Saturday 9

 Saturday 9: I Won't Be the One to Let Go (2002)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Barbra Streisand begins by singing about dreams and wishes. What are you wishing for this morning? I want to feel better. I've felt crappy all week. I blame LA. When I was in Hollywood for the TCM Film Festival, my Cubs just so happened to be playing the Dodgers. Two of the Cubs broadcasters, Pat Hughes (radio) and Taylor McGregor (TV) came home sick, as well. Coincidence?

2) Barry Manilow sings that "anytime you need me, you'll know where I am." If a friend needs you, what's the best way to reach you (text, phone call, email, knock on the front door ...)? Call my landline. If you are my friend or relative, you have the number. It's been the same for decades. If I'm not home, leave a voicemail. I'm not tethered to my cell. It's either in my purse or charging on the kitchen counter. I won't hear it ring and I won't see your text until the next time I pick it up or go out. 

My nephew knows this, but still is a text-only guy. He not only won't call my landline, he won't call my cell. He will not talk on the phone. Nor will he Zoom. I assume he has to use Zoom for his job but he won't for his personal life. He's 22 and just "never got into the habit" of talking on the phone. We each think the other is strange.

 

3) Both of this week's artists are from Brooklyn. In addition to Barry and Barbra, Brooklyn is home to Coney Island, where America's first roller coaster debuted in 1884. Do you enjoy amusement park rides? If yes, do you have a favorite? I used to. I haven't been on one in years. None of my friends will go with me! I used to love the Tilt a Whirl.

4) Barbra and her husband, actor James Brolin, have lived in the same Malibu home for more than 25 years. How long have you been in your current residence? Do you think you'll be moving anytime soon? I've been here 21 years. I'm not leaving. You can't make me.

5) Barry Manilow once lived in luxurious Bel Air. His neighbors were former President and Mrs. Reagan. At first he thought it would be great to have the Reagans nearby but quickly changed his mind because he disliked the Secret Service helicopters flying overhead. Tell us about one of your neighbors. (No pressure; we don't expect to hear about historic figures.) My across-the-hall neighbor is a woman of about 30 who always wears a white blouse to work (she's a bank teller) and she has tremendous false eyelashes. I worry about her. She lived with a very amusing stoner for about a year. During covid, I distinctly recall encountering him in the hall and watching him miss his nose/mouth with his mask so he looked like the Lone Ranger. Anyway, they got married and in no time all, he moved out. She's trying to afford the condo without him, but it's hard. He won't let her sell it until their divorce settlement is worked out. She may have to rent it out and move in with her parents until their divorce is final and she can sell. I know all this because I'm on the condo board and have to approve the rental. ANYWAY, she seems stressed and sheepish every time I see her. I hope she gets through this rough patch and comes out happier on the other side.

 

6) As a teenager, Barbra worked as a switchboard operator. Her job consisted of connecting calls by inserting phone plugs into the appropriate jacks. As telephoning became automated, these jobs were phased out and by 1983, the switchboard operator was obsolete. Can you think of another occupation that used to be common but doesn't exist anymore? I thought it would be cool to be an elevator operator, like Miss Kubelik in The Apartment. You got to work in a big office building and wear a spiffy uniform.

 

7) Loyal Fanilows can subscribe to ManilowTV. For $9.95/month, fans can watch exclusive content, like interviews and concert performances. Do you more often watch live broadcast TV or streamed content? I'm still more broadcast than stream. I watch a lot of news and baseball.

8) In 2002, the year this recording was released, the Sears Wish Book offered seven different collectible Barbies. According to Mattel, the doll's manufacturer, there are more than 100,000 Barbie collectors all over the world. Do you collect anything? Books and magazines. I'm overrun with books and magazines.

9) Random question: Are you exclusively an online/ATM bank customer, or do you often go into the branch and interact with a teller? I never actually spoke to anyone at the bank, but now I go to the window to turn in the quarters from the laundry room. (One of the few benefits of being on the condo board is that I no longer have to hoard quarters.)

 

 

THURSDAY THIRTEEN #305

 

Thirteen facts about the Hollywood sign. I spent five nights in Hollywood and this sign seems to float overhead, adding a little glamor to what can at times be a pretty tacky place.

1. When it was first built in 1923, the sign had nothing to do with the movie business. It was an ad for "Hollywoodland," a real estate development.

2. The letters are 45' tall and today they are made of metal. They were originally constructed of wood and metal, but the wood couldn't withstand the elements and in the 1940s were replaced with 100% metal.

3. The letters are painted in a bright white and outlined in black for maximum visibility.

4. The Hollywood sign sits on land that is part of Griffith Park. 

5. While it can easily be seen from countless vantage points, tourists can hike up to the sign along a trail through Griffith Park.

6. If you'd rather ride, the Hollywood sign is a stop on many of the sight seeing bus tours.

7. Earlier in 2000s, a developer wanted to build homes nearby, but that idea was nixed by the City of Los Angeles. To protect it, the sign has been declared a cultural landmark.

8. Because it's so iconic, it's often been the target of vandals. Most notably, in the 1970s it was changed to read "Hollyweed."

9. It was repaired quickly by the Hollywood Sign Trust, a charitable organization created for the sign's upkeep.

10. In 1978, Alice Cooper donated $30,000 to the trust in memory of Groucho Marx.

11. In case you're thinking of doing a little mischief up there, know that the letters are now protected by security sensors.

12. The sign was infamous in 1932 when 24-year-old actress Peg Entwistle leapt from the "H" to her death. Her suicide note said, "I am afraid I am a coward. I am sorry for everything. If I had done this a long time ago, I would have saved a lot of pain. P.E." No one knows for certain why she did it, but her career was progressing so her reasons were likely personal, not professional.

13. It was also once hit by a drunk driver. Back in the Roaring 20s, a man lost control of his car and it rolled down the hill into the "H." The car was totaled, but the driver survived and the "H" was repaired.

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

Oh, well, all it ruined was the flight

Photo by Isabella Fischer on Unsplash

I have felt awful since Monday morning. Congested, tired, headachey. No fever, though, and none of the dastardly gastrointestinal upset that plagued me during my 2020 bout with covid.

No, this feels like the garden variety flu. As awful as I feel, I'm grateful that it's not serious and that it didn't ruin my movie-going. Monday was my travel day, and I hate flying so it's not like this had a negative impact on my TCM Film Festival experience.

Something seems to be going around Los Angeles. I was supposed to have lunch with my darling former boss, Aaron, last Wednesday and he had to cancel. He was battling a bug, too! 

Oh, well. If you'll excuse me, I have to roll over and go back to sleep.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Capote's Women by Laurence Leamer. Truman Capote surrounded himself with "swans," the cream of New York society. Ultra rich, ultra sophisticated, ultra everything. Their power came from the exquisite lives they created for their powerful husbands. They lived in a rarefied atmosphere, and they fascinated Truman. He was their mascot, their brilliant but platonic best buddy. What they didn't know was that he couldn't be trusted. He was chronicling their lives for his big opus, his mid-century Manhattan version of Marcel Proust.

 

These women are so shallow they are tragic. They have no power of their own, they live in the reflected glory of their men. I think they would be surprised to know that a plain old working girl like me pitied them. But nothing seemed to give their lives meaning, not their husbands, not their lovers, not their children. To have real careers would be vulgar (and one of the "swans," Lee Radziwill, had the attention span of a gnat). This was the mid-60s and early 70s. Vietnam, civil rights, the women's movement, the war on poverty. None of this social upheaval touched them. Their lives revolved around their social calendars and their holiday trips.

It's a fascinating look at a world that (I believe) has vanished. I'm glad I'll be done with it before the Ryan Murphy miniseries premieres.

 

2. What did you recently finish reading? The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene. This is Nancy Drew Book #1. Where it all started. The most popular girl in River Heights solved her first right here.

 

Her doting father, esteemed attorney Carson Drew, is here. So is Hannah Gruen, the loving cook/housekeeper who loads Nancy up on the best breakfasts. Nancy tools around in her blue convertible. Some things are missing, though: Nancy hasn't started seeing her loyal boyfriend, Ned, and she solves this mystery without the help of her buds, Beth and George. They must not appear until later books.

So Nancy Drew was the precursor of Kinsey Milhone in Sue Grafton's Alphabet Mysteries. I can't remember what happened in A Is for Alibi, but I know Kinsey has a little black dress, cuts her own hair with manicure scissors, and has a crush on Henry.

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene. Yes, I'm revisiting the first Nancy Drew book! Country Dew said she'd reread them recently, and I'm following her lead.

 

Shit just happens to Nancy Drew. She's motoring up the road in her blue convertible, a gift from her doting father (esteemed lawyer Carson Drew) when she encounters little Judy, a young girl who needs rescuing. She returns Judy to her guardians, a pair of elderly aunts, the Hoover sisters. Not only are the Hoover sisters broke and worried about how to provide Judy with the education she deserves, they have just been robbed! Wait, there's more. The Hoovers share with Nancy that their cousin, Josiah Crowley, the recently-deceased richest man in town, had promised to include them in his will and didn't. 

Who stole the sisters' stuff? Why would Old Man Crowley renege on his promise? If she doesn't get to the bottom of this, her name isn't Nancy Drew!

 

I'm having fun with this book, and remembering the 7-year-old Gal who first read it.

2. What did you recently finish reading? Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry. Wow. This memoir is scorchingly candid. There are times in this book when Matthew Perry admits to being selfish, insensitive, indulgent. He also acknowledges how much he threw away. During the run of Friends he got A-List movie roles and was compared to Tom Hanks and Bruce Willis (two other fast-talking sitcom actors who transitioned to the big screen). After Friends he was able to get three (3!) TV series "green lighted" by the networks. He had affairs with important, consequential women (Julia Roberts, Jamie Tarses) and countless girls who loved him. It all evaporated because of drink and drugs. As he says more than once, as an explanation and not an excuse, his body was trying to kill him.

It's sad, it's honest, and it's very funny, because Matthew Perry has a great deal of Chandler Bing in him. This is the book I wish Jenny Lawson had written, for the humor here is organic, not forced.

3. What will read next? Capote's Women by Laurence Leamer. I want to be done with it before the miniseries airs.

 

Why did it have to happen now?

I leave for vacation tomorrow at 7:00 AM. Today I had a doctor's and dentist's appointment. Laundry and packing. I've been busy and I'm tired and 7:00 feels awful early.

It was this evening that I saw him. A big, rather dirty tom. He certainly looked well fed. He was wary of me as I took out the garbage. I interrupted him as he made his way across our property to the neighbor's.

I called out to him and began trying to make friends when it hit me: I can't. I don't have time tomorrow to take him to the vet or the animal shelter to see if he's chipped. I leave for the airport at 7:00 AM.

I want to believe he's not lost and on his way to his own yard and home. Maybe he'll be safe soon enough.

I hope so.

As much as I want to, I can't save them all.

Photo by Jack Blueberry on Unsplash 

A memorable Easter

I've been upset with our interim minister lately. She's been pushing us to give up our church building. She says we're "too attached to an edifice," that we spend too much on upkeep,* that the Sunday School is too cramped ... Yadda yadda yadda. I don't care. I love this building. Our congregation has been worshiping on this spot since 1909. It's sacred to me. Besides, she's a short-timer who will move on sometime this spring, when our new full-time minister formally accepts the offer that's been tendered. So just shut up with this "edifice" talk and let me worship where I feel closest to God and community.

I'm being unfair, I know. We were a mess when our previous minister was canned. As a congregation, we were divided about his dismissal. Some thought he was insensitive to church employees and guilty of neglecting the administrative part of his job. Others felt dismissal was too severe a punishment for infractions that had nothing to do with stewardship. Our interim minister did a very good job of calming the waters and bringing us back together as a congregation. 

And she's good on the holidays. Her Christmas Eve sermon resonated with me. It was an unconventional musing about what she'd do if an angel appeared before her. It was warm, funny, and made me feel closer to her because what she imagined she's say to the angel sounded quite a bit like my personal conversations with the God. 

Today, for Easter, she talked about the Resurrection in a highly original way. She began by comparing/contrasting the discrepancies in the Bible. Matthew, Mark, and Luke seem to contradict one another on how many women came to the tomb, to whom Jesus first appeared, etc. She said, and I heartily agree, that these details shouldn't distract from the message: Christ rose. 

Instead, she said, she wondered how the Resurrection felt to Jesus. He'd spent three days away, three days in the realm of the dead. Was He confused upon His return? His wounds hadn't healed -- after all, He let Thomas touch them -- so was He in pain?

Resurrection must have been uncomfortable for Jesus, she reasoned. So we should expect it to be difficult for us when we reinvent ourselves, emerge from a bad patch, come through the rain. The important thing is that we maintain our focus on love and compassion, even as we navigate our new paths. His example is there for us to learn from.

Maybe because it's Easter, but I suddenly feel lighter. I heard the 1982 song "You Are" on the radio today. It was one of "our" songs, popular during the good times in my long, complicated relationship with a tortured man. I avoided this song because when I heard the refrain, "... and I'd do it all again," I felt it was mocking me. In real time, I felt I had no choice but to love that man and once I committed to him I had to stay. If I loved him enough I could heal him and us. My devotion and loyalty were rewarded with cruelty and violence. 

Yet today when I heard "... and I'd do it all again," I didn't feel angry, or rueful, or foolish. I felt like it no longer matters. It was half a lifetime ago. Yes, this relationship changed me, even damaged me. But I came through. I had my personal rebirth today, too, so I can finally forgive him for what he did, and forgive myself for all I accepted and how long I stayed.

It feels good.

*OK, that one's valid.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Easter Parade

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This song is best known from the 1948 movie of the same name, but it was originally written for a 1933 Broadway play called As Thousands Cheer. In the play, a young man reads about the parade in a New York newspaper and decides to go and show his lady love off to parade goers. What's the most recent parade you attended? It's been a long time. After what happened in Highland Park last year, it will be a lot longer. (You may be wondering, "Which mass shooting was Highland Park? I forget, there are so many!") For some reason, it's more important for us to be able to purchase AR-15s than it is to celebrate our holidays. Don't even try to tell me this is about the right to "bear arms." To protect your home and property, you could use a revolver or a shotgun, you don't need an automatic weapon. If you think an AR-15 will protect you from "tyranny," remember the government has tanks, helicopters, kevlar vests, and hand grenades, so good luck with that. No, these destructive guns are for civilians to kill other civilians. Happy Easter.

2) On Broadway, the song was performed by Clifton Webb. He'd had a busy stage career, appearing in musicals as well as plays by Oscar Wilde and Noel Coward, but when he was in his mid-50s, he was considered too old to be a leading man. Broadway offers stopped coming. He was unexpectedly cast by Otto Preminger for the film noir Laura and a new career was born. He worked steadily in Hollywood for 20 years and earned three Oscar nominations. Tell us about a time you were grateful your life took an unanticipated turn. This was a million years ago. I went on vacation with my friend, Mindy. First Disneyland, then San Francisco to stay with her friends, Ron and Susie, whom I'd never met. Now in between winter when we planned the trip and July when we took it, Susie left Ron. Let's just say Ron turned out to have better rides than The Magic Kingdom. It's the only "Love Boat" vacation romance I ever had, and it's a memory I cherish.

3) Today he's fondly remembered by the students at UCLA who have benefited from The Clifton Webb Scholarship of the Arts. If you could give an endowment to a school or charity, what would you like it to be used for? I'd endow my local animal shelter with funds to be used to care for senior dogs and cats. After age 8, it's very difficult for these lovable and loving animals to be adopted. I wish I could help them live out their lives in safety and comfort. 

If you need your heart warmed a little, watch this video about Grandpa Mason, an elderly feral cat with health problems who fought so valiantly to live and finally got  three years of love, care, and companionship.

 

4) According to Forbes magazine, the average American household will spend upwards of $150 on Easter dinner, candy, and decorations this weekend. Do holidays strain your budget? Not Easter. Christmas can be a bit of a pinch.

5) The biggest chocolate Easter egg was made in Italy, measured 34 feet tall and weighed a staggering 15,000 lbs. Do you think it's possible to have too much chocolate? I would love to investigate this further.
  

6) After chocolate, the top-selling Easter candy is Peeps Marshmallow Chicks. They're so popular that they were once the subject of a Jeopardy clue. Do you often watch Jeopardy? Nope. I have no issue with Jeopardy. I just forget about it.

7) Jelly beans are also popular this time of year. In a 2020 poll, jelly bean fans responded that cinnamon is their favorite flavor. Do you have a favorite? Not really. Until all my dental work is done, I try not to even think about anything quite so gummy and chewy.

8) We've been talking a lot about sweets this morning. The only holiday that generates more candy sales is Halloween. When do you eat more candy: Easter or Halloween? I suppose Halloween, but I've never really kept tabs.

 9) Easter is considered the season of rebirth. What makes you feel refreshed or rejuvenated? I take a shower. To borrow from Judy Garland in A Star Is Born, "When anything happens to me, good or bad, I make straight for the shampoo bottle." (Did I get the quote right, Bev? ☺)

Thursday Thirteen #304

The thirteen top places we shop. According to the National Retail Federation, this is where we spent our money in 2022. At $460 billion, Walmart is #1 by far. I'm surprised. I expected it to be Amazon ($219 billion).

1. Walmart
   
2. Amazon
   
3. Costco
   
4. The Home Depot
   
5. Kroger Grocery Stores
   
6. Walgreens
   
7. Target
8. CVS
9. Lowe's
   
10. Albertson's
    
11. Apple Stores/iTunes
    
12. Royal Ahold (Stop and Shop, Food Giant)
    
13. Publix

Amazon, Target and Albertson's are my go-tos. I also go out of my way to shop at least once/month at the little mom-and-pop on the other side of town. What about you? Where does your retail money go?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

It must be nice

 ... to be MAGA in that every day is a new dawn and you have no memory of anything that went before.

There is much gasping and handwringing over the "political persecution" of Donald Trump. How now we are a "banana republic" with a "weaponized" justice department. How convenient to have forgotten that they voted for a man who made "Lock Her Up" his rallying cry in in 2016 and never let it go.

November 2016

A year after the election and he's still obsessed with investigating and punishing her.

 

This man's brand is pettiness and using power to "settle scores."

So I prefer to think the 38% of Americans who oppose the indictment just have remarkably short memories. Otherwise I'd need hip boots to wade through the hypocrisy.

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here. 

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry. This memoir was published to tremendous media attention last fall. The blitz made me almost afraid to read it. I was concerned that it would dampen my enjoyment of Friends. As Chandler might say: Could I love the show more? Could Matthew Perry be a bigger part of it? But I needn't have worried. There really isn't that much detail about Friends in this memoir. 

It is, however, sad and breathtaking so far. Sad in all he endured as he battles addiction, breathtaking in its honesty and self-revelation.

2. What did you recently finish reading?Madam President by Nicolle Wallace.  Our first woman President, Charlotte Kramer, is in her second term. Her first was marked by marital and family scandal, and she has hopes that her last four years will be have less personal drama so she can do her best and make real change for the American people. No such luck. Just as she begins to move confidently forward, the country is attacked by terrorists.*

This is political chick-lit, and I love it. President Kramer is surrounded by smart, powerful women. Melanie Kingston is her Secretary of Defense. Dale Smith is her Press Secretary. As they efficiently shape domestic and foreign policy, they deal with (respectively) a disinterested husband, a high-risk pregnancy, and a suitor who is too ready for marriage. They also compare/contrast Eileen Fisher and Jil Sander, weekend at Camp David, and attend a Sondheim production at the Kennedy Center. 

Nicolle Wallace is my fantasy Republican BFF. She worked in the George W. Bush White House and her insider knowledge shows. She's also spent a decade in TV and she knows that world, too. She cleverly imagines what the world would be like if Regis and Kelly had moved from daytime to evening to become "serious" network news anchors. (She changed the names, but it's Regis and Kelly, and it's wickedly funny.)

3. What will read next? The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene. Yes, I'm revisiting the first Nancy Drew book! Country Dew said she'd reread them recently, and I'm following her lead.

*That would be foreign terrorists. This book was published in Spring 2016, before anyone could even imagine MAGA nutjobs attacking the Capitol. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you actually believe 138 police officers were injured during a routine tourist visit?

 

Turns out I'm not Mary after all

I grew up on Mary Tyler Moore. First as Laura Petrie, then as Mary Richards, she represented everything I aspired to be, thought I should be, believed I was. Caring friend and coworker, competent, on time, kind and nice. The one you never have to worry about. However, unlike Mary/Laura, I'm a slob. (In that way, my sitcom doppelganger is Oscar Madison.)

Also, unlike Mary/Laura, I don't want a best friend dropping in at all hours. Mary had Rhoda, who lived upstairs. Laura had Millie, right next door. Many times, on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Rhoda would drop in as soon as she heard Mary was home from work. On The Dick Van Dyke Show, Millie was always coming over to gossip over coffee or compare notes on the carpool. 

No thank you. I would hate that. First of all, I'm a slob and my home is not visitor-ready at all hours (OK, it's never ready). Secondly, I value my alone time. Too much perhaps. I've learned since covid lockdown that just because something is comfortable doesn't mean it's good for me. 

Which leads me to Elaine. I think she wants to be my Rhoda or Millie. Or, since she's just a couple years older than me and likely grew up on MTM, too, maybe she wants me to be her Rhoda or Millie. 

We saw each other a couple weeks ago for her birthday. It seems that every day since she's got ideas of other things we can do together. She's nice, she's interesting and imaginative, we have many common interests. So all this is nice, right?

It just feels like too much. If I see one of my friends once each week, that's plenty for me. (This week it's Nancy. I think. She may cancel, and if she does, that's OK.)

But Elaine is a good person, and her heart is valuable. So today I'm going to send her a nice long email to keep the dialog going and to let her know she matters.

I'm not Mary Tyler Moore after all. I'm really a cat. I'm loving and devoted, in my way.

And this is why I'm fat

The weather has been cold and rainy lately. So the clear skies and 50º+ temps were beckoning me. I was going to put on my headphones and listen to the Yankees game (EST) as I walked the mile to The Dollar Store. Then I'd listen to the end of the Cubs (CST) game on the way back. Sunshine and the crack of the bat! I was happy.

I noticed, though, that there was something hinky with my phone. It said that today was Wednesday, February 1. It was also very quiet. No alerts or texts. Scariest of all, every time I tried to open the MLB app, it told me to "try again later."

Oh, no! I need the MLB app. So I uninstalled it and then went to install it again. I could not get into the Google Play Store. "Try again later."

Oh, no! I tried to download it via my laptop. I couldn't, because according to MLB.com it was still on my phone. But I'd just uninstalled it!

So I called Consumer Cellular. They really are as nice and accommodating as they are portrayed on the TV commercials. The customer service rep told me to first try this and then try that. Neither worked. She had to send a code to my phone for security reasons before we could go further. My phone wasn't accepting her texts. So she sent it to my email -- my laptop was working perfectly -- and she tried some things on her end.

"Your phone isn't connected to The Tower," she reported. She explained there was a problem with my wifi. Perhaps all I need to do is reset my wifi password.

Only I don't know my wifi password. So I'd have to call Xfinity. The Consumer Cellular service rep said she'd wait. 

I couldn't get a live person from Xfinity to help me with my password because -- wait for it -- there was a wifi "connectivity issue" in my neighborhood. That would be fixed by 5:30. 

Two hours.

On the plus side: after more than 40 minutes, we now knew the problem wasn't my phone. On the negative side: There goes the sunshine.

I was bereft.

At this point, while I was settling in to watch baseball on my TV, my oldest friend happened to call. My emotions were complicated (see the post below). On the one hand, I didn't feel like dealing with her because I'm pissed at her. And I've just wasted 40 fruitless minutes on the phone with Consumer Cellular, which never enhances my temperament. On the other hand, I've been friends with her since Kindergarten. She's more than earned the benefit of the doubt.

We talked about an hour. She's already having sex with her new beau, which bothers me. Not for any puritanical reasons -- I think sex is normal, natural and fun and besides, they're both senior citizens. There's no risk of pregnancy. 

It bothers me because, of the two of us, she's the puritan. She wrings her hands and clutches her pearls when people fall into bed. I know impulsivity is a symptom of her mood swings. So this is a red flag for me.

On the other hand, she's happy. She feels as pretty as she is. She has renewed hopes that her upcoming surgery will improve her quality of life. Best of all, she isn't counting on her cousin for help after surgery, which is good because her cousin doesn't fail to disappoint. 

By now the issue with my wifi is corrected, but the ballgames are over. I saw little of the Yankees or the Cubs. It's after 5:00, the day is over, and I haven't eaten anything all day.

So instead of walking two miles, I walked a couple blocks and picked up a thin crust cheese pizza from Lou Malnati's. Because I had gut trouble this morning, I skipped the vegetables I was going to have as a side dish in favor of mashed potatoes. Pizza with mashed potatoes on the side is not part of any diet plan, but I felt I deserved this after the frustrating, intense afternoon I'd had.

And this is why I'm fat. The end.

Temper, temper

I admit I'm pissed. Last week my oldest friend sent me a chatty, highly-superficial email about her life. Normally this wouldn't bother me. I know she's busy with her new beau and having a man in her life is very important to her. Plus I'm happy that she's interacting with someone who isn't her cousin or her daughter. She's been in California for a decade now and has made no friends, and that's just not healthy. I applaud this sprint to a wider, happier life. She's clever and funny and has so much to offer.

So, you're asking, why am I pissed? Two reasons:

1) Her email covered everything that we had talked about on the phone. She's apparently so heedless of our conversation that she didn't even remember.

2) She promised to call during the week and didn't. Too busy, I guess. Now her new fella still works, so I imagine her days are free. But I've been shunted to the back burner. 

I'd say I'm hurt by these two points but that's not true. I'm angry. Because I feel my oldest friend has been gaslighting me.

During my transition into retirement, she has insisted that her time in retirement has been the happiest of her life. I didn't believe her -- she had no friends, went nowhere* except here to Chicago for Beatlefest last August and her health is so problematic she spent one of her days here unable to get out of bed. She also tells me that her landlord is harassing her and wants her gone. Does this sound happy to you? Of course not.

But here's the thing: where's her empathy for me? My career was very important to me, and this transition has been difficult. Instead of drawing me out, or fuck, even acknowledging my issues, she went on about how happy she was. 

Now all of a sudden she tells me she's sick of "living like a shut in" and wants romance. Really? You were "living like a shut in?" You blathered that you were the happiest you have ever been and couldn't even fathom my struggles.

That's crappy. I deserve better.

I realize she has issues and allowances must be made. She has bipolar disorder. It's her body chemistry and she can't help it. I understand intellectually that her insistence that her solitary life of drinking coffee, vaping, and writing fan fiction about George Harrison (while living in an apartment where she isn't wanted) is glorious was likely bravado, the self-talk she needed to get through the day.

Because I understand that intellectually, I won't say to her what I've written here. That would be cruel.

But if I want to stay in this relationship -- and obviously I do -- I have to figure out where to put my anger. How to deal with it. 

I've read two books that have helped: Broken by Jenny Lawson and Friends, Lovers and the Big, Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry. Listening to two other people eloquently and candidly chronicle life with bigger emotional problems than mine has given me a peek into the world she's navigating.

I know what Topic A will be

And there's this: We've been friends since kindergarten. I'm not going to let her go. She can be so funny, so comfortable, and she knows where all my bodies are buried.

But I also know that she doesn't give me or my struggles anywhere near the attention I give hers. Perhaps that's because she simply doesn't have enough gas in the tank. How do you set boundaries with someone who is, in Jenny Lawson's term, "broken?"

I'm going to hold my tongue and temper until I can talk to my shrink on Tuesday.

*When I say "nowhere" that's exactly what I mean. She has everything delivered. She doesn't even go to the post office. Part of it is mobility issues (she needs a cane) and part of it is, I suspect, crippling depression.

Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova on Unsplash

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Fool (If You Think It's Over) (1978)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here. (I love this song.)

1) Do you have any pranks planned for April Fool's Day? Nope.

 

2) When Crazy Sam was a little girl, she once pranked her mother by putting bubble wrap under the bath mat so Mom heard a POP when she stepped on it. When you find bubble wrap, can you resist popping it? Yes. I find it very resistible.

3) This week's song is about a wise man counseling a heartbroken younger person. Chris Rea, who wrote and performs this song, says it was inspired by watching his kid sister endure her first breakup. Were you in love at 17? Do you remember the object of your affections? I don't recall exactly who I was crushing on at 17, but one of my teen-aged imaginary lovers died on March 13 and attention must be paid. This is Joe Pepitone. He was the Cubs first baseman for 2.5 colorful seasons and I adored him. In fact, I had this very baseball card tucked into my bedroom mirror. Thursday was Opening Day at Wrigley Field and there was a moment of silence in his memory. I loved that. A new season was beginning with new ballplayers (only 3 of the starting 9 were Cubs last season) and they took a moment to say farewell to one of the lions of my long-ago girlhood. A perfect moment. To borrow from Moneyball ...

 

via GIPHY

 

4) She's dressed in black as she mourns the end of her romance. Does your wardrobe include a lot of black? I used to, but not anymore. I grew tired of battling the cat fur.

 
5) He offers to treat her to her first glass of good wine. Do you prefer white or red? Wine gives me migraines, so I'll pass.

 

6) Chris' own teenage romance was highly successful. He met Joan Lesley while still in school and they have been married since 1968. Whose was the most recent wedding you have attended? My niece in 2020.

 

7) Chris Rea is a passionate race car fan and once worked as a pit mechanic for a Formula One race. Do you watch auto racing? Nope.

 

8) In 1978, when this song was popular, Laverne and Shirley was America's #1 TV show. It's still available via cable and streaming today. Are/were you a fan? Nope.

9) Random question: What are you grateful for this morning? My cat,
Constance Mackenzie, is healthy and happy. She's had some dental issues made more complicated by her old age and heart murmur. My regular vet referred her to a specialist, who did a deep cleaning and an extraction and a biopsy. Connie received terrific care and now she's bright-eyed, alert and comfortable again.

Ladies who lunch

Today was a good day. It felt so normal. Like it could have happened before covid.

I met Joanna at Miller's Pub. It's a classic, old-school Chicago restaurant. Laminated menu. Lots of burgers, chops and chicken. Framed photos on the wall of the luminaries who have dined here before. (We sat across from the Wicked Witch of the West herself, Margaret Hamilton, whose autographed photo was displayed beside Ghostbuster Harold Ramis. I passed Joey Bishop on my way to the ladies room.)

I took the train and wandered through the Loop. I was surrounded by people! Not as many as an afternoon in February 2000, but more than I've seen in a while. It made me happy.

I strolled on my way to the restaurant and saw this. The Huntington Bank branch on the corner of Madison and Wabash was a place of worship before The Fire. I've passed this corner dozens of times and never noticed this plaque before. For a moment I felt a tremendous kinship with the Chicagoans who were here before me.
 

 

It was nice to catch up with Joanna. She and I email and text regularly but this is the first time I've seen her in 2023. I loved her yellow raincoat. I told her she looked veddy veddy British, which makes sense she'd ordered the coat from a department store in London. She always puts such care into her appearance that I upped my game a bit. Sure, I was wearing jeans and tennies, but I chose a pullover instead of a Cubs t-shirt.

She's been working very hard, is tired, and I sense that she's a little jealous that I'm retired. Two years older than I am, she's long been self-employed and hasn't had the benefit of decades of 401(k) contributions. But that isn't why my heart went out to her today. She's been seeing Sid since 2019 and has been crazy about him since they met. A successful businessman, he retired because of a stroke and she's enjoyed being part of the new chapter of his life. But his health and especially his cognition are failing and she knows she's in the midst of a long goodbye. As she talked about him, she still laughed at things he says to her every day. He amuses her, she loves him, and he's fading away. Heartbreaking.

But she's a survivor. She's looking ahead, too. The cost of living here is too expensive and she's considering a move to Kalamazoo. Or Paris. I tried not to laugh but that's so Joanna. She of the Paddington Bear raincoat. She always has one foot in the Midwest as her soul soars over the ocean.

And so it begins

Today was Opening Day! And it was all good. I was emotionally invested in three games, three time zones, and I have nothing but positive news to report. In chronological order ...

 Anthony Rizzo got a single at his first at-bat of 2023 season. So now I can breathe.

Our awesome new short stop, Dansby Swanson, lived up to the hype. 3 hits and some very flashy glovework.

This game is still going on, but let's face it: the Padres aren't going to get 6 runs in this inning. I'm happy about this outcome because Kris Bryant got three hits. He was hurt most of last year and there were nasty whispers that he isn't worth his big contract. I want only good things for Kris Bryant. He was one of my 2016 Cubs!