WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Agatha Raisin and the Fairies of Fryham by MC Beaton. My girl Agatha begins this story at loose ends. Her neighbor (and great love) James Lacey has left town on an extended vacation didn't even bother to say goodbye. She's bored and anxious in her little Cottswold cottage and believes a change of scenery will help. She recalled that a fortune teller told her that her future and true loves lies in Norfolk, so she decides to pack up the cats and spend autumn about 3 hours away in Norfolk.

 

She lands in Fryham. It's an odd little town. Very insular. Everyone knows everyone else, so she sticks out like a sore thumb. Weird shit starts happening – items disappear from her rented cottage while unidentified lights flicker in her backyard. None of her new neighbors seem willing to weigh in on, or even acknowledge, these occurrences. No one has gotten dead yet, but it's only a matter of pages, I'm sure.

 

I enjoy Agatha because she is a lot like me – short tempered, cynical, yet romantic. If I had more money, I'd love to spend my retirement like she's spending hers – taking off on short trips and having adventures. (Though I really don't think I'd like to run into dead bodies everywhere I go.) 

2. What did you recently finish reading? JFK Jr.: An Intimate Oral Biography by RoseMarie Terenzio and Liz McNeil. John's friends and coworkers remember his life and their relationships.They paint a three-dimensional picture of a complex man. He was impatient and impulsive but driven and self-aware. He was very loyal and kept friends throughout his life, and the vast majority of them were neither wealthy nor celebrities. He suffered three major traumas by the age of 14 – he lost his father, his uncle and his stepfather – and was forced to mourn in public each time. The psychic toll, plus the price of fame and the weight of carrying his father's name, may have contributed to his recklessness. It also imbued him with empathy. I liked him. (Even though his taste in music left me cold.)

This book found me at the right time. It ends with the people who loved him recounting their reaction to his death in real time, and how they've dealt with the aftermath. It was strangely comforting to read of their fury, even 25 years later. The tragic, unvarnished truth is that his bad judgement killed him, his wife and her sister. 

In 2024 I lost my friends Henry and John. Henry got drunk and rode his bike through a red light and into the side of a van. John knew he was ill and refused to see a doctor until it was too late. I loved them both so very much and am so very mad at them for leaving me when I still need them. When they didn't have to! Reading the passages from John's friends was cathartic. I was heartened by something a priest said to Ann Freeman, mother of both Carolyn and Lauren Bessette: "God is big enough to handle our anger." I will carry that in my heart.

3. What will you read next?

 

  

 

August Happiness Challenge – Day 9

My 2025 Happiness Icon

Today's happiness: Henry's "casserole," baseball and a caturday cuddle. Today, like yesterday, was a quiet day filled with little jolts of joy. 

 

1.  I ordered a deep dish cheese and sausage pizza from Lou Malnati's. It reminded me of my late, dear friend Henry. Born and raised in Puerto Rico, deep dish Chicago-style pizza genuinely confused him. "How is this pizza and not a casserole?" he would ask. I miss Henry so much, but remembering his unique way of looking at everyday life makes me happy. I was lucky to have him in my life for 30+ years.

 

2.  The Cubs really haven't been that good since the All Star Break. But tonight, they were very good, beating St. Louis 9-1. If you're not a baseball fan, you might not get how important that is. The Cubs and Cardinals are one of the game's oldest and most ferocious rivalries. It not only makes me happy that my guys finally got hot again, I'm happy that it happened in St. Louis.

 

3.  My Connie Cat watched the game with me, luxuriating in scritches under her chin and belly rubs. The affection that flowed between us was sweet.

 

So of course I'm happy.

 

Happy August Happiness Challenge!

 

Each day in August you are to post about something that makes *you* happy. Pretty simple. And, it doesn't even have to be every day if you don't want it to be. It's a great way to remind ourselves that there are positive things going on in our lives, our communities, and the world.

 

Photo by Ayşegül Baykal on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

Saturday 9

 
Saturday 9: Jive Talkin' (1975)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

This month we're going to recall Summer Songs. These will all be records that topped the charts during August.

1) Number 1 on the charts in August 50 years ago, "Jive Talkin'" was originally called "Drive Talkin'," because it was inspired by the "chunka-chunka" sound the Bee Gees' car made as it rolled over the bridge from Biscayne Bay to Miami every morning. Tell us about a drive you make regularly. What do you love, or hate, about it? I don't make any drive regularly – no car – but I do walk 7 minutes to my job at the card shop. I enjoy going through the local business district as the stores are opening. It's neat to see awnings adjusted and A-frame chalk signs coming out. Before I had this job, I never paid attention to how retailers wake up to start the day. 

2) Barry, Maurice and Robin Gibb always enjoyed singing together and as kids, practiced their harmonies in the bathroom because that's where the acoustics were best. Do you sing in the shower? Yes. Badly.

3) Early in their career, the brothers wrote and recorded a radio jingle for Coca Cola. If we were to peer into your refrigerator right now, would we find any carbonated beverages? Always. I allow myself two mini (7.5 oz) Cokes each day.

4) Though their sound depended on tight harmonies, all three Bee Gees were heavy smokers, which is bad for the throat. Do you smoke? Are there smokers/vapers in your life? One of the girls at the card shop says she is a "social smoker." My oldest friend vapes, even though she has heart trouble.

5) Robin Gibb agreed to perform on the CD Sesame Street Fever so his kids could meet Cookie Monster. Who is your favorite Muppet? Cookie, of course. Here he is singing the 7th inning stretch at Wrigley Field, to which I say, "Bravo!"

6) In addition to younger brother Andy, who also scored hit records, the Bee Gees have a sister, Lesley. Unlike her siblings, she didn't go into show business. Instead she became a dog breeder. Tell us about a dog who holds a special place in your heart. My late friend Henry's dog, NouNou, was very dear. He was a mixed breed black mop of fur and love. Henry also had two big dogs, and short-legged NouNou had to run so hard to keep up, but he did his best.

 Let's look at the summer of 1975.

7) That summer, producer Lorne Michaels was auditioning talent for the Not Ready for Prime Time Players. This band of comedic performers would premiere that October in a new show called Saturday Night Live. In the days before DVRs and streaming, Saturday Night Live was considered "appointment television," a show you wanted to catch when it aired so you made sure you were in front of a TV to hear "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!" Is there a show you go out of your way to watch when it airs? Or is most of your viewing either recorded or streamed? The only programs I have to watch as they air are the news, baseball and awards shows. Everything else can wait till it's convenient.

8) The top movie at the box office that summer was Jaws. Have you seen it? Yes. I think the real star of the movie is John Williams' score. I heard Speilberg say that all it took was two notes to scare us all out of our skins, and he's right. As you read this, you can hear those two notes in your head, can't you? Bum bum. Here comes the shark! Shudder!

9) In 1975, Jim Palmer of the Baltimore Orioles was having a career season and won the second of his three Cy Young Awards. In 2012 he put all three trophies up for auction. As proud as he was of the awards, he said, "My priorities have changed," and the money would help pay for college for his grandchildren. Think about your belongings. Is there anything you would never part with at any price? I treasure a ceramic cable car that belonged to my favorite grandfather. He kept it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. He used it for his watch, his tie clasps and cuff links and his favorite licorice throat lozenges. Every time I think of my grandpa, I smile. It can't possibly mean as much to anyone else as it does to me.

 

I'm learning to teach

"You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." That's a quote from Tony Gaskins, a life coach who has worked with college and pro athletes. I heard it from Joe Maddon on his Book of Joe podcast.

This little chapter began with the No Kings rally. My friend Nancy had been asking when we could get together. I know she's politically progressive and she used to live in my neighborhood, so it seemed like a good idea. She could come here for the rally and then we could have lunch. 

Nancy and her husband Paul met me by the WWI memorial. We listened to the speakers – or tried to; predictably, the mics didn't work very well. That's where it started. The speakers weren't very good. The crowd was too old and too white. As we marched through the village business district, Nancy complained that she could smell pot in the air. Everything was wrong, or bad, or insufficient.

She was like this all day. Grumpy, pissy, displeased. She even complained about the parking garage next to my apartment building because it's unattractive. "How long has that been here?" Twenty five years, at least. Really, I was happiest when we were eating lunch and she excused herself to go to the bathroom.

I tried to figure out why she was like this. Both she and her husband are out of work so maybe money's a concern. It was Father's Day weekend, so maybe she was missing her son. It's been almost four years since he died, but I bet holidays like Father's Day will always be painful. Or maybe ... or maybe ... or maybe ...

But here's the thing: Fond as I am of Nancy, I don't think she ever twists herself up like a pretzel trying to figure me out. I suspect she never worries about what motivates, hurts or hinders me. That revelation left me feel lonely. 

Then I puked. A couple days later, I was giving the living room/dining room a quick once over with vacuum cleaner before going downtown to meet Elaine. Suddenly I was nauseous. It surprised me, because while I have a sensitive gut I don't often throw up. I sipped some water and called Elaine, apologizing for cancelling on such short notice but telling her that I didn't feel comfortable going out so soon after vomiting. Her first, instinctive response? "Do you need anything?" How sweet is Elaine!

Then I heard Joe. "You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." Somehow, when I heard Joe say it through my headphones, it really resonated. So I acted on it. I shot Elaine an email, thanking her for offering to help when I was ill. For always offering to help. For being Elaine. Her kindness – so spontaneous – should be acknowledged and reinforced. It felt good to do, and she appreciated it.

Then I went out to lunch with two ex-co-workers. Both Rita and my former art director talk to me often but never too each other, so I thought it would be nice if we had a little reunion. It's been two years since the three of us were in the same place at the same time.

Predictably, the two of them did most of the talking. As I say, it's been two years since they spoke. But when I finally tried to hold court, Rita began checking her phone. I could tell she was in a hurry to get home because she'd only paid for two hours of parking. I get it: she's a single working mom on a budget and downtown parking can be expensive. But I was hurt, too.

I mean, here are two women who profess to adore me. And I believe them. But at no point did either of them say, "How are you, Gal?" In fact, now that I think of it, when they call me, it's to call on me. It's when my art director is feeling lonely, or Rita needs career/personal advice. 

I heard Joe's voice in my head: "You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." So I spoke up. I mentioned Elaine, and how much it meant to me that she offered to help, even before I could ask. I mentioned the drama of Violet's birth, and how I long to discuss it with Henry, whom I miss every day. Rita said she was sorry, that it was her fault she never sees past my "good boss energy." My art director said she hopes I'll be "kind to myself" and that I should call her any time. Then the three of us went our separate ways.

Four days later, the most extraordinary thing happened. Rita called me. Not because she was overwhelmed by family drama or feeling insecure professionally. No, she called because her little boy was with her ex for the night and she wanted to see how I am. 

My heart sang.

"You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce."  

Thanks, Joe (and Tony).

 

Saturday 9

 American Soldier (2003)

Unfamiliar with this week's song? Hear it here.

Memorial Day is a federal holiday that honors men and women who served and died in the United States Armed Forces. We want to make sure that message is not lost this weekend.

1) Are you a veteran? Are there veterans in your family? Do you know anyone who is active military? We are grateful and want to hear about it. My dad was a Marine who served in Korea. My uncle was in the Army and saw action in Vietnam. My oldest nephew was in the Navy for eight years but (thankfully for my mother – his grandma, who worried about him constantly) he never saw combat.

2) In this song, Toby Keith reminds us soldiers "work straight through holidays," even this one, and we are grateful for that, too. Have you ever had to work on a federal holiday? If yes, did it make you sad to be on the job when everyone else was celebrating? Now that I work in retail, holiday shifts are a possibility. I worked New Year's Day in 2024, which was fine because our store was virtually empty and I got time-and-a-half for my minimal efforts. This year I was behind the counter for Dr. King's birthday. It was the first time I worked on that day since it became a holiday in 1986. We were very busy – lots of school kids – and I admit it felt weird.

3) The video for this song was filmed at Edwards Air Force Base. This site was chosen to make it easier for off-duty soldiers, reservists and their families to appear. Have you ever visited a military base? Nope.

4) Toby Keith never served in the military but often performed for the USO. While the USO is best known for providing entertainment to our troops, they also have a "Canine Comfort Crew." Local USO centers make dogs available to troops who long to see a wagging tail. Are you a dog lover? Oh, yes. One of my favorites was my friend Henry's dog, NouNou. A mixed breed, little mop of a black dog, who, like Henry himself, was nothing but love. NouNou came to Henry's home quite by accident. His owner worked with Henry at Florida Keys Community College. He worked in the office and Henry was a teacher. Anyway, when he was hospitalized with AIDS, he asked Henry to watch NouNou. Henry was a massive animal lover and a good friend, so he said yes without hesitation. When NouNou's dad died in the hospital, Henry called his parents and let them know he had their son's beloved dog. They curtly told him that they didn't approve of "the Key West lifestyle" and wouldn't be coming down for the dog. Can you imagine parents not wanting their dead son's dog, a dog their son had loved? Henry and his husband Reg already had two cats and two collies and weren't looking for a permanent addition to their menagerie, but NouNou was so sweet and far too old to be successfully adopted through a shelter. So it's with Henry that NouNou stayed. When I visited, he was my special friend. I never saw his eyes and I don't know how he saw through all that black fur. I saw his little white teeth a lot, though. He seemed to smile sometimes, especially after he had a good run on those short legs. The other dogs in the household were much bigger, but NouNou valiantly tried to keep up and loved those backyard races. He also got very excited when he saw the little ones walk by, to and from school. He only had a couple years with Henry and Reg, but NouNou ended his life surrounded by love, which he completely deserved. Who's a good boy?

 
5) Memorial Day kicks off the summer season. What's your favorite picnic food? Potato salad.

6) Let's welcome summer with ice cream. What's your favorite flavor? Cone or cup? Mint chocolate chip in a cup.

 

7) This marks the weekend when Americans step up their outdoor activity and do things they may not have been able to do during the winter months. For example, when is the last time you applied mosquito repellent? I don't recall.

8) Or swam? I don't recall. (This makes me sad.)

9) As you answer these questions, is there an air conditioner or fan on?  I've got a fan in the window.

 

 

I'm verklempt

Part of why the pregnant girl chose my niece and her husband to adopt her baby is LGBTQ rights. Apparently she and her boyfriend both have gay relatives and want to be sure that if their baby turns out to be homosexual, she will be raised in a loving, accepting environment.

It's a sign of how comfortable we've become with homophobia that this is a concern of a young girl looking do right for her unborn child. I mean, it's easy to laugh at the hysterical MAGA attack on DEI extending to the Enola Gay, but when you think it through, it's not funny. Trump supporters seem to embrace the idea that gay pride should not be celebrated. Many wrap themselves in my Christian faith, which not only offends me personally, it's unconstitutional, since we are supposed to have a secular government. It's sad and worrying for young people trying to find acceptance in our society.

Which is why I'm so grateful – again and always – that God brought Henry into my life. Henry was not only an out-and-proud gay man, he was all about love and empathy. My niece never knew a time without Henry as a positive role model in her life. Example: During the summer between second and third grade, she had a growth spurt. When she returned to school, she was a head taller than her tallest classmate. She felt like a giantess. She compensated by insisting on wearing only dresses -- the frillier the better -- never slacks because dresses were what she needed to feel pretty. The battles between my little niece and her mother were fucking epic. I shared this Henry. He promptly got on his bike and rode across the island to the Lilly Pulitzer outlet store. He reasoned -- correctly, of course -- that none of her midwestern classmates would be wearing resortwear for back-to-school. She felt beautiful and proud in her lilac and pink floral dresses from faraway Key West. My niece is now over 30 and can still describe those dresses in detail. 

I know that, when the birth parents questioned my niece and her husband about their LGBTQ attitudes, Henry was not far from my niece's mind. So Henry is helping to deliver the baby they want into their family. I believe that where he is, he knows this, and he's smiling.

Henry may be gone, but his love and lessons are ours forever.

 

 

Sunday Stealing

Stealing from Shannon 

1. What book are you currently reading? I am thisclose to finishing a thriller called None of This Is True. Gulp! Lisa Jewell is good at building tension.

2. Have you ever smoked? Nope. Not pot, not cigarettes. The thought of letting smoke out my nose or mouth just seems so germy and creepy and stinky.

3. Do you own a gun? Fuck to the no. Chicago is awash in guns. We need fewer, not more, around here.

4. What is your favorite candy? Sea salt chocolate.

5. Hot dogs: yay or nay? Big yay.

 6. Favorite movie? The Way We Were.

 

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Chocolate milk. I take vitamins, probiotics and a statin each morning and they all just go down easier with milk. Plus, well, chocolate, so there's that.

8. What do you drink throughout the day? I allow myself two cans of Coke/day. The rest of the time it's water.

9. Do you do push ups? I not only don't, I can't.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I often wear this charm as a pendant. It's a recreation of one of the coins found on the Atocha, a Spanish ship that went down off Key West in the 1600s. The charm is made from scrap silver that remained in the wreck. Amazing to think I'm wearing metal that rested for centuries at the bottom of the sea!

The pendant means a lot to me because it reminds me of my favorite uncle, who loved Key West and collected Atocha coins, and of my dear friend Henry, who lived in Key West and was with me when I bought it.

Read about the Atocha here

11. Current worry? Creeping (or shall I say galloping?) authoritarianism. Just read that the Trump Administration wants to tell Robert Iger how to run Disney. On the campaign trail he promised less regulation of business. I guess that only applies to Trump donors and tech bros. 47% of the nation seems to be OK with this. Worrisome, indeed!

12. Current annoyance? I'm on the condo board and we're looking at many, many repairs and renovations. We discuss them in detail at every meeting and post the minutes on the unit owner portal. No one attends the meetings or reads the minutes. They do, however, love to stop me in hall and laundry room with questions.

13. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I don't think I ever have slept on satin sheets.

15.  Can you whistle? Nope.

It crops up when I least expect it

I just got my spring pedi. Same color as fall – Essie 321 "Mrs. Always Right" – and I was so happy with the way my nails are shaped. Plus this everyday extravagance fit so neatly into my budget. I hadn't spent my lunch money during the week and was able to use that to pay cash at the salon. Yay, me!

So why aren't I happier?

The nail tech complimented my feet, telling me the bottom of my feet are "as soft as a baby." She asked me if I did anything "special" to keep them so nice.

This got me talking about my late friend John. Back in spring 2016, he was diagnosed with severe, long-term, untreated diabetes which resulted in the amputation of one of his toes. Of course there had been signs – tingling and discoloration – that he ignored. Because he was John and he was in denial. John didn't do bad news. Well, I told the nail tech, I learned from what happened to John. I'm a fat old lady who eats too much sugar. I have to be on the lookout for diabetes so every morning I scrub my feet with an apricot scrub. It leaves them soft, yes, but it also gives me a chance to give them a daily once-over so I don't end up like John. 

The poor nail tech. She asked a simple question about my beauty regimen and she got an earful about how that amputation changed John's life forever, causing him to walk with a cane and leaving my running buddy feeling vulnerable until the end of his days.

That's the thing: John and Henry pop into my thoughts daily. It'll be a year next month that John died. June will mark one year since I lost Henry. They were more my family than most of my blood relatives. 

The loss is always with me. I go through my days thinking I'm OK and then, when I'm getting a pedi, it washes over me, hurts my heart and undoubtedly makes an unsuspecting nail tech uncomfortable.

I don't think I'll ever be over it. I'll be better, of course, but it's always going to hurt. I keep thinking of something Joe Biden used to say, "There will come a day, I promise you, when the memory of your loved one will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye." I trust you, Mr. President, but I'm still waiting.

 

I'd Rather Be Lonely Alone

The Oscars were difficult for me this year. Not because the show wasn't good. It started early and, at least in my humble opinion, didn't drag. But the traditional telecast made me miss my departed friends, Henry and John.

How Henry would have loved Conclave! He was raised in the Catholic Church and proud that he was educated by Jesuits. Henry did indeed find God in all things, and it wounded him desperately that, as a gay man, he was precluded from the pageantry and music he dearly loved. I worshiped with him at his Key West church, MCC, and teased him it was like sharing a pew with a Kardashian because everyone knew him. Even though his fellow congregants came island casual, Henry always chose his church clothes with care. He would literally take my hand when it was time for communion. My church doesn't offer it so it's not a big deal to me. But oh! Communion meant so much to him and he wanted me to take the sacrament because he loved me. So I would have loved to discussing Conclave with him, asking him specifically about Cardinal Bellini (Stanley Tucci) and Cardinal Benitez of Kabul. I would have loved to have watched his face as he took in the red robes, black habits and white umbrellas. Back in 2016 he told me that seeing Pablo Larrain's Jackie with me made it better. I know what he meant. I miss him so.

I swear I could hear John complaining during the Oscars. During the tribute to Quincy Jones, Queen Latifah sang "Ease on Down the Road." HELL NO, he would say. His goddess, Diana Ross, performed the song in The Wiz. She also worked with Jones on "We Are the World," and she was an Oscar nominee herself. We often discussed how the entertainment world doesn't give Miss Ross the credit she deserves. The Grammys got it right when they had her close the show. It brought John such joy to see her in sequins and a big, big weave. So here she is in Grammy glory. This is for you, Buddy.

I loved these men so. I belong to a movie group and didn't need to watch the Oscars alone. But if even if I had gone to a viewing party, I still would have been lonely and I find it's easier to be lonely all alone.

 

Thursday Thirteen #398

The "joyful heart" edition. I'm working on my taxes, which is not the most fun I'm going to have this month. But I do enjoy this part: Reviewing my charitable giving. Every one of this contributions brought me joy. Giving grounds me and presents an opportunity to live my faith. Remember what we learned in Sunday School? "God loves a cheerful giver." 

So, without further ado, here are the 13 charities I donated to the most and most often during 2024. I've included links, if you're interested in giving.

1. My church

2. The local food pantry. To find a food pantry in your community, click here.

3. Harmony House for Cats. Chicagoland has many shelters, but for some reason this one doesn't get a lot of local buzz. That's why I've singled them out for attention and dollars.

4. Doctors without Borders. I'm grateful for this monthly donation because it stops me from being reactive. When I see a tragedy on foreign shores and I want to reach for my wallet, I pause and say to myself: DWB is there, so you've already helped.

5. Feeding America. While I prioritize my neighbors and neighborhood, I don't ignore the rest of the country.

6. Anthony Rizzo Family Foundation. My favorite ballplayer is my hero. Anthony Rizzo is always giving back and his joy is undeniable. One baseball fan said he's so happy, she suspects "Anthony Rizzo is really a golden retriever turned into a man by a good witch."

7. Greenpeace. I like thinking that I've helped leave a better world for the next generation.

8. Hephzibah Children's Association. Provides foster care and daycare for families in need.

9. Marine Toys for Tots. This one is my penance. I worked in advertising for 43 years, which means I did my part in commercializing Christmas and teaching wee ones to expect glorious stuff from Santa. What about kids whose parents can't afford stuff?

10. Fried's Cat Shelter. I do this in my uncle's memory. He was a cat lover and more than that, deeply touched by the Frieds' story. This Indiana shelter was started by Hans and Lucille Fried, Jews who fled the Nazis and ended up here in the Midwest. When they retired, they sold their home and bought a roadside motel, turning it into a no-kill shelter. It was Hans' way of giving back, and often said, "To save a life is more in conformity with God's law than to kill." Between the cats, the Frieds, and my favorite uncle, how could helping them not bring me joy?

11. The Night Ministry. The homeless are my neighbors. I want to help, but I often don't know how. The Night Ministry provides food, health care and human connection.

12. Metropolitan Community Church of Key West. This was Henry's church. I worshiped there with him many times. How he loved his spiritual home! He died this past year and I felt it keenly that he didn't have a formal service. So I did this, and it brought me comfort.

13. World Wildlife Fund. I do this in my mom's memory. Penguins, seals, elephants ... she worried that her not-yet-born great grandchildren wouldn't get to see those wonderful creatures and every Christmas she donated $10 to WWF. That $10 was a big deal to her. I like to think of how proud she'd be that I'm trying to expand on her good works.

Lest you think I'm a wealthy philanthropist ... I see a receipt here for $3 donated to Petco's animal organization. Yes, I'm deducting it.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

Catching up on Christmas

I wanted to sketch out my memories of the 2024 holiday season before they fade. 

I saw Santa! For the third year in a row, my friend Elaine and I went to see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen at The Music Box Theater. Before the movie, Santa himself came out and joined the organist, leading us in a singalong. 

As the kids say, IYKYK

As always, we dressed appropriately for the occasion. I wore my ugly Cubs Christmas sweater, always festive and especially fitting because The Music Box is in Wrigleyville. Elaine outdid herself. She got down to business at her sewing machine and recreated George's football jersey, right down to the stripes and a 3 on her chest. Naturally we both wore reindeer ears.

Afterward we exchanged gifts over hot chocolate. It's funny, but she and I just can't the gift thing right. Last year, she spent way more than I did. So this year I spent a little more and she spent less! Oh well, money is not the point of gift giving.

Thinking of gifts ... Mindy got it together this year. She and her husband got me this blanket and a book (We All Shine On). This is noteworthy because she just could never commit to a holiday date in 2023, and therefore last year was the first time in decades that Mindy and John and I didn't celebrate together. Naturally she couldn't have known that would be John's last Christmas, but she felt it keenly. We met at a bar and had a lovely, albeit bittersweet, time. 

It looks a little like me, too!

I spent a lot of time at O'Hare. There was a technical glitch first thing on Christmas Eve morning and while American Airlines corrected it quickly, flights were off schedule all day. So I was at the airport for four hours awaiting a flight that took 55 minutes. Was I happy about this? Of course not. But there was nothing to be done so I made the best of it. The airport had some lovely decorations.

The American Airlines terminal

I actually saw someone use The Pot Box! My friend Kathleen and I fascinated by the green "amnesty" mailbox just on the other side of the TSA checkpoint where travelers can dump their pot to avoid penalty for transporting weed across state lines. Neither of us has ever seen anyone take advantage of this ... until Christmas Eve. I saw a guy in a knit cap deposit a baggie. I wanted to ask him if he'd just forgotten it in his bag or if he was unaware it was illegal to fly with weed, but he looked so guilty and embarrassed I didn't have the heart.

I caught a bad cold. Merry Christmas, right? Oh well, my hotel was right there by the airport and was very comfy. I got to my room, took a hot shower, and wrapped my gifts with Elf on in the background. Fortunately I was able to sleep in on Christmas Day. The extra sleep and another shower left me feeling a little better. (It was just a cold, after all.)

My niece came out to the car. I took a rideshare to her home and she was so happy to see me she met me. That little gesture touched my heart. We had a lovely ham dinner with lots of starchy sides. She's a very good cook and a very proud homeowner. She showed me the room that has been designated as the nursery for the baby they're waiting to adopt. (My nephew was sleeping in there on an air mattress.) My sister was a little arch and brittle, but I guess that's just the way we're going to be with each other.

She has a pair of swans! They aren't hers, exactly. They live in the creek behind her home and I could watch them from her backdoor. I had no idea that mute swans don't migrate and stay in the cold midwest throughout the winter.

So there you have it, my first Christmas with neither Henry or John. I miss them and it was painful at times. I couldn't help recalling those Key West Christmas lunches with fresh seafood and long walks with Henry on the beach. But I was lucky to have known them at all, and luckier that I still have people to love in my life, because love is what Christmas is about.

In memory of Henry

Today should be my dear friend Henry's birthday. He loved Frida Kahlo and often tried to convince me to appreciate her, as well. He was never successful, but I miss our conversations.

I wish I could give this to him. As a little boy, he never got a birthday party. He wasn't bitter about this, saying, "With all her children, with my day so close to Christmas, Mother did not have time." I knew better than to criticize his mother, whom he loved more than anything, but internally I always cried "bullshit." He had two brothers, not 12. His mother had time. So I pledged to him I would always fuss over his birthday.

You can order it here.

Before his accident, he would thank me and we would hang it on his tree together. After his TBI, he would criticize it -- "Is this supposed to be Frida? Why can no one get her eyebrows right?" -- but he would still thank me.

Happy birthday, Henry. I miss you.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Wouldn't Trade Christmas (1968)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

  

1) In addition to Christmas, this song name-checks many major holidays, including Mother's and Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Valentine's Day. Which holiday is your favorite? I don't know how to answer this because the 2024 holidays are different from any other. I used to spend Thanksgiving with John and Christmas with Henry. John died in April and Henry in June. Thanksgiving this year was OK, but very different. We'll see how Christmas unfolds.

 

2) The Sinatra family posed in all-white for this album cover in August 1968. Are there any pictures of you and your siblings in matching outfits? Yes. My older sister and I are 19 months apart, one year apart in school. My mom enjoyed dressing us the same, especially for special occasions. I hated it.

3) Nancy is the oldest of the Sinatra children. She's also the one who performed most often on TV and film with her famous father. She played his daughter (of course!) in a movie and appeared in two of his TV specials while he appeared in one of hers. In 1967, she and Frank scored a #1 single with a duet of "Somethin' Stupid." Have you ever worked with a family member or spouse? Nope.

 

4) Frank, Jr., was the middle child and only son. A dedicated musician, he labored in his father's long shadow and joked that he would have had an easier time if he'd chosen real estate instead of music. Tell us about your path not taken. (Examples: A career you wish you'd pursued but didn't; a person you could have married but didn't; a city you almost moved to, but changed your mind.) I once thought I'd enjoy being a court reporter. I'm fascinated by court proceedings. I'm proficient at a keyboard. It seemed like a good fit. But I was eager to move out of my parents' house and didn't want to spend the two years required to get an associate's degree. Instead I took the conventional secretarial route. I ended up at Sears, and from there I was promoted to a catalog copywriter and my advertising career was born. So I guess it all worked out for the best.

 

5) Unlike her father and siblings, Tina Sinatra never wanted to be a singer. She found success as a theatrical agent and, at her father's request, became involved with his business affairs. Today she helps manage the rights to Frank Sinatra's movies and music. Do you have a good head for business? Yes. Or, to be more precise, I have a good head for marketing/strategy. I don't understand investing or the stock market.

6) Nancy and Frank, Jr., were born in Jersey City. By the time Tina was born, the family had relocated to Los Angeles. Did your family move around a lot when you were young? Nope.

And now, in the spirit of the season ...

 

7) Do you consider snow globes a holiday decoration, or do think they should be displayed all year around? I file this under, "Do What You Want."

8) Which of Dickens' Christmas ghosts would you most enjoy spending time with: past, present or future? Past. I look back on my Key West Christmases so fondly now. It was always such a kick to swim in the pool, listening to Christmas tunes, before church on Christmas Eve. And I'd like to walk the beach on Christmas Day with Henry again.

9) Have you crafted, cooked, or baked any gifts this holiday season? Nope.

 

Happy Birthday to Me

 

Mine had a birthday candle

Joanna took me to lunch at The Walnut Room! Dining around The Great Tree is a venerable Chicago holiday tradition. The Walnut Room is the first restaurant ever opened in an American store -- more than 100 years ago, when the big store on State Street was still Marshall Field's. The whole store was decorated for the holidays, we dined off the special menu, had Frango Mint pie, and posed before The Great Tree.

 Before lunch we zipped through the Christkrindlemarket, the German-themed collection of shops under the Picasso at Daley Plaza. The first day it was open this year was yesterday, Friday, 11/22. My birthday! Tell me that was a mere coincidence.

 

 

I really appreciate the way Joanna fussed over me. This was my first birthday without John and Henry -- I wore a necklace Henry chose for me years ago -- and I've been feeling lonely without them. Also, she was so thoughtful. She planned everything with military precision and even gave me the sweetest note and postcard collection. Joanna's life is not without its own complications right now -- she's watching her lover, Sid, deal with failing health and her business is struggling -- but she made me a priority yesterday and it touched my heart.

Then there were the gifts:

•  A holiday welcome mat featuring a cat in a Santa cap from my aunt

•  A movie trivia game from my cousin Rose

•  A Beatles poster on canvas from my oldest friend

I got texts and calls and Facebook messages. Bud and Kwizgiver gave me shoutouts (hell, Kwizgiver gave me a whole post!). I know Kathleen and I will get together before year-end to celebrate my birthday and hers in December.* 

 

I am happy. It's been a good birthday.

 

 

*My friend Mindy promises we'll meet, but I'll believe that when it happens. I'm still waiting for her and John to settle on a date for Christmas 2023.