I know I shouldn't laugh, but I CAN'T HELP IT!!!

Before this week, I didn't even know Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) existed. Yet today I can't get him out of my mind.

First he resigned because he kinda had cancer. Now, maybe not.

Then he resigned because Rahm Emmanuel "bothered him" in the shower. "I am showering, naked as a jaybird," Massa claimed earlier this week, "and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped round his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn't going to vote for the president's budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?"

Now it looks like a sexual harassment scandal may have been behind his resignation. Although, as Dana Milbank reports, Massa says it's all being taken out of context.

“Now they’re saying I groped a male staffer,” he volunteered. “Yeah, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday.”

No, unfortunately Mrs. Massa was not able to attend this ticklefest because, "This was in a townhouse; we all lived together, all the bachelors and me,” Massa explained.

I hope that, for his next big birthday when he turns 55, now-former Rep. Massa celebrates with an invitation-only cruise with entertainment provided by the reunited Village People. We know he loves the sea and is proud of his service. That's why, when Larry King asked Massa if he was gay, his response was, "Ask my wife. Ask my friends. Ask the 10,000 sailors I served with in the Navy."

Poor kid

This is how I'll remember Corey Haim: Jake, the confused child of divorce in Murphy's Romance, learning the painful lesson that the father he loves may not be a man he can respect.

Ten Inspiring Women

I haven't stolen anything from Kwizgiver in a long time, and International Women's Day seems like just the time to resume swiping her posts.

Now, in the order that they occur to me, are ten women who inspire me.

1) Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. The combination of impeccable manners and true grit made her indomitable. She managed to be strong without compromising her femininity and she lived her life her own way."To thine own self be true."

2) Lillian Hellman. The Little Foxes. Pentimento. The Children's Hour. Scoundrel Time. Those titles show that the only stories to compete with the ones she created are the ones she lived.

3) Louisa Mae Alcott. She gave us Jo March, and all those Little Women. Girls who grew to be women, exhibiting everyday heroism and integrity every step of the way. Role models for more than a century, and undoubtedly for little girls who haven't even been born yet.

4) Anne Sullivan Macy. Beloved Teacher, a woman who overcame poverty, the loss of her parents and most of her sight to give Helen Keller a voice.

5) Elizabeth Edwards. I know, I know … Her messy personal life has been splashed all over the tabloids. But Saving Graces really did touch me. That memoir actually changed the way I look at life and relationships. Here I am, a stubbornly proud middle-aged pudge, and Elizabeth Edwards got through to me by being so nakedly candid about her life that I sometimes had to put the book down. She endured the unendurable by reaching out, "finding solace and strength from friends and strangers," and I'm now trying to incorporate that into my own life. At times with success. I am grateful to her, and she is one of the few strangers that I really do include in my prayers.

6) Nancy Dickerson. In the 1960s -- when Katie Couric was still in grammar school -- Nancy Dickerson was covering Washington for NBC. Her regular appearance on the news was so unusual, and her voice was so deep and resonant, that as a little gal, I put my toys down and paid attention to her. Everything about her seemed important. As I got older, I began to understand how rare her accomplishment was, reporting on government when every other female journalist was stuck with fashion or cooking, and how hard she worked. An amazing trailblazer, I wish she was appreciated more. Her son, John Dickerson, wrote a terrific book about her -- On Her Trail.

7) Eleanor Roosevelt. She got so much grief from the public in life: she was ugly, she was pushy, her voice was grating … Yet today she is revered and even has her own statue at the FDR Memorial. I think it's a testament to how correctly her personal compass was calibrated. She went her own way and did what she had to do, what had to be done. Her country, and I, are grateful.

8) Abigail Adams. Yes, yet another First Lady! I'm just learning about this one. She was a tremendous influence on her husband and his friends -- dudes like Jefferson and Franklin -- which means she has had a tremendous influence on our whole history. It was unusual for a woman in the 18th century to be taken so seriously. She wrote beautifully, too. Her letters to her "dear friend," husband John, are enlightening and even romantic. We're fortunate that we had a woman with such a sharp mind and such a sharp quill observing and chronicling the beginning of our country.

9) Miep Gies. Just as without Teacher, we wouldn't have Helen Keller's words, without Miep, we wouldn't have Anne Frank's. She helped care for the Frank family, at great personal risk, while they were in hiding and saved Anne's diary after the family's arrest. She died this year, at age 100. There's something wonderful about that. The courageous woman who gave us the most famous "diary of a young girl" lived to be a very old woman. God bless her.

10) Barbra Streisand. Yes, I was annoyed by her on this year's Oscars, too. But when I was in high school, she was a revelation. She was everywhere -- on the radio and in the movie theaters with The Way We Were. As I wrote in a post earlier this year,* she "was abrasive, noisy, idiosyncratic, and, in the final analysis, happier (than Golden Boy Redford). Barbra Streisand gave me permission. She showed by example that I could be an outsider who marched to my own drummer and still get the guy -- if only for a little while. And if he can't handle all that goes with being with ME, as I am, maybe he's not worth being with." Important then, important now.

*Hey! If I can steal the idea for this post from Kwiz, I can certainly recycle some of the content from my own blog!

All I want now is a nap

That's what happens when you eat about a dozen thin mints in one sitting. Damn you, you cute Girl Scouts selling them in the lobby!

THE QUEEN'S MEME

To play along, click here. Your participation means a great deal to our Queen.

1. If I never see Karl Rove again it will be too soon.

2. Should I meet my Maker tomorrow, I would ask for one more day on earth to straighten up so my mom won't find what I keep in "the naughty drawer."

3. Never in my life have I been less engaged in a meeting than I was today.

4. I should always allow more time to get ready in the morning; I can always find something else to do.

5. I should've never listened to a certain lover while under the influence of well ... him; he had a way.

6. QUESTION SIX DELETED BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A CAR

7. I should spend more money on accessories, like purses because it makes me happy. I should spend less money on necessities, like toilet paper and light bulbs, because it makes me sad.

8. Eye makeup should never be shared with strangers.

9. I should tell "Ralph" from LA Fitness that I never really meant to take a tour his club, I just took his card so he would leave me alone.

10. Never in a million years would I want you to know the exact contents of "the naughty drawer," or how quickly I go through batteries,

Turns out he's broke

My uncle, that is. As near as anyone can tell, he's blown through $2 million in the last two years.

He can't travel, he hasn't given much away, and no, it wasn't heavy stock market losses. I dearly wish it was one of those things, because the truth just confirms my fears that his mind is tapioca.

He blew it gambling
at the Grand Victoria Casino.

He won't go to doctors, he hasn't monitored his health, but he can somehow make it to the slots.

While the mental deterioration this indicates scares me, I'm also ambivalent about it. Because I am still going to promise him that his beloved Bennie, an aloof old gray tabby, is forever comfortable and welcome in my home. And this will be one of the first things I've been able to do for him that he knows is because I love him and appreciate the kindnesses he has shown me over the years, not because I'm trying to get into the will.

I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, "My family is a freak show without the tent." I feel that way these days. I really do.

Movie Monday

Share your thoughts and link back here to the Bumbles.

This week's movie topic is all about Oscar...

Last night's show provided no surprises as far as who won, but the show itself did surprise and delight me. Most of the nominees were actually there, looking fine and behaving like good sports. (Remember the year when Russell Crowe just sat there like a gloomy gus?) The John Hughes tribute montage was lovely. And most of all, Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin and Neil Patrick Harris were so irreverent they were downright subversive. From NPH's song:

Why wouldn't Crosby give up Hope?
Why does Harold call Kumar when he scores dope?
And why does a prisoner drop the soap?
'Cause no one wants to do it alone

So go, go Baldwin and Martin
The biggest pair since Dolly Parton
The show's really started
And no one wants to do it alone

Bad taste? Perhaps. But it heralded an attitude adjustment this too-often self-indulgent, self-congratulatory show needed. Bravo!

A Sad Transition

My uncle has been many people during this not-quite-70 years here on earth: child of divorce, bratty brother, troubled teen, high school father, inductee, PFC, world traveler, veteran, entrepreneur, millionaire, ski aficionado, 10k racer, lover, husband, stepfather, grandfather, widower, Parkinson's sufferer and now ... incompetent invalid.

His only child, his daughter, is taking him to court soon, forcing him to face the fact that he can no longer make decisions regarding his own life. She's right.

He has two caregivers, a pair of sisters he met through church, who have no health care training and speak little English. While they care for him compassionately, they are not qualified and, truth to tell, he chose them because he can boss them around and make sure he does what he wants to do, rather than what he should do for his health.

This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, but it's gone on for two years. They do not monitor his meds, they do not require him to get exercise or see his doctors, they do not schedule regular activities for him ... He complains all the time about how much they cost, but no one knows for sure what he's paying them. I am in no way implying that they are intentionally exploiting him. I am grateful for the care they shower on him. But they are not qualified to be his 24/7 care givers, and they are also unable to view his world with a cynical eye because they struggle with English. My uncle is a very wealthy man, and now an old and sick one, which makes him vulnerable. They don't get that, and he refuses to. Here's a scary fact: the only place he goes regularly is the floating casino. He chose his new home based on proximity to "the boats," not to any of us.

He is terrified by this legal turn of events, phoning my mother, reading documents to her over the phone, asking her what this or that means. My mother has left a message for the lawyer on all these papers, asking for clarification. No one has spoken to my cousin, his daughter. My uncle is too frightened of pissing her off.

This is so shocking. My uncle has been, at many times in his life, a tough and angry son-of-a-bitch with a mean streak a mile wide. He has long enjoyed the status he believes his money gives him. For him to be passive, submissive, turning to my mother for help instead of screaming at his own damn lawyer (to our knowledge, he has yet to hire one) is frightening me.

And bears out that, as unpleasant as this turn of events is, it's time.

While my uncle has shown his ugly side to many in this family, I have no complaints about how he's treated me. He's always been good to me, kind to me in ways he views as small but meant the world to me as I was growing up. He bought me my first Beatle record ("Love Me Do/PS I Love You"). After he came home from Viet Nam, he let me bring him to school for "show and tell." (I remember him in his khakis, sitting on the radiator in my third-grade classroom.) When I first moved out, he took me to buy a stereo on time, showing me how to build a credit rating.

I can't say that his relationship with his daughter has been as positive. I commend her for all the work and care she has given him, or tried to give him. I had a difficult relationship with my own dad and can't imagine being in her position.

Because my uncle is proud, I am not calling him or my cousin. If he wanted to discuss this with me, he would. I'm gutlessly glad he hasn't, because I would have a difficult time discussing this with him without revealing that I agree with his daughter -- it is time for him to relinquish his freedom in exchange for managed care.

But with my mother's permission, I would like to send him a note. One of his major concerns in all this is his cat, Bennie. If he's suddenly institutionalized, will Bennie starve? Really. The scrappy bastard who played hardball in legal and financial dealings is unable to figure out how to care for his old tabby cat.

I'd like to reassure him that, as long as I have breath in body, Bennie has a home. I think that would comfort him, as a few years ago, when he was still more together mentally, he said he thought it was commendable -- not silly -- that I had a bank account and provisions exclusively for the care of my cats in the event of my own passing.

This is all so hard for my mother. He is still her baby brother, the only other survivor of their turbulent, long-ago nuclear family. She is worried that he may take his own life. (He has parted with his car, but not his guns.) I told her that if he does, that's between him and God. He is scared, he is suffering, and he's living with the certainty that while he will never get better, he will most assuredly get worse. I can't imagine what it's like to be him. If he chooses to exit by his own hand, I don't judge. For while I believe life is His to give and to take, who is to know that God means for people like my uncle to linger with a disease that would have killed him by now in previous generations? I just hope my uncle prays on his decision. I know he has a pastor he respects, but I also know my uncle has been avoiding more and more people.

There are no winners, and no happiness in this saga. Only varying degrees of sad.

I miss her

Strange, isn't it? I'm watching The Queen, starring Helen Mirren in her Oscar-winning turn as Elizabeth, yet it was clips of Diana that captured my attention. And made me sad for her, yet again.

I wish she was still with us. I'd like to think that she would finally be happy, finally reconciled to Charles and Camilla, finally making the most of her estimable gifts to move people. Maybe she'd be remarried, maybe she'd have the daughter she always wanted. Look at her ... wouldn't it be neat to think of her as the mother of the groom, playing a role in William's public and private lives?

It's no secret to anyone to who reads this blog that JBKO is my all-time heroine: a woman who lived an extraordinary life in her own way. While you can't examine Jackie's life without acknowledging the tragedies, the whole of her life strikes me as anything but tragic.

But Diana, poor Diana ... I'm so sorry she's gone and so sorry she never found lasting happiness. And, because of the public nature of her life, I'm sorry I didn't get to see it.

I hope Sunday is as good as Saturday

NO pain pills! Not a one. Not at all, all day Saturday. I may finally be emerging from this obnoxious thing. Being in a certain amount of pain, every day, since late January has been taking its toll on me. It's about freaking time I put this behind me!

God bless them, every one

I just watched The Hurt Locker on On Demand and am sorry ...

• Sorry I watched it, because it is numbingly tense and violent. As it should be. Because it is about a real war, going on in a real place, where soldiers and civilians are really dying.

• Sorry I missed it at the theaters. Because if the tension and violence had this impact on me in my living room, I can only imagine what they would have been like in a darkened theater. While it's an intense, ugly and horrible subject, I need to confront it and think about it more because I am ...

• Sorry I don't often remind myself that there are troops facing this right now, and in my name, and I should.

In that way, this movie is like Precious, another Oscar-nominated film. There I lives I don't think of often enough, but I should. While I didn't enjoy The Hurt Locker, I appreciate it and am grateful for it. Because it reminds me of all those other souls I should be more grateful for.

Not Leo's fault but ...

... I figured Shutter Island out pretty early on, and that kinda spoiled the creepy, scary fun the rest of the audience was having. Damn! I was looking forward to this one, too.

He's distracting me!

Nigel is actually shooting the contestants on this episode of America's Next Top Model. If that weren't enough, he's shooting them in the pool so he's wearing a wet suit! What was originally intended as background noise* as I race around, getting ready for a productive Saturday, stopped me completely in my tracks.

Damn you, yummy mysterious Nigel Barker!

*Somehow this doesn't happen when my background noise is Clark Howard on CNN.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Your Smiling Face

1. No matter what's going on in your life, what always makes you smile? The color of the sky. The Chicago River. The song "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire.

2. What's the biggest lie you've ever told? God, it's hard to believe this was ever a big deal at all, but at the time, it really was: When I was in high school, I told my parents and sister that I was my English teacher's favorite student and that he helped me after class. It wasn't true -- I didn't need help after class; English was one of my few easy A's. But I wanted my parents to think he was great so my dad wouldn't embarrass me at the school open house by commenting on my teacher's unconventional appearance. I forgot two things: (1) My parents were going to meet and talk to him at the open house and (2) my older sister had him in a class, too. I spent a sleepless night or two, worried that my lie would be found out. It wasn't. I forgot that my dad's bark was worse than his bite and he didn't even speak to my teacher at the open house, and that my sister was too competitive with me to even acknowledge our familial relationship in her class.

3. Do you hold a grudge? Yes. If it had been a competition in Vancouver, I'd be wearing gold right now.

4. What is the worst job you've ever had? Copywriter at a software engineering company. I had no idea what I was doing and quit after six months. Shhh! I never included it in my rez.

5. What would be your dream job? Sometimes I really want to be a pet sitter.

6. What is the happiest event you've experienced? When my niece was little, she was obsessed with the animated Anastasia. She had a dream where she walked into an Anastasia store where she could purchase everything Anastasia for $100, and she had exactly $100 in her purse. I went on eBay and purchased Anastasia memorabilia from all over the world (my favorite: plastic Anasastia medallions that had been packaged in cereal boxes in Ireland). I spread them out all over my apartment and put a sign on the front door: Anastasia Store -- Everything $100. The look on her face when she came in the door, the way she clasped her hands together under her chin and looked around the room in wonderment at the Anastasia dolls and books and puzzles and pillowcase, etc. ... I'll never forget it. How often in life do you get to make someone's dream come true?

7. What is the saddest thing you've experienced? After the 2004 Presidential election, I had to put my cat Billy to sleep because he had bone cancer. It was shattering. I had worked very hard on Senator Kerry's campaign for nearly a year and could not believe the nation had rejected him. Then there was Billy, sweet Billy, who deserved never to suffer because he was such a sensitive, melancholy spirit. It felt like, during those few days, the entire world was dark and bleak and completely wrong. There was hardly anywhere I could turn that provided relief. Except my best friend. That's when we first bonded. He was completely there for me and spoke to me for hours. In case you wondered why I care so much about that relationship, it's because he's the only one in my life who understood (or tried to understand) why watching the Ohio results come in while knowing what I faced with poor, weak Billy, was my personal nadir.

8. Do you tend to exaggerate or underestimate? Exaggerate. During times of stress at work I have been known to say, " ... and we'll miss our due date and Christmas will be cancelled and we'll all die." I suppose that's a slight exaggeration.

9. List the cars that you have owned. Give us just a few words about each one. Chevy Impala. Too big and hard to park, too expensive to fill with gas, and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. I've never had another car.

I don't hurt!

It's nearly 7:00 and I am in no pain whatsoever. I took a pain pill back at about 2:00, so some of the ouch should be creeping back into my chest. But it's not!

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

This just in. 9:30 and I felt a twinge so I took another pain pill. Mostly because I know the pills work best before the pain gets too strong and because I really want to sleep. So while I may not be well yet, I am convinced I'm on the mend.

Oh, but I feel virtuous!

Last night I had dinner with my friend Kathleen. I wasn't especially hungry, so instead of going for a burger I ordered an apple/pear/walnut salad. Since I didn't have a "taste" for anything, I didn't miss anything, either. Of course, that could be because I celebrated my maturity in ordering the salad as entree by having a martini with dinner and a few scoops of chocolate sorbet for dessert. Still the calorie and fat count was lower than if I'd devoured one of their 1/2 lb. burgers.

Kathleen looks great and is so into her job. I'm very proud of her. I just sent a check to the American Cancer Society on her daughter's behalf -- the freshman is running in the ACS Relay for Life and asked me to sponsor her. I mentioned it to Kathleen and commented that both of her kids are great but she shrugged off her part in it, saying that, "my kids are great because they are great kids." Somehow I don't think it's been as easy as she portrays it to bring two people along the road to adulthood so successfully.

Me as romantic recluse

When I was a very young girl, I remember reading a story in our Scholastic Weekly Reader about a man who worked in a lighthouse. His job seemed important -- remember, this was probably about 40 years ago -- because he kept the boats safe. He was also, for the most part, all alone up there. It seemed terribly romantic to me -- the middle child whose family never bothered to knock before coming in my room and often caught me lip synching into my hairbrush in front of the mirror. I even remember that the lighthouse keeper ordered his heavy winter socks from a catalog and would have to venture into town to pick up the package at the post office every once in a while.

What a fabulous life, I thought. I could write long stories, sing with the radio as loud as I wanted, converse with my cats and still serve mankind by keeping those boats safe.

The lighthouse keeper comes to mind a lot as I immerse myself into the world of Grey Gardens. I am mesmerized by the Beale ladies -- especially "Little Edie," the daughter. She is a "staunch character," a free thinker, a thwarted performance artist, living with her mother in decrepit gentility in East Hampton. Edie and her mother spend their days mostly in one bedroom of the big house, eating Wonder Bread and ice cream and keeping cats and raccoons … and bickering.

It's the toxicity of their lives that adds a melancholy pull of the heart strings because they really aren't suited to the solitary existence they landed in, due in part to finances and (mostly) their pathology.

Yet even now as I have passed the half-century mark, I still enjoy my alone time best. Tonight I'm having dinner with my friend, Kathleen. I will have a good time but ... part of me wishes I was just home, watching the American Idol results. This weekend my nephew and mother are going to an indoor carnival -- a special fundraiser for his winter soccer league -- and so we won't visit this Sunday as originally planned. I miss them -- I've been avoiding them because of this obnoxious viral thing I'm battling -- but I also look forward to a weekend of not having to do anything with anyone at any particular time. I also resent anyone who comes to my door because that means I have to straighten up for them. YUCK!

While there are times that I feel isolated in a bad, lonely way -- when I can't count on the people I'm closest to -- for the most part alone time is good for me. It refreshes me, recharges my internal battery. It's been a frequent topic of this blog almost from the beginning. For it's not the presence of people I long for, it's the company of certain people.

So the Beale ladies, born performers, ended up living a reclusive life that was ill-suited to them. And me, the moment I close my office door, someone knocks on it, with a need -- professional or personal, real or imagined. It reminds me of that Billie Holliday song, "Them that's got shall get, them that's not shall lose." Life may not be fair, but it is peculiar.

It's a girly season

OK, it's official: I am now into American Idol. And unlike recent seasons, where the end turned out to be a duel between male contestants, I predict this year it will come down to two of the girls. Here are my early favorites:

• Young Katie, who sang "Put Your Records On"

• Lilly Scott, "A Change Is Gonna Come," my favorite the second week in a row

• Paige Miles, "Walk Away"

• Siobhan Magnus, "Think"

Spa, ahhhh!

This is the Spa of Colonial Williamsburg. I will be there in a mere 32 days, and one of the treatments I will enjoy is the Hot Stone Massage, which, according to the good people at Boston.com, "draws on the 17th-century Powhatan Indian practice of using sweating to eliminate aches and pains. In the modern interpretation, the body is warmed by hot stones then wrapped in herb-infused, steaming linen to encourage the release of toxins. The experience concludes with a full-body, hot stone massage using oil containing lavender, cypress, juniper, and rosemary."

There are those who would probably advise me not to go. After all, how sensible is it to run up a tab for a spa getaway and stay at a premium hotel when I haven't even paid for my last vacation to Key West yet? If you look at the "Watch me reduce" counter on the right, you will not be impressed by my money managing skills thus far this year, and the ground is certainly not very firm under my feet here at work.

But I counter all that reason with a bit of wisdom I got from my mom: "There's always a reason not to do something."

Besides, I have been in pain since January 24. I flourish with alone time in a new place and I need a fresh perspective to decide what I want to do next with my career ... job ... whatever this is now. I have never been to Colonial Williamsburg and I've wanted to immerse myself in this period ever since I "discovered" Abigail Adams through books and the HBO miniseries on her hubby.

So I'm going. And today, when things could be a little better, I'm sending my mind there in advance.

There's a downside to the Information Age

I was having an OK day. The trip down to the client's offices went smoothly. Got a new photo ID so I can move freely around the client's corporate campus, and it doesn't suck anywhere near as bad as last year's. Had a nice little salad for lunch. The working session with the client was productive. We made it back to Chicagoland in record time and I even got to see most of American Idol.

But then I did the dumb thing.

I gave into temptation and checked the industry blogs. I knew there were rumors swirling out in the blogosphere, but I had no idea how many there were, and how negative they were. To say more lay offs are predicted this month is an understatement -- the word "bloodbath" turned up over and over again.

Now I can't sleep. I'm worried and those shingles-related pains are a-throbbing. I can't do a thing about the situation at work, and know that if I'm about to be laid off, the decision was made weeks (if not months) ago. So I shouldn't have looked. I should know better by now. My bad.

I hope the atmosphere at the office tomorrow isn't too funereal.

Not a bit like Patton

You know how old blood-and-guts, George S. Patton, was known for firing his troops up and leading them confidently, passionately into battle? Well, forget it because Patton bears no resemblance whatsoever to my boss.

Everything about my boss, from his posture to his vocal inflections, reveals that he thinks we're all on the verge of dismissal. A prominent article on one of the trade mags's websites isn't helping matters, I'll admit. But we still have the account, we still have our jobs, and I think this is the time to over-deliver, not give up.

I've been doing this for a long time and by now I know the signs. Yes, this agency is in trouble. Yes, this client relationship is rocky. But our client is a corporate behemoth and it take a while to turn a ship that big around completely. That's why I believe all is not lost ... yet.

But I can't do it alone. That's why right now I wish my boss was less Charlie Brown and more George S. Patton.

Monday Movie Meme

This week's movie topic is all about Books vs. Movies...

Share movie versions of books and your take on them, linking back here at The Bumbles.

The Godfather. One of the greatest movies ever is based on one really crappy novel. I tried to reread it recently and was amazed by how bad it really is. Talk about pulp fiction! The plot points are all there, and Mario Puzo deserves credit for that, but the writing has none of the elegance or wisdom of the movie. It's just a lurid collection of scenes of sex and gore. This is one case where the movie really is superior to the book.

Ordinary People. This faithful movie adaptation is as good as the book, which means its very good, indeed. Mary Tyler Moore is a revelation as Beth Jarrett, showing the high price of being perfect all the time. I'm continually jarred when I see Timothy Hutton as a middle-aged man, for to me, he will always be Conrad, the troubled adolescent who works so hard at therapy and at getting well, who finally figures out "who it is who can't forgive who."

In Cold Blood (book) & Capote (movie). Truman Capote's book is a masterpiece. Seeing the recent biopic enhances it. It explains how Capote got much of the information about the family and the murderers and made some of the artistic decisions that make In Cold Blood the searing, heartbreaking American tragedy it is. While the book stands on its own, I wonder if I would have enjoyed Capote's film biography as much if I wasn't so familiar with his book.

Sunday Stealing

Harriet's Choice: The Disney Meme

1. Which non-Disney Princess Disney Film is your favorite? Mary Poppins

2. Which Disney film makes you cry the most? Old Yeller

3. Which Disney film makes you the happiest? Beauty & the Beast

4. Which Disney film has the best music? The Lion King

5. Which Disney film has the best love story? I have always responded to the subtle sexual tension between Mary Poppins and Bert the Chimney Sweep

6. Who is your favorite Disney Princess? Belle from Beauty & the Beast

7. Who is your favorite Disney Prince? Simba from The Lion King

8. Who is your favorite Disney animal sidekick? Timon from Lion King, or Nana from Peter Pan

9. Who is your favorite Disney main character animal? Old Yeller

10. Who is your favorite villain? Scar from the Lion King

11. What is your favorite Disney song? Hakuna Matata

12. What is your favorite Disney villian song? "Cruella Deville, Cruella Deville, if she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will, to see her is to take a sudden chill ..." from 101 Dalmatians

13. What is your favorite Disney animal song? Hakuna Matata

14. What is your favorite Disney Princess song? A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes

15. What is your favorite Disney Prince song? You Can Fly from Peter Pan

16. What is your favorite Disney Prince/Princess duet song? Jolly Holiday from Mary Poppins; if that doesn't count, I can't answer because I hate most of the sappy duets

17. What is your favorite Disney love song? "Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast"

She's a STAR

My niece, that is. She is on her way to becoming her school's representative at the state finals of the FCCLA Culinary STAR Event.

FCCLA (Family, Career and Community Leaders of America) is a national organization for high school kids. My niece won this year's local chapter award for her zabaglione, a "light, foamy custard-like dessert."*

She impresses me with her focus. She likes this competition because it's fun and because she enjoys winning. But also because they are judged by faculty members of the two colleges she wants desperately to get into. A very mature outlook for a junior.

She got a mention in the local paper, and her name is on the display board outside her high school. ATTA GIRL!

*Before today, I didn't know what it was, either.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Should I Stay or Should I Go

1. Have you ever been on a date and you had to tell the person to just go away? No, I have never been on a date that was unbearable. But many of my first dates never turned into second dates.

2. Do you wish you were someplace else right now? If yes, where? On a pier in Key West, drinking a mimosa and watching the waves.

3. Do you have any pet peeves? People who don't respect space. Like taking an extra seat on the train because you want to put your bag on it, or using bench space in the locker room for your water bottle, or smoking right outside the front door beneath the "no smoking" sign.

4. Tell us about a guilty pleasure of yours. I'm watching Michael Buble as I write this, and God help me, when he sings, I enjoy him. I thought he was funny on SNL, too. (Somehow, though, there's something about him that makes me want to smack him.)

5. If you could change places and become a celebrity, who would you'd like to be? Sue Grafton. Because I enjoy her work, and because people know her name but not necessarily her face. I'd like to be famous enough to get better service, but not so famous people want my autograph or photographers can sell my photo.

6. What do you consider your biggest talent? Ear wiggling

7. Do you have a favorite actor/actress that is not a big star, yet they are your favorite? Jane Kaczmarek. She's a great working actress who has been kicking around for decades, and you might know her as the mom on Malcolm in the Middle

8. Name your five favorite rock bands of all time. I'm not sure where rock ends and pop begins, but here are 5 of my favorite bands: The Beatles, Del Amitri, Barenaked Ladies, The Eagles, The Doobie Bros. (esp. with Michael McDonald)

9. If you were to start a new relationship (for whatever reason), how much of your sexual history would you share? Would you resort to lying? No one should lie about their sexual history, ever! HIV/AIDS is too serious. I don't think a new lover has a right to know names or details if you're not comfortable sharing, but the facts about your sexual health are VITAL!

Creepy, isn't it?

This looks much like the rash on my back. It's shingles. It's responsible for my fever, my back ache, my fatigue, and now, the pain under my ribs. I was misdiagnosed last weekend, and now, unfortunately, it's too late to treat it or lessen its severity. Now the virus simply has to run its course. The only thing my doctor said she could do is give me painkillers. She recommends I take them -- because the pain is making my sleep fitful and sapping my strength and lowering my resistance.

My doctor is going to fax some materials to the nurse practitioner at Walgreen's Take Care Clinic who told me I had some kind of bug bites. She doesn't want this to happen to anyone else.

I feel tired and miserable, but she promises the pain pills and nice, restorative sleep will help.

My all-time hero

These two photos take turns on my desktop, revolving from one into the other, telling the story of the day in the life of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis that provides just one example why I admire her so.

These photos were taken the same afternoon, moments apart, in autumn, 1971. The photographer who took the first shot and appears in the second shot is Ron Galella. He hounded Jackie on a daily basis, dressing up as Santa Claus to shoot her while shopping at Christmastime, hiding in coat racks for photos of her dining and sometimes even smoking (gasp!) with friends, chasing her in a speed boat while she water skied, following her into movie theaters, etc. When her children were young they still had Secret Service protection and she would ask the agents to, "Please smash his camera," and usually they would. It got so bad that in 1972, just months after this incident, she actually took him to court and got a restraining order. I often wonder what would have happened if Princess Diana had been as ballsy as JBKO; perhaps she'd still be with us.

Anyway, Jackie was running a quick errand, crossing Fifth Avenue in front of her apartment building, when Galella sidled up near her and called her name. She reflexively turned and smiled. When she saw who it was, and that this time he had an accomplice with a camera, she simply slipped the dark glasses on (thereby making the subsequent photos he shot worth a little less), kept her face impassive and kept going.

She hated Galella. He was a stalker and he frightened and enraged her. Yet look at her control. Sure, she could have lost her temper with him (Marlon Brando literally punched his teeth out), but that would have given Galella a front-page shot he could have retired on. So she just withdrew into herself and kept going.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a difficult time with my temper, which often hurts no one else as much as it does me.

I hope if I gaze at her long enough and remember the story, some of it will rub off on me. "Remember, Gal, just put on your sunglasses and keep going."

THE QUEEN'S MEME

It's a simple NAME THAT TUNE meme with a Mimi twist.

The Rules : Once you have been tagged (or commanded by the Queen) you are supposed to write down the top 25 SEVEN songs you cannot live without. The ones you can listen to over and over and never get tired of. They don't have to be in any particular order. These are the songs that make you laugh, cry, think of an old friend, whatever the reason. I know it's impossible for many of us to narrow it down to seven. There are just too many songs. Instead, make a list of seven songs that move you personally and tell us why. What memory does the song evoke? What emotion? Where were you when you first heard it? We'd like to know what's in your musical memory bank. Name seven songs and tell us about your emotional connection to the song.
Fair enough?

1. All My Loving -- The Beatles. I know it wasn't the first song the Lads performed on The Ed Sullivan Show back in February 1964, but it is the moment I fell enduringly in love. "Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, tomorrow I'll miss you, remember I'll always be true." Hearing Paul McCartney sing that simple declaration of love when I was 6 marked me for life.

2. September -- Earth, Wind and Fire. It sounds happy, with the great horns and the "ba de ya" refrain. The lyrics, recalling the joys of days gone by, make my heart skip a beat, too.

3. Thunder Road -- Bruce Springsteen. The sexiest, most romantic song I have ever heard. "Show a little faith, there's magic in the night." It is about the courage it takes to fall in love and declare yourself, but it promises Boss-sized dividends, too.

4. You Don't Know Me -- Jann Arden. It's been done by everyone from Eddy Arnold to Elvis, but this is my favorite. The opposite of "Thunder Road" because the singer is "afraid and shy" and lets her change go by, too unsure of herself to declare her love.

5. Tears of a Clown -- Smokey Robinson & the Miracles. Popular when I was in 7th grade, when I was just beginning to have a little after school freedom, so it was a heady time. It also encouraged me to look up "Pagliacci," so this song is Motown as teaching moment.

6. Better Not Look Down -- BB King. I first heard this at a time when my life was in a complete state of flux. I remember reminding myself of BB's words of wisdom, "better not look down if you want to keep on flying, put the hammer down and keep it full speed ahead." Not a bad motto.

7. Stoney End -- Barbra Streisand. When I'm depressed, I'm not one to suffer quietly. That's why I love this cut. Babs puts voice to my agony, especially when she rails against "the fury of the broken thunder" that's come to match her "raging soul."

I'd like to give up being sick for Lent

I haven't felt well since Sunday, January 24. The discomfort takes different forms -- fatigue, headache, sneezing, runny nose and now rash -- but it's always there and it's bugging the shit out of me.

The constant since last month is a pain in my left side, right under my ribs. Feels like a stitch that you get after running. Only I don't have the energy to run.

I'm going to my GP on Friday. She has to figure this out for me. I've flitted about the web and have found diagnoses from heartburn to infected gall bladder to diverticulitis. I don't really care what it is ...

I JUST WANT IT TO GO AWAY!

Movie Monday -- What's Wrong with Me?

This week's movie topic is all about Popular Movies You Hated...

Ever get excited to see some movie the whole world has been gushing about, only to discover that you thought it was a dud? Not only are you completely annoyed that the movie didn't meet your expectations, but you don't have anyone else to complain to because you're the only one who didn't like it. Lonely days. Share movies you didn't see what all the fuss was about and link back here at The Bumbles.

Brokeback Mountain. Gay cowboys with bad facial hair and strange dialog from Randy Quaid ("stemming the rose?") made me giggle.

The Piano. Holly Hunter -- so brilliant in Broadcast News -- won an Oscar for this?

Lost in Translation. Yes, it was. For me, at least.

Anything by Ingmar Bergman -- Woody Allen and Roger Ebert love him. This Gal doesn't.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Clown's Meme 2

34. What do you like about the summer? The Cubs and showing off my pedi in sandals.

35. What do you like about spring? Spring training, and my vacation. (This year it's Colonial Williamsburg.)

36. How many states provinces have you lived in? Just the Land of Lincoln.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in? Two.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? Bare feet, temperature and terrain permitting.

39. Are you a social person? I can be. But I'm also more comfortable with my own company.

40. What was the last thing you ate? Girl Scout cookies.

41. What is your favorite restaurant? Ada's Deli.

42. What is your favorite ice cream? Mint chocolate chip.

43. What is your favorite dessert? See above.

44. What is your favorite kind of soup? New England clam chowder.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? Strawberry jam

46. Do you like Chinese food? Yes. Especially fried rice.

47. Do you like coffee? Hate it, loathe it.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? Two or three. (I know I should drink more.)

49. What do you drink in the morning? Coke and milk. (No, not together. Ick!)

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you? My Petco card, I guess.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes. The right.

52. Do you know how to play poker? Yes. I think of it as Yahtzee!, but with cards.

53. Do you like to cuddle? Depends on whom I'm cuddling.

54. Have you ever been to Canada? Yes. Montreal and Toronto.

55. Do you have an addictive personality? Perhaps. I don't smoke and have no trouble with liquor. But I find it hard to give up caffeine and sugar.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often? At home, but I'm probably eating carry out.

57. What do you miss about highschool, if anything? Not. a. damn. thing.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No. Usually my birthday is more closely associated with a little incident in Dallas, known as the Kennedy Assassination.

59. Do you want kids? No.

60. Do you speak any other languages? No.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches? Yes, and I have a scar on my chin to prove it.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Nope.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool? Pool to swim in. Ocean to look out upon.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat? Aisle.

65. Do you know how to drive stick? Nope.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? Handbags.

Itchy and Ugly

No, they aren't cartoon characters. They're the best words to describe the ginormous welts on my back, and the burgeoning ones growing on my tummy. Best guess is that the blood sucking bugs came in on the new throw pillows I bought at Pier One a week ago. The doctor prescribed a concentrated hydrocortisone cream and Bendadryl.

The pillows, while cute, weren't worth it. Not even on sale. Right now they are safely tucked into a big black garbage bag in my den, and there they will stay until next Saturday. Hopefully by then, the bugs will have perished.

The Sad Clock Stops at 64 Days

I heard from my best friend today! He was defensive and edgy, but that's because he was the one who initiated contact and wasn't sure how I'd receive it. I wasn't sure how I'd receive it, either, to be completely honest. But it was fine in a tentative, wounded, embarrassed kinda way.

I have too much work to do and I still feel crappy, so I won't elaborate much now. Except to say that knowing he's out there makes having too much to do and feeling crappy more than tolerable. My world feels like it may be slowly righting itself.

And btw, Snarkela, how did you know?

Cute kids and cuter dogs

So who cares if the score wasn't remotely memorable?

My friend Barb and I went to see 101 Dalmatians last night. The score, with lyrics by Dennis DeYoung, was a yawn. As were the performances by most of the adults. But the majority of the puppy parts were played by energetic, adorable kids. It was a joy to watch them dance and cavort (as only kids and puppies can). The children in the audience were very well behaved, too. I love going to family theater events because you're often surrounded by little ones excited to be up so late and doing something so grown up, with the little girls dressed to the nines. (My favorite little theater goer wore a rhinestone headband that, once she was outside, she covered with a cloche hat and matching mittens. You could tell by the way she dealt with the hat and mittens, she felt tres chic.)

For me, though, the real stars were the 15 real, adult dalmatians. Especially the one who screwed up, which made her more endearing. She was supposed to pull a dog house to centerstage and then exit stage left. Only she stopped in the middle of stage beside the dog house, as though awaiting her applause. That wasn't the case -- turns out she just forgot what she was supposed to do next. Her trainer came onto the stage and made an expansive hand gesture which she understood, and she trotted off.

Of the 15 canine stars, 7 were originally shelter dogs and are available for adoption after this tour is over. Before deciding you want to give one a "forever home," the Playbill warns that dalmatians are very active, very curious, sensitive to cold and susceptible to sunburn. They can also be "the best friend you ever had."

On a personal note, I mentioned what was going on here at work and Barb reassured me that should I be let go, she could toss a few freelance jobs my way. And she paid for dinner! She said it was because she was so late and caused me stress when I had a cold and all, but I know it was because she worried about a different kind of stress.

Falling in love again

Never wanted to
What am I to do?
Can't help it

Yes, I've unearthed my Moonlighting DVDs. A logical transition from Nick and Nora. And, in their way, more romantic (at least in the unrequited seasons).