Culled from Columbo fansites, and my own opinion, here are the best episodes. (What I've disclosed here can't be considered spoilers; you find all this out within the first 15 minutes of the show.)1. Suitable for Framing (1971). A famous LA art critic shoots his uncle, a millionaire art collector, and stages it lo look like a robbery. His motive? Unc is leaving all his art to his nephew, who doesn't want to wait for natural causes.
2. Death Lends a Hand (1971).
The head of a high-end security firm (Robert Culp) is worried about
losing one of his most lucrative clients. That is until he discovers the
client's wife is having an affair. Culp confronts the wife, threatening
to blackmail her unless she uses her influence to keep the account where it is.
The wife turns out to be spunkier than the investigator anticipated.
She promises to tell her husband about the affair herself and then
expose what a sleaze Culp is. They tussle and he accidentally kills
her. This one was cool because the Culp is so good at covering his
tracks and has so many resources at his disposal to mislead the police.
3. Lady in Waiting (1971). The
head of an influential advertising agency had a son and a daughter.
When he died, he left the business to them, only the son is more
iron-handed than dad had been. He controls the company to the exclusion
of his sister and interferes in her love life. She's in her mid-30s now
and pretty damn sick of being oppressed, of waiting her turn. She "accidentally" shoots her
brother and blames it on a malfunctioning burglar alarm. "Officer, I thought he was a burglar!" She might have
gotten away with it if she didn't so relish her new role as the new head
of the agency.
4. Ransom for a Dead Man (1971). When
the ambitious lady lawyer married her mentor, he was of great use to her. But
now the old guy is a drag, especially with his talk of morals, integrity
and reputation. So she shoots him, hides his body, and makes it seem his disappearance is the result of a kidnapping. When the corpse is
found, everyone tip toes around her, believing her to be a grieving
widow. She wears that reputation her
husband/victim droned on and on about like a halo. But Columbo is onto her.
5. Etude in Black (1972).
An orchestra conductor is having fun with his pianist. It stops being
fun when she decides hot sex entitles her to more than he's willing to
give. After all, his wife and mother-in-law are super wealthy and well
connected. He can probably get hot sex somewhere else but where else is he going to get all that lovely money and access to important people who can promote his orchestra? So, after setting up an elaborate alibi that includes
witnesses watching him retire to his dressing room and a mechanic who swears he had no access to his car all afternoon, he knocks his mistress out, pecks out a "goodbye, cruel world" note on her typewriter, and drags her into the kitchen and puts
her head in the gas oven. Obviously it's a suicide, right? Well, not so
obvious to Lt. Columbo.
6. Lovely but Lethal (1973).
A beauty company executive is desperate for a
new product that will help her earn back market share. She thinks she's
got it with a new wrinkle cream. But here's the thing: the formula was
developed by a young chemist with lots of sex appeal – he's sharing her bed –
but no scruples. He threatens to take the formula to
the competition if she doesn't give him a payday. She's hurt, furious,
betrayed, scared ... and in a crime of passion the chemist ends up dead.
No one can believe the elegant, ladylike and above reproach exec could
be involved with anything as tawdry as murder. No one, but Columbo. (The
chemist was Martin Sheen. It's worth watching just to see how hot he
was 50 years ago.)
7. Publish or Perish (1974). An author known for sleazy detective novels wants to write more respectable fare and is switching publishers. His current publisher can't have his writer making money for someone else. And hey! If the author dies before he can sign with another house, his existing catalog of work will make his current publisher even more money! After all, dead writers are often worth more than living ones. So ... The author's plight reminds me a little of Paul Sheldon, who (ahem) found it hard to quit writing about Misery in 1987.
8. Negative Reaction (1974). A once-respected photojournalist has been taking celebrity/society portraits to maintain his wife in the style to which she's become accustomed. He's tired of being a sell out and wants to return to his journalistic roots, but what to do with about wife? A divorce would ruin him financially, so he does the sensible thing (if you're a sociopath) and kills her. Most distressing about this episode is that the killer is played by Dick Van Dyke! I couldn't bear it. Oh, Rob!
9. An Exercise in Fatality (1974).
A TV health guru opens a chain of fitness centers and sells a franchise
to a dumpy used car dealer. But while the car dealer doesn't understand
health and fitness, he can read a spreadsheet and knows he's being
ripped off. Before he can blow the whistle on the guru, he's found in
the weight room of his own fitness center, his windpipe crushed by a
barbell. The guru tells Columbo his "friend" clearly had begun a fitness regimen and tried to do too
much too soon. Columbo ain't buying it.
10. Troubled Waters (1975). A
car company exec rewards his top-selling dealers with a cruise from Los
Angeles to Cabo. He didn't know the ship's entertainer
was a girl he'd had a fling with. She recognizes the embarrassment she
could cause him by revealing their affair and wants money in exchange
for her silence. He refuses and soon she's dead. He's pretty sure he'll
get away with it because they're at sea, in international waters, and by
the time they get to port and the authorities can board the ship, he
will have destroyed and/or planted evidence. Only one problem – Guess who
is taking an infrequent and well-deserved vacation: Lt. Columbo and his
wife.
11. Swan Song (1975).
A gospel singer has charisma, a love of the Lord, and a
weakness for a well-turned ankle. He wants to enjoy the money his music
is making but his sanctimonious wife – whom he unwisely put in charge
of his finances – wants to build a megachurch. When the plane he was
piloting crashes and the two other passengers – his wife and underage
mistress – are killed, no one suspects him. After all, he received
serious injuries in the crash, too. But wait a minute. Columbo doesn't
think it all adds up. Johnny Cash plays a surprisingly sympathetic
baddie.
12. Forgotten Lady (1975). A
documentary about classic Hollywood draws new attention to a faded
musical star. When her career stalled, she married a nice older doctor
and settled into life as a society doyenne. But now she's in the
spotlight again and dreams of a comeback. She convinces herself she can star in a stage musical if only that old coot of husband of hers will
give her the money to finance it. He is more realistic than she is,
about both her bankability and their finances, and refuses. So she kills
him and makes it look like suicide. There's a highly original and emotionally resonant plot twist that makes this episode one of my
favorites.
13. Now You See Him (1976). The owner of an LA nightclub has interesting leverage over his star attraction, a celebrity magician. He discovered that decades ago, under a different name, the magician had been an SS guard. If the magician doesn't agree to a new, owner-friendly contract, the owner will send the info to immigration. Not surprisingly the owner ends up dead. But the magician has an alibi that is literally airtight – he was onstage, submerged in a tank of water, while the murder took place. The entire audience saw him. Or did they?
*I never watched Columbo in real time. I just wasn't into mysteries back then and in those long ago days, before DVDs and video recording, if you missed a show, pfft!, it was gone. But not only is Columbo on Cozi-TV every Saturday, it's available on all these streaming services.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
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