No, I didn't send $1,200 to Thao in Colorado

I woke up this morning to an alert from my bank. I had "suspicious activity" to review. Apparently a Zelle transfer for $1,200 to a new cell number had appeared.

I'm very grateful the bank caught it and put a hold on it until they heard from me. Not only do I not know anyone named Thao in Colorado, I currently only have $820.95 in my account.

As Chase's fraud department and I went through recent account activity, it seems someone tried to set up an Apple Pay account and abandoned the effort. No, it was not me.

I had to change my username and password, as well as the password on the email account connected to my bank account. 

Upon reading my travails of yesterday (post below), Country Dew wondered if I wouldn't rather pay "with a chicken and a loaf of bread." That does seem attractive, doesn't it? I also now long for landline phones with rotary dials and checks with a cashier checking the signature. For while all this progress makes my life easier, it also leaves me more vulnerable.

Monday Monday

I didn't think Mondays would suck now that I'm retired. I was wrong. 

It started with the drugstore. I'm having extensive dental work Thursday and expect to be prescribed pain killers. I called the pharmacy to let them know I have a new drug plan. After waiting on hold for quite a while, I finally got an actual pharmacist. I explained what I wanted to do.

"Did you know you can update this information online?" he asked. No, I didn't know that. I don't have an online account. It's my corner drugstore. My doctors call in prescriptions, I pick them up. Why do I need an online account?

"OK. But we're talking now. Can't you just update my information over the phone?"

"You may find it easier to do through your online account," he said.

"But I don't have an online account. Can't we just do this now?"

"It's easy to set up an online account."

Dawn came slowly to this old Gal. "Are you saying I can only do this online?"

"Yes." 

So, between waiting on hold, discussing this with the mealy-mouthed pharmacist, setting up my online account and inputting my information, switching to my new drug plan took a half hour.

It gets better. Or worse. 

I'd been rather obsessively checking to see if the automatic withdrawal for my vision/dental went through. It was processed on the third of last month, but I thought (hoped) maybe because of the New Year's holiday it was late for January. When Sunday, the 8th, it still hadn't gone through and the website showed it as late, I walked a check over to the post office and dropped it in the mail.

Then Monday they sent me a message, saying they "couldn't find" my bank for the automatic withdrawal. This confused me. First of all, my bank is JP Morgan Chase. It's the largest financial institution in the country. If they didn't have the data from my account, surely someone else in their system had Chase and the same BIN. Second, it went through in December. So what happened?

This phone call took more than an hour. Everyone is sorry. They couldn't explain to me exactly what happened, but they were pointing at my former employer.* Like the pharmacy, they can't correct the mistake over the phone. I asked them to direct me to the portion of the website where I can do it myself.

Um ... that window won't appear until my check clears. That could be a week.

I have a big dental procedure planned for Thursday. Do I have coverage?

Um ... as soon as the check clears, it will be retroactive to January 1. That could be a week.

I have a big dental procedure planned for Thursday.Will my dentist get paid?

Um ... On Thursday the dentist will likely be told I don't have insurance.

What am I supposed to do?

"I'm sorry, ma'am."

After more than an hour on the phone, getting this result left me dispirited. I called my dentist's office and explained what happened, expecting to be rescheduled. The woman who handles billing was achingly patient. She said, "We'll just wait to put the claim through until your check clears."

"Are you OK with this?" I didn't want their small, independent business to be screwed because of the snafu.

"It's insurance," she sighed. "It happens all the time."

I wonder if she, like me, fantasizes ending a marathon call with the insurance company by drop kicking her phone through the window.

*This doesn't make sense to me, but I'm willing to blame my former employer for everything, including when the bakery doesn't have the little muffins I like. 

My first time experiencing this

This is the 45-ft. Christmas Tree on display at The Walnut Room. This has been the place to celebrate Christmas in Chicago for decades, first when it was Marshall Field's, now as Macy's. 

Remarkably, I'd never been here before. When I was a kid, it was because my father refused to drive into the city and was almost pathologically opposed to public transportation. When I first moved out on my own, I didn't come here because I was always broke.

And then? Well, life got away from me. Often, too, you take for granted the things in your hometown that impress outsiders.

Well, last night I met John and Mindy and her husband Alan for my final holiday celebration of the year. It was my first time here (John's idea) and we were among the last diners to enjoy the holiday menu and see the tree before it came down today. 

It was a nice but strange evening. I'm in touch with Mindy regularly and John all the time, but they seldom interact directly. They had a lot to catch up on, and some of it was pretty basic. (Like John didn't know one of Mindy's sons had gotten married and the other engaged.) Also, John was kind of moody. I know his foot was bothering him because he had his cane. I think he felt bad because we three all have vacations planned and he doesn't. John seems happy enough with his day-to-day life, but it's very neighborhood-centric. He goes from home to his local bar (where he is very popular and has lots of friends) and that's it. No travel, no movies or theater, no pets or hobbies or events to discuss. And that's fine, that's his choice. If he doesn't like it, he can change it. (Listen to me. That's harsh, isn't it? There are things in my life I could "just change" but I don't. Why should I expect more from him?)

Oh well. I had fun, even if he didn't. My chicken pot pie, spiked hot cider and Frango Mint cheesecake were frigging AWESOME! And I was happy to see Mindy's new engagement ring (after nearly 40 years of marriage). Her son gave her original ring to his bride, and she so she got a skating rink! She loves it and Alan is so proud.

Word Salad

Posted to me on Facebook by my old friend Kathy:

Geez I am so tickled (and very appreciative) that there are bits of our lives gently wandering into our current emotional pathways. My only "problem" is the slower response of my 75 year old brain... Remember I AM more than a decade older and even without that you were always "quick on the draw!" Still tickled...

I have no idea what this means.

It sounds as if she is continuing a conversation or responding to correspondence, but I haven't communicated with her in weeks.

I wish she hadn't posted it this way, on my Facebook feed. All of her Facebook friends, and all of mine, can see it, and it's blather. I'm not sure all those people realize how cognitively impaired she's become. To save her embarrassment, I was going to take it down. 

But I didn't because if I didn't respond, I might hurt her feelings. So I gave it a ♥ and moved on.

Except I haven't moved on. This makes me very sad.

 

Saturday 9

It's Not Unusual

1) In this song, Tom Jones wants to know what's new in his girl's life. Here at Saturday 9, we're concentrating on the new year. What do you hope will be new and different in your life during 2023? I'd like to be healthier. I know I'm looking at a ton of time at the dentist, but if I reduce the hours spent with doctors I'll be a happy, grateful old gal.

 

2) He sings that he has flowers for his special girl. Are there fresh flowers in your home right now? Nope. I love flowers and wish I did, but I'm afraid the cats would take one look at them and say to themselves, "YAY! Salad bar!"

 

3) He also wants to spend hours with her. What is something you'd like to spend more time doing in 2023? Yoga. I just started last month and I'm not good at it at all, but it's already helped me with my aching back.

4) Before his music career took off, Tom Jones supported himself by selling vacuum cleaners. Could your home benefit from a once-over with a vacuum right now? Hell to the yes! My kitchen and bathroom floors could use a good scrubbing, as well.

 

5) Memorabilia from Tom's 1990 world tour was available eBay and the bids went up to $599 a jacket worn by the stage crew. Have you ever bought anything at an auction (online or otherwise)? I have bid on eBay auctions, though today it's more of a marketplace than an auction site.

6) Tom's adult grandson, Alex, represented Wales in rifle shooting in the Commonwealth Games. Is there a sport you'd like to try, or get better at, in 2023? Is yoga a sport?

7) In 1965, when this song was popular, Tom Jones made a new friend, Elvis Presley. Tom had a meeting at Paramount Studios to discuss recording a song for a movie soundtrack and Elvis was finishing a film. It was the beginning of a friendship that would continue for the rest of Elvis' life. Did you make any new friends in 2022? I don't know that she qualifies as a new friend, since I've known her for years through my movie group, but I began hanging out with Elaine in 2022. We even took a two-day road trip to together. I'm basically an introvert, so that was a big deal.

8) Also in 1965, The Sound of Music premiered and became one of the most successful movies of all time. Have you seen it? Yes! The first time I saw it was on a field trip with my Girl Scout troop when I was 7. We took a bus to one of the BIG theaters in the Loop, with a massive neon marquee outside. It was quite exciting.

9) Random question: Were you like those shoppers we saw on TV, in line at a retailer after the holidays to exchange a gift that wasn't quite right? I did return a gift, but it was well before Christmas.

 PS If you have a WordPress blog, please know I can't comment on your post unless you've changed the settings.

He didn't know I was in my underwear the whole time

I didn't get any of the tasks done Thursday that I intended to. First, I slept in. Then I became fixated on Kevin McCarthy's multiple attempts to become Speaker of the House. Next thing I knew it was after noon and I was still in my pajamas! I was disgusted -- with my own bed hair and sloth as well as by the disfunction of the Republican party and headed into the bathroom for my shower. I'd just shed my nightshirt when I heard my phone. It was Jamie.

Jamie is a Senior Vice President at my last place of employment. He's very smart, very enthusiastic, very nerdy. We didn't always agree but we did always enjoy working together. When my client let the agency go, the agency kept Jamie. He's upper management, three rungs higher than I was on the corporate ladder. Far more valuable horseflesh. With my client's departure he's been concentrating on new business pitches. The agency is looking at a $10 million deficit for 2023, so acquisition is very important.

But I'm outta there. Why was he calling me? I simply had to know! Was it an accidental butt dial? I knew he was searching for a new job. We talked about it before I left in October. One prospective employer was located in the Merchandise Mart and I told him what a great old goddess that building is and what an easy commute he'd have. But that job fell through weeks ago. Through Facebook I knew Jamie, his wife and little girl had gone skiing and had a nice holiday season, but he wouldn't be calling me about that.

Amazingly, he wanted my advice.

Jamie has accepted a job on the client-side, as opposed to another advertising agency. It's a major bump in salary. Plus, this well-known company recruited him. Having a billion-dollar employer come to you has to be flattering. That's all good news, right?

When Jamie tendered his resignation to the agency where I used to work, they told him how much they wanted to keep him. They said how important he was. They promised to match or even better the salary he was just offered. He had become very emotional about the place where he's been working the last two and half years, and he wanted a "reality check" before he made his final decision, so he turned to me.

Really? Me?

We talked for more than two hours. I reminded him at the outset that I'm still bitter about the agency, how my client was treated, and that I was literally let go while in the Recovery Room. He said he understood that, but he wanted my opinion anyway.

So I gave it to him. From the side of my bed, while in my underwear.

1) Management wanted to see the offer letter from his prospective new employer. That's at the very least bush league, if not completely unethical. Why would he want to work with such people?

2) If on January 5 they're already $10,000,000 in the hole for 2023, there are going to be layoffs in the very near future. Does he want to be involved in deciding who stays and who goes? If they don't approach those numbers, there will likely be another round of layoffs later in the year. Isn't Jamie worried that his increased salary will mean a bigger target on his back?

3) NOW they are giving him an increase? He's been there more than two years and hasn't even had a performance review in that time. (My last performance review was before the pandemic.) The Chicago office is not that big. If human resource matters were a priority, reviews and raises could have been handled. Are they benignly incompetent or just cheap? 

4) We agree that they don't put clients first. Even when Jamie and I disagreed on the content we gave our client -- and we did disagree often -- we were always on the same page when it came to giving them our best efforts. Where he and I both clashed with management was when it (too often) seemed we were interested only in giving our clients what we wanted to give them, not what they asked for or what they needed. We both saw that the agency did things on the cheap, giving too much day-to-day responsibility to new employees just out of school or with little training. Why would he want to work with such people?

5) I reminded him how he felt in real time. How while on the one hand he was working weekends regularly and cancelling vacations, and on the other hand Corporate was kicking back his expense reports over things like a $150 bill for afterwork drinks. That $150 tab meant nothing to the multi-national corporation that owns the agency but it meant something to him. In the fall, after missing Memorial Day and 4th of July and Labor Day with his little girl, after submitting and resubmitting that expense report, he didn't feel valued. Why does he think 2023 will be any better?

6) This one I believe is universally true: Accepting a counter offer is like reconciling with an estranged ex. The relationship will never be as strong as it was before. You cheated. You slept with another lover. Now you're back. You're always going to be viewed with suspicion from here on out.

He agreed with me on all counts. He said he just needed to talk it through with someone who knew all the players. He thanked me.

Then it was my turn. I reminded him of a decision I made almost exactly a year ago that I still regret. At the time, I was worried that my constant battling with management was detrimental to my internal teammates so I let one go. I didn't argue and presented some creative I didn't really believe in. In retrospect, I feel like I let my client down by not fighting for what was right. We gave him something weaker than he deserved. BUT, Jamie reminded me, he accepted it. The client is not a child. He could have kicked it back to us. He didn't. I should "let it go."

Let it go.

That's what we both have to do. We worked for a great client, but in a toxic workplace. We have to quit trying to make it what we wanted to be and let it go.

Now why would she say that?

I cherish my Cousin Rosemary. I treasure how much she loves me, and I realize that she is one of the last two people left who held me as a baby. I'll never forget how, when I was an embattled adolescent, she was my champion within the family.

She also makes me crazy. About a decade older than I am, she has always viewed me as the junior partner in this relationship. It was OK when I was a teenager and she was in her mid-twenties, and her single-girl adult life in Stevensville, MI, seemed so full of possibilities. But now I'm in my mid-60s. I've built my own career, swum in a bigger pond. It doesn't help that her age and divorce have left her intolerance and her tongue sharper.

So it's with tremendous ambivalence that I accepted her invitation to visit her in Tampa next month. She offered to play hostess to me as we attend a Yankees spring training game so I can see my favorite most ballplayer, ANTHONY RIZZO (!) in person for the first time since the Cubs broke my heart by trading him. This gesture touched me because it's something solely for me. She couldn't care less about baseball. Plus, I have an airline credit from my cancelled trip to Key West, so it won't cost me anything to fly down there.

But did I mention she makes me crazy? Like just about nearly every American with a pulse, I have been moved by Damar Hamlin's cardiac arrest. While he was in a coma, I posted one of his tweets to Facebook feed.

Rose's comment? "Sad story. Terrible grammer." Now why would she say that? Also, she meant grammar, not grammer.

She wondered if I could stay with her another day (as it is I'm flying down Sunday and returning Wednesday). Now that I'm not working, I certainly could stay another day, but I know I'd kill her. I explained that both my cat Connie and I have dental work scheduled. This is true, though not accurate. Her response? "Imagine the money you'd save if you didn't have cats."

Now why would she say that? She knows how much I love my fur babies. In fact, she once gave me a pillow that says, "I saved my cats and my cats saved me." 

Again, I love Rose. I know Rose loves me. I love baseball. I LOVE ANTHONY RIZZO!

But part of me is dreading this trip.

I'll have to work at keeping my mind right those three days, to value our time together and her good intentions, and not let it get under my skin when she criticizes my wardrobe (she thinks my purses are too big), or how I spend my money, or my casual use of the word "fuck," or my diet, or ... or ... or ...

Pray for me!

 

Thursday Thirteen #291

 Thirteen top New Year's Resolutions. I admit I don't do resolutions anymore because I feel it's just setting me up to fail. But that's me. People love making them.

Here are 13 of the most popular resolutions.

1. Go on a diet
   
2. Exercise more
   
3. Learn a new language
   
4. Take up a new hobby
5. Keep a journal
   
6. Stick to a budget
   
7. Pay down credit card debt
   
8. Spend more time with family
9. Reunite with old friends/make new friends
   
10. Donate more time to charity/causes
    
11. Quit smoking
    
12. Travel
    
13. Get organized

How about you? Do you have resolutions/goals for 2023? Do you have a plan for making your resolution happen?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

Four classes in the book

I have now taken four yoga classes with four different instructors. Here is what I've learned:

•  I don't enjoy doing yoga, but I do enjoy having done yoga. It's hot in that studio, and I'm not good at it yet. (No way can I do downward dog. Just not gonna happen.) But I do feel better. So I'm sticking with it.

•  Early is better than later. I've taken classes at 10:00 AM, noon, and 7:30 PM. The 10:00 AM class works best for me. I was ravenous after the noon class. I was sluggish during the evening class because I'd already had dinner. Morning seems to be my Goldilocks time: just right.

•  The teachers really matter. The first one seemed to assume we were all experienced, but I'm a novice and I suck. The second one was great, very good with offering modifications, but mine was her last class. Literally. She'd already given notice. The third was better than the first and renewed my commitment. The one this morning was very good, too. "There's no right or wrong here," she said repeatedly. I appreciated that.

•  I feel supported. This studio just opened in August, less than six months ago, and I am their first Medicare member. They receive the fee for my 4 classes/month directly from United Healthcare. So we were very patient with each other during sign up. After all, I've never been on Medicare before, and the paperwork is byzantine. Kirsten, the woman who works the front desk, has suggested classes and called me at home to see how it's going. I appreciate the service and support.

•  I can do these stretches at home, you know. Just because I haven't yet doesn't mean I can't. I will try to incorporate a few minutes of stretches into my first-thing-in-the-morning routine.

So it looks like yoga will remain part of my new retired life, at least for a while.

The Conspirator's Deathwatch

Monday night, a 24-year-old man suffered a heart attack on national television. Damar Hamlin of the Buffalo Bills collapsed after a hit. His heartbeat was restored on the field and he was rushed to a Cincinnati hospital, where he remains in critical condition.

Today the internet is alive with conspiracy theorists, insisting that Monday was "a bad day for Pfizer" because this young man had been vaccinated. Not that it was bad for the Bills, or his teammates, or the traumatized viewing public, or his family ... No, Pfizer. Apparently they believe this was Dr. Fauci's fault, and they are delighted. Fucking ghouls.

When the official statements were released by the hospital, the NFL, and the Hamlin family, we were warned not to be fooled. They are all in on it. The doctors, the league and his loved ones are all part of the vaccination conspiracy. Damar Hamlin is intubated, and conspiracy theorists are luxuriating in falsehoods and demonization. 

That these online anti-vaxxers tend to be Republican doesn't make sense, since it was Donald Trump's Operation Warp Speed that spearheaded creation of the vaccine. Also, if they want to investigate conspiracies, why not look at January 6? You know, the insurrection that took place right there on TV. Why was Ginni Thomas, wife of the Supreme Court Justice, texting Mark Meadows? Why did five GOP House Members request Presidential pardons after January 6?

But it's hot under those tinfoil hats. Logic must be difficult.

They could be using social media to look more closely at the hit that precipitated Damar Hamlin's collapse. Should the NFL entertain a rule change that could not only save the lives of their players but all the kids who emulate them? Or they could get the word out about first aid after a heart attack (which you'll find here). 

But why do something that will help when you can instead do something that hurts?

Vaccines save lives. Damar Hamlin had a heart attack because he tackled a 6'4, 220 lb. wide receiver.

So many of these baseless conspiracists claim to be Christian. Instead of spreading lies, maybe these keyboard monsters could pray. Of course, if he survives he's worth less to their ugly agenda.

Phew! What a relief!

Today I got an email from Cook County Jury Administration. "Your request for a different Location was granted. Please disregard current summons, as you have been rescheduled for a later service date. You should receive a new summons in the mail in approximately 11 weeks from your current service date of 01/19/2023."

The good news is that I'm no longer expected to take a train, transfer to another train, and walk nearly a mile to the assigned Courthouse -- which was silly because there are county courthouses nearer me.

The bad news is that 11 weeks puts us to April 6, and my vacation to the TCM Classic Film Festival begins April 12. I have my flights, my passes, and my hotel all booked. So I may have to go through all this again in three months.

Oh, well. I shall concentrate on the positive: a real-live Cook County employee (instead of a computer) looked at my original summons and my plea for relocation and came to the right conclusion. My local government works. That's a good thing.

 

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: The Last Song (1972)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) In this song, the lead singer admits he leaves the light on when he goes to sleep. Do you leave any lights on in your bedroom? Or do you prefer it completely dark? I leave the light on.

 

2) He sings that he can't stop wondering where his old girlfriend is. Do you know whatever happened to any of your exes? I just got a Christmas card from one of them! He's a retired grandfather, living with his wife in Minnesota, near their daughter and her family.

3) He says this is the last song he'll ever sing to his girl. What's the last song you sang? Where were you when you sang it? I sang backup along with the Pips on "Midnight Train to Georgia" yesterday in the bathroom while I was putting my makeup on.

 

4) Edward Bear was a Canadian group who took their name from Winnie the Pooh. As written by A. A. Milne, Edward Bear was Pooh's "proper" name. Pooh's favorite food was honey. Is there a food you can't get enough of? Lately it's bakery. Cinnamon rolls or little blueberry muffins.

 

5) In 1972, when this song was popular, Disney's Winnie the Pooh was quite a celebrity in his own right, appearing on the cover the 1972 Sears Christmas Wish Book. That year, kids asked Santa for plush Pooh, Tigger and Eeyore. Did you have many plush toys as a child? If yes, do you still have any of them? I had many and loved them all. My favorite was a Lassie, not unlike this one. She's up on a shelf in my closet.

6) Enough about 1972! Let's look back on 2022. What's something you learned or rediscovered in 2022? I read former Cub manager Joe Maddon's book, The Book of Joe, and I learned a lot about the unsung jobs in major league baseball (because Joe did them all along the way). Baseball scouts travel the country, sometimes other countries, all year around discovering talent, and their median salary is only about $35,000. The average salary for a pitching coach is about $45,000, and they generally don't get pay or housing during spring training. I love baseball -- the elegance, the sounds, the strategies, the history -- and these men must, too. They certainly aren't doing it for the dough. I appreciate their contributions all the more now.

7) Can you think of a moment in 2022 you'd like to do over? I'm haunted by a decision I made at work almost a year ago. I should have argued more vehemently with management. I had a bit of a reputation (probably very well earned) as a know-it-all, and I thought I should back off. I mean, it's possible I was wrong, right? Well, no, I wasn't. If I'd stood my ground more forcefully, would it have made a difference? I hope not.

8) What are you looking forward to most in 2023? I have two trips planned -- Tampa in February (spring training and Anthony Rizzo!) and Hollywood in April (the TCM Classic Film Festival).

9) Random question: Who received the last email you sent? My friend John.

 

PS If you have a WordPress blog, please know I can't comment on your post unless you've changed the settings.
 

Better than a gold watch

Back in 2007, Kathleen and I worked with a promising young woman. Soraya had terrific people skills. (I will always remember her with her pen poised over a small notepad, asking, "How can I help?" Writing it down as you spoke made you feel like she was totally focused.) My client adored her, which made my job easier. I missed her when she moved along to another advertising agency, but I understood why she made the leap. She wanted to work on a variety of accounts before finding her niche. We stayed in touch.

Yesterday I posted a photo of my friend Kathleen and I toasting our birthdays, Christmas and the New Year. Soraya's comment: "Cheers to my two talented, fierce female role models!"

Good goobies! She's an executive vice president now. She works on major brands (right now your kitchen contains products she promotes). I was one of her role models? I'm fierce?

You can't tell but I'm smiling as I compose this. 

Learning I had a positive influence on the women who came next has me looking at my career differently. It's very satisfying.

Thursday Thirteen #290

Thirteen words to choose for 2023. It's a popular concept: choosing a word to represent you for the coming year. It's the word that says what you're looking for and helps you focus on achieving it in ways big and small. 

 

Here are 13 thought starters in the quest of the right word ...

1. Thrive

2. Brave

3. Confident

4. Grateful*

5. Blessed

6. Forgive

7. Compassion*

8. Bloom

9. Grace

10. Passion

11. Resilient

12. Grow

13. Create

*Grateful and Compassion have been my "word" in the past. So have More, Now and Focus. I have each of these words on necklaces that I rotate. Instead of choosing a new word for 2023, I'm revisiting these.

What about you?  What single word best represents what you want, need and wish for in 2023?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.

 

WWW.WEDNESDAY

WWW. WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.  

PS I can no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.

1. What are you currently reading? Elizabeth Taylor: the Grit and Glamour of an Icon by Kate Andersen Brower. More than 45 movies, five Academy Award nominations and three Oscars (one honorary for her humanitarian work). Millions of dollars in jewels, millions of dollars for AIDS research, millions of dollars in her perfume company. Eight marriages to seven men. Four children and 10 grandchildren. No one has lived a life like Liz'. She was a force of nature.

 

This book was instigated by Husband #7, the late Sen. John Warner because he was frustrated by the chasm between her public persona and the woman he knew. And so Kate Andersen Brower had access to Taylor's private papers, remaining friends and family members that other biographers haven't.

 

So far I haven't learned anything new. But damn, this book is fun.

 

2. What did you recently finish reading? Dachsund Through the Snow by David Rosenfelt. Lawyer Andy Carpenter is independently wealthy and only handles cases that appeal to him. In this book, he takes two: In the first he advocates for the retirement of a police dog and in the second he represents an accused murderer. An accused murderer with a little boy and a cute dachshund named Murphy. Andy wants that dad to start the new year home with his son and dog.

The mystery was involving and had a twist at the end I truly didn't see coming. Plus I adore Andy Carpenter and who doesn't like dogs? I just wish it was more authentically Christmas-y. The holiday overlay felt forced. The suspect is arrested in November, just before Thanksgiving. It's unreasonable to expect a murder suspect to be arraigned and a trial to be launched and completed by early January. 

 

3. What will read next? I don't know.

 

 

Bah! Humbug!

I got home from church on Christmas Eve and immediately had my holiday buzz harshed. There it was: my sixth (6th!) jury summons. Just in time for Christmas.

I am patriotic. I was a Girl Scout. My minister just reminded us of duty and service. I was quite open to being a juror.

It's just that I have been assigned to a courthouse that is virtually impossible for me to get to via public transportation. I'd have to take one train into the city, wait about 40 minutes and take a connecting train to a suburban stop, and then take a 17 minute walk to the courthouse. That's 2 1/2 hours each way. Or I could take a $30 Uber. That's $30 each way.

Cook County has, I believe, eight circuit court locations. Three are easily accessible by train. One more wouldn't be too great a hassle. Yet the computer randomly assigned me to the courthouse farthest away.

I followed the directions on the summons and explained in writing (I can't call) that:

•  I don't drive, and worrying about public transportation that includes a connection and a 17 minute walk in unpredictable January weather is causing me great stress (I printed out the Google Maps itinerary for them)

•  I am a retiree on a fixed income and the rideshare cost is prohibitive

I sent all this via UPS, signature required, so that I don't get held in contempt of court if my envelope gets lost. That cost $18. I resent this expense.

You know what else I resent? I had lunch with my friend Elaine yesterday. She's been a Cook County resident and registered voter for more than 40 years. She has never been called. My kid sister is a lifelong Cook County resident and a registered voter for more than 30 years. She has been called once. I could go on and on, listing friends and acquaintances who have either been called once or not at all.

This is my sixth jury summons.

I wish I had this kind of luck with the Illinois State Lottery.

 

Good for my soul

It was really cold here on Christmas. The mercury languished in the single digits almost all day. Between the winter storm and the flu outbreak, my minister decided to make all three Christmas services* available online. I was tempted to stay home and worship in my pajamas. It's just ...

Somehow it felt important to attend in person. I'm here, not in Key West with Henry. There's a reason for that, though only God knows what it is. This Christmas has sharpened my feelings of loneliness and loss: I miss my late mother, I miss my favorite uncle, I miss Henry, who has dementia, so he's still here but not.

Christmas and New Year's ... Jesus' birth and the dawn of 2023. It feels like this is the last Christmas season of my old life. That my new life has yet to begin. I need help adapting to this new life. I can find that help in my church. Not just church. My church.

I don't go to church for the sense of community. Beyond emails about congregations matters, I don't communicate with my fellow churchgoers. I don't attend services there to socialize. I go to focus and and learn and heal.

So wearing a blouse and my heavy black cardigan and a scarf and my biggest and puffiest down coat and my wool socks and my boots I walked around the corner and went to my church for the Christmas Eve service. 

It was the best choice! Zoom would not have been the same. I needed the purity and concentration that can only be experienced in person. Singing along with "O, Come All Ye Faithful, "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing," and "Joy to the World" helped me get my mind right. And my minister! I felt like she was speaking just to me.

She's not our official minister, but she's been with us for more than a year as we search for a new minister. I wish she would stay, because for me, she's perfect: imaginative and challenging. 

She acknowledged that Christmas can be loaded for some of us. That not everyone is feeling merry. That memories tug at our hearts and expectations can go unmet. She was funny and charming and empathetic. She read The Advent Poem about Christmas in the modern world. I laughed out loud at these lines:

I want to welcome angels and say yes to anything, but if I saw an angel I would hold him hostage and send a ransom note demanding answers, to God.

I admit that's been so me lately! I believe everything happens for a reason, that God knows the reason, that He is driving the bus. Still, I'm frustrated because so much has been going on and I can't figure out why. My faith is not shaken, but my patience has been.

Just hearing her address it, and in the House of God, made all the difference. I'm not alone in this. My minister gets me. I can find comfort and understanding, if not answers, in my spiritual home.

We ended with "Silent Night." I slipped out into the frigid night feeling lighter and more grateful.

 *Two on Christmas Eve, one on Christmas Day

Saturday 9

SATURDAY 9: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
(From the archives)

1. As you can see, when Sam Winters was a little girl, she loved giving her annual wish list to Santa. If you could ask Santa for anything at all, right now, what would it be? Another pair of Mukluks like the ones I bought last year. EXACTLY like them. Unfortunately, they have been discontinued and no one has them in blue in my size anymore. This may be a job for Santa's elves.

2. Are you currently on the Naughty or Nice list? How did you get there? I am on the Nice list, because I try.

3. Are you traveling this Christmas? If so, are you going by car, plane or train? Alas, I had to cancel my annual trip to Key West this year. But being here in Chicagoland has its advantages. I have a white Christmas and  I'll be worshiping with my own congregation this year.

4.  Did you send any presents out of town? If so, what was it and how far did it travel? I sent my oldest friend a mug that has "angry" Midwestern phrases on it. She's been fighting with her landlady lately, and I told her she can casually wave this at the woman during their next encounter. According to Google Maps, it traveled 1,934 miles to Southern California.

5. Did you buy yourself a gift this year? Yes. I got myself a new toilet seat! It was only $24 (including shipping) so when it arrived chipped, I just got out the super glue and made due. Yes, my Christmas toilet seat came chipped. Kinda fitting for this not-very-storybook-Christmas.

6. What's your favorite holiday-themed movie or TV special? Have you seen it yet this year? Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol is my fave. It's on Peacock, so I'll stream it today or tomorrow.

7. Which do you prefer: a hollow chocolate Santa or a chunk of fudge? I wouldn't refuse either, but the hollow Santa would be my preference.

8. Close your eyes and tell us the first carol that comes to mind. "The Lord's Bright Blessing." It's from Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol. And so I wish each of you a Christmas far more glorious than grand.

 

 9. What's your favorite winter beverage? This year, it's pumpkin spice tea.

 

3 + 2 = 1

3 phone calls + 2 pizzas = 1 Christmasy Gal. I spent a week slowly unraveling. It started last Wednesday, when my dear friend in Key West, Henry, couldn't wake up from an afternoon nap. His pulse was faint and there was blood on his mouth. Paramedics were called and took him to a hospital in Miami. His condition has deteriorated precipitously this past year, so I was counting on seeing him this Christmas, perhaps to say goodbye. But that is not going to happen, which breaks my heart.

Then there's the storm. Snow, bitter cold, and wind. Everyone is cocooning, which makes new holiday gettogethers difficult. So I was resigned to having a blue Christmas. 

But then this happened:

First my friend John called. I've gotten emails, IMs, and texts from friends and former coworkers, but John called. It was good of him to reach out to chat ... especially because he hates talking on the phone. He invited me to be his "plus one" for a formal Christmas dinner with his family. This family dinner has been in the works since September, when his uncle died. This uncle was the last member of that generation to go, and John and his cousins are honoring their late parents by having the kind of Christmas dinner they'd appreciate: lots of tiny portions, cut glass crystal, etc. I declined. This is not my scene. Plus his family is mourning the loss of their patriarch, and I've been surrounded by enough sadness lately. The important thing is that John called and offered to include me. We have been friends over 40 years and I treasure that.

Then Henry called ... TWICE! He's OK. He had a grand mal seizure and was in the hospital for 5 days as they tried to regulate his medication. I didn't ask him about this, though, because he thought his hospital room was his office at Florida Keys Community College, where he hasn't taught for years. His relationship to reality is that tenuous. But he's comfortable and reasonably happy in his own little world. He has no recollection of our spending the last 10 Christmases together. On the one hand, that's sad. On the other hand, it's comforting because it means he won't miss me. I realize -- and it becomes clearer with each passing day -- that my Christmas 2022 trip to Key West was really for me, not for Henry. He is slipping away rapidly. The important thing to me is that he is not frightened, nor angry, nor scared. I am reassured that he is none of those things.

And then there's the pizza ... My niece, her husband, and my nephew made it out to visit me before the storm hit. She and hubs are Michiganders now and don't get Chicago deep dish pizza anymore, while my nephew is a very picky pizza purist and only likes thin crust. That makes Lou Malnati's the perfect choice, because they do both well.

Our holiday lunch extended four hours. Amazingly, we had the place nearly to ourselves because we got there just as lunch hour was winding down and the shopping/dinner crowd hadn't arrived yet. 

Spending time with "the kids" was a balm for my soul. They are happy and funny and sweet. My nephew got me a Funko Pop Anthony Rizzo, my niece gave me a box of goodies to give myself an at-home spa day.

The result is that I've now got the spirit. I finally put my cards up. Seeing them makes me happy. Everything makes me happy right now. I feel loved, and I know that those I love are OK. That's really what I was missing: connection. I am an introvert by nature, very comfortable with my own company. Too comfortable. Which is why I'm going to church tonight.

Because of covid, the flu and the storm, my congregation is making our Christmas Eve/Christmas Day services available online. It's tempting to worship from laptop (after all, it's 3º right now and I can hear the wind outside my window). But this is my first Christmas with my own congregation in a decade. So I'll put on the big coat and the heavy boots and wander on over there tonight. It feels right.

Thursday Thirteen #289

Thirteen popular Christmas songs. I know there are people who get sick of hearing holiday music. I'm not one of those people. According to Amazon Music and Pandora, these are 13 Christmas songs that get played the most.

1. All I Want for Christmas is You. Mariah Carey

2. Santa Tell Me. Ariana Grande (I'd never heard this one before today)

3. Feliz Navidad. Jose Feliciano

4. Last Christmas. Wham

5. The Christmas Song. Nat King Cole

6. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. Brenda Lee

7. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas. Michael Buble

8. Blue Christmas. Elvis

9. Sleigh Ride. The Ronettes

10. It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Andy Williams (I would make this #1 because at Christmas, I love Andy)

11. Holly Jolly Christmas. Burl Ives

12. Wonderful Christmas Time. Paul McCartney (Much as I love Sir Paul, I don't care if I never hear this one again)

13. Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Frank Sinatra

What about you? Who sings your favorite version of your favorite Christmas song?

Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.