I want resolution ... NOW!

Future Hall of Famer (and one of my perennial great loves) Greg Maddux filed for free agency. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Option 1: He's not sure if he will be back in 2007, and hopes that seeing what his talents are worth on the open market will help him decide.

Option 2: His agent is already talking to the Dodgers and this is a bargaining ploy.

Option 3: Talks have broken down/broken off with the Dodgers and he's shopping for a new team.

Option 4: He's telegraphing to the Cubs that he wishes to return to me ... er, um, I mean CHICAGO.

I can somehow cope with any scenario that doesn't include his retirement. (I'm simply not ready to let him go yet.) I just wish this chapter would come to a close quickly. Under the best circumstances, immediate gratification takes too long for me. Waiting around for this to work out will be TORTURE!

I get it, but Senator, what were you thinking?

Senator Kerry is a terrific statesman but an exasperating candidate. When I worked on his campaign, I was amazed by how disciplined John Edwards -- who has far fewer years under his belt as a public figure -- was when it came to staying on message. And how quick Senator Kerry was to depart from his prepared remarks and just riff. As we saw yesterday, the results are sometimes heart-stoppingly bad.

Of course he meant that if you don't stay in school and learn about the world, you'll pull a dumb ass stunt like getting your country enmeshed in a no-win war in Iraq. It's not only evident from the remarks he made immediately before that clip that we have all heard, it's also evident from the way the man has lived his life. We're talking here, after all, about a Yale graduate who enlisted in the Navy and went to Viet Nam. Who worked to get the health dangers of Agent Orange recognized and treated. Who has battled to make sure the soldiers in Iraq get their body armor. No one familiar with the Senator could believe he meant otherwise. (That includes the Republicans who slandered and "swift boated" him. But that's who those people are. Being surprised by how far they will go to win is like being surprised when a puppy digs in the yard.)

The real shame of all this, of course, is that two news cycles are spent discussing Senator Kerry and not the issues at hand.

I find it ironic that George W. Bush is the one leading the demands for an apology. He should be sending the Senator a big "thank you" for that Halloween treat yesterday, for it deflected attention from what our First Lady said in an interview on C-Span regarding Michael J. Fox: "It's always easy to manipulate people's feelings." Gee, it's bad for Alex Keaton to do it regarding a disease he has, but OK for your husband to do it regarding 9/11?

As for Senator Kerry, I wish I could just remind him to STICK TO HIS NOTES. He's not funny. Not that stand-up comic should be a prerequisite for a President, but we live in television age and he must learn to adapt to it. Though something tells me his aides have said this very thing to him more than once since yesterday.

http://thinkprogress.org/2006/10/31/laura-bush-michael-j-fox/

Oh, I must, must I?

Madonna is on the Today Show right now, talking about how she didn't expect to be "demonized" regarding her adoption of an African baby. Oh, look! She's all teary-eyed as she talks about young David's medical condition.

Whatever.

She's done bisexual chic. She's done her SEX book. She's tried Broadway. She's tried movies. She's been an angry ex-Catholic and a follower of Kaballah. She's been a cone-wearing strumpet and a Burberry-clad children's book author. Now she's Mia Farrow-cum-Angelina Jolie. I simply cannot take her seriously. I never have.

She just told Meredith Vieria that people like me "must" take her seriously.

Sorry, no.

She's not an artist. She has no unique voice or compelling POV. She's a marketer. I work in advertising, so I grant her my grudging admiration for her gift for getting ahead of trends and reinventing herself. But that makes her as artistically valid as a light beer. In terms of her musical "product" and her public persona, I find her annoying and frivolous. She may be wealthy and successful, but (yawn) she's not powerful enough to make this old broad take her seriously.