I need a break

"I'm so glad I never had a hysterectomy." That's what Kathy said to our friend John and me. Over her 65th birthday dinner. After asking us if we knew the address of Lover's Lane because she wants to buy herself a vibrator.

Aside from the fact that I'm really not crazy about eating mashed potatoes with the mental picture of a grandma who wears a knit cap that ties under the chin masturbating, it was a mean comment because she knows I had a TAH (total abdominal hysterectomy) back in September. She wanted to make sure that John and I know she still gets aroused whereas I am just a dried up old crone.

Part of her cruel shot across the bow stems from how she has always felt about John, who is gay. Because John and I have always accepted one another as we are, our relationship is very comfortable, while his and Kathy's is fraught with disappointment and thwarted, one-sided sexual tension.

This has been going since the autumn of 1981. That's more than 30 years. It's tiring.

To make matters worse, Kathy's made some bad choices that left her feeling very competitive with me. When we first met, she was a single mother in her 30s and I was in the wildest phase of my 20s. We were both copywriters and she looked upon me the way people look at puppies who haven't quite grown into their paws yet. "Oh! Look at her antics! Isn't she cute!"

Then, right around my 30th birthday, I began taking myself seriously as an advertising writer. I won a couple of prestigious awards and started looking at each new job as a wrung in the ladder. I wanted a career, not a paycheck. This is the time when she decided to go out on her own, representing herself as a free lancer rather than working for an agency.

I tried to be supportive. When I had to take a few days off to have my wisdom teeth removed, I convinced my boss to hire Kathy as my replacement. It didn't go well. I don't know all the reasons why -- my team just told Kathy she didn't need to come in on Friday and begged me to, instead (swollen jaw and all).

Kathy said there were no hard feelings, but there were. She resented me, or was embarrassed, and that's when the digs began. I was building a niche for myself as a financial writer, and that was fine for ME, but she was too creative. She couldn't be bound by all those restrictions. She was an artist, really, and was happier pursuing her own, more varied clients. OK. Whatever. I wanted to do a good job, and in a very Becky Bloomwood twist, financial writing actually comes easily to me (even if my personal finances don't).

Shortly thereafter, Kathy had to file for bankruptcy. She made an innocent but incredibly costly mistake on her taxes. The IRS didn't penalize her, but they did insist she pay back taxes with interest -- after all, ignorance of the law is not an excuse. She started having painful, menopause-related medical problems then, of course, when she had no insurance.

It was at this time she began teasing me because I have a dentist (whom she went to in an emergency when she was in more than a little pain) and a GP and gyne and a shrink.  It's OK for ME to run to the doctor and take medication whenever something bothers me, but she chooses to become more in touch with her own body, listen to it, etc., without becoming a puppet of the medical establishment. I avoid saying, "What you're really saying is that you're pissed that I have insurance and you don't." But it's hard.

So she took a job at a local supermarket. In the bread department. She went in planning just to log enough hours to qualify for insurance. But it turned out to be much more than that. Kathy was in her element. Because by now she was over 50 and a grandmother, she was more mature than a lot of the other checkers and stock people in the store. She was soon a manager, in charge of schedules and new employee orientation, etc. Then she became the store's liaison with the community -- scheduling the charity "shop and share days," making sure that the store was fair to all the Girl and Boy Scout troops when it came to selling out cookies or popcorn out front, giving tours of the store and explaining the value of organics to school children or cooking classes. She was happy and she felt she was contributing.

The store was suddenly under new management, and Kathy had a hard time adjusting. That's when she decided to be her own boss again, so she went into real estate. She lost her group insurance benefits with this move, but she thought that with menopause her health problems were behind her. Besides, real estate was the new dot-com. Property values were rising and buyers were in bidding wars for terrific properties. How could she not succeed?

I showed my faith in her by having her handle my condo purchase. This is my first home and the most expensive thing I have ever -- will ever -- buy. And I was her very first client, her first closing.

Yet she didn't couldn't make that work, either. Unable to pay rent on her own apartment, she's been sleeping in the dining room of her adult daughter's house. (I bet her daughter will be thrilled to hear that vibrator humming in her dining room, huh?) Her daughter wouldn't allow her to bring her two tabby cats along, so I found her a shelter that would "foster" them, free of charge, until she could reclaim them. The cats came down with a virus and died. Because of her tenuous finances, Kathy is unable to repay the shelter for the vet bills her cats ran up. I have kept quiet about this because I know her grief. But there's something crummy about sticking a charity will an expense like that.

So that's how her life looks at 65. And, even though I'm a big fat moo-cow, she still feels the need to compete with me. Lash out at me. It's mean and it's hard to take.

I can't do this anymore for a while.

I'm inspired by this, something I found over at Snarky Pants' ages ago. I'm not going to play with Kathy anymore. Not for a long while.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme: Part 3

Cheers to all of us thieves!

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes. If grudge holding was an Olympic event, I'd bring back the Gold.

52) What is your astrological sign? I'm a cusp baby, so whether I'm a Scorpio or Sagittarius depends on where you look.

53) Do you save money for anything? What? Something (albeit not enough) from each paycheck goes for retirement.

54) What's the last thing you purchased? A t-shirt for my nephew.

55) Have you ever had a relationship that you realized was lust not love? Yes. In retrospect, I'm not even sure he and I liked each other.

56) In a relationship? Nope.

57) How many relationships have you had? Three or four of consequence.

58) What do you want to tell us about your day? My friend Kathy gets on my last nerve and sometimes I don't think she's worth it.

59) Where were you yesterday? All over town. It was a busy Saturday. My accountant, my insurance agent, and a birthday celebration for the aforementioned Kathy.

60) Is there anything interesting within 10 feet of you? Alot. My TBR pile of books is within 10 feet.

61) Are you wearing socks right now? No. And my pedi is a mess.

62) What's your favorite animal? Okapi.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Do I have one?

64) Where is your best friend? Denver. He's a frequent subject of this humble blog. I refer to him, creatively enough, as "My Best Friend."

65) How did you end your last relationship end? Badly

66) What is your heritage? I'm a Cub fan

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Watching TV and wishing I could sleep

68) What's new? Whitney Houston died

69) What is the key to seduction? Liking the opposite sex

70) What was the weirdest thing that happened to you this week? My friend Kathy said something that was either insensitive or intentionally cruel. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. She and I have known one another for decades. I'm going to have to think about this and work through this before I do something I may regret later.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I get fired. Obviously.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?   a) Yes b) Whatever I damn well please. c) Of pain? Yes. Of death? Not so much.

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love. Love

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

75) Who has your cell phone number (other than family)? Friends and coworkers and my dentist's office

FAREWELL, WHITNEY

"And when you talk, I just watch your mouth." Whitney and me ... the two of spent the 80s dancing around together. Really, the best nights of that decade were accompanied by this peerless voice. This is how I remember her, and whenever I think of those days, this is what flashes into my head.





If only we both knew where life would take us from here.

This is my favorite cut from her last CD (2009). I wish it was true that she "was not built to break."

Valentine's Day Trifecta

Today's challenge: write a love scene in no fewer than 33 and no more than 333 words.

The only other restriction is that your response cannot use any of the 33 words listed below or any derivation of those words.

This helps me make sure I don't sink into the trite.

I remember the moment I knew. And he wasn’t even there.

I had just gone through the revolving doors, leaving the office and crossing the plaza. I slipped my sunglasses on to protect against the late afternoon sun.  Walking to the train, my mind was going faster than my feet as I mentally composed the email I’d send to my coworker as soon as I got home.

He’d been travelling all afternoon, and tonight he’d have a client dinner, so he couldn’t get the news of my day until he got back to his hotel and logged on late tonight. And I had so much to tell him!

Shopping at lunchtime I spotted that super-durable brand of umbrella he’d been looking for –   guaranteed not to turn inside out, even in the worst wind – at Macy’s but the price was steep, about $40. There’s the rampant rumor that our company will soon switch to his beloved Dunkin’ Donuts coffee in the cafeteria. Best of all, his faith in me bolstered my confidence. He’ll be so pleased and proud when I tell him I took his advice, voiced my suggestions and now I own that Power Point presentation.

Went through the turnstyle and boarded the train. One of my fellow commuters was reading Night by Elie Wiesel. I remembered him telling me how moving that book was.

It’ll be 6:30 when I get home. That’s only 4:30 in Los Angeles. He’ll still be in meetings so I can’t call. It makes more sense for me to try to remember to get all this down in an email for him to read before he goes to sleep. But damn, I really want to call him with this stuff.

Then it hit me – who feels such urgency to share such "stuff" with a coworker? Um … that would be no one.

“You know what this means, don’t you?” I asked myself.

Yes, I knew.  And it was both exhilarating and terrifying.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Indian Reservation

1. Do you enjoy going to a casino now and again? Yes. Though my most successful visit was my first. I won enough to pay for dinner.

2. What makes you happy most of the time? Lots of little things: Cubs baseball, oldies on the radio, a pretty blue sky ...

3. Are you jealous of someone right now? Yes

4. You're stranded on a desert island with one fictional character.  Who is it? Why? Chuck (Tom Hanks in Cast Away). Because he seems like a nice guy and he has experience with these things.

5. Have you ever been in the emergency room? If yes, for what (most recently)? It was ages ago -- more than 10 years because I was still living in my old apartment. I somehow poked myself in the eye with a can opener. I was lucky. I'd done no serious damage and left after a few hours with a big gauze patch over my eye.

6. Where is the last place you drove to just for fun? I don't drive.

7. If you were to make your living as a photographer, what would love to shoot? I'd like to just capture moments and colors that appeal to me. Like this shot. It was my view as I did the backstroke in the pool when I was in Key West over New Year's. I love the fronds against that blue.

8. Tell us about a band you like that we might not have heard. Meet Danny Wilson. They were an 80s one-hit wonder band but oh, what a hit. I relate to the longing. "Save me, save me, be the light in my eyes ..."

9. Where was the last place you went shopping? Why? FYE. Sir Paul released a new CD.

Just now ...

Stolen from Mlle Kwizgiver.

current time: 8:45 pm

in my mug:  ginger ale

in my belly: broccoli and cheddar quiche

in my ears: Piers Morgan Tonight  

in my bag: wallet, Franklin Planner, makeup bag, hairbrush

feeling good about: my friend Kathleen. Her life is totally coming together in exciting ways and I'm so happy for her.

feeling bummed about: my weight

thinking about: organizing the paperwork for my accountant (tax time)

Classic Film Survey

I got this from survey the Girl with the White Parasol, who found it at Frankly My Dear. If you play along, let me know so I can check out your answers. (And if you love old movies, I recommend you visit those ladies' impressive blogs.)

Now I have answered these without checking out anyone else's answers. For the record, I define "classic" as anything before 1970 (making it 40 or more years old).

1. Favorite classic Disney? Mary Poppins. First of all, because it was the first movie I ever saw in the theater. I remember everything about it … once the coming attractions ended, the heavy red curtains closed, then reopened, and there they were, the rooftops of London! Magic! I have loved going to the movies ever since. Secondly, because for once, old Walt wasn't a sadist. I'll never forgive him for Bambi's mother, or Simba cuddling up to a dead Mufasa, or worst of all, that poor Old Yeller Dog. There's no tragedy in Mary Poppins. And lastly, she really was Practically Perfect in Every Way.

2. Favorite film from the year 1939? I wish I could honestly say Dark Victory or Love Affair, because naming those under-appreciated jewels would help establish my bona fides as a serious film buff. But in truth, my favorite is Gone with the Wind. Which, I guess, just makes me a movie fan.

3. Favorite Carole Lombard Screwball role? I loved her. So beautiful, so elegant, so freakin' funny. I have seen My Man Godfrey most often, but I'm gonna go with Nothing Sacred because I loved her overwhelming hunger to get out of that small town and never, ever go back. Also because the whole movie is so refreshingly irreverent.

4. Favorite off screen couple? (It’s ok if it ended in divorce.) Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. I loved the idea of their off screen life together more than I enjoyed any of their onscreen pairings.

5. Favorite pair of best friends? (i.e: Barbara Stanwyck and Joan Crawford) I didn't know Stanwyck and Crawford were friends! But I have always thought the lifelong friendship of Elizabeth Taylor and Roddy McDowell was adorable.

6. Favorite actor with a mustache? Gable. Because he looks like he knows what I would look like without my shimmy.

7. Favorite blonde actress? Marilyn Monroe.

8. Favorite pre-code? Sorry. I got nothin'.

9. Which studio would you have liked to join? MGM. More stars than heaven! I love the stories like how, on Gable's birthday, young Judy Garland came to sing "You Made Me Love You" directly to him. Of course, since I lean to pudgy, Mr. Mayer would probably limit me to chicken soup in the commissary like he did poor Judy.

10. Favorite common on screen pairing that SHOULD have gotten married? Myrna Loy and William Powell.

11. Favorite I Love Lucy episode? When Lucy and Ethel can't stand Ricky and Fred anymore and escape from Hollywood for a weekend in Palm Springs and end up sharing their troubles with Rock Hudson. Aside from the unintended humor that comes from the girls getting marital advice from the screen's ultimate "confirmed bachelor,"  I love Rock's sweet sincerity and tuneless whistle.

12.  Out of these actresses which one do you like best: Lucille Ball, Ingrid Bergman, Natalie Wood, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Greer Garson, Grace Kelly, or Katharine Hepburn? Lately I am appreciating Natalie Wood more and more, but no one can ever approach the Great Kate in my book.



13. Shadowy film noir from the 1940’s or splashy colorful musicals from the 1950’s? All singing! All dancing! All color for this gal.



14. Actor or actress with the best autograph (photo preferred). Judy Garland, because you can make out every single letter. For a woman with such a chaotic life, she had a remarkably controlled signature.

 


15. A baby (or childhood or teenage) photo of either your favorite actress or actor (or both if you'd like.) Here's the Sundance Kid's graduation photo.

At last!

I picked up Sir Paul's latest, Kisses on the Bottom, and look what came along with it! As a special promotion, a Valentine with Macca on the front, holding a bouquet, was included with the CD.

After all these years, my one true love came through on Valentine's Day!

I like this CD. Especially this one. It's one of the new ones among the standards, written for the new Mrs.

It never gets old

I called and left a message for the White House today. It was in praise of the President's support for equal access to affordable birth control. But it doesn't really matter why I called. It's the fact that I could call.

I realize that there are women in other parts of the world who can't just sit at their desks, pick up the phone and call the President and make their feelings known.

This country is awesome.

Thursday Thirteen #158

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT THE GREAT KATE

As we wait to see who will be named Best Actress of 2011, let's look back on the lady who owns the category, the incomparable Katharine Hepburn.

1) She won four Oscars in the lead category, more than any other actor or actress ... ever. Meryl Streep is unlikely to top her, since of the two Oscars she currently has, the first was for Best Supporting Actress.


2) She had twelve Oscar nominations, spanning the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 80s.


3) She tied with Barbra Streisand for Best Actress of 1968. Babs won for Funny Girl, Kate for The Lion in Winter. This was only the second, and most recent, tie in Oscar history.


4) Streisand accepted her Oscar in person, but Kate did not. She never showed up for the ceremonies as a nominee, saying that sitting through the broadcast, waiting to hear if she won, would give her "dyspepsia."

5) She also never sent anyone to accept "on her behalf." Though all of her Oscars were sent to her home in Connecticut.

6) She did show up for one Oscar ceremony, in the late 1960s. But that year she was not a nominee. She presented the Irving Thalberg Award to her friend, Lawrence Weingarten. She avoided the red carpet and, instead of couture, wore a white turtleneck with black jacket and slacks. Wonder what Joan Rivers and Guiliana Rancic would have made of that?


7) Cate Blanchette won an Oscar simply for playing Kate. I thought she was a lovely Hepburn to Leo's Howard Hughes in The Aviator.


8) Hepburn won her first Oscar playing a struggling actress in Morning Glory. That was back in 1933. It was only her third movie. She was 26 years old.

9) There were only two other actresses nominated back then -- May Robson and Dana Wyland. I have no idea who either of those ladies were.


10) She won her other three Oscars playing mothers. Even though she was childless in real life.


11) Jane Fonda and Anthony Hopkins were among her children in those Oscar-winning turns. Fonda was her daughter in On Golden Pond, Hopkins was her son in The Lion in Winter. Her real-life niece and namesake, Katharine Houghton, played her daughter in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.


12) Two actors won Oscars for playing opposite her: Henry Fonda in On Golden Pond and James Stewart in The Philadelphia Story. These were the only Oscars those screen legends ever won.


13) According to TCM, her most popular movie is not an Oscar winner. They get consistently very high ratings whenever they broadcast her screwball classic, Bringing Up Baby. When that movie was first released in 1938, it was a box office bomb.

For more information about the Thursday Thirteen,

or to play yourself, click here.

I Want Wednesday

I want my friends to not have such worrisome career issues! My friend in the Keys is faced with selling his home (which won't be easy) and moving. But I have no confidence whatsoever that his lover is on board with this and I worry about their relationship. The hospital my oldest friend moved to Beverly Hills to work for finally canned her, and now she's going to make another ill-advised, poorly thought-out move.

I am fighting the impulse to just say to both of them, "Move over and let me drive." I am losing that battle. But I must engage again, for I want to be supportive, not bossy or insensitive.

www.Wednesday

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…
1. What are you currently reading?
2. What did you recently finish reading?
3. What do you think you’ll read next?

1. MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a Best Friend. It's just what it says it is -- a writer's chronicle of trying to make good girlfriends in a new city (Chicago). It's funny and sweet and, so far, feels very true to life about how hard it is to make deep, platonic connections with new people once we grow older and away from school. (Though to be honest, I've been very lucky in this regard.)

2. The Beatles: The Biography. Incredibly readable! I came away thinking again of two important supporting characters in the Beatles saga: Brian Epstein and Yoko Ono. Brian, the manager who helped catapult them to fame, was at heart a fan who served and loved the lads well, if not wisely. It was so sad to watch him rendered obsolete by their success. Yoko comes off as the other side of that coin. She didn't care about the Beatles except as her entree to fame and tool to advance her own career. Would they have eventually broken up without her? Probably. Would it have been as acrimonious? I doubt it. 

3. Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America. Warren Beatty has made comparatively few films but some of my favorite movies. Yet, the author opines, he's unknown to anyone under 30 and a joke to moviegoers under 40. How did he achieve so much so fast, and why isn't he now respected as an elder statesman of cinema, like his contemporaries Eastwood and Redford? The answers are what this exhaustive (600+ pages) biography promises to deliver.


To play along yourself, click here.

Sometimes the dream is sooo much better than the reality

So today, after about a half hour of cardio, I dropped down and did fireplugs* again for the first time in ages. Why? Because I dreamed about doing them, and in the dream I was very satisfied by this adventure in physical exertion.

It felt better in my dream. I have a ways to go before my flesh-and-blood body catches up to my sleepy-time ideal.

   

*You know -- you're down on all fours. Keeping your right knee bent, you lift it a little off the floor and then lift it to the right without straightening it or changing the level of your hips. Then bring it down slooooowly.

Trifecta

This is a writing meme! I love the idea of getting a writing assignment that doesn't involve selling shit (which, as a copywriter, is my day job).

Here are the rules, and they are ruled by 3's. I am given one word but must use its third definition. I must use more than 33 words but less than 333. And I am required to construct more than three sentences.

deep adj \ˈdēp\

1  a : extending far downward
    b (1): extending well inward from an outer surface
       (2): not located superficially within the body

2: having a specified extension in an implied direction usually downward or backward

3:  difficult to penetrate or comprehend : recondite

And in response, here is my essay ...

In Praise of Baseball

To the casual observer, our national pasttime is really pretty simple. Gentle and lighthearted. Associated with peanuts and Cracker Jack, sunshine and good times.

Yet the more closely you follow major league baseball, the more you see that it's really nine innings of drama -- sometimes more because there's no such thing as a tie -- played out more than 160 times a season, sometimes more, if your team gets into the play-offs. There's the power struggle between pitcher and catcher. The face-off between pitcher and batter. The race to the bag between the base runner and the infielder. The tricks the sun and the shadows play on the outfielder. Observe more closely and it's no languid summer entertainment. Baseball is as fraught with danger and suspense as the best Hitchcock movie.

And the history! I am a Cub fan because my parents and both sets of grandparents were Cub fans. I no longer worship in the same church they did, but I religiously pay my respects to that enduring tabernacle of baseball, Wrigley Field. I am thrilled it was I who took my young nephew to his first game. From the stands I pointed out the pennants that represent the retired jerseys of Cub greats. It was by showing him #23 Ryne Sandberg that I brought his great-grandmother to life, explaining how she was loyal to the Cubs and loved her Ryno beyond all. It made him happy to think of how proud his great-grandparents would be to know he was following in their Cub fan footsteps.

Soon it starts again. In just 11 days, the Cubs' pitchers and catchers report for spring training and an exciting new chapter begins. My heart is racing, my hopes are high. For baseball -- like ice cream and some of the best people I know -- is more enduring, engaging and deep than it appears at first glance and I cannot wait to immerse myself in the 2012 season.

I had a dream

Some of my most productive thinking seems to be happening while I'm asleep these days.

First I had a kick-ass, inspirational conversation with my imaginary best friend, Elizabeth Edwards, who shared her secret to resilience -- forgive yourself your past, accept it, and then concentrate on the present. She convinced me that my happy future will come from a focused present.

Then last night I dreamed, strangely enough, of doing floor exercises. Fireplugs*, to be exact. Because of a client conference call I missed my lunchtime workout. But I felt so good in the dream that I made healthier choices at lunch -- egg salad with lots of lettuce from the buffet rather than eggs benedict from the pancake house -- and I have no doubt it will inspire me to work out tonight in front of the TV. I want to feel good again, like I used to, before I became such a moo-cow.

*You know -- you're down on all fours Keeping your right knee bent, you lift it a little off the floor and then lift it to the right without straightening it or changing the level of your hips. Then bring it down slooooowly.

Curious as a Cat

A new meme! I always love a good meme.

Week Number 309 

1) What format did you start listening to music on? Vinyl

2) When was the last time you called in sick to work? Were you actually sick? Friday, January 13. I had a doctor's appointment. Since it was scheduled, I was technically supposed to take it as a personal or vacation day. But that doesn't make sense to me, since if it was a sudden trip it would qualify as a sick day. So I felt completely justified in lying.

3) Would you rather be poor and work at a job you love or be rich and work at a job you hate? I know I should say the former but I think, at this late stage in my career, I'd go for the latter. I'd like to make a lot and then retire.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. It looks humid, which means my hair probably looks like hell.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The 99'er Meme: Part 2

Cheers to all of us thieves!

26) Are you happy with the person you've become? Often.


27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? Hate: the sound of cardboard against cardboard (think: assembling moving boxes); Love: a cat's pur.


28) What's your biggest "what if"? What if I'd told him I loved him when I had the chance.


29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts -- not in the Caspar sense. Aliens -- yes, because my grandpa was an alien when he immigrated from Germany.


30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right: my cat Charlotte. Left: the remote control (I'm watching Jurassic Park -- the poor goat is about to meet a very sad fate).


31) Smell the air. What do you smell? Nothing in particular.


32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? A porta-potty at Taste of Chicago. Take my advice: Avoid sharing facilities with more than 3 million sweaty and beer-sodden neighbors.


33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East coast. Especially Boston.


34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? The Cute One.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? To enjoy the ride.

Lyrics | James Taylor lyrics - Secret O' Life lyrics

36) Define: Art. The diminutive of Arthur.


37) Do you believe in luck? Yep.


38) Patriots or Giants? Or, who gives a rat's ass? I'll go with the rodent's tush.


39) Will you watch the game? If yes, with who? I won't watch the game. I work for an advertising agency. You have no idea how freaking sick I am of everything Super Bowl related by the time the game finally airs.


40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I don't drive anymore. But back in the olden days when I did, I scraped up against a street lamp while parking. (I was an awful parker.)


41) What was the last book you read? The Beatles by Bob Spitz


42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? No.


43) Do you have any nicknames? Yes.


44) What was the last movie you saw? The Iron Lady.


45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? When I was a little girl I broke my clavicle. I have only the faintest memory of it.


46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? No.


47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Same old, same old: The Cute One and The Cubs. (Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in less than two weeks!)


48) What's your sexual orientation? Hetero


49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Oh, yes! I believe one of the more recent ones is that I may not be hetero after all.


50) Do you believe in magic? Of a sort

A Visit from the Dear Friend I Never Met

I dreamed last night about Elizabeth Edwards.

She is a heroine of mine. Her books touched me deeply, and I mourned her death. I selfishly miss her because I think she still had things to teach me. There was something about her unsparing candor and inherent dignity that got through to me and made me hear her. I think that's why I dreamed of her.

An ex has been on my mind after a decades-long respite. He contacted me out of the blue in 2008 and has continued to do so with regularity -- through a friend, through Facebook, through my work email (that really freaked me out). He wants to talk to me, to apologize, even visit me in person to gain my forgiveness.

I don't forgive and I don't trust him. The cruelty he was capable of (both physical and emotional) was breathtaking. The insensitivity he shows by continuing to approach me, even though I have given him no encouragement whatsoever, indicates he's still narcissistic and heedless of my feelings.

I came upon his name and photos of him this Thursday because a national newspaper did a front page human interest story about him. At first it awakened my inner cynic -- I wondered how many asses he kissed, how many he had to dazzle with his obviously still-potent superficial charm, to get that kind of exposure.

Then I kept returning to it. The same way you can't keep your tongue out of a cavity. Staring at his picture, remembering his voice.

And last night I heard from my buddy Elizabeth. We were sitting together in in her Chapel Hill home, and she was telling me to just let it go. That the past is pfft! gone. That I have to live in the here and now, and he has no place in my here and now. That I have to accept the scars -- visible and invisible -- forgive myself for falling for him, and concentrate on my own life.

How wise of her! And how resilient of me to call upon her.

Glass half full

I went to the endodontist this morning ... and was there until late into the afternoon. The root canal my dentist thought I needed is a definite. Ooooh. Ick. There goes another $800* on top of the $600 I knew I'd be spending for the porcelain crown.

Normally I'd be pissed about this.

Except that the endodontist initially warned me that she was afraid the tooth might need to be pulled and I'd need a bridge. THAT IS SO NOT GOOD!

So, while I'm unhappy about the unexpected expense of the root canal, I am relieved the doc believes the tooth can be saved.

*That's an estimate. I'm so confused at this point about what my dental insurance will and won't pay for that I'm trying to just let it go.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Our House

1. I read that Bud Weiser & Kathy moved into their new house! When was the last time you moved? Where to? This condo. 10 years ago. I hate moving and hope to never do so again.

2. If they were making a Hall of Fame for the blogosphere, name a blogger or two who you think should make the list. Why? I'm not answering this. I'm a Cub fan who prayed for Ron Santo to make the HoF every year and the bastards turned him down at every opportunity -- until after he died! So, to safeguard the health and welfare of the bloggers I would nominate, I'm keeping their names to myself.

3. What are couple of funny things you remember your parents saying? (Like, “They're starving there in China, so finish what you've got.” - John Lennon) Do you say them to your kids? "I'll give you something to cry about," was my dad's mantra. I don't have kids, so I can't mess them up.

4. What is something that has happened to you that you would consider a miracle? Last September I had two biopsies -- one for ovarian cancer, one for uterine cancer -- and they both came back benign. I know so many people whose lives have been touched by cancer that I now ask, "Why NOT me?"

5. What is it too late for? "Goodbyes." (My nod to John's eldest.)

6. What do you try to stay away from? Second-hand smoke. It smells bad and it's bad for the lungs and complexion.

7. When you get into a disagreement or fight, how often are you the first to apologize? Depends on who it's with.

8. Tell us about a current issue that you’re unhappy with. How nasty and disrespectful my fellow liberals are being to Mitt Romney. After the Clinton and Obama Presidencies, after John Kerry was "swiftboated," I expect this kind of bullshit from the right wing nut jobs, but I'm disappointed by those who should know how corrosive this ugly talk is. It's one thing to disagree with Mitt Romney's economic and domestic policies (I do, and you should, too). It's positive political discourse to bring up his attitude toward the tax code, or gay rights, or a woman's right to choose. It's not helpful to dismiss him as "Willard" or "Mittens," to knock him for his faith or appearance or other extraneous personal issues. If it's bad when "they" do it to "our guy," it's just as bad when "we" do it to "their guy." I expect better from my progressive brothers and sisters. THIS IN NO WAY APPLIES TO NEWT GINGRICH, who had made personal behavior an issue when he actually tried to unseat a sitting President over a blow job.

9. How often do you update your blog/site and why? Every day. Because I want it to be an accurate journal of who I am and what's going on in my life, and that changes day-to-day.

FIVE MOVIE COSTUMES I LOVE

Liberated this from The Girl with the White Parasol. If you choose to play along, let me know so I can check out your answers. Here are the rules:

1. Absolutely no costumes from an Alfred Hitchcock film.
2. No costumes worn by Grace Kelly.
3. No costumes worn by Audrey Hepburn.

Mine are all from the 1960s because it's the decade that had the greatest influence on my sensibility, and because I can't believe these movies are nearly 50 years old.

Natalie Wood in Splendor in the Grass. The outfit in her last scene provides the perfect visual coda. It's clean and white and fresh, indicating her rebirth and escape from the drab, repressive surroundings that caused her so much pain. (Anna Hill Johnstone)

Elizabeth Taylor in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. "Martha's Sunday chapel" pantsuit. It's so perfectly dreadful that it's perfect. It screams visually what she hollers literally, "I'm loud and I'm vulgar and I wear the pants in the house because somebody's got to." (Irene Sharaff)

Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins. La Liz' contemporary, Julie Andrews was her complete opposite number, as the costumes in their iconic roles reveal. Mary's wardrobe reveals that she reveals nothing. Buttoned up perfection. I doubt that scarf really added much warmth, but she wouldn't have felt dressed without it. (Tony Walton: costume consultant for Miss Andrews)

Katharine Hepburn in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. Hey! You said "no Audrey Hepburn;" Kate wasn't mentioned in the rules at all! The pantsuit she wore said everything about the woman (both character and actress). It's casual, multi-layered, more about comfort than fashion ... and obviously of quality. (Jean Louise: Costume supervisor for women -- though it wouldn't surprise me if this came from Kate's closet.)

Faye Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie's beret was so cool it's almost a character in the film. Idealized versions of the hat Bonnie Parker wore in real life, the berets are an inspired touch. The jauntiness they convey makes the inevitable carnage even more jarring. (Theoni Aldredge.)

It must be nice to a Beatle

Today at lunch I walked past a street musician who was playing "Here Comes the Sun" on the guitar. Two Asian businessmen in front of me were speaking animatedly in their native tongue until they picked up on the song. Then one said, in heavily accented English, "Here Comes the Sun." Together they sang a bit, "Little darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter ..." It was a lovely moment.

How satisfying it must be for Paul and Ringo to know how much joy they have brought generations, all around the world.


Yes, I know it's a George song, but I bet to these gentlemen it was simply, "The Beatles."

I read the news today, oh boy

My ex, the really bad one, is front page news. He was mentioned prominently and favorably in a feature story on the front page of a national newspaper. Happy to see that he can still be superficially charming when it suits him.

I hate how much space he still takes up in my life. Must battle to let this go. Feeling this way does no good.