The A&E film crew will be here any minute

Christmas has ex-ploded all over my home. There are presents and shopping bags and gift receipts and STUFF all around. My best friend is supposed to be in town tomorrow and I actually couldn't find his present! I almost started to cry. I simply must restore order here.

I had this fantasy of getting it all orderly -- gifts here, Goodwill donations there, recyclables in a third area. Then, once I dispose of the Goodwill donations and the recyclables, enjoying a pleasant night of wrapping while listening to carols.

I wonder if I'll accomplish all that before Easter!

Not the smartest sentiment to share in this economy, but ...

… I actually have more to do at home than here at work! None of my presents are wrapped and they are scattered all over from room to room. Plus I simply must put another bag together for Goodwill.

And yet here I am, just sitting in my office, waiting for my art director to get back to me with the letters I gave him Friday and this morning.

Movie Monday -- All About the Music

Share on your blog movies with a music related theme and link back here at The Bumbles. And don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

Dreamgirls (2006). The lives and loves and struggles of the artists who created The Motown Sound. OOPS! I didn't mean to say "The Motown Sound." This is pure fiction, not at all about Diana Ross and the Supremes and Berry Gordy and Marvin Gaye.

A Hard Day's Night (1964). The black-and-white Beatles classic I mentioned last week. This week it makes the list because the catalyst for all that follows is a scheduled TV appearance by The Beatles, and all the havoc that ensues because of Beatlemania. The concert sequence at the end is unforgettable.

Loving You (1957). Elvis as Deke Rivers, a naive delivery boy who knows how to swing a guitar. Lizbeth Scott and Wendall Corey are the sophisticated showbiz types who recognize The Next Big Thing when they see it. They train him and groom him and eventually Deke goes from making girls swoon at local sock hops to a major TV appearance. It's so close to the true story of a certain poor, young Memphis truck driver who knows how to swing a guitar it's almost cinema verite.

A White House Christmas

I'm positively hypnotized watching Oprah and the Obamas discussing Christmas on Pennsylvania Avenue. I admit that I'm tickled to know that Santa will be stopping by for the first time since (I believe) Caroline and John Kennedy. And I'm happy to see that Bo has nobly taken over from India and Barney.

But I'm sad that it looks like I won't be getting a White House holiday card this year. The Clintons were very good about keeping me on their Christmas List. This is their 1994 card, my favorite because it introduced me to Thomas McKnight. I now have McKnight prints in both my living and bedrooms.

He has his good moments, too.

Reynaldo, I mean. Yes, he's a nutball feline. Yes, he's destructive. Yes, he's hyper. Yes, he's manic. But he's also affectionate and happy. He loves me and the other two cats and he fills our little home with activity and joy.

Like today. I don't interfere with the cats' toys, except to toss them back into the toy box on those rare occasions that they get in the way of my vacuuming. Yet somehow today, Rey has dug out his old Christmas themed catnip toy, all on his own, and is merrily singing and batting it about. It's as though he knows it Christmastime.

Good, gimmicky fun

As I was finishing my Christmas shopping, I impulsively slipped in and saw Jim Carrey as Scrooge in the 3-D Disney Christmas Carol. A pretty faithful retelling, the movie reinforced my holiday spirit, and it was fun to sit there in the dark wearing those goofy glasses.

I am now done with my Christmas shopping. Last gift: moisturizer spray for my boss. Hopefully the pump spray will enable him to treat the dry skin on his back, and he won't have to wriggle against my doorway to alleviate that itch anymore. I mean, he' s supposed to be an authority figure. Perhaps this will help him maintain his dignity.

Sunday Stealng

Sunday Stealing: The 6 Ws Meme

Who...

Is easy to love? Don Draper from Mad Men. Sigh.

Do you just wanna smack? Kathie Lee Gifford. Admit it. You want to smack her, too, don't you?

Do you trust? My friend Kathy. She's scrupulous-bordering-on-sanctimonious. It makes her a pain in the ass at times, but I never doubt her trustworthiness.

Do you talk to when you're alone? Neely, the pill-popping, booze-guzzling, leather-lunged diva played by Patty Duke in Valley of the Dolls. Who else?

What...
Dangerous things do you do while driving? Since I haven't been behind the wheel since the Reagan years, the very act of driving would be dangerous.

Are you allergic to? Bee sting.

Is Satan's last name? Ono.

Is the freakiest thing in your house? You mean other than me?

When...

Is it time to turn over a new leaf? Tomorrow morning.

Will you be all that you can be? When I join the army.

Is enough enough? When it hurts.

Do you go to the dark side? When my temper gets the best of me.

Where...

Are your pants? In the hamper.

Is your last will and testament? In a safety deposit box.

Is your junk food stash? I don't keep any in the house because it's such a weakness of mine.

Is Carmen Sandiego? I don't care anymore.

Why...
Was the Lone Ranger alone? Why are you dissing Tonto?

Was The Scarlet Letter scarlet? To highlight Hester's bloodshot, tear-rimmed eyes.

Are musicians sexy and plumbers not? Faulty premise --check out Mike Delfino on Desperate Housewives.

Are there no seat belts on school buses? I didn't know this. There should be seat belts on school buses!

Would you...
Swim the English Channel for a doughnut and coffee? If not that, what? There is nothing I would do for a cup of coffee. I hate coffee. Sorry.

Forgive someone who deliberately hurt you? Yes. Haven't we all?

Rather believe a lie if it hurt you less than the truth? Perhaps. I need more information before I can answer this.

You still be alive if you were sucked out of an airplane window? Gee, thanks. I'm flying at the end of this month. This is a mental picture I really appreciate.

Mediocre movie, great time

My oldest friend and I got together to celebrate her birthday and Christmas. We went to see Hillary Swank as Amelia Earhart and then stopped for dinner and drinks. The movie was just OK -- the performances were fine but the script was pretty anemic. The dinner was good and the conversation was better. We laughed so much and so long and so hard that I'm actually a little hoarse.

A colossal battle of wills

Reynaldo is at it again.

I crashed on the sofa last night, and my cat finds this exciting. All bets are off. The regular routine is trashed. Chaos now reigns. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria.

By sleeping on the couch, Reynaldo feels I have abandoned our established MO, which is that he doesn't fed until after my shower. Since a little after 6:00 AM he has been trying to goad me into feeding him. Since a little after 6:00 AM I have been trying very hard to ignore him.

So far he has knocked over the family photos in the dining room, knocked over and burrowed through the GAP bag containing my niece's Christmas gift, and caused much crashing in the kitchen. I refuse to get up and see what he's done in there.

He sings while doing all this.

I am not giving in. I have a bigger brain and opposing thumbs. After I hit "publish post," I am getting up to take my shower without responding at all.

I will win this battle. But since I have to clean up after his rampages, I sometimes wonder exactly what I'm winning.

Oh, this cat!

So much for my sainthood

One of our art directors is very likely the nicest man in the world. Which is why I feel like such a bitch on wheels for being impatient with him. Ours is a deadline driven industry and he seems almost constitutionally unable to hit the ground running and start work on a project. He also has a hard time making decisions for himself. I find myself explaining things to him over and over.

Because he works hard, is a conscientious dad and a loving husband and even a good buddy to his collie, I have tried to disguise my frustration. I hope I'm doing better than I fear I am.

Kathleen's card

The handwritten note my friend Kathleen added to my card touched me deeply. "You bring so many people joy all year. Enjoy the season for yourself."

I admire Kathleen so. She's gone further in her career than I have in mine. Her kids are growing into happy, contributing members of society. Her husband is a complex, challenging (in a good way) man. She's tall and long-limbed. She even teaches Sunday School!

Her life seems so complete and challenging (in a good way), that I didn't realize how much I meant to her, or how I appear through her eyes.

This made my day.

A Proud Day for the United States

Today President Obama became a Nobel Laureate. He was humble -- acknowledging that he is not in a class with the "giants of history" who have also received the Nobel Peace Prize, like Schweitzer, King and Mandela. He was pragmatic about Afghanistan -- he doesn't delight in using force, but he's acknowledging the "imperfections of man and the limits of reason" even as he recalls Dr. King's words, "violence never brings permanent peace." He was proud -- reminding the world that America has helped preserve global security with the "blood of our citizens and the strength of our arms."

I'm not sure how I feel about the Afghanistan surge, but I was proud to see my President on the world stage, speaking responsibly as both peacemaker and peacekeeper.

All Better

I woke up this morning feeling much better, and today my appetite has returned. I'm so glad. With the holidays almost upon us -- and my best friend in town next week! -- it would be just too gruesome to be really sick.

In the mail

This year's cards are in the mail. Makes me happy to share the Christmas spirit with those in my life.

My cards are store bought -- not special, one-of-a-kind, personally-designed ones like Vivian creates -- but they do benefit the American Humane Association, one of my favorite charities. Dogs and cats are like corks on the water who have little or no control over where they end up. It's important to remember our responsibility to them during the holiday season.

Speaking of remembering ...the cat on this card looks a great deal like my Tara, one of my shelter rescues. She and I had almost 10 years together before she died in the 1990s. A petite girly-girl and a gallant little soul.

Exhausted!

I don't know what's wrong with me. Tired, tired, tired. If I wasn't focusing on anything specific, I found myself on the verge of dozing off. My tummy trouble comes and goes. Now that I'm home, I'd be happy to never leave this spot on the sofa.

I'm happy. In a good mood. I just wish I had more energy.

The Queen's Meme

Today's meme is called You Are On Your Way

1. You are at a party in a very bad mood. There is an obnoxious guest with a camera snapping pictures of everyone in sight. Do you allow the photographs or ask them to stop? What I have done in this situation is duck the photographer by periodically disappearing into the bathroom.

2. You are shopping and watch the lady beside you at the jewelry counter slip an expensive diamond ring in her purse. What do you do? I'd narc on her. A box of Kraft Mac & Cheese or a can of cat food -- that's stuff she may have to steal to keep body and soul together. An expensive diamond ring? Nuh-uh. Plus, are you aware of how corrupt and ugly the African diamond trade can be? That lady may not realize it, but I probably did her a great favor. No good can come from wearing something that comes from pain.

3. You are on your way to a black tie affair and running late. You are the guest speaker at this event and everyone is waiting for you. A police officer pulls you over for speeding. Do you make up a story or tell him where you are going and try to talk your way out of the citation? Tell us your excuse. Since I don't drive, I would have a much bigger problem. In addition to speeding, add grand theft auto. If I don't think fast, I'll neer get to the banquet. So I'll have to pull a Thelma, steal his gun, shoot holes in his trunk and make him climb in. I'm sure you'll agree this is the only reasonable course of action.

4. You are on your way downstairs on Christmas morning to see what Santa Claus left. There are no gifts under the tree. He leaves a note that reads, "You've been VERY naughty this year." What did you do??! I didn't do nothin'! I was framed. I was a patsy. I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YOU! C'mon, Santa! I want that Barbie 2009 Holiday Doll!

5. You are halfway through a first date with someone you really like. Suddenly your ex walks in and sits down at the table beside you. What do you do? Depends on which ex. The most recent two, I'd just ignore. My date probably wouldn't even notice my ex was there. One I'd flee. My date and I would just have to leave. And one ... sigh ... there's one I'd probably just gaze upon. I was sooooo hot for him! Date? What date?

6. You are on your way to meet a billionaire. She is going to give you enough money to live on for the rest of your life IF you can answer this question correctly: Which came first the chicken or the egg? I'd explain that it's a false choice, for a chicken without a rooster lays unfertilized eggs that never hatch. The question should be, "Which came first, the chicken and rooster or the egg?" Since I have p ointed out the folly of the question, do I still get the money? Could I get it in one of those giant checks like Ed McMahon used to bestow upon Publisher's Clearing House winners?

7. You are on your way to the sun and moon and stars for an intergalactic vacation. You crash into a rainbow. What do you find in your pot of gold? A NL pennant for my Cubs. (I never wish for the World Series -- that would be too greedy.)

A Merry Christmas Meme

From Miss K, of course.

1. Candy cane or peppermint patties? Peppermint patties. Preferably chocolate covered.

2. Sugar or gingerbread cookies? Gingerbread

3. Tinsel or beaded strands? I prefer garlands. I don't believe pets and tinsel should ever meet

4. Multi-colored or same-colored lights? same-colored

5. Flashing or still lights? still

6. Wreaths or mistletoe/holly? mistletoe or holly Wreathes. I don't think pets and mistletoe/holly should ever meet, either.

7. Rudolph or Frosty? Rudolph! Frosty's a dweeb.

8. Sledding or snowball fights? I love sledding! Though the "hill" we went to doesn't look that imposing anymore, now that I'm a grown up.

9. Snow or ice/icicles? Snow

10. Snow hat or earmuffs? Earmuffs. I don't do hats

11. Getting or giving? giving

12. Snow days or plow trucks? snow days

13. Stockings or presents? presents

14. Cookies & milk or letter to Santa? both

15. Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Christmas Eve

16. Log Burning Channel or real thing? real thing

17. Cards or emails? cards

18. Shoveling or cleaning off the car? Shoveling. I remember that in the winter of 1967-68, I really came into my own as a shoveler.

19. The Inn’s manger or the animals? Manger

20. Mary & Joseph or The Wise Men? Mary and Joseph

21. Hot cocoa or eggnog? cocoa

22. Jack Frost or Little Drummer Boy? Little Drummer Boy (pah-rup-a-bup-bum)

Productive

Yes, I was! Got 5 letters written, approved and ready for tomorrow's client presentation. In case that doesn't sound like a big deal, let me explain --

I had to come up with two different ways to sell Personal Liability Umbrella Policies and three different spins on annuities. At times I think the writers around here who get to sell beer on TV have it easier.

However the day went by very quickly and I'm feeling quite satisfied with myself.

Don't you know it's gonna be all right?

"You say you got a real solution
Well, you know We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But if you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait."

Rest in peace, John Lennon. And thank you for helping to shape the woman I grew up to be.

I can't decide

Diane or Mariska? Mariska or Diane? Which would I rather look like?
I'd settle for either one. Please, Santa. Grant my wish and let me wake up on Christmas morning looking like either of these women, and I promise I'll never ask for anything again.

Movie Monday

This week's movie topic is all about Black and White Pictures. Share on your blog those color-free flicks that stop you in your tracks and link back here at The Bumbles.

These are just the first three that sprang to mind:

A Hard Day's Night. The Beatles first movie introduces us to their personae (The Smart One, The Cute One, The Quiet One and The Funny One) and closes with a truly terrific concert sequence. Mandatory viewing for anyone who wonders what all the fuss was about.

My Man Godfrey. Made in the mid-1930s, this movie is just as funny and just as relevant today. It's an inspired screwball comedy filled with unforgettable characters, dialog that's snappy and silly and elegant all at once, and a dollop of social consciousness. Carole Lombard is luminous and wildly funny and, while to my knowledge no one ever clocked her, I think this movie could have earned her the title of (literally) The World's Fastest-Talking Leading Lady.

Some Like It Hot. The movie where Marilyn/Sugar admits to once having sold kisses for the milk fund and shares her philosophy of life: "It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you." It's good, ridiculous, escapist fun … and will leave you appreciating anew what a funny, funny girl Marilyn was.

Busy Day!

First I hauled a box over to Goodwill. How my place is still such a cluttered mess, I don't know -- but it is. I'll try to collect another box of stuff for next Saturday. Maybe that will make an impact.

Then I went home and celebrated my mom's birthday with her and my nephew. (He loves to party!) She enjoyed her gifts and the gourmet cupcakes I brought for the three of us.

Then I got home and did three loads of wash. It was especially tiring because The Saddest Boy in the World was hanging around the laundry room, just waiting for me. I wish he didn't like me so much. He's so happy to see me that it makes me feel guilty because it's so not reciprocal, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Happy birthday to me (part 9)

My friend Kathy has been under the radar lately, having very little contact with me or our friend John. She's had a lot of personal, professional and financial problems and had to move in with her daughter, son-in-law and grandkids. She says that she'll be in touch again, once "she turns a corner."

That's why I was so surprised and pleased that she sent me a birthday card with a ticket to this event at our church. It was funny and interesting and I'm glad I went. I'll shoot her an email after I finish this post.

While I had fun, I believe this is IT, the last hurrah of Galfest 2009.

Happy birthday to me (part 8)

My friend Kathleen and I celebrated one another's birthday last night. (Hers is right before Christmas, so this is about midway between.) We had shrimp bisque and oysters for dinner and then went to a community playhouse production of Little Women. Then we stopped for drinks and exchanged our gifts.

I love Little Women. Jo was one of my first-ever heroines, and it always makes me happy to see her come to life. I also love spending time with Kathleen. She has a real life -- a flawed but loving marriage, terrific but flawed kids, and a fulfilling but stressful job. She's a good friend, so I'm happy to see what a satisfying life she has built for herself.

The happiest $5 I ever spent

Every time I leave McDonald's I leave change in one specific gentleman's cup. He always cheerfully says, "Thank you for your blessings." It makes me happy to help and besides, it's a good reality check to see someone who views 30¢ as a blessing.

Before Thanksgiving, I got him a $5 McDonald's gift card. $5 may not have gotten him a turkey dinner, but it would give him a half hour out of the cold on a holiday, as he sat at a table and had a burger and coffee.

Unfortunately, he wasn't there! I was very worried about him. And I switched the gift card from purse to purse, hoping I'd run into him. I know I could have shared it with any number of homeless people, but I bought it for him and I wanted him to have it.

He was back today! He didn't have a very coherent answer to "where have you been?" because I don't think he has a good command of the calendar. (Hell, sometimes I can't remember what day it is, either!) But I gave him his Thanksgiving gift card and told him now he could go inside and get warm.

Today he didn't say, "Thank you for your blessings!" Today he said, "Lord!" and popped up and went through the revolving door. When I last saw him, he was in line, holding the card and looking at the menu board.

In my heart, I'm thanking him for the blessing. This is the best I've felt in days!

Really not funny

Those gatecrashing Salahis make me feel all skin crawly. I saw Washington columnist Sally Quinn say (rather condescendingly, I thought) that these two are just tragic publicity seekers and wannabes who need help.

I agree they may need help, but I think it's dangerous to underestimate how serious this is.

While I don't believe the President was in any danger with these two, let's not forget one of the most "successful" publicity seeking wannabes in history was a skinny little loser named Lee Harvey Oswald.

Please, get it together White House security! None of us wants to see that again.

Christmas Meme

A Yuletide Theft from Kwizgiver

Favorite Christmas…

01. Non-Jesus-related song? "River"

02. Jesus-related song? "Silent Night"

03. Santa-related song? "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"

04. Fictional character? Scrooge

05. Dinner’s main course? We had lasagna once. I liked that. But I guess I'm a cult of one because no one has ever suggested it again.

06. Dinner’s dessert? Cookies, cookies and more cookies

07. Scent (pine, gingerbread, candles…)? Gingerbread or cinnamon

08. Animated movie? Mr.Magoo's Christmas Carol

09. Non-animated movie? The Gathering

10. Personal memory? Waking up really early and seeing that Santa had filled my stocking

11. Story/Fairy Tale? Hardrock, Coco and Joe

That lasted almost two months

I refer to the fragile detente with one of my least favorite coworkers. Because she takes everything personally, she assumes I am blaming her or being "defensive" when I'm not doing either, and shit just escalates and, well, I'm just glad that I have that nice bottle of moderately priced vodka in my bottom desk drawer.

No one can tell what I'm drinking from this dull white coffee cup.

Accompanied by the King

I'm facing a rather daunting project just now: coming up with at least two different ways to sell annuities. (Yes, my job is glamorous.) I need a little extra strength, a little more reinforcement. Who better for a girl turn to? As soon as I got into the building this morning, I knew I needed me some Elvis.* No one else would do.

Right now he's singing "See See Rider."

*Note to Snarky: Is this what you meant when you said that they often talk to me through music?

One of my favorite romances!

I'm watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer again this year, and I just love the love story. Clarice will risk life and limb for her man (reindeer?), red nose and all.

Yuletide love rocks!

Still my favorite Christmas CD

Back when music was still pressed into vinyl, this was the first album of Christmas music I ever bought for my very own. Maybe that's why it's still my favorite. Or maybe it's how sweet and soft her voice often is as she sings holiday songs. I especially love her rendition of "White Christmas." If you haven't got this one yet and you're looking to add to your collection of Christmas music, I recommend Streisand's first, titled simply A Christmas Album.

I Want Wednesday

What do you want from your children (or from the children in your life, if you're chidless)?

I hope that this Christmas Eve, my now ten-year-old nephew puts down the Nintendo DS and interacts with us more. I know he's eager to play with the new games he finds under the tree, but I'd like my Christmas memories to include more than a view of the top of his head as he tries to reach the next level.

To play along yourself, click here.

Who knew?

My blood plasma is yellow! How cool is that?

This evening I was a first-time platelet donor. It was neat. My arm is stiff because it took over an hour, but it was fascinating to watch the plasma separated from the whole blood. I think I'll do it again some time.

You were on my mind

Watching President Obama pledge 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, my mind goes back to 1971, when I was still a kid, and John Kerry was a returning Navy hero. Testifying before Congress, Lt. Kerry asked, "How do you ask a man to be the last one to die in Viet Nam? How do you ask a man to die for a mistake?"

I want to support my President. I hope he is right. But the long-ago questions of a 27 year old John Kerry are still echoing in my mind.

Fortunately I don't have to eat it

Paws Premium Salmon Cat Food is the foulest smelling gunk I have ever spooned onto a dish. I mean, it's vile.

It does, however, meet the nutrition requirements (especially in ash content) and my cats seem quite pleased with it. So we will finish this can. But we're never revisiting it again!