treatments. I couldn't have seen this coming, but it was $16.33 very well spent.

8) USPS. A month's worth of stamps, plus postage for a package of paperback books to Operation Shoebox. Obviously money well spent.

9) Comcast. Cable and Internet. More important than air and water for this Gal.

10) The Humane Society of the US. My monthly contribution, automatically billed to my card. How can we not help our furry friends?

Reviewing these, I feel better about going over budget, even though the frivolous, unnecessary purchases that I should be ashamed of and regret undoubtedly appear further down the statement.

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 16

Sleep. My slumber had been disrupted alot lately, and I think it contributed to my catching a pesky summer cold. So I really enjoyed sleeping in yesterday at the hotel, today in my own bed, and (most delicious of all) an afternoon nap on my sofa. Tomorrow it's back to my real life and regular schedule, but today I was able to savor blissful sleep.

Welcome to The Queen's Meme #49

It's called The Watch Me Watch You Meme. So hunker down with your spyglass and bourbon, don dark sunglasses if you choose and tell us your deep dark and guarded secrets. Or not.

1. I have given you a pair of binoculars. If you could watch anyone in the world in the act of being creative or creating something, what would you choose to watch? Sir Paul. He plays so many instruments completely by ear and composes on both guitar and piano. He has begun painting, too. So I'd just like to watch his creative process unfold, seeing which media he chooses.

2. Turn your head to the left. What do you see? Explain its significance in your life. A fan in the window. This is the first evening in freaking AGES that I haven't had the air conditioning on. I hate hot weather.

3. You are watching a parade. You see a float float by (they float, don't they?) with three of your favorite people on it. Who are they? Joe, Mika and Willie

4. What do you like to watch on television? NCIS. I love Gibbs. He's my TV boyfriend.

5. Your blog is under surveillance by the Blogwatchers Association.
What are they watching for? Threats against Carlos Zambrano.

6. Watch out! Your greatest superstition has befallen you. What do you "watch out" for on a daily basis? I always hold my button when I pass a cemetery.

7. Have you ever "watched" at a wake in the deceased home or funeral parlor? I don't really understand this question. I have attended visitations, if that's what you mean.

8. Name one thing you always want to be awake for. Sex.

9. What is the next opportunity you are waiting or watching for? Sex.

10. You are standing guard in Central Prison. It is your job to watch the prisoners online activities. What site would you recommend to someone in prison? Nancy Grace. She'll scare them back to the straight and narrow!

"I loved a man, truly I did ..."

From an old Barbra Streisand song. Because in my head, I sound like Babs.

I did have a great love with a good man. He was the wrong man for me, too remote, but he was smarter than I am and well read and steady as they come and very good looking. I have many happy memories. We broke up but I have never stopped loving him. I understood his short-comings, even as I was unable to deal with them, and since he wanted a family so badly, hoped he would find a woman who could deliver all I couldn't.

Which is why, when I saw his profile on a professional networking site, I was thrilled to see that he mentioned his son. I wish I had left well enough alone.

Out of boredom and curiosity, I searched around and found the woman he married. Looked her up on Facebook. So far, so good. She's hyphenated, using both her maiden name and his surname. Pretty, but not gorgeous. Tall and but not THAT thin. Works for the local Republican Party (figures, he has quite the Libertarian streak). 43, with a 9-year-old son. That checks out. Lists herself as, "In a relationship."

Maybe she just didn't scroll down far enough for "married."

I could see from her wall that posted and conversed often with an author who writes exclusively about autism. She wrote of her 9 year old's son struggle with language, using words like "desperate," "frustrated," and "frantic." She's looking for help with how to get him to use a keyboard, and was hopeful to learn that children with a condition similar to her son's respond well to using an iPad.

I am afraid of the conclusion that I am drawing ... that the child he wanted so much is autistic, and that because of his remote nature he wasn't able to be the husband his wife needs as they dealt with their son's condition and they divorced.

I don't want that to be true.

Yet, until recently, he and this woman lived in the same town (white pages listings) and they both have one child, a son.

The girl he was with before me committed suicide. Then there was our misfire of a relationship. Now this.

I don't want him, but I do love him and I hope he's happy.

And I hope I'm wrong.

Movie Monday

This week's topic is all about the films of the late John Hughes. Admit it. Once upon a time (in your life), you were bitten by the John Hughes bug. I haven't seen all of his movies, but those I saw still beat those chick flicks running around these days. Show how much you love John Hughes' movies by answering this:

John Hughes... How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
and then link back to The Bumbles.

I love John Hughes because he gave us Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And by giving us that movie, he:
1) Introduced me to one of the most fabulously cheesey songs of all time, "Danke Schoen"
2) Made parades cool again
3) Showed how funny Ben Stein could be, simply by intoning a single word ("Bueller")
4) Contributed a valuable quote to my vernacular, "He's so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond."
5) Gave us the funniest scene over the credits EVER ("You're still here? Go HOME!")

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Days 14 & 15

"She died laughing." Spent this weekend with my oldest friend at the annual Fest for Beatle Fans. For me, the highlights all came on Saturday. They were:

1) Listening to Klaus Voorman, artist and Beatle insider since they met in Hamburg back in 1962. You have seen Klaus' work -- he designed both the Revolver and Beatles Anthology album covers.

2) Seeing Denny Laine, Lawrence Juber and Denny Seiwell, all members of Wings.

3) Laughing. I always laugh a lot with my oldest friend. Much of it was ridiculous, silly. Since I have been battling a cold, at times it was hard for me to breathe. She assured me she would tell my mother, "She died laughing."

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Superstition

1. What are you superstitious about? Airplane travel.

2. What’s the story behind one of your scars? One Good Friday when I was about 10, I was jumping on my bed, all excited about the prospect of coloring eggs, and somehow missed, cracking my chin on my dresser. At the Emergency Room, they didn't believe my parents that I missed my entire bed Maybe it was because my dad was both covered in my blood and seemed royally pissed that this was how he was spending his day off, but the nurse wanted to give me the opportunity to reveal any abuse I'd suffered at their hands. She asked my parents to leave the room for a moment, and I vaguely remember her saying, "We're alone here." I completely didn't understand and thought, like, "Duh. I may be a kid but I can count to two. I know we're alone." I just thought she was an idiot. I was worried about stitches and wanted to get them over with.

3. What are three things that you would rather be doing right now? Making love, having sex, doing "it."

4. What do you do when you're bored? Farting around on the internet.

5. What's your favorite thing to do? Why? See #3. It's been so long, I'm not sure I even remember why. Just a primal urge, I guess.

6. What do you do when you're lonely? I don't get lonely very often. But when I do, I drink and cry. Or go the movies. They're both good.

7. How do you measure the passing of time in life? I don't understand the question. Calendar?

8. What would constitute "the perfectly lived day" for you? If I go to sleep happy and think I've learned something.

9. If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you do in your final days? See #3.

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 13

I accidentally discovered that my blog has made a difference in someone's life, and it makes me happy.

Every now and again I check my statcounter to see who visits here and where they're from. I have received an unusual number of hits today from The Daily Kos. Huh? What? How on earth did I get referenced on The Daily Kos?

Well, one of the regular blogs on The Daily Kos is called Sistah Speak. The author is discussing race, racism and the impact on black women. A mention was made of the coverage of violent crime against women of color, and how it isn't covered as extensively as offenses against white women. Someone calling herself Amazinggrace commented, linking back to this blog:

Mitrice [Richardson] was an exception in reporting, as was my cousin Nailah Franklin here in Chicago. Their disappearances received continuous coverage because of the diligence of their families in pressing the issue.

Up until today, I had no idea that any of my posts about Nailah Franklin was actually seen, obviously appreciated and even remembered by her family! I hope they got some comfort from knowing how deeply Nailah's story touched the heart of this stranger.

P.S. There is some news about this case. The suspect is still in jail, awaiting trial, and has been charged for assaulting a corrections officer. Sounds like a terrific guy, doesn't he? But, since today's post is about happiness, and since all of my Nailah Franklin posts have been more about her life than her death, I will say no more about him.

I may not be sleeping, but BOY, am I ever dreaming!

My slumber this week has been fitful at best. I wish there was a fascinating reason behind this, but I suspect it's just because with this ungodly heat, my bedroom air conditioner has been running longer, higher and louder than usual and it's been disrupting my sleep.

While the reason behind my altered sleep patterns may be ho-hum, my dreams have been very interesting. They all have to do with bathing. Publicly.

In one, I am bathing in my tub and suddenly people appear in the doorway. I slide down under water to cover myself. I am not frightened or even surprised, simply annoyed by this interruption, so I think I'm only recalling a fraction of a longer dreamland saga.

In the second one, my bathroom is somehow out of commission and I am reduced to showering in a public stall on the el platform. The fact that there are no public shower stalls on el platforms is irrelevant -- this is a dream. Mostly I am concerned with how dirty the floor is.

According to Dreammoods.com, this is what's going on:

To dream that you are taking a shower or are in a bathtub suggests a need for self-renewal and escape from everyday problems. You need to rid yourself of the burdens that you have been carrying. Alternatively, it indicates your mood for love and pursuit of pleasure and relaxation, or the dream may be a metaphor for "showering" someone with gifts or love.

Interestingly, Dream Moods makes no mention of my noisy air conditioning unit.

Oh, and by the way, where's this famous cold weather that makes people shun Chicagoland. I'd like some of that NOW, please!

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 12

Discovering another terrific version of an old song. Peter Allen wrote this song back with Carole Bayer Sager back in the 1970s. I have two versions of it somewhere on vinyl, one by Rita Coolidge and one by Carole herself. Anyway, I kinda forgot about it until I stumbled upon it by my new fave rave, Dusty Springfield.

No one sounds quite like Dusty. She lends a romanticism to this song that reminds me of who I was in the 1970s, and who I still am at heart. I've been listening to it all day.

I am a professional writer.

It's what I do. Using nothing but words, I can convince people to respond in a certain way.

I am a professional writer.

This occurred to me while on the treadmill today when, instead of reading my book, I was composing the opening sentences of one of the letters I have to get finished today.

I am a professional writer.

Back in the summer of 2008, my oldest friend dismissively told me she used the kinds of things I write "to light the grill." If that sounds bitchy, well, it was meant to. But she was in a bad place in those days, her life filled with lots of problems and drama and, I suspect, regret over her own long-ago career choices. After all, she has drawers filled with the beginnings of short stories and novels and memoirs and here I am, getting paid handsomely for being a hack.

But instead of being insulted, her comment got me thinking: there are cooks at coffee shops who will never win Top Chef, yet their skills make people happy every day. Somebody designed those argyle polos you can buy at Old Navy this week for $10; just because that person's name isn't as familiar as Isaac Mizrahi's doesn't mean his or her work hasn't touched the lives of tens of thousands of people.

I know I'll never be Lillian Hellman or even Lilian Jackson Braun. But what I do has value. It can, and has, been measured, as a matter of fact. I'm good at selling shit. When I'm firing on all cylinders, like I was at the health club, I enjoy it. If I'm not talented, then at least I am skilled. I have learned a lot and honed my skills over the years. And what I do for a living is, indeed, creative.

I am a professional writer.

August Happiness Challenge 2010 -- Day 11

A special lunch companion. My former coworker came in for lunch and to officially say goodbye. She brought her little boy with her. Around four months old, he is just toooo cute, and very well behaved. A fine time was had by all!