Took a walk Wednesday to the Dollar Store. (Glamorous, huh?) But it washed over me how beautiful my neighborhood is time of year. I know people who passed me on the street wondered what I was photographing, and maybe I did look silly. Or maybe they should slow down and take a moment to enjoy the show nature puts on for us here every autumn.
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"Maybe you'll stay on after Christmas. It's up to you."
That was nice to hear. When I took this job, she told me couldn't promise me any hours after January 1. Now, after two weeks, it's up to me if I stay on after Christmas. So apparently I'm doing well.
I like Cece. She gives me positive reinforcement but also always points out ways I can improve -- important since I have never in my life worked retail.
But Cece and I clashed last week. As soon as we opened on my second day (my second day!), a woman breezed in wearing head-to-toe beige and Burberry. She was Katie from Corporate, and she was here for an unscheduled, surprise sit-down with Cece to discuss the recent store robbery.
The two women were behind closed doors for more than an hour, leaving me all alone in the store. During that time, I waited on a woman who was looking for a "thank you" or "best wishes" card for an author who had invited her to a book launch. The book is about the unique challenges and heartaches parents face when grieving a child. A sensitive topic, to be sure, and one that's tough for a barren spinster like me to address. But I did! I steered her to the display of handmade, quilled cards and sold her one for $13.95 (double the cost of the more conventional cards). I also recommended Elizabeth Edwards' books on loss and recovery. The woman left happy and I was proud of myself.
After Katie from Corporate left, Cece shared her input on my performance with me. Katie from Corporate thought I needed to interact with customers more, that I was "rooted in the comfort zone" behind the register, and that I placed "tasks before people."
I pushed back. First of all, it was my second day. How wise was it to leave me alone when I still just learning to use the register? Second, how did Cece or Katie from Corporate know what I was up to when they weren't around? Third, since the store was robbed, perhaps they ought to rethink the policy of having no one behind the register.
I admit I was more "articulate" and passionate than I normally would have been because: 1) it's been a year since I've had a boss and I haven't missed it and 2) I've never done well with Corporate. I could have made my point succinctly and left it at that, but no, I was on a roll.
I was worried I'd gone too far. Not because I need the job because, while I am by no means a wealthy woman, I don't. But because I was dumping on Cece. Katie from Corporate was in the store to put Cece in her place after the robbery, and criticizing how I was being trained was just another arrow in her Corporate quiver.* I've worked for major corporations since the 1970s, I understand how shit runs downhill and I knew what I was seeing. I should have just shut the fuck up.
But I often insist that my every thought must be shared aloud. Gotta work on that, Gal.
I apologized to Cece for that on Monday. She graciously told me we were "fine," that as a woman who speaks her mind she appreciated it in me, and I shouldn't give it another thought. Knowing that it's "up to me" if I stay on after New Year's Day made me feel good about the situation.
*I operate under the assumption that the ones responsible for the robbery were not the card shop staff but the men who claimed to have a gun and demanded the registered be opened. But hey, that's me.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
13 mysteries about cats. I was listening to cat behaviorist Jackson Galaxy the other day and he said he often decides what topics to tackle on his website/podcasts by going to Google. That's how he finds out what us cat fanciers are wondering about.
I wondered about what we wonder. And so I went to the Google machine and here are the questions I found.
1. Why do cats lick you? Here are 8 reasons from Rover.com. Short answer: They're bonding with you and marking you with their scent.
2. Why do cats purr? Usually it's because your cat is relaxed and happy. Sometimes they do it to "woo" us and persuade us to feed them.
3. Why do cats make biscuits? I prefer "kneading." Here are 10 reasons from Rover.com. Short answer: It's instinctive behavior, carried over from kittenhood, and my cats do it when they're feeling affectionate.
4. Why do cats sleep so much? It's genetic. They're cats! If you want more, here are 7 reasons from Rover.com. These folks are so good at this, they should change their name to Kitty.com.
5. Why do cats eat grass? It's good for them. Benefits of grass guzzling include faster, easier bowel movements and vomiting, and vitamins. Read more about it here.
6. Why do cats meow? It's how they talk to us. Cats meow more to people than they do to other animals.
7. Why do cats like catnip? It enters your cat's system through the nose and releases a euphoric reaction. In short, your cat is getting a harmless, natural high.
8. Why do cats hate water? Once cat fur gets wet, it takes a long time to dry. So a wet cat feels cold and weighed down, which is pretty icky.
9. Why do cats hiss? It's an instant reaction to a sudden negative emotion: fear, anxiety or anger. A hissing cat isn't in control and should be given a wide berth.
10. Why do cats like boxes so much? Predators themselves, cats are aware they can be prey. A confined space makes a cat feel safe.
11. Why do cats groom each other? It has less to do with cleanliness and than communication. Grooming can convey affection, trust and dominance.
12. Why do cats do airplane ears? It's a sign of anxiety, kinda like a precursor to hissing. Airplane ears mean, "I really, really wish you'd quit what you're doing."
13. Why do cats to bunny kicks? When a cat drops to the floor and starts kicking with its back legs, it's showing you one of its more versatile moves. Bunny kicks provide effective self-defense and are also useful for gutting prey. (Yeah, I know. Ew, ick.)
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
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I freely acknowledge I am the worst in the class. I could be Brandon's mom, and I'm aware that the 1999 Springsteen tour shirt I wear is older than some of my classmates. I'm overweight, uncoordinated
and have a bad back. But I show up.
So I took that unsolicited smile and praise from Brandon to mean I am improving, and my sincere efforts are recognized by the guy on the next mat.*
It felt so good!
*Rachel, our instructor, gives me words of encouragement every week. But that's her job, isn't it? It meant more from Brandon.
Photo by Junseong Lee on Unsplash
It's over with Robert. He's the man my oldest friend met online last spring. They fell into bed on their second date -- so very unlike her -- because she felt a deep connection. She believed that since they were lovers they were in love. She was, therefore, disillusioned when she went back to the dating site to cancel her subscription and saw his account remained still active and he was still "looking."
She confronted him and he explained that her health and mobility issues (she walks with cane) "bother" him. But, while they agreed they were not right romantically, they could be friends. And he has been very good to her. He took her to the ER after a fall, he took care of her cats and picked her up from the hospital after her bout with congestive heart failure. They've gone to the movies and he invited her to parties at his house. They texted daily when he was visiting his daughter in Oregon.
I told her I thought her she was becoming too dependent on Robert because she knows he's still dating and looking for a romantic partner. She assured me she'd be fine when he gets another woman in his life. That he's her friend and she wants him to be happy.
I insist life doesn't work that way. I said that his as-yet-unmet new woman, who I always referred to as Suzette, won't allow it. "Robert, why is that woman always around? How did you meet her?" Suzette would ask. "Oh, you slept with her a couple times? I'm sorry, darling, but I'm just not comfortable with you running over there every time she calls."
My oldest friend insisted that she can't worry about things she can't control, things that haven't happened. I agree. But she could widen her circle of friends and pursue interests away from Robert so next time she is sick or lonely, she has someone nearby other than Robert to turn to.* Of course she didn't do this.
Over the weekend, Robert took her and another friend to a meditation event at a Buddhist temple. They all had a lovely time. Robert announced that he was going to be unavailable this weekend's get-together at the temple he's going to Las Vegas with his "new girlfriend." He didn't give her name, but he added that he met her through his daughter while visiting Oregon. So he was dating this new "Suzette" while texting my friend every day. My friend feels betrayed.
I understand why she feels this way, but I don't think it's fair. He made it clear to her that he wants a lover who can more fully participate in his life. The parameters of their relationship was "just friends."
I told her I get that she's lonely and encouraged her to reach out and try to make new friends next time she visits that Buddhist temple.
"He goes there. If you think I can go back with him there, you don't know me at all." Well, that just put me back on my heels!
"Are you in love with him?" I asked.
"Yes."
This is so unutterably sad. She is overweight and diabetic with heart disease and a bum leg. I understand why that isn't what he wants in a lover, but I know she can't change all that overnight.
After we talked for a while longer, she called Robert. She told him she wished him well, but that, feeling about him as she does, she just can't be around him anymore.
"All he kept saying is, 'I'm so sorry.' He didn't say, 'Call me if you need me.'"
I told her I thought that was best, because if she called when she needed him, she would backslide and she'd just be hurt again.
But now she is very alone again, and that's sad, too.* She's back on the senior dating site, corresponding with an Army vet in his 70s. They haven't met yet. I don't want to dissuade her from romance, but I don't think that's what she needs right now.
BFFs from the Dick Van Dyke Show
She needs a Millie Helper. Or, if you prefer your MTM as Mary Richards, she needs a Rhoda. A friend you can count on to keep your secrets, make you laugh, and come over to feed your cats when you're in the hospital.
I am lucky. I am surrounded by pals. I miss my oldest friend, of course, but I have Elaine, Nancy, Joanna, Will, and John. There's tremendous comfort in that. I wish the same for her.
*Yes, she has family in SoCal. But her daughter is more than an hour away. Her cousin is 15 minutes away, but while Cuz says she cares about my friend, she really can't be bothered.
The TCM Classic Film Festival is so very ON! And I am so very happy.
A few short months ago, the fate of my favorite TV channel was in jeopardy. But after a viewer uprising and the intervention of a trio of very important directors (Spielberg, Scorsese and Paul Thomas Anderson), Warner Bros/Discovery decided to find another way to save money.
So the show will go on, and I will be in attendance. I've got my hotel reservation and on December 6, I buy my pass. In January, I'll book my flight.
I have a plan and I love a plan!
PS I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the frustration I experienced trying to link up.
1. What are you currently reading? An Unwanted Guest by Shari Lapena. I'm looking for escapism, and this one neatly fits the bill.
When the guests check into Mitchell's Inn in the Catskills, they're looking for days of cross-country skiing and snow-shoeing, nights of good food and wine and relaxing by the fire. Then a massive, sudden storm hits. They lose power and their ability to even go outdoors.
And these stranded guests start getting dead.
Yes, it's very much like And Then There Were None. I loved And Then There Were None. So far, I like this, too.
2. What did you recently finish reading? Bogie & Bacall by William J. Mann. This book starts with the premise that Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall are the most iconic, most romantic Hollywood couple of all time. I simply don't agree. Taylor and Burton, Lucy and Desi, Newman and Woodward were all, I believe, sexier and more talented, more tempestuous and interesting, and those unions created more work that I enjoy.
But maybe the fact that I'm not a major fan enabled me to approach this with clearer eyes. This big (650+ pages) book is a dual biography of the stars and I now like each of them less but respect them more.
I learned that Bogart, the on-screen tough guy, was a New York blue blood who failed at all the best schools, while Bacall, who presented herself as the epitome of elegance, was the daughter of a struggling single mother and she grew up knocking around the Bronx and Brooklyn.
Their great love story was real but it was frequently not so great. He was 45 and she was 20 on their wedding day. He was an established, Oscar-nominated, world-weary, thrice-divorced alcoholic who married an unsophisticated model-turned-actress just out of her teens. Naturally this union would have problems. He was set in his ways and reluctant to change. He still indulged in boozy nights out brawling with the boys and weekends away on his boat. She enjoyed socializing with celebrities in high style and much, much preferred dry land. They both sought emotional -- if not sexual -- comfort outside their marriage. Neither of them appears to have been especially involved as parents.
Then he got cancer, and shit got real. He needed her, and she was there. Bed pans and bandages and oxygen, she handled it all. I found this part of the book very moving. It may not have been sexy or romantic, but it was love.
She reinvented herself after he died. It took her awhile. She made lots of mistakes -- astonishingly heedless of the trauma her son endured, being 7 and right there when his father died at home -- and was not especially likeable. But she endured. I may not have ever wanted her as a friend, but when I put the book down I had admiration for her.
3. What will you read next? I don't know.
Donald Trump once again made fun of a hammer attack against an 80+ year old man in his own home. His audience once again laughed.
Presumably the New Testament I was raised on is the same one that MAGA Republicans claim to adhere to. Walk me through it. Explain how this behavior squares with your faith. It doesn't match up with mine. Not at all.
This is cruelty and hate. Apparently, if you're MAGA, you enjoy this sort of thing, so I'll post it for your viewing pleasure. (Actually, I hope this will motivate people of conscience to realize what is happening with about 40% of our fellow citizens.)
Saturday 9: P. S. I Love You (1953)
9) Random question -- Do you fold your socks or roll them? Roll.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
But here's the thing: I know people who are older and more cognizant, and no one is asking her to explain. Least of all, me. I know she's suffering from senility, or dementia, or Alzheimer's.
Even posting "76 trombones led the big parade!" is kind of dopey. I worry that she's embarrassing herself on social media in front of hundreds of people. This weighs heavily on me. I've considered hiding my Facebook posts from her, but if she doesn't hear from me regularly, she freaks out -- saying "they" are isolating her.*
Three of us planned to travel to Dekalb and visit her but she cancelled on us at the last minute. She wasn't confident of her ability to tell time well enough to meet us at a bar near her home. Kathy says she's sure she'll be better "in spring" and we should plan on getting together then.
I have discussed this with my shrink, who keeps emphasizing to me that Kathy's condition and how it's handled are not my responsibility. Kathy is estranged from her son, but her daughter is aware of her decline. So is her sister. Her adult grandchildren all live within blocks of her. Her ex-husband visits her often. They all know what's going on. They have hard decisions to make. I'm only one of her friends, and I am more than an hour away. This is not on me, so she says.
My doctor advised me to stop hiding her posts. Just to see how it feels to let go of protecting her. So "76 trombones led the big parade!" stands. How does it feel? It feels cringey.
My shrink also reminds me Kathy has much bigger problems than dopey Facebook posts. Problems I have neither the authority nor the capacity to address. I realize that is true.
There's something else going on here, too. Kathy and I have long had a complicated relationship, one I've tried to extricate myself from more than once. (Here's a verbal snapshot from 10 years ago.) I feel guilty because I'm still mad over incidents she doubtless doesn't even remember.
I'm trying to be fair to myself and do right by her.
It's hard.
And so I struggle.
*I wonder if all paranoid conspiracy theorists aren't suffering from some level of cognitive failure. How far, really, is "Dr. Fauci is poisoning us with the covid vaccine" from "Mark Zuckerberg is isolating me from my Facebook friends?"
Republican voters like to make fun of Joe Biden's age and gaffes, but make no mention that their hero, dewy young Donald J Trump, is 77 and misspeaks all the time.
Is it that Fox doesn't report real news to them? Or are they just cruel and disrespectful to Biden?
At any rate, under oath during an examination he was no doubt prepped for, Donald J. Trump explained away signing a fraudulent statement about the Trump Organization's 2021 financial condition by saying, "I was so busy in the White House."
So he lied about the lie. Because he's senile/confused? Delusional and disconnected from the truth? Or does he lie because he's a grifter, and it's what conmen do?
No wonder I'm ridin' with Biden.
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| It's a battle every day |
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| Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis |
... because I was in Grant Park the night before, watching history being made as my Senator became our President-elect. The city has never felt safer or more hopeful than it did that night.
I'm a proud Democrat and an even prouder campaign volunteer. This picture reminds me why I don't sit on the sidelines.
I went to the bank, made dinner, and took a nap.
Then I woke up, answered some emails and did a little online banking. Then I went to bed.
So yesterday I made $80 and slept.
Monday is my first real day of work. I can tell this is going to be an adjustment. I'm going to be using muscles left to atrophy for a year.
And I'm going to wander around the shop and learn where all the cards are.
Saturday 9: True (1983)
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
1) In this song, lead singer Gary Kemp tells us he's overwhelmed by his feelings as he and a girl dance "toe to toe." What song did you most recently dance to? This is kind of embarrassing but true: I danced over to the refrigerator while listening to the theme of The Dick Van Dyke Show. The TV was on and I was grabbing a snack in the kitchen.
2) Falling in love makes him want to listen to "Marvin all night long," a reference to Motown great Marvin Gaye. What's your favorite love song, and who sings it? "Close your eyes and I'll kiss you/tomorrow I'll miss you/remember, I'll always be true." Those simple, sweet words sung by his simple, sweet voice ... Sigh.
3) This song was inspired by Kemp's feelings for singer Clare Grogan. When they first met, they discovered a shared love of literature and for his birthday, she gave him a book she thought he'd enjoy. Who received the most recent birthday gift you gave, and what was it? I gave my friend Mindy a book. We've been talking about it for years. Every time it came up, she'd say was going to get it out of the library. So for her November 1 birthday, I placed it in her hands.
4) Despite the popularity of the song it inspired, the Kemp-Grogan romance never really took off. Gary was involved with another woman and Clare was seeing other men and reluctant to settle down. The timing just wasn't right for them. Do you believe luck plays a big part in romance? Well, yes. We can only fall in love with who we meet, and since there are billions of people on the planet, luck definitely plays a part. We're lucky when someone we really click with crosses our path. We're even luckier if that person happens to be unattached and open to a relationship at the same time we are. Love is really kind of amazing, when you think about it.
5) The cover art was created by Kemp's friend, David Band. David sketched it after seeing a man startled when a bird flew too close to him as he entered a pub. To Kemp, it represented how surprised he was by the sudden intensity of his feelings for Grogan. Band went on to become a world-renowned artist, with his work exhibited in galleries and museums in Australia, New Zealand, England and the United States. What museum have you most recently visited? In August I went to the Van Gogh exhibit at The Art Institute. It was my first time back to this Chicago treasure in decades! My friend Elaine is a member and the trip was her idea, but it was one of the highlights of my summer. This was my favorite.
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| Roadway with Underpass |
6) In 2020, Kemp and bassist Guy Pratt launched their podcast Rockonteurs about the stories behind popular songs. Do you regularly listen to podcasts? Yes. Every week I listen to The Book of Joe, by baseball manager Joe Maddon. Every now and again I tune into a classic movie podcast, You Must Remember This.
7) Super Mario Bros. debuted in 1983. Without looking it up, can you name gaming's most famous siblings? Mario and Luigi.
8) Also in 1983, for the first time, London's Abbey Road recording studio was open to the public. Visitors were treated to a multi-media presentation called The Beatles at Abbey Road. During the two months it was open, more than 22,000 tickets were sold. What's the most recent ticket you purchased? I went to see A Haunting in Venice at my local movie theater.
9) Random question -- At your favorite restaurant, a genie will grant you one of these two wishes: 1) you can eat whatever you want without gaining weight or 2) you can order whatever you want for free. Which do you choose? #2, definitely!
