Self Portrait

I was at the dentist for about two hours this morning. It wasn't so bad. She removed the temporary crown, dug around and cleaned things up, took an impression for the new crown, and replaced the temporary. No big deal, right?

The blue gunk overflowed the impression tray and sat on my skin for a while -- less than 10 minutes while the gunk was hardening. Long enough for it to really irritate my skin. I now have a bright red spot on the philtral column between my nose and lips. I am just soooo happy about this.

Especially because I have a big client presentation Tuesday. The only thing worse than being standing in front of your clients knowing you are a big fat moo-cow is knowing you are a big fat moo-cow with a bright red spot near your mouth.

I am miserable!

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Easy

1. Have you ever had a romantic breakup that was easy? Amazingly, yes. We both knew it wasn't going anywhere and he decided to move to Columbus to be nearer his brother and it just sort of ... faded away.

2. When was the first time that you felt betrayed? In grade school, when the contents of a note I passed to a friend somehow became public.

3. Do you feel religious beliefs should have a role in politics? Well, if a politician has a relationship with a higher being, that probably helps keep him or her grounded and comforted. I know that's the role religion play in my life. BUT IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! I agree with the speech JFK made that makes Rick Santorum, as he so elegantly puts it, "throw up."

4. Are you doing anything special this weekend? I just got a crown replaced this morning and my jaw is still numb. I'm going to wait to see if I'm in any discomfort before I decide what to do next. (Sexy answer, huh?)

5. Oreo cookies turned 100 years old this week. How do YOU eat an Oreo? If I'm alone, I'll take it apart and lick off the icing. If I'm in public, I'll observe decorum and nibble it daintily.

6. If you could change something about yourself, what would it be? My big fat moo-cowness. I'm working on diet and exercise, but obviously not hard enough.

7. Describe a time when you should have tried harder. See above.

8. What is your favorite baseball-related movie? The Natural. Where my favorite actor meets my favorite sport in my favorite ballpark. Did you know that Roy Hobbs/Robert Redford actually threw out the ball on opening day at Wrigley Field last year? It was very emotional for me. (And if you think I'm kidding about that, you don't visit this blog often.)

9. What is one lesson you have learned in the past year? I just now realized that sometimes, when I am trying to solve people's problems for them and make their lives easier, I am actually making them feel incompetent. I am working on this. After all, my goal is to help my friends, not hurt their feelings.

Gone Too Soon Blogathon -- In Celebration of the King

NEWBIE NOTICE: This is the first time I have ever participated in a movie-lovers' blogathon like the one introduced by Comet over Hollywood, and I hope I'm doing it right!

The theme is “Gone Too Soon” -- 
spotlighting stars 

who died before the age of 50.

When Elvis Presley died in the summer of 1977, he was just 42 and, unfortunately, his movie career was long over. His last performance as an actor was in the ridiculous Change of Habit (1969), which featured him as a ghetto doctor so compelling that hip nun Mary Tyler Moore has a hard time choosing between The King and The Lord. 

What's that? You haven't seen Change of Habit? Oh, you must! When, to borrow from Miss Holly Golightly, you're getting fat or it's been raining too long or you're just sad, nothing hits the spot like a big glass of milk, a box of Nilla Vanilla Wafers and a campy Elvis movie. While most of the 32 films Elvis made are really goofy trifles, those are not the ones I want to concentrate on today. 

Instead there are a handful of Elvis movies that show flashes of brilliance. You can see a naturally gifted actor on display, and it makes the fact that his talent was mostly wasted on drek, and that we lost him before he could rehabilitate his legacy as an actor, all the sadder. 

It's poignant to recall that Elvis wanted to be an actor, not a movie star. He longed to someday share the screen with his own idol, Tony Curtis, and really wanted the Earl Holliman role supporting the Great Kate Hepburn and Burt Lancaster in The Rainmaker. Instead, Col. Tom Parker and Hal Wallis steered him into quick-to-produce musicals, putting him in lead roles before he was ready, because they wanted the fast soundtrack dollars. When you see how well he handles himself in these three movies, made back-to-back-back in rapid succession before he went into the Army, you long for what might have been.

In his second movie, Loving You (1957), Elvis played Deke Rivers, a country boy very much like ... well, Elvis Presley. He's a truck driver one day and a rock star the next when he's discovered by sleazy, big-city publicist Glenda Merkle (the always entertaining Lizbeth Scott) and her C&W star client, Tex (Wendall Corey). Deke is at heart an innocent and he confuses Glenda's seduction -- motivated by lust and an interest in controlling her hot new property -- with love and almost loses his "good girl" small-town girlfriend, played by (Sister) Dolores Hart. 

Watch for the great scene toward the end where the disillusioned Deke confronts Glenda. It's played with great conviction, perhaps because it reflects how young Elvis was beginning to feel about Wallis and Parker and everyone else in his real life who treated him like one big hunka meat they could each take a bite out of. "It's not my future you care about, it's yours! It's what I can do for you. You don't care about me!"

Next up is Jailhouse Rock (1957).Yes, of course you have seen the iconic title number. But in my favorite moment, he is absolutely silent. Elvis/Vince is hanging around in a bar. There's a stripper on stage. All we see are her legs. Watch where Vince focuses his eyes. It's funny and lascivious and establishes Vince as every boy our parents ever warned us about. 

He handles many of his lines in the same light, bad-boy manner, and it's easy to imagine him growing into the kind of roles Burt Reynolds became known for. For example, when a girl resists his advances, saying, "How DARE you think such cheap tactics would work with me?" our hero responds, "Them ain't tactics, Honey. That's just the beast in me." Said with a sneer and with his tongue in his cheek. (Think that's easy to do? Try it yourself at home!)

The last in this trilogy is King Creole (1958). Directed by Michael Curtiz (yes, that Michael Curtiz!), this movie has a very strong cast, including Carolyn Jones, Vic Morrow and a very nasty Walter Matthau. Elvis said Danny was his best role, and I think he's right. 

The plot is a 50's vintage, poor man's Bronx Tale: Slum kid torn between two kinds of men (his poor but honest father and the more successful but slimy mobsters who run the town) as well as those two age-old types of women (Sister Dolores again and the gangster's #1 moll). 

After Danny is expelled from school (and the movie deserves points for acknowledging he must be the oldest high school senior in school history) for fighting and just general surliness, his father tells him that a real man doesn't try to solve every problem with "a punch in the mouth." Danny responds with real frustration and contempt: "I stopped listening to you when I ran out of other cheeks! I remember when I was no more than 3 feet high you took me to the circus. You accidentally bumped into some guy and he turned around and punched you. He punched you right in the mouth, and you know what you did? Nothing! Nothing! When they swing at you, Pop, it's not enough to duck, you gotta swing back! Maybe you can't anymore, but I'm not taking after you. You go to school, I'm going out and make a buck." 

So yes, it's OK to laugh at crap like Viva Las Vegas and Clambake, but it would be tragic to forget that, at one point, Elvis wanted to make films he could be proud of. I mourn the actor he longed to be and I believe he could have been.

Trifecta

The weekend's challenge: This weekend's challenge is to give us a story or snippet of a story which includes, in exactly 33 words, a justified exclamation point.

Oh, who knew his touch would be so knowing, his skin so cool and his lips so sweet? This was better than Disneyland! She couldn’t wait to see what other thrills awaited her.

Leaving on a jet plane

My annual spa trip is just over three weeks away! I have reservations for four nights at the Chiswell-Bucktrout Kitchen, one of the Colonial Houses on the grounds of Colonial Williamsburg. Three sessions of pampering are booked over three consecutive days, at the spa right there at the resort. My flights are free, thanks to my Citi/AA credit card. I have transportation to and from ORD. Now I'm just waiting to book the same to get me from and to RIC.

I like this part of travel. When you're planning, when you're anticipating all the fun you'll have, before the bills come in.

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My grandma would have called it "a foundation garment"

I'm talking about that powerful Lycra/spandex thing I will be wearing under my gray slacks when I present to the client. Cass calls it a "contour boyleg panty" but I call it uncomfortable. However it's that or suicide, as I promised myself if I ever got to the point where I couldn't fit into those gray slacks I'd kill myself.

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #162

THIRTEEN SEARCHES 

THAT BROUGHT VISITORS

TO MY BLOG

Just because Statcounter tells me these searches are how people found me doesn't mean I was what they were looking for. I also don't pretend to understand why Googlers were searching for these phrases.

1) "Leonardo di Caprio on The Facts of Life" -- Leo was never on The Facts of Life, George Clooney was. But I mentioned them both in a recent TT about Oscar's Best Actor Nominees.

2) "Stephen Colbert's ears" -- This post did recount a weird dream I had about Mr. Colbert, but I made no mention of his ears

3) "Jean DuJardin's teeth" -- This post celebrates Uggie, the true star of The Artist, and includes DuJardin, but I never mentioned the man's teeth

4) "awaiting snow" -- A visitor from Sweden searched for that phrase and found this 2010 post. I apologize for impression I may have left about Americans.

5) "how do corn flakes fall?" -- A visitor from the Philippines asked this. In this recent Sunday Stealing post, I mentioned that I had corn flakes for breakfast. I made no mention of the impact of gravity on this cereal, though.

6) "Aunt Stella Uncle Joe died" -- I understand this one! It's from a once-ubiquitous Colonial Penn commercial that I was very, very familiar with and referenced in this meme.

7) "Robert the Doll" -- The haunted doll I wrote about is a Key West legend and has quite a following

8) "I love him but he embarrasses me" -- That search ended in this post and clip re: "Frank Mills," a song from the musical Hair that includes the line, "I love him, but it embarrasses me to walk down the street with him."

9) "gal paint top" -- I don't know what this visitor from the Philippines was looking for, but they ended up at this post about the painting party my best friend had for his daughter.

10) "Can you talk without a tongue?" -- I'm sorry that Google thought this question could be answered by my post about my cat Charlotte's tongue

11) "happy football" -- Somehow search led to this post about my nephew's soccer team. The word "football" doesn't appear once.

12) "Too bad, so sad" -- This phrase was the title of a 2010 post about Princess Lee Radziwill


13) "The next Pope after Benedict" -- Well, I did mention Pope Benedict in this post about Rick Santorum

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want my right thumb nail back! I tore it and now it's so short that my thumb feels a little vulnerable and it looks kinda creepy.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading? Mona Lisa in Camelot: How Jacqueline Kennedy and Da Vinci's Masterpiece Charmed and Captivated a Nation. Well, the title says it all, doesn't it? I didn't know that the Mona Lisa ever left the Louvre, and I'd never heard how the First Lady personally charmed the French Minister of Culture into letting her have it for the National Gallery. We live in a world where the President is called "a snob" for wanting kids to go to college, and where one of the Presidential candidates won't speak French on camera (he lived in France for more than two years) for fear of appearing "elite." This trip back 50 years to a country that was proud of our own cultural heritage and curious about the rest of world's is fascinating and heartening. Not only am I an unabashed Jackie-phile, I saw the Mona Lisa when I visited Paris and it was one of the great OMG moments of my life, so I am thoroughly enjoying this book.

• What did you recently finish reading? LA Mental. A thriller about The Crandalls, a wealthy and established Los Angeles family that is suddenly coming apart at the seams. One of the sons, who has always been able to hold his blow, lets his drug habit get away from him and ends up in the hospital. The dull, accountant son is uncharacteristically stepping out on his wife and daughter with a sexy female film exec. The only daughter thought no one would ever know about that one last fling before her wedding ... until she's blackmailed. The oldest son, Dr. Tom, is watching is siblings and asking, "What the fu ...?" This book has a definite sci-fi overlay to it, and I wasn't crazy about that. But otherwise, I enjoyed the time I spent with it.

• What do you think you’ll read next? Another Piece of My Heart by chick-lit author extraordinaire, Jane Green.

Old Dog Learns New Tricks

Did you know there's a difference between not responding at all and not responding immediately? Apparently there is.

For the last couple weeks I have been emailing my best friend about some things that have been weighing heavily on me: most notably my "friend" Kathy and an ex who just keeps popping up like a demonic Jack in the Box Clown.

My best friend made it very plain that he doesn't feel equipped to "advise" me on these things. I have responded that I don't want "advice," I want his support. He said "OK," and then … nothing. For days.

This left me hurt, sad, lonely, preoccupied. Finally I confronted him. He seemed surprised that I was tying myself up in knots about this. "Your issues are  complicated and I do feel a significant pressure to respond appropriately. More to come ..."

Oh.

I don't know why I doubted him. He has always displayed a lot of common sense. 

I guess I have to work at being patient. And trusting. I can do this. My own life would be easier if I learned/lived this. It would result in less drama, and let's face it, I don't need to create drama -- life tosses it at me just naturally.

The new phone is here! The new phone is here!*

 I am the proud owner of a VTech CS6419, the cheapest cordless phone my local Radio Shack sells.

There was a time when choosing a new phone was fun. When it was my only link to the world outside my parents' house. When getting a Princess phone that was neither white nor black was a status symbol.

Those days are gone. This was a strictly utilitarian purchase, and I approached it with the same enthusiasm as I do shelling out hard-earned bucks for a new toilet.

 *With apologies to Steve Martin.

Trifecta

This week's challenge: Between 33 and 333 words from (and including) the third definition of the word:

vulgar (adj) \ˈvəl-gər\

1: generally used, applied, or accepted

2: vernacular

3 a : of or relating to the common people : plebeian

   b : generally current : public

   c : of the usual, typical, or ordinary kind

This was big -- her first client lunch back. The first time she had entertained out-of-town business associates since returning to the workforce after two years off with Rosemary.

She had done her homework. This restaurant, Altus, had received raves from Wine Spectator and Fodor’s, so if her guests Googled it, they would see that she had brought them to one of Chicago’s finest.  When she made the reservation she specifically requested a table with a view so her clients could watch the boats glide along Lake Michigan.

And, oh, the care that had gone into choosing today’s outfit! After considering everything in her closet, and in her best friend’s closet, she slipped into her black and beige linen sweater dress, topped with a (borrowed) textured beige jacket. Thank God her reliable black kitten heels still looked just right. The overall effect was understated quality, as though she dressed like this, lunched out like this, all the time.

She appeared poised and sounded confident. Like she belonged at that table, in this restaurant, with these people. So why was it that as she savored the Lobster Portuguese and sipped a 2006 California Chardonnay, she really wished she was having Spaghetti-o’s and apple juice with Rosie? It made her smile to think of the sturdy plastic play table where they lunched together at home. The bright purple, yellow and green would have looked vulgar in the refined atmosphere of Altus, but it was the perfect complement to the Dora the Explorer décor of their family room.

 

A new homeowner experience

I have to buy a new toilet. My handyman will pick it up for me and install it on Wednesday, March 14. I haven't ever shopped for a toilet and don't know that I care what I sit on.

But it is a learning experience. Toilets can be very inexpensive -- there are a variety that are less than $200! And the handyman won't charge me more than another $200. So while this is not an expense I planned for or welcome, I do have a slush fund for emergencies of this type and that will cover it.

In 2006, my adventures were with the ac and the refrigerator. Now it's the toilet. I am becoming a seasoned homeowner.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Eve Was Framed Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Why is your favorite color your favorite? My favorite color is Pantone 294 because it's Cubbie blue.

 2. Do you prefer dogs or cats or do you just hate animals, and want to kill baby seals? I do not prefer cats or dogs, love them all, and think this question is just awful.

3. How much time do you spend on the computer? Too much.

4. Not including porn, what do you do on the computer? Email, FB, Pogo, and, of course, this here blog.

5. Are you a clock watcher? Yes.
  
6. What do you/did you look for in a partner? Shallow answer: nice, touchable hair.

7. What type of clothing do you prefer? Casual.

8. What is your favorite type of music? Beatles.

9. Do you believe in the paranormal, Ghosts, ESP, levitation, spoon bending? Not much. But I am open.

10. The most important question: Do you have a inie or outie belly button? Inie.

11. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive.
 
12. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun or The Boys Are Back in Town?   "When the working day is done, girls just wanna have fun."

13. Camping or the Ritz? The Ritz

14. What food are you craving RIGHT NOW . . . did you eat it? Corn flakes. And yes, I ate them.

15. The most thrilling place you've ever visited. Why? When I was very young I went to Paris and seeing the Arc de Triomphe was a gas.

16. If you could slip into the skin of one public figure--celebrity, artist,--who would it be? I think it would be great to be Jennifer Aniston. She's not only funny and gorgeous, she knows what John Mayer and Vince Vaughn and Brad Pitt are really like.

17. Look up from your computer. What do you see first? My TV

18. Sum up your philosophy of life in one sentence. You can borrow it from someone else, if you'd like. "Life is not fair, but it's fairer than death." William Goldman, The Princess Bride

19. Name the one thing you just don't understand about kids today. Rap

20. If you could steal one work of art from a museum or gallery, which would it be? I wouldn't

Truth to tell

I really don't like being around my oldest nephew. He's immature and noisy, like a puppy who has yet to grow into his big paws, but he's nearly 25-freaking-years-old and it's just a bit much, you know?

He's very good to and for my mom, his grandma, so I'm glad he's spending as much time with her as he can before he goes off for his four years with the USN.

I feel guilty because he finds me so fascinating and so much fun and he likes arguing with me. But I do not like arguing with him and sometimes I would like to finish a sentence without being baited or disputed. Everything -- from where the Cubs will play in 2013 to Beatles' history -- was an "argument." He thinks it's funny and cute. I think he's an ass.

I feel guilty feeling this way. He is the entire family's pride and joy, ready to go serve his country, and I just want him to shut-the-fuck-up for one blessed moment.

What's worse, my younger nephew -- age 12 -- things his older cousin hangs the moon and joins the fray before I change the subject. "Well, Ga-al," he chimes in judgmentally, contributing something very 12-year-old-ish so naturally I never disputed it. He's a kid, after all.

I couldn't wait to get out of there. I know, shame on me. But if, today, I get through the day without speaking to anyone about anything, and not being disagreed with or corrected, I will be grateful.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Look Out Here Comes Tomorrow (RIP Davy Jones)

Before we start, I encourage you to take a moment and watch Davy swing a mean tambourine. 

1. How much do you worry about your future? Being dependent on others, unable to care for myself. I saw what Parkinson's Disease did to my uncle ... cruel and devastating.

2. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? Nope.

3. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? Right now, in my wallet is a lottery ticket I haven't checked yet.

4. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need? Oh, I don't know how to quantify these things! When my friend Kathleen went into labor, I went to the hospital with her and stayed until her husband arrived. Since I have never had a baby myself, I was surprised that she wanted me with her. But I was honored, though scared, and I learned a lot from the experience.

5. What did you do lately that was really brave? I trusted my best friend with a pair of the ickier and most complicated issues that cloud my life right now. I was afraid he'd think this was all too freaky. On the one hand, I thought it would be a relief to unburden myself to him but on the other hand I was afraid he'd think it was all too crazy. I'm not sure it was the smart thing to do, but it was brave.

6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do. See above. My best friend is more comfortable talking about the mating habits of the rare polymita snail than these particular problems.

7. Who is the wisest person you know? It depends on the situation.

8. What's the most tasteless joke you've ever heard? Nothing springs to mind. And I'm fine with that.

9. What does your answering machine / voice mail message say? It's a robotic voice in a message supplied by my phone company: The caller at XXX-XXX-XXXX is unavailable right now. Please leave a message.

After midnight

With all due apologies to Eric Clapton, right now the last thing I want to do is "chug-a-lug and shout." I shall spare you the details, but my gastro digestive system is not behaving as well as it might. I woke up Friday morning feeling this way, and now here I am after midnight feeling the same way.

This is not how I wanted to begin the weekend.

Friday Fill Ins

To play along, click here.

1. When I heard the news I almost cried.

2. You make(s) me want to SHOUT! (Kick my heels up and SHOUT! Throw my hands back and SHOUT!) 

3. Get DOWN! (Me to my cat, Reynaldo.)

4. This is where I came in.

5. Hands across the water. Hands across the sky.


6. We're too busy singing to put anybody down. (RIP, Davy Jones)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to testing my NEW vacuum cleaner filter (I'm not kidding), tomorrow my plans include getting my hair streaked and Sunday, I want to play with my nephew.

Trifecta

The weekend challenge: Start with these 5 words and turn it in to a story of only 33 words. The 5 word prompt is NOT to be counted in the 33 words.

Title: "Mr. Businessman"

The phone rang at 4am. 

“Good morning.” Her voice was pleasant but unfamiliar. “This is your scheduled wakeup call. The weatherman says today will be sunny and 43º.”

He was slow to respond. “Um, ma’am? Where am I?”

  

Good night, Sweet Davy

Sure, "Daydream Believer" is a better song and Davy Jones did a better job on those vocals. But when I was a little girl, I got all swoony hearing him sing about "the warm September wind, Babe."

Hearing of his passing mad me sad. I was never desperately in love with him, but he was one of the heart throbs that adorned my locker and wall and I spent so much time reading his stats (on this very album cover) that, to this day, whenever I'm asked my height, I always think, "5'2, just like Davy Jones."

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #161

OUR THIRTEEN WORST PRESIDENTS

Here it is, the top of the bottom. The Siena Research Institute has been polling presidential scholars since 1982. Much is made of those who ranks highest (it's always the usual suspects -- Lincoln, Washington and FDR -- in the top slots), but who brings up the rear?

In 2010, these 13 men ranked the lowest in everything from "intelligence" to "luck."

30) Rutherford B. Hayes
31) Jimmy Carter
32) Zachary Taylor
33) Benjamin Harrison
34) William Henry Harrison
35) Herbert Hoover
36) John Tyler
37) Millard Filmore
38) George W. Bush
39) Franklin Pierce
40) Warren G. Harding
41) James Buchanan
42) Andrew Johnson (pictured)



I admit I know very little about 11 of these 13. I lived through the Carter and GW Bush years but could probably learn more about the inner workings of their Administrations. But I wonder if it matters? Is history always important? Is there as much to learn from failure as success?

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

And the crowd goes wild!

For the second month in a row, I have reached my goal of 13 workouts/month (with a workout defined as 25 minutes of cardio and 10 minutes of either floor exercises or weight machines).

And remember, February is a short month. That makes my accomplishment even more awesome! Thank you very much.

Of course, I'm still a big fat moo-cow. Maybe that's why that girl (middle left) is sticking her tongue out at me. But I'm making progress. Fitness is becoming a part of my life.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

1) What are you currently reading?
2) What did you recently finish reading?
3) What do you think you’ll read next?


What are you currently reading? LA Mental by Neil McMahon. It's a thriller about Dr. Tom Crandall, the oldest son of one of Los Angeles' oldest and wealthiest families. His siblings are all coming undone at the same time. Wild child Nick's drug habit has landed him in the hospital, dull Paul is suddenly cheating on his wife with a sophisticated lady film producer, and his only sister, engaged Erica, decided to have one last fling before the wedding and unfortunately someone found out and is blackmailing her. These family catastrophes can't possibly be related ... can they? Of course they can! Otherwise we wouldn't have a thriller! It's one of those books that's fun while it lasts, but I suspect I won't remember a thing about it when it's done.

What did you recently finish reading? Star, Peter Biskind's biography of Warren Beatty. The end of the book is sadder than I expected. He went from being one of Hollywood's power players throughout the 60s, 70s, 80s and even the early 90s. But now he's old and irrelevant. He is, by all accounts, finally happily settled down with one woman and a passel of kids. Yet you're left to wonder -- did he "retire" from film to be a good dad, or is it just a convenient excuse to get around admitting that he's no longer young, handsome and in demand?

What do you think you’ll read next? I don't know for sure, but I think I'll pick up Mona Lisa in Camelot: How Jacqueline Kennedy and Da Vinci's Masterpiece Charmed and Captivated a Nation.

 

I Want Wednesday

I want my problems to be less complicated and weird. I get the feeling  that when I try to explain to my best friend why I'm upset over stuff like this and this, his eyes roll back in his head and he wishes he hadn't signed up for such hazardous duty.