Saturday 9

Saturday 9: We Belong Together (2005)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

This month we're going to recall Summer Songs. These will all be records that topped the charts during August.

1) Number 1 on the charts in August 20 years ago, "We Belong Together" is about the end of this romantic relationship. Mariah sings that now she won't have anyone to talk to on the phone until the sun comes up. That was then. Today many people prefer to text than to talk on the phone. Are you one of those people? No! Of course, texts are fine for, "I'm on my way ..." or "Running late." But for everything else, I'd much rather have a conversation, where I can hear your voice and ask you for clarification. Fewer misunderstandings and greater connection with phone calls. Failing that, I'd prefer a nice, long email that truly expresses how you feel. 

2) The video for this song features an elaborate wedding. Tell us about the last wedding you attended. My friend Kathleen's daughter got married almost a year ago. I held her as a baby, so it was rather emotional for me to see her as a beautiful bride. It really is a gift to watch someone grow up before your eyes.

3) Mariah believes she inherited her musical gifts from her mom, who was an opera singer and vocal coach. When things were hectic in their household, Mariah recalls that music helped bring her and her mom closer together. Share a happy childhood memory featuring you and one of your parents. I realize now how much effort my mom put into preserving Santa Claus for us. Santa's gifts came in special wrapping paper. The tags were written in a different ink and an unfamiliar handwriting (her left hand). Things like that. It was really sweet, how seriously she took it and how important maintaining that magic was to her.

4) After graduating from high school in Long Island, Mariah Carey went to Manhattan in search of stardom. While waiting for her big break, she enrolled in beauty school and waited tables. Both stylists and servers receive gratuities for their services. Do you consider yourself a good tipper? I try.

5) The Fresh Air Fund operates six camps in the New York area to provide kids with a chance to learn and explore outdoors. They named Camp Mariah in Ms. Carey's honor to thank her for her support. Here's your chance to toot your own horn. Tell us about an honor you received. (Anything from a major award to a handmade drawing that says "World's Best Mom" counts. We want to hear about it.) Back in the 1990s I won a Clio. I used to be very proud of it, because it's advertising's most prestigious award. With time, I stopped displaying it in my office and never mentioned it because advertising is such an ageist industry. Eventually I actually became ashamed of it because I won it before some of my coworkers were born. I thought the year it was bestowed on me branded me as a dinosaur. Now that the advertising chapter of my life is over, I realize that was kind of sad. My work won national recognition. I wish I had enjoyed it more.

6) Mariah has mentioned she enjoys pizza and red wine. Will you be enjoying either pizza or red wine this weekend? Had pizza today (Friday) so I doubt I'll repeat. Unfortunately, wine gives me migraines, so that's a very hard no.

Let's look at the summer of 2005.

7) The biggest news story that summer was Hurricane Katrina. This deadly and destructive storm killed over 1,000 people and did more than $100 billion in damage. Have you ever endured a natural disaster (such as hurricane, flood, landslide, tornado, blizzard, wildfire)? When I was 9, we had what Chicagoans still refer to as The Big Snow. More than 20" fell in just a few hours. It wasn't just the snow total – which was prodigious – it was the speed with which Mother Nature dumped it on us. While the adults in my world were freaking out as all roads, schools and businesses closed, I had a glorious time. There were such drifts in our backyard that I was able to walk over to our neighbor's property. The snow had completely obliterated their 5' chain link fence. My mom warned me to never, never, never do that again. As the snow melted I could have been impaled on that fence. But when you're 9, you don't think of such things. You're just having adventures.

8) Popular that summer was Kingda Ka, the new roller coaster at Six Flags Great America in Jackson, NJ. At the time, it was the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world. Have you been to any fairs or amusement parks this summer? No. It's been too hot!

9) Award-winning American figure skater Alysa Liu was born in August of 2005. NBC Sports and their Peacock network report that figure skating events get high ratings. What's your favorite sport to watch on TV? Go, Cubs, Go!

 

 

Catching up on Christmas

I wanted to sketch out my memories of the 2024 holiday season before they fade. 

I saw Santa! For the third year in a row, my friend Elaine and I went to see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen at The Music Box Theater. Before the movie, Santa himself came out and joined the organist, leading us in a singalong. 

As the kids say, IYKYK

As always, we dressed appropriately for the occasion. I wore my ugly Cubs Christmas sweater, always festive and especially fitting because The Music Box is in Wrigleyville. Elaine outdid herself. She got down to business at her sewing machine and recreated George's football jersey, right down to the stripes and a 3 on her chest. Naturally we both wore reindeer ears.

Afterward we exchanged gifts over hot chocolate. It's funny, but she and I just can't the gift thing right. Last year, she spent way more than I did. So this year I spent a little more and she spent less! Oh well, money is not the point of gift giving.

Thinking of gifts ... Mindy got it together this year. She and her husband got me this blanket and a book (We All Shine On). This is noteworthy because she just could never commit to a holiday date in 2023, and therefore last year was the first time in decades that Mindy and John and I didn't celebrate together. Naturally she couldn't have known that would be John's last Christmas, but she felt it keenly. We met at a bar and had a lovely, albeit bittersweet, time. 

It looks a little like me, too!

I spent a lot of time at O'Hare. There was a technical glitch first thing on Christmas Eve morning and while American Airlines corrected it quickly, flights were off schedule all day. So I was at the airport for four hours awaiting a flight that took 55 minutes. Was I happy about this? Of course not. But there was nothing to be done so I made the best of it. The airport had some lovely decorations.

The American Airlines terminal

I actually saw someone use The Pot Box! My friend Kathleen and I fascinated by the green "amnesty" mailbox just on the other side of the TSA checkpoint where travelers can dump their pot to avoid penalty for transporting weed across state lines. Neither of us has ever seen anyone take advantage of this ... until Christmas Eve. I saw a guy in a knit cap deposit a baggie. I wanted to ask him if he'd just forgotten it in his bag or if he was unaware it was illegal to fly with weed, but he looked so guilty and embarrassed I didn't have the heart.

I caught a bad cold. Merry Christmas, right? Oh well, my hotel was right there by the airport and was very comfy. I got to my room, took a hot shower, and wrapped my gifts with Elf on in the background. Fortunately I was able to sleep in on Christmas Day. The extra sleep and another shower left me feeling a little better. (It was just a cold, after all.)

My niece came out to the car. I took a rideshare to her home and she was so happy to see me she met me. That little gesture touched my heart. We had a lovely ham dinner with lots of starchy sides. She's a very good cook and a very proud homeowner. She showed me the room that has been designated as the nursery for the baby they're waiting to adopt. (My nephew was sleeping in there on an air mattress.) My sister was a little arch and brittle, but I guess that's just the way we're going to be with each other.

She has a pair of swans! They aren't hers, exactly. They live in the creek behind her home and I could watch them from her backdoor. I had no idea that mute swans don't migrate and stay in the cold midwest throughout the winter.

So there you have it, my first Christmas with neither Henry or John. I miss them and it was painful at times. I couldn't help recalling those Key West Christmas lunches with fresh seafood and long walks with Henry on the beach. But I was lucky to have known them at all, and luckier that I still have people to love in my life, because love is what Christmas is about.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Do I really need to provide a synopsis for this one? Surprisingly short, it's a masterpiece and I'm glad I'm finally reading it. Now, to go from the sublime to the ridiculous ...

 
2. What did you recently finish reading? Wreck the Halls by Tessa Bailey. A  superstar band, Steel Birds, broke up suddenly and bitterly and left their legion of fans reeling. The duo's music is embraced by each subsequent generation and the Steel Birds legend continues to grow. The members -- Trina and Octavia -- steadfastly refuse to perform together ever again.

 

Trina and Octavia were both pregnant when they broke up and weren't speaking when Trina's daughter, Melody, and Octavia's son, Beat, were born. Still, the kids grew up together in a way, linked together by the paparazzi and on gossip sites. Beat was the charmed one, the one the camera loved, and he grew up to be one of People's Sexiest Men Alive. Melody's awkward teen years were chronicled cruelly, leaving her feeling awkward and never quite enough

 

Thirty years after the band's break-up, a producer tries to reunite Steel Birds at Rockefeller Center on Christmas Eve and offers Beat and Melody $1 million to bring their mothers together. Of course Melody and Beat are going to have a Christmas romance.

 

This book was silly. I'm not sorry I read it, because it got me thinking of second-generation celebrity and the onus it puts on people who never requested it. But it is not sexy, romantic, or Christmas-y. I do not recommend it. 

3. What will you read next? Trial by Ambush by Marcia Clark.

 

Saturday 9

SATURDAY 9: HAPPY HOLIDAYS

 From the archives

1. As you can see, when Sam Winters was a little girl, she loved giving her annual wish list to Santa. If you could ask Santa for anything at all, right now, what would it be? A contract for Anthony Rizzo.

2. Are you currently on the Naughty or Nice list? How did you get there? I am on the Nice List because every day I try to be kind and do good. Or, in Gone with the Wind parlance, be more Melly than Scarlett.

3. Are you traveling this Christmas? If so, are you going by car, plane or train? I am flying to Grand Rapids to see my niece's new home.

4. Did you ship any gifts to friends and family this year? If yes, which one traveled the farthest? My cousin Rose lives near Tampa, loves her coffee, and enjoyed her trip to Italy so I sent her a mug decorated by a map of Italy. This make-up bag went farther, winging its way to my oldest friend in So Cal. I slipped a $25 Target gift card inside. I chose Target because even though she has mobility issues and lives in a rather rural are, Target delivers anywhere and has stuff everyone needs. (Her medical issues and living situation make her difficult to buy for.)

 
5. Did you buy yourself a gift this year? Yes! I got a Black & Decker cordless stick vac. It's a little noisier than I'd like -- I worry about my downstairs neighbor -- but the suction is good and it's so convenient.

6. Which do you prefer: candy canes or gingerbread? Gingerbread.

7. Close your eyes and tell us the first carol that comes to mind. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.

8. What's your favorite winter beverage? This weekend I'm doing a little socializing and have committed to trying my first-ever hot toddy. Maybe it will become my favorite winter beverage.

9. Share a memory from last Christmas. Last year was the 40th anniversary of the Christmas singalong with Santa preceding It's a Wonderful Life at Chicago's Music Box Theater. I've attended before, but it was especially sweet to be part of the anniversary celebration. I'm using my commemorative mug right now.

Thursday Thirteen #391

For Her. From 1974. I got my start as a writer for the Sears Catalog in 1981, but I began flipping through it as a little girl. I fantasized about what I wanted to wear, how I wanted my future home to look, and at Christmastime, what I wanted to find under the tree.

So for this week's TT, I wanted to see how we were celebrating Christmas fifty years ago and I looked to the Sears Wish Book. I was happy to see the headline written by one of my predecessors, "Gifts for Gals to Give or Get." Here's what I found on those pages:

1. "8 famous fragrances on an elegant boudoir tray." Tiny bottles (about .5 oz.) of Courant, Tigress, Ambush, Emeraude, Heaven Scent, Maja, Tweed and Chantilly a "dainty" filigreed tray. $8.98.

2. Nail care kit. Five shades of nail polish, four emery boards, a cuticle pusher and a pack of tissues in a zipper case with a tab handle. "Remove the contents and you have a handy little tote-purse." $4.98.

3. Bird cage music box. A yellow bird behind gold metal bars "dances to the tune of 'We've Only Just Begun.'" $7.98.

4. Roomy sewing basket. Brown wood basket with "attractive red bandana print cotton trim and lining." 9 in. tall, 7 in. high. $4.98.

5. Profile charms. Ready to hang on a bracelet (not included), choose from a boy's or girl's profile. First initial and birthdate engraved at no extra cost. $3.99.

6. Double-link charm bracelet. "Beautifully crafted of rhodium-plated sterling silver ... individually gift-boxed." 7.5 in. long. $5.99.

7. Ivory pendant. "Deeply petaled rose shape" on an 18 in. chain. Gift boxed. $5.99.

8. Treasure chest jewelry box. "Covered with charming multi-colored birds and flowers." Lined with pink rayon. $6.99.

9. Black and gold bead necklace. "Just the right accessory." 26 in. long. $7.00.

10. Beret and scarf set. The beret "sports a jaunty pom-pom" and the 6-ft. long scarf has a "dashing" knotted trim. In 6 colors. $7.00.

11. Knit gloves with vinyl palm and back. 2-button trim. Remember, "Gloves make great gifts." $3.97

12. Three speed hand mixer. Detachable chrome steel beaters are easy to clean. $6.99.

13. Chess set with a folding board. "Chess is a great game for thinkers." $8.95.

PLEASE NOTE: All of these gifts came in at under $10. Adjusted for inflation, a gift that cost $10 in 1974 would be about $60.75 today.

Can you see your earlier self giving or getting any of these 1974 Christmas gifts?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

 

 

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Wreck the Halls by Tessa Bailey. A lightweight Christmas romance that appeals to the Beatles fangirl in me. It's about a superstar band, Steel Birds, who broke up suddenly and bitterly and left their legion of fans confused and heartbroken. The duo's music is embraced by each subsequent generation and the Steel Birds legend continues to grow. The members -- Trina and Octavia -- steadfastly refuse to perform together, or even speak to one another, ever again.

Thirty years after the band's break-up, a producer tries to reunite Steel Birds at Rockefeller Center on Christmas Eve. Why does she think she will succeed where everyone else has failed? She has enlisted Trina's now 30-year old daughter, Melody, and Octavia's son, Beat, also 30, to try to persuade their famous mothers and to livestream the kids' efforts as a reality show. Of course Melody and Beat are going to have a Christmas romance.

Julian and Sean Lennon. Heather, Mary, Stella, James and Beatrice McCartney. Dhani Harrison. Zak, Jason and Lee Starkey. Yes, I can name the Beatles' progeny without looking it up. Julian and Heather never hooked up, but if they had, the Beatles fanverse would have gone mad.

 
2. What did you recently finish reading? Christmas Presents by Lisa Unger. A very good thriller. Taut and scary. Unger uses the small-town Christmas setting to reinforce that evil can exist anywhere.

When Maddie was still in high school, she endured an attack that left her a scar on her cheek and a deeper one on her soul. After a high-profile trial, which rocked her little hometown, the perpetrator was sentenced and Maddie tried to get on her with her life. She runs an independent bookstore and takes care of her dad, who recently suffered a stroke. She is doing the best she can, but her recovery is fragile.

And it's threatened when a famous podcaster enters her shop. He believes the similar unsolved crimes against other young girls in the area means her attacker didn't act alone, or perhaps there's a copycat out there, so he's reopening the case. 

Every few pages I said to myself, "He did it ... no, he did it! ... no, he did it ..." I wasn't always wrong. One of my guesses did turn out to be correct. But that's only because I suspected just about every male in the book.

3. What will you read next? I don't know.

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: I Wouldn't Trade Christmas (1968)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

  

1) In addition to Christmas, this song name-checks many major holidays, including Mother's and Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween and Valentine's Day. Which holiday is your favorite? I don't know how to answer this because the 2024 holidays are different from any other. I used to spend Thanksgiving with John and Christmas with Henry. John died in April and Henry in June. Thanksgiving this year was OK, but very different. We'll see how Christmas unfolds.

 

2) The Sinatra family posed in all-white for this album cover in August 1968. Are there any pictures of you and your siblings in matching outfits? Yes. My older sister and I are 19 months apart, one year apart in school. My mom enjoyed dressing us the same, especially for special occasions. I hated it.

3) Nancy is the oldest of the Sinatra children. She's also the one who performed most often on TV and film with her famous father. She played his daughter (of course!) in a movie and appeared in two of his TV specials while he appeared in one of hers. In 1967, she and Frank scored a #1 single with a duet of "Somethin' Stupid." Have you ever worked with a family member or spouse? Nope.

 

4) Frank, Jr., was the middle child and only son. A dedicated musician, he labored in his father's long shadow and joked that he would have had an easier time if he'd chosen real estate instead of music. Tell us about your path not taken. (Examples: A career you wish you'd pursued but didn't; a person you could have married but didn't; a city you almost moved to, but changed your mind.) I once thought I'd enjoy being a court reporter. I'm fascinated by court proceedings. I'm proficient at a keyboard. It seemed like a good fit. But I was eager to move out of my parents' house and didn't want to spend the two years required to get an associate's degree. Instead I took the conventional secretarial route. I ended up at Sears, and from there I was promoted to a catalog copywriter and my advertising career was born. So I guess it all worked out for the best.

 

5) Unlike her father and siblings, Tina Sinatra never wanted to be a singer. She found success as a theatrical agent and, at her father's request, became involved with his business affairs. Today she helps manage the rights to Frank Sinatra's movies and music. Do you have a good head for business? Yes. Or, to be more precise, I have a good head for marketing/strategy. I don't understand investing or the stock market.

6) Nancy and Frank, Jr., were born in Jersey City. By the time Tina was born, the family had relocated to Los Angeles. Did your family move around a lot when you were young? Nope.

And now, in the spirit of the season ...

 

7) Do you consider snow globes a holiday decoration, or do think they should be displayed all year around? I file this under, "Do What You Want."

8) Which of Dickens' Christmas ghosts would you most enjoy spending time with: past, present or future? Past. I look back on my Key West Christmases so fondly now. It was always such a kick to swim in the pool, listening to Christmas tunes, before church on Christmas Eve. And I'd like to walk the beach on Christmas Day with Henry again.

9) Have you crafted, cooked, or baked any gifts this holiday season? Nope.

 

Thursday Thirteen #390

 My jolly list. I'm hearing Christmas songs everywhere, and it makes me happy. The music that's piped into the store where I work is eclectic and I've heard one my lesser-known faves, Dolly Parton's "Hard Candy Christmas." My young coworker Lanie was introduced to Peggy Lee through Peggy's version of "The Christmas Waltz."

But Lanie and I are not representative of America. According to Billboard, these are the 13 "best" Christmas songs -- as chosen by their staff.

13. Santa, Tell Me by Ariana Grande (2014)

12. Blue Christmas by Elvis (1957)

11. Christmastime Is Here by Vince Guaraldi (1965)

10. This Christmas by Donny Hathaway (1970)

9. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen (1982)

8. Christmas in Hollis by Run-DMC (1987)

7. Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano (1970)

6. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee (1958)

5. White Christmas by Bing Crosby (1947)

4. Last Christmas by Wham! (1984)

3. The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole (1961)

2. Baby, Please Come Home by Darlene Love (1962)

1. All I Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey (1994)

What holiday song makes you happy?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

November Challenge: Day 23

Find the challenge here

November Challenge: Something you miss

Henry and John. John and Henry. My first birthday/Thanksgiving/Christmas without them.

 

 Photo by Andreas Rasmussen on Unsplash.

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: My Baby Just Cares for Me (2016)

Unfamiliar with this week's song? Hear it here.

1) Michael Buble sings that his lover doesn't care much about the theater or new clothes. Which have you done more recently -- attended a play or movie or added to your wardrobe? Clothes. This is not by design. There are movies -- The Substance, Here, now Conclave -- that I want to see at the theater but just haven't managed to haul my ass over there. This may be a good time to catch Conclave, as I think everyone will be headed to the theater to see Wicked and there won't be any line for Conclave.

2) This song was first performed in 1930, 45 years before Buble was born. What pop song do you love that is far older than you are? "More Than You Know" was published in 1929. This is my favorite version. (I wish this clip ran to the end of the song/scene.)

If you're in a mood to compare/contrast: Here's an earlier version by Sinatra. Except for the corny backup singers, I like this better than the one he recorded decades later.

 

3) The video for this song features a spinning vinyl record. Do you still have a turntable? Nope.

4) Michael is currently appearing on The Voice. Are you watching this season? Nope.

5) Of all his albums, Michael Buble's Christmas CD is his top seller. Now that we're in the month of November it's time for you to weigh in: When do you think it's appropriate to start playing holiday songs? Thanksgiving Day. (After all, there are no Thanksgiving carols.)

6) He unwinds by fishing, and he's very good at it. Fishing is a sport that requires lots of gear. Is there anyone in your life that has a hobby or passion that makes them easy to shop for? My nephew has inherited my Cubbie love. Here's his Christmas present. It's marketed by a firm that specializes in Yankee merchandise, so I doubt he's even seen it. I am quite sure he'll love it.

7) Michael is a good cook and enjoys whipping up spaghetti bolognese. What's on the menu at your home this weekend? I have a "birthday bonus" from the local Chinese restaurant, and I like their crab rangoon, so I see that in my future.

8) In 2016, when Michael Buble released this song, the United States Postal Service posthumously honored child star Shirley Temple with a postage stamp. Decades after leaving Hollywood, she served as US Ambassador to Ghana. Could you find Ghana on a map or globe? Nope.

9) Random question -- You neglected that soft drink and now it's gone flat. Do you drink it anyway or dump it down the drain? I'd probably swig it down anyway.

 

Frown turns upside down

I admit it: I've been struggling more than I imagined I would. Losing my dear friends, John and Henry, has broken my heart. Yes, it is a comfort to know that they are both happy and whole again in Heaven. I know neither of them would want me to be sad and so I look for joy in every day (and find it). 

But it's the loneliness. I miss them. I met John when I was 23, Henry when I was 34. I'm now 66. That represents a lot of love. So many birthdays, Thanksgivings and Christmases. So many memories. As October turns to November and December, I feel so alone without them.

But I am not alone, and buckle up, because here comes some joy. I am getting support and finding inclusion from the loved ones who remain.

•  Big birthday fun. I mentioned to Joanna that this will be my first birthday in for-fucking-ever without my dear old friends and boy, has she ever jumped into the breach! First we will tour Chicago's Christkindlmarket on its Opening Day (coincidentally, my birthday). Then we're having lunch at The Walnut Room, by their 45-foot tree! That 3:00 PM reservation was not easy for her to snag. Chicagoans have been making The Walnut Room part of their holiday tradition for more than 115 years, and at first we couldn't get in on the date requested. By Joanna would not be deterred! She kept checking every day, in case there was a cancellation, and voila! I am so grateful for her commitment.

•  Thanksgiving at Cooper's Hawk. John used to organize this and he called it "Orphan's Thanksgiving." For more than a decade there were three of us. Now there will be two. I wasn't sure Gregory would want to do this without him, but he does and I'm thankful for that. I suppose this event might be sad, but I've had so much change! I want this tradition to continue. John used to tease that the reason for this gettogether wasn't Thanksgiving, it was to get me into something other than a Cubs t-shirt. I will dress up again in his memory.

•  It's a Wonderful Life at The Music Box. It's a Christmas classic at one of Chicago's oldest movie theaters. Santa himself shows up before the film and leads us in song -- and, if we're lucky, we can snag the candy he tosses to us. This will be my third time doing this with Elaine, and she's excited. We've already got our tickets.

You know, perspective is a funny thing. I think of Joanna and Elaine as "new" friends because, compared to Henry and John, they are. But I've known them for years (11 for Joanna, 8 for Elaine). My shrink pointed out that not everyone maintains friendships as long as I do, and she reminds me that I now have history with these women and that's worth celebrating, in and of itself.

•  Christmas at my niece's house. For more than 20 years I spent at least part of the holidays in Key West with Henry. It was important to him, and he'd refer to my visit as his vacation. When she heard Henry had died, my niece ordained that I now spend Christmas at her new home in Michigan. She has declared herself the new matriarch of our clan, said she's hosting Christmas for the first time, and she wants me there. I get such a kick out of her. She's so bossy! (Trust me, no one orders me around like she does, which is pretty bold coming from someone I diapered.) But I am looking forward to spending Christmas with her, her husband and my nephew. Yes, my sister (her mom) will be there. But I'm confident it will be OK because niece has deigned it so and believe me, you don't want to cross her on this.

So now I'm facing forward with more optimism. Yes, it makes me sad when I look at my holiday gift list and see neither Henry's nor John's names there. Certainly I still miss them every day. But I'm buoyed by the love and support I still have.

Sunday Stealing

 15 MORE QUESTIONS

1. What gets you fired up? Tuesday, November 5

2. What makes a good life? To borrow from Gone with the Wind, I believe happiness comes from being more Melly than Scarlett. Meaning I try to see the good in everyone or at least acknowledge their humanity. I try to be kind. I often fall short, but I try.

3. What risks are worth taking? It's situational, and I trust my gut on this one

4. Who inspires you to be better? My favorite ball player, Yankee Anthony Rizzo. He's injured so he isn't on the roster for this first round of play-offs, but he was in the dugout, encouraging and advising his teammates. He celebrated his 35th birthday with pediatric cancer patients at the flagship FAO Schwarz store in New York, gifting the kids with a shopping spree. Stories of his generosity here in Chicago are legion. (Example: during covid, he provided catered lunches for hospital workers, acknowledging their efforts and supporting local restaurants that were struggling during lockdown.) He makes me want to do more and do better and do it with joy.

5. What do you have doubts about? Tuesday, November 5.

6. What fact are you resigned to? My waist is gone forever.

7. What book impacted you the most? Saving Graces by Elizabeth Edwards. She inspired me to strengthen my connections to those in my life by allowing myself to be vulnerable and by both receiving and giving. I should reread it before year end.

8. What irrational fear do you have? I'm terrified when I fly.

9. What is the hardest lesson you’ve learned? Wanting ain't getting.

10. What is something you’re self-conscious about? My looks.

11. What are one or two of your favorite smells? Apple and cinnamon.

12. Have you given to charities? Of course.

13. What is the best compliment you have received? "You're a good friend."

14. What chance encounter changed your life forever? Joining my movie group. I thought it would be something new to do. I didn't expect to be energized by finding "my tribe" and meeting Will, Elaine and Joanna, who have become friends.

15. What was the most memorable gift you’ve received? Blaze! He was a rocking horse who not only rocked, he galloped when you bounced up and down. And, when you pulled the magic ring, he whinnied! He was fucking awesome! It was the Christmas when I was four. I will always remember coming into the living room and seeing him under the tree. I wanted him so, and Santa came through! (Thank you, Mommy.)

Thursday Thirteen #342

13 facts about returning gifts. Now that the holidays are in the rear view mirror, let's take a moment and look at what happens to any gifts we received that we didn't want. (Most of these facts come from Brightly.com; some from my own experience/cranium.)

1. Americans toss out 25% more trash over the holidays. Now much of that is wrapping, decoration, shipping boxes, food leftovers and other holiday-related debris. But some of it is unwanted gifts.

2. Baby Boomers return gifts least often; Gen X and Millennials return the most. For those of you who, like me, can't keep the generations straight: Baby Boom is 1946 to 1964; Gen X is 1965 to 1980; Millennials are 1981 to 1996.

3. Boomers are more likely to re-gift than return. I know I'm a re-gifter and I was born in '57.

4. We are now in "peak return time." Most gifts are returned in the first three weeks of January.

5. Clothing is the most returned gift. The reason given most often is fit. I received a t-shirt from my friends Nancy and Paul and it's too small.

6. Most consumers exchange clothes for another item. Cash/store credit is less common. This surprised me. When I return things, I take the money if I can get it.

7. Only 48% of returns can be resold at full price. Most items are damaged in some way or show obvious wear.

8. Returns cost retailers money. Most of that expense is in employee time. First, there's the counter person at the register who takes the item from you. Then there's the time it takes to assess the condition of the product. Finally there's the cost of repacking it or preparing it to return to the shelf or the rack.

9. Some stores charge restocking fees. This is common for electronics, appliances and high-end clothes. I don't blame the stores at all.

10. Holiday specific returns are tough on retailers. Champagne flutes and paper plates that say "2024," Christmas decorations ... Even if the packaging is pristine, no one wants to buy these things in February.

11. Those that can't be resold at all often go into the landfill. While that's true, it's not always the case. The Brightly article doesn't mention this, but I know that some retailers send clothes to textile recyclers who shred fabric and turn it into useful items like insulation, yarn and industrial cleaning cloths.

12. If it's under warranty, the store may not take it back. If you got a defective appliance, you may have to deal with the manufacturer, not the store that sold it.

13. Gifts that won't be returned. Brightly recommends giving experiences, like concert tickets and museum passes, that can't end up in a landfill.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

My Christmas Day of Service

Worship of God, service to man. Those words are carved above the entrance to my church. They inspired me to kick off my own very personal Christmas tradition: a day of service.

•  First I went through my front closet and decided to part with two very nice wool coats: one gray and one black. They are almost new. Since I no longer have a job that requires me to dress up to visit a client, I do not need either of them (and you can argue I never needed two). This time of year* some women who can't afford to buy them new will appreciate them. I also laundered my Michael Kors puffer coat. There's a telltale trace of my foundation on the collar, but it's a big warm coat with a brand name and it has value.

I took a moment to be grateful that I had a career that enabled me to have three very nice coats that I don't need. Especially when there are women -- right here in my community -- who spend our winters shivering in inadequate outerwear as they commute to their jobs. Or worse, spend their days outdoor and their nights in shelters or tents.

•  Then I got ambitious and signed up for nine Letters Against Isolation, instead of my usual three. I used the new snowy stickers and gel pens I got at the card shop where I now work. In between cards, I exchanged texts with John (naughty holiday jokes), Elaine (more trivia about It's a Wonderful Life, because we each knew the other would have it on) and Cousin Rose (we opened our gifts "together" across the miles).

I took a moment to be grateful for the people in my life. I am only alone when I wish to be. Letters Against Isolation has taught me that there are people for whom "alone time" doesn't feel like a luxury or an opportunity to recharge. For them it's soul crushing. 

I'm going to dedicate Christmas to service every year from now on. I'm not sure how it will look in 2024. But I'm sure the effect will be the same: it will refocus my heart on the reason for the season.

*Though it's been unseasonably warm so far this winter, we all know the mercury is going to drop. It always does.