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28) What are you holding onto that it's time to let go of?
I have so much stuff in my walk in closet! Carpet remnants, window screens, a broken stereo ... all stuff I thought I might need for something some day. Guess what: I don't.
When I finally get the TV situation sorted out, I'm going to call the junk removal service and have much of this extraneous stuff hauled away.
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27) What is something you want more of in your life?
Peace of mind. Contentment.
We're in the last innings, my loved ones and me. We're dealing with health issues we never had before. We're into, or are looking at, retirement and it's not going to be as comfortable for any of us as we'd just always assumed. (Oh, let's face it: some of us never thought this time would come!)
But there's a beauty to every season. I want to enjoy this time instead of worrying so much.
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26) Most companies have a set of core values that act as guiding principals for their operations. On a personal level, what are your core values?
At the TCM Film Festival, in an interview about his career making movie music, Burt Bachrach said "Alfie" was his favorite song. While he wrote the melody, which is haunting and lovely, it's Hal David's lyrics that have always gotten to me, ever since I was a little girl. It puts my Christian faith in such accessible, conversational terms.
We live in a country where some in the Christian community cling to Donald Trump with his casual cruelty, his win-at-any-cost mentality and the way he equates force with strength. My response is this lyric:
If only fools are kind, then I guess it is wise to be cruel. And if life belongs only to the strong, what will you lend on an old Golden Rule?
As sure as I believe there's a Heaven above, I know there's something much more, something even non-believers can believe in. I believe in love.
When you walk, let your heart lead the way and you'll find love any day.
I try to live this. I fall short often. I have an impetuous nature and a bad temper, both of which get in the way.
But I do believe this. It reflects who I want to be. And God knows how hard I try.
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25) What is a topic you could talk about for hours if you had a captive audience? What would you tell them?
Junk conspiracy theorists love to point to superficial similarities between the Kennedy and Lincoln assassinations (Both their names have seven letters! Both were shot in the head!) and conclude the two events were somehow destined. I'm more interested in the real-life similarities between their wives.
In addition to sitting beside their husbands when they were shot, both Mary Lincoln and Jacqueline Kennedy:
• Were "daddy's girls" and sure they were their father's favorite
• Lost a child before entering the White House (Mary's son Eddie, Jackie's still-born daughter Arabella) and then again as First Lady (Mary's son Willie, Jackie's son Patrick)
• Spoke fluent French, which their husbands believed lent them a little reflected class
• Made their husbands crazy with their spending on clothes
• Were discouraged from being with their husbands when they died (Mary was banished from the deathbed, Jackie literally slugged a nurse to get into the trauma room)
• Lived abroad as widows -- Mary and her son Tad spent years traveling through Europe and Jackie lived in Greece with her second husband, Aristotle Onassis
This is off the top of my head. I'm sure there's more if I looked it up.
I'm not implying that these similarities mean the assassinations were cosmically connected. That's ridiculous. But I do wonder what it was like in Heaven when they met. I suspect Mary said, "At last! Someone who gets me!"
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24) What is something you've been avoiding? Why are you putting it off? How would you feel if you took care of it?
I need a new TV. I don't want one, I need one. I still have a tube TV and last year, at the beginning of the pandemic, when an Xfinity repairman upgraded my modem, he told me that "soon" the box next to my TV would no longer be supported.
I'm putting it off for three reasons:
1) My old-school TV suits my purposes and I hate to see something in a landfill that's still working
2) I haven't purchased a new TV in (literally) 20 years and I'm worried that the one I choose won't work with my Xfinity services and I'll lose everything on my DVR
3) I'll have to beg and plead for a cable guy to come out because NO WAY can I hook up this TV alone.
It's easier to pull the covers over my head and maintain the status quo. Though I guess the decision really isn't mine.
I'll feel better when it's done. But the step-by-step of it -- choosing the TV, having it delivered, wooing Xfinity to send someone out with the new equipment and to take the old box away, and then calling a junk man to take the TV (and lots of other stuff) away -- gives me agita.
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23) Who gets on your last nerve? What do they do that bothers you so much? Why does it bother you so much? Why do you think they do that? Now what is an endearing quality they have?
Dizzy Betty from movie group!
What does she do that bothers me so much?
• We meet on Zoom now, and she is forever adjusting her monitor to use it as a mirror to fix her hair. This detracts attention from the person who is talking.
• There's a sameness to her comments.. "How about Cary Grant [or Joan Crawford]? Wasn't he [she] gorgeous?" Yeah, Betty, that advances the conversation.
• You can count on her to miss MAJOR plot points.
Betty: Was anyone else surprised that the cowgirl didn't marry her childhood sweetheart in the end?
Moderator: Um, Betty? The sheriff hanged him, remember?
Betty: Oh. Missed that!
Why does it bother me? Because she sucks up all the oxygen and adds nothing.
Why do I think she does this? She's a woman of a certain age (at least 55) who has told me about her days, 30+ years ago, as a beauty pageant contestant and a model. She had some success, and you can tell by her reminiscences that these were happy times. I think she misses having all eyes on her.
What is an endearing quality of Betty's? She reminds everyone to pay our moderator, Will, for these online meetups. He used to charge $5/person, but since we no longer meet in person, he doesn't have to pay venue rental. He's embarrassed to ask for payment and sporadically asks us to give what we can to keep the group afloat. But he works hard to find the films online for free, research them and run the group. PLUS he works trade shows for McCormick Place and clearly, with Covid, he's not working. I think it's nice of Betty to pipe up and spur us to pay up.
OK, I get it. She's a faded beauty queen in an unhappy marriage (she told me that, too) and it gives her some small pleasure to have all eyes on her. Would it kill me to show her some compassion? No. (<<< Hanging my head.)
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22) How do you want to feel today? Do you feel that way? What can you do that would help you feel that way?
I want to feel productive, like I'm making good use of the day and not wasting my time. It's early as I post this, so I don't know if I will get there. But in addition to monitoring my work email to see what my clients want, I've given myself some little chores to do (wash dishes and clean the sink, schedule my annual checkup with the dermatologist) to help keep me on track.
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21) Who is someone you admire? Why?
I admire my new boss, Aaron. He's a very good supervisor -- always listening, always supportive. This not only makes him kind, it makes him smart. If Aaron needed an internal organ, I would get myself tested as a donor. I'm that loyal to him now.
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20) What do you need today (not what do you need to do today)? What is one way you can give yourself some extra self care today?
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19) What are the most important characteristics in a friend. Do you have those qualities?
On the 14th, I wrote: "I am available to those I love. I'm here. Call me. I will try my best not to let you down."
That's what I want in a friend. That's what I try to give my friends.
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18) What are you proud of yourself for today? Why?
I'm struggling with this one, because I'm writing this early Thursday morning and Wednesday wasn't an action-packed day. Nothing really stands out. So I'll go with this, even though it seems like rather weak tea...
I'm proud of my use of the USPS. Yesterday I sent a newspaper article to my oldest friend in California. Yes, I could have sent her the link and she'd get it instantly. But this way she can check out the local Chicago ads on the other side of the article. And she'll see my handwriting. My Cousin Rose and I exchange snail-mail letters all the time, and she has commented on how special it feels to actually see anyone's signature these days.
Last week I mailed a silly "thinking of you" card to Joanna. It really was kinda stupid -- that good friends are like good bras because they're supportive. (Yuk. yuk. Get it?) Still, I wanted to do it because she's been feeling blue. An old friend of hers from her hometown -- someone she's known for years and spoke to monthly -- got sick and died without reaching out to her. His mother called to let her know of his passing. She feels it keenly that she didn't get to say goodbye, and wonders if it's something she did. The card meant a great deal to her. She's mentioned it twice. I'm not sure an email or IM would have the same impact.
So I'm proud of myself for actually affixing stamps to envelopes. It sounds like a little thing, but it's not.
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17) I'm embarrassed to tell anyone this, but ...
I think I've seen just about every episode of the 90s Saturday morning show Saved by the Bell. I realized this on Super Bowl Sunday, when the E! network ran a marathon. I remember watching it originally from bed when I was hung over after Friday night happy hour(s). Then I watched it a lot in reruns because it was on in the laundromat when I was doing my weekly wash.
I am not proud of the fact that I can't remember where I left my glasses, but I recall how Screech came to win "Miss Bayside High."
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16) What's the first thing you do every day? What's the last thing? How do these things make you feel?
First thing? After I go to the bathroom, I cuddle my cat Reynaldo and carry him into the kitchen for his breakfast. He's always so happy to see me in the morning. Last thing? I read a little or watch some light TV (sitcom reruns) until I fall asleep. These things make me feel safe and secure.
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15) What is something other people think is fun that you would NEVER do? Why not? What would happen if you did it?
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14) How do you show others love? What do others do that make you feel loved?
I am available to those I love. I'm here. Call me. I will try my best not to let you down.
Doing something specific to me makes me feel loved. For example, my Cousin Rose got me a book of classic movie trivia. She knows that's special to me. It doesn't remotely interest her, but she knows I enjoy it. Similarly, when I had the corona virus, my friend Kathleen sent me a box filled Twizzlers and popcorn to enjoy while I watch old movies from bed.
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13)
What is something you loved doing when you were younger but don't do anymore? Why did you stop doing it?
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12) Who makes you feel envious? What do they have/what are they doing that makes you feel that way? What do you think that means?
She always looked good. Even when crossing the street in traffic.
She attracted the most interesting, accomplished men. Not just the two she married, but also Mike Nichols and Pete Hamill.
She faced tragedy with guts and grace. She was fired upon in an open car and had to wipe her husband's brains and blood from her face. Five years later, her favorite brother-in-law was also murdered. She went through five difficult pregnancies in ten years, yet only brought two babies home from the hospital. Her father died of alcoholism, her mother suffered from Alzheimer's, her youngest sister died at 40 from cancer and she buried them all.
She and her family faced an insane amount of public scrutiny and criticism. (Her husband and son have even been co-opted by QAnon! Part of what the lady herself would undoubtedly call "the river of sludge.")
Yet she kept going. She kept recreating herself. She exemplified Robert Frost's quote: The best way out is always through.
Her children loved her and did her proud. She saved Grand Central Station. She became a successful book editor.
Isn't this enough?
I can see in her everything I value. Courage, beauty, strength and originality. I also see in her how and where I fall short. That's why I should remember that she chain-smoked, bit her nails and shopped compulsively.
I think all this means I have good taste, and that I was imprinted by the media I was exposed to as a little girl. I grew up on Jackie, and I've carried her with me throughout my life.
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Reynaldo. My skinny beige cat is 17 years old. That's approx. 84 in human years. He has an ongoing kidney condition, and now we're dealing with his overactive thyroid.
He is happy and comfortable these days. He constantly cuddles with me (he's headbutting the screen to get my attention right now), crashes my Zoom meetings and plays with my girlcat, Connie, every day.
But I know he is in the winter of his years. I want to be sure that I make all decisions based on love, on his well being, not my own feelings. I worry about that. I am responsible to him. I must not be selfish.
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10) Make list of everything you'd like to say "yes" to ...
Here are five things that reliably bring me joy.
1) The Beatles! I think about them all the time but especially this time of year. February 1964 is when they arrived on these shores, took the United States by storm and "I Want to Hold Your Hand" hit #1. March saw "She Loves You" ascend to the top spot. April was "Can't Buy Me Love." No other recording artists have ever dominated music the way they did. And they did it because they were upbeat, fresh and really very, very good.
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| Look how happy The Lads were landing in NY in Feb. 1964 |
2) Baseball. The commissioner promises us a full season this year. 160 games feels like the right number. Last year was just 60 games and that's not enough for me. I'm looking forward to a lot of this.
3) Shopping local. There's a small independent grocery store on the other side of town that will soon be facing competition from a new chain store. They just introduced an app and delivery to help them stay relevant. I spent more shopping this way, but it's the right thing to do. Stores like this one give a community its character. I'm fortunate that I'm in a position to help them, and it makes me happy to do it.
4) Afternoon naps. When we finally go back to the office, I'll miss them. These naps feel luxurious.
5) These two. Reynaldo and Connie make me so happy.
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9) Make list of everything you'd like to say "no" to ...
I say "no" to this prompt. With Marjorie Taylor Green, QAnon and Trump apologists being both ubiquitous and toxic, I'd rather accentuate the positive.
This is the earliest available photo of Major Biden as a puppy. The Delaware Humane Society says he is the one at the top.
This litter was found living outside and, being puppies, they'd gotten into something they shouldn't have. The spent their first days at the shelter on fluids. They bounced back, but needed socialization before they could be adopted. Ashley Biden saw a Facebook post about the litter, contacted her dad, and on Easter Sunday, 2018, he became Major's fairy dogfather. Months later, Joe and Jill officially adopted their new family member.
