California, Here I Am!

Here I am in Los Angeles, celebrating my oldest friend's birthday. More later.

And thanks for you concern, Book Mama! It made me so happy to know you're out there looking out for me.

Holidailies -- Day 3

2010-12-08 - Childhood holiday traditions that you’re happy not to follow as an adult.

Martyrdom. My grandmother insisted on hosting the family get together on Christmas Eve, and made sure we each realized how hard she worked, how tired she was, and how ungrateful we were. Whenever I suggested at least ordering an hors d'oeurvres tray, instead of making it herself, she looked at me as though I was a heathen. "Tradition" was very important to her, and a home-cooked meal was "tradition." So was her resentment of every forkful that came near our mouths.

Now that my mother is the matriarch, things are far more relaxed. A change for the better, I think.

I Want Wednesday

I want more time and more energy. I didn't get anything done last night, and yet I had so many plans! I laid down "for a moment" and woke up at 2:00 AM. Damn, damn, damn!

Holidailies -- Day 2

Guilty Pleasures. I watch every version of A Christmas Carol I can find. Part of it is the enduring power of the Dickens story. Part of it is my curiosity to see how many different spins Hollywood can put on it. One of my favorites is Ebbie: Miracle at Christmas. Susan Lucci, aka Erika Kane from All My Children, is Elizabeth "Ebbie" Scrooge, a ruthless retailer out to crush the competition at Christmas. It's not very good and yet ... I love it.

This just in: UH-OH. I'm in Holidailies trouble and it's only Day 2. My posts appeared on the site too close together in time. First the phone company, then the post office, now the Holidailies people. I'm trying hard to stay Christmas-y, but my efforts are being thwarted by bureaucracy.

10 on Tuesday -- The last 10 books I read

In order of my personal preference. Star-rating supplied by me. Synopsis by Barnes and Noble. Maybe you'll find something for the book lover on your holiday list.

1) Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and the Marriage of the Century **** (Biography) The definitive story of Hollywood's most famous couple. He was a tough-guy Welshman softened by the affections of a breathtakingly beautiful woman; she was a modern-day Cleopatra madly in love with her own Mark Antony. For nearly a quarter of a century, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton were Hollywood royalty, and their fiery romance—often called "the marriage of the century"—was the most notorious, publicized, and celebrated love affair of its day.

2) Let's Take the Long Way Home **** (Memoir) “It’s an old, old story: I had a friend and we shared everything, and then she died and so we shared that, too.” So begins this gorgeous memoir by Pulitzer Prize winner Gail Caldwell, a testament to the power of friendship, a story of how an extraordinary bond between two women can illuminate the loneliest, funniest, hardest moments in life, including the final and ultimate challenge.

3) Fragile. **** (Fiction) Everybody knows everybody in The Hollows, a quaint, charming town outside of New York City. It’s a place where neighbors keep an eye on one another’s kids, where people say hello in the grocery store, and where high school cliques and antics are never quite forgotten. As a child, Maggie found living under the microscope of small-town life stifling. But as a wife and mother, she has happily returned to The Hollows’s insular embrace. As a psychologist, her knowledge of family histories provides powerful insights into her patients’ lives. So when the girlfriend of her teenage son, Rick, disappears, Maggie’s intuitive gift proves useful to the case—and also dangerous.

4) The Kennedys at War. ****. (Non-fiction) A dramatic, fascinating and revisionist narrative detailing how America's first family was changed utterly during World War II. First-rate history grounded in scholarship and brought to life by a critically acclaimed author.

5) When I Stop Talking, You'll Know I'm Dead **** (Memoir) Follow Jerry Weintraub from his first great success at age twenty-six with Elvis Presley, whom he took on the road with the help of Colonel Tom Parker; to the immortal days with Sinatra and Rat Pack glory; to his crowning hits as a movie producer, starting with Robert Altman and Nashville, continuing with Oh, God!, The Karate Kid movies, and Diner, among others, and summiting with Steven Soderbergh and Ocean's Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen.

6) Painted Ladies *** (Mystery) Called upon by The Hammond Museum and renowned art scholar Dr. Ashton Prince, Spenser accepts his latest case: to provide protection during a ransom exchange-money for a stolen painting. The case becomes personal when Spenser fails to protect his client and the valuable painting remains stolen. Convinced that Ashton Prince played a bigger role than just ransom delivery boy, Spenser enters into a daring game of cat-and-mouse with the thieves. But this is a game he might not come out of alive...

7) John. *** (Biography) The woman who was John Lennon's wife in the years when the Beatles rose from obscurity to the heights of Beatlemania tells for the first time the full, unexpurgated story of her life with John. Includes a foreword by Julian Lennon, son of Cynthia and John.

8) Stay *** (Fiction) Something Borrowed meets Must Love Dogs in this big- hearted debut about friendship, love, and a German Shepherd named Joe.

9) Star Island ** (Mystery) Whenever it seems as if he might be running out of oxen to gore, Carl Hiaasen comes up with fresh victims for his killing wit. Trying to follow the plot, which involves a supporting cast of crooked politicians and predatory developers, is a little like walking a puppy. But the outlandish events soar on the exuberance of Hiaasen's manic style, a canny blend of lunatic farce and savage satire.

10) Scarpetta Factor ** (Mystery) In the extraordinary new novel by Patricia Cornwell -- the world's #1 bestselling crime writer-forensic expert Kay Scarpetta is surrounded by familiar faces, yet traveling down the unfamiliar road of fame. A CNN producer wants her to launch a TV show called The Scarpetta Factor. But the glare of the spotlight could make Kay a target for the very killers she would put behind bars...

The Queen's Meme

1. Amazon.com or the Mall Yes. I love the shopping/gifting part best of all and do it wherever/whenever I can.

2. Bows or ribbons No. The cats chew on either and both and then gift me with holiday-colored furballs.

3. Expensive or sale tags Sale tags.

4. Long list or short Shorter this year. Especially by one. My uncle/Godfather lost his battle with Parkinson's just over a week ago.

5. Wrapped packages or gift bags Wrapped, unless the shape is impossible.

6. Eggnog or vodka Yes, please.

7. Have you finished your shopping? Almost. Need one more gift for my mom.

8. A Christmas Carol or The Bible Story Christmas Carol. I'm a Scrooge-a-holic.

9. Are you Scrooge or Santa's Helper? Santa's Helper

10. Did you ever catch Santa Claus in the act? I'll never tell

11. Tell me about your Christmas tree...gotta pic? It's still in the box in my den closet.

12. Christmas carols or Rock Station Carols

13. Do you believe in Elves? How else could Santa accomplish all that he does?

14. I am looking for Santa. Describe him for me. He's 5'9", 200 lbs. White hair and beard. Fondness for red.

15. Do you leave cookies out or bourbon? Both, but they disappear almost immediately!

16. White lights or multi-colored Multi

17. Wreaths on the doors, windows, outside? Outside, front door

18. Who are the 3 wisest wise men in your life? My best friend. I can't think of another wise man that I know personally, so can I imbue him with the wisdom of three?
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19. Is Christmas religious or commercial for you? Since I work in advertising, I must recuse myself

20. Ever kiss under the mistletoe? Not often enough

21. Stars or angels on top of the tree Angel

22. Who deserves to get a lump of coal for Christmas and why? Glenn Beck (aka Hate Mongering Douche)

23. Who is #7 in the 12 Days of Christmas song? Swans a-swimming

24. Snail mail cards or e-cards Snail-mail. "And they have been written, stamped and mailed already," she said, bowing deeply.

25. What do you want for Christmas? Lots of hugs and acknowledgments. Does that sound selfish? Well, I'm feeling vulnerable these days.

To play yourself -- and stay out of the dungeon -- click here.

Holidailies -- Day 1

I found this over at Kwizgiver's. I am working very hard at getting into the Christmas spirit, and believe this challenge will help. Since I'm traveling more this holiday season than I usually do, I can't be absolutely sure I'll be able to post every day, but I will try! After all, writing is how I process stuff. ("Stuff." Yup, I'm a writer.)

2010-12-06 - It's the first day of Holidailies ... introduce yourself and your website.

That little box at the top of the top gives you the basics. And I do enjoy Christmas. Lots. Yet last year's Christmas was not great, and I wonder if perhaps I enter the season with the wrong mindset. Do I expect too much? Do I forget what I know about my family and suddenly decide that we're going to behave like a Norman Rockwell portrait? Do I concentrate too much on what it should be and not on what it is?

So this year I'm focusing on the moment. The now. And hoping to enjoy what I have to give and what it has to offer.

A life that has touched mine

I have mentioned many times that Elizabeth Edwards' first book, Saving Graces, had an enormous and very real impact on my life. That's why I devoutly wish that now, as it appears her life is reaching its end, she is enjoying peace. She has earned it.

In her second book, Resilience, she mentioned the Leonard Cohen song "Anthem" prominently. I'm including the refrain here because, well, it encapsulates her life outlook.

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."

Thank you to a dear friend I have never met.


Elizabeth Edwards' cancer fight taken a turn for the worse, with the disease spreading to her liver and doctors recommending against additional treatment. "Elizabeth has been advised by her doctors that further treatment of her cancer would be unproductive. She is resting at home with family and friends," the Edwards family says in a statement to PEOPLE. On Monday, Edwards, 61, posted a Facebook message to her friends. "I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces – my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope," she writes. "These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that."

Edwards, who was first diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2004, was briefly hospitalized last week after not feeling well over Thanksgiving. Doctors said her cancer had metastasized to the liver. With the sudden turn, family members – including daughter Cate, a Washington lawyer, and her brother and sister, Jay and Nancy Anania – hastened to Chapel Hill, N.C., to be with her. "It isn’t possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel to everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day," Edwards wrote on Facebook. "To you I simply say: you know. With love, Elizabeth."

Celebration, not mourning

Here are the flowers displayed beside the chalice at this Sunday's service, courtesy of moi. The program says they are in celebration of my mom, my oldest friend and Kathleen. And so they are. All three ladies have birthdays in December, and I'd prefer to accentuate the positive.

It began snowing Friday night and kept it up for about 24 hours, leaving the world covered in a blanket of delightful white for the first time this season. I took that as a sign that it's time for us to turn the page, to look at the world from a fresh, clean perspective.

My resolve was solidified Saturday when I spoke to my mom Saturday night. I did not ask about my uncle's service. I didn't want to know. I let her talk because I thought she needed to. At one point, I asked if my flowers arrived. She said didn't know. There were only three arrangements -- one from my uncle's daughter and grandchildren, one from his stepchildren, and a little basket from somebody that was left on the floor.

SLAP! Yes, that was my arrangement. My mom went on to say it's OK, really, since "no one cares about flowers anyway."

After I calmed down, I realize that it may not have been just carelessly "left on the floor" and so what if they were? It's done. I was surprised that my mother didn't expect me to send flowers, for I care about and love them. (I'm looking at a vase of rust-colored mums on my desk right now.) But while my mother loves me, she doesn't really know or understand me. And nothing can be done about that anymore, either. It is what it is, and I should just appreciate her during whatever time we have left together.

As we hung up, I told her that I was done with the mourning part of remembering my uncle. I said that I am, for the most part, pretty chipper by nature and a week is long enough.

That set the table for Sunday. I came over for her birthday. I presented her with this photo as well as the church bulletin which listed her as birthday as a cause for floral celebration. Then I showed her and my nephews photos of many of the cats at Fried's Cat Shelter, one of my uncle's favorite charities. It was with much laughter and love that we chose a beat-up tom as the recipient of the donation I'll make in his honor. "Danny Boy" was chosen because he showed so much attitude and because my uncle had a soft spot for cats who were a bit the worse for wear. Much better than reliving who said what at the service.

Then I gave her a few little gifts, the four of us ate pie, and I left. She seemed very happy, and so was I.

I'll never forget my uncle. He was a tremendous part of my life. But I can't indulge in the funereal trappings anymore. The sun is out, the snow is clean and white, and life goes on.

Movie Monday -- Theater Pet Peeves

Share your biggest theater pet peeve, linking back here at The Bumbles. And don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

Nightlights. Just because you have turned the volume off doesn't mean you aren't disturbing the rest of us when you check your texts and emails from your movie theater seat. The little light on your phone is like a freaking beacon. If you're that bored by the movie, why not just take a nap?

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Dwight Twilley Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. The latest book or movie that made you cry? Sex and the City. The montage about New Year's Eve. The older I get, the more I treasure my friends, old and true. And I appreciate how hard it would be to navigate across town on a snowy holiday.

2. The fictional character most like you? Katie Morosky from The Way We Were

3. The greatest album, ever? The Beatles, aka The White Album. There may be albums with greater musical credibility, but I can't think of another one that's more fun and more listenable.

4. Star Trek or Star Wars? Why? Neither one. Sorry. I don't like sci-fi.

5. Your ideal brain food? Pizza

6. Everyone is proud of a certain accomplishment, which one for you? I have become an adept public speaker.

7. You want to be remembered for ...? Being a true friend and a good writer. (Which is how Wilbur eulogized Charlotte.)

8. Let's talk about recording artists. Who do you find the most inspirational? Bruce Springsteen. The Boss puts words to my feelings.

9. The creative masterpiece you wish bore your signature? Little Women. Girls not yet born will see themselves as Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. (OK, maybe not Amy.)

10. Your hidden talents . . .? I can wiggle my right ear.

11. The best piece of advice you actually followed? "Don't listen to what they say. Watch what they do."

12. The best thing you ever bought, stole, or borrowed? My cats. While technically I "bought" them, I like to think of them as "adoptions."

13. What is the most comfortable clothes that you wear? Jeans and a t-shirt.

14. Your dinner guest at the Ritz would be? Doris Kearns Goodwin. Author, historian and passionate Red Sox fan.

15. Time travel: where, when and why? Springfield, IL in the mid-1860s. So I could meet the Lincolns, Abe and Mary.

16. Stress management: hit man, spa vacation or Prozac? Spa. Aaaah ....

17. Essential to life: coffee, vodka, cigarettes, chocolate, or . . .? Coke Classic.

18. Environment of choice: city or country, and where on the map? City. US of A (Chicago or Boston)

19. What do you want to say to the leader of your country? Inspire us. Lead us. Watch a tape of JFK or a kinescope of FDR. This country responds when we're asked to.

20. Last but certainly not least, what are you working on, now? Feeling Christmas-y.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Hard Habit to Break

1. Do you have any habits or rituals at this time of year? My Christmas cards benefit The American Humane Society (this year's has the kitten with a gift on the front). I try to get them in the mail over the Thanksgiving weekend. This year I was more or less successful.

2. Polar bears seem to do well in the snow... How about you? Is snow just another thing you deal with when it shows up, or is it shutdown time? ...and if you're posting from a non-snowy locale, do you make trips to actually see snow? It's okay to admit it... I like snow. One of the joys of living here is that we get four distinct seasons, and there's something neat about each one. We're supposed to get 6" over the next 24 hours. Better find my boots.

3. Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood. Behold Blaze. I was 4 years old the Christmas Santa left him under the tree for me. I knew Blaze and I were destined to be together. Familiar with him from the TV commercials, I would visit him whenever we went to Sears and tell him that soon he would be at my house. Naturally I made sure Santa knew he was available at Sears, too, in case the elves needed help. Of course Santa came through. (Thanks, Mom and Dad.)

4. If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be? Toilet paper, as I suspect everyone resents purchasing it as much as I do.

5. Do you live close to your immediate family members? If not, how far away are they? My mom, kid sister and bil, and niece and nephew are about 15 minutes away.

6. My mom ordered a turkey dinner from a local market. it was o.k., but not very good. how was your turkey (or last holiday meal) this year? I didn't have turkey. We were at a buffet of my nephew's choosing and I chose fried chicken instead.

7. In a one horse open sleigh: Have you ever been on a sleigh ride or a carriage ride? Do you even like horses? Or would you just rather travel by your own two feet? I've never been on a sleigh ride, but I'm very receptive to the idea.

8. What is your favorite Christmas song? ...and sung or played by whom? You know, the one you tend to listen for on the radio or hit 'repeat' on the player... "River" by James Taylor




9. What is your least favorite Christmas song? ...and sung or played by whom? You know, the one you tend to skip on the player... "White Christmas" by Bing Crosby. The arrangement is schmaltzy and his voice annoys me. I know, I know ... that's practically Un-American, but there you go.

This story makes me happy

From Chicago's local ABC news:

The Coast Guard cutter Mackinaw sailed in to Chicago Friday morning with Christmas trees for 1,200 needy families.

Also known as the Christmas Tree Ship, the vessel brought 1,200 Christmas trees into town.

The annual voyage honors the memory of August Schuenemann who delivered trees to Chicago by boat in the early 1900s. On Saturday, there will be a formal presentation of the trees.

All 1,200 trees will be given to needy families.

"Such a fine and natural sight"

Hearing this song made me happy today.


Lyrics | Van Morrison lyrics - Dancing In The Moonlight lyrics

#10 on his jersey, #1 in our hearts

Ron Santo played third base on the Cub team -- the 1969 team, the great one, the one that also included Ernie Banks, Billy Williams, Fergie Jenkins. He was one of the heroes of my girlhood and brought me countless hours of joy as an adult as he broadcast Cub games from the WGN radio booth.

He died before dawn this morning and I feel like I have lost a bud. He battled diabetes and lost both legs in the fight, he endured first heart trouble and then bladder cancer, but he was always enthusiastic and delightful on air.

"This Old Cub" is how he's been known. An icon from his playing days and the voice of the ever- hopeful who flock to the park at Clark and Addison. Fans have been collecting at his beloved Wrigley Field to leave caps and gloves in memorial, and to photograph the sign out front.

First my uncle, now Ronnie. I feel as though now, as I hit 53, my girlhood has finally slipped away.

This fits

Discovered via Kwizgiver

You Are an Entertainment Magazine

You love movies, music, and television. You are the creative type, and you appreciate entertainment done right. You also think that celebrities are pretty interesting. At the very least, it's an escape to read about their lives. You don't take celebrity magazines too seriously... in fact, you probably make fun of them from time to time. The fact that they're so outrageous is definitely part of their appeal!

What Kind of Magazine Are You?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

30 Days of Honesty -- AT LAST!

Day 30 :: A letter to yourself. Tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable while I sing my own praises.

Dear Gal,

OK, I've known you for a long time, so I'm in a unique position to tell you all the things that make you lovable.

1) You're complex. Contradictory. In a good way. There are a lot of layers to this onion. You're extroverted at work or among friends, but once you get home, you don't care if you don't go anywhere or speak to anyone all weekend. You have an organized mind and are a fan of logic and linear thinking, yet you can't manage to put your groceries, shoes or paperwork away. You're a realist with a great imagination.

2) You're loyal. Your oldest friend has been around for a staggering 48 years. You've been hanging around with John for more than 30 years (which is amazing for more reasons than one). And once you have loved a man, part of you always loves him. The more I hear women complain about all the rats they have been with, the more I treasure that about you.

3) You're compassionate. You hate bullies more than you hate nuclear war. You have tremendous empathy for kids and critters. That's a good thing.

4) You're evolving. Whether it's just now discovering Marcia Ball and Dusty Springfield, or deciding to take Spanish, or just working on your temper, you do keep trying to stay open to new things and improve yourself. And, as your minister pointed out, God doesn't expect us to succeed, He expects us to try.

5) You're funny. You crack you up.

6) You're tough. Not as tough as some people seem to think, but tough enough. You, Girlfriend, are not going under. It ain't happening. Yes, you have wrestled with depression, but you're not desperate. You hurt, and then you heal.

7) You're passionate. Yes, feeling things this deeply exacerbates your packrat issues. But it also makes you enthusiastic, sentimental, and good in bed.

There, that covers it. I hope you have all enjoyed examining the wonder that is The Gal Herself!

I Want Wednesday

I want to look back on this period of my life and say, "My, wasn't that something!" Because (1) it will mean that I endured and learned something and (2) it will mean it's behind me!

10 on Tuesday

My uncle loved pets. So today I'm remembering him by looking back on 10 that held his heart for a time.

1) Horseface. In Chicagoland in the late 1940s, cats were allowed to wander at night. They also weren't "fixed." These two unwise practices led to my uncle's first cat being called Horseface. Quite the Lothario, he cut a wide swath through the neighborhood and got into many fights over his many girl friends. Because he came home every morning with his face looking the worse for wear, my very young uncle christened him "Horseface," and it stuck. Today no one could remember this much-loved old fellow's original first name. He was "Horseface."

2) Dumbo. The unfortunate offspring of Horseface and Snoozer (my mother's calico). Because Horseface was such a randy dude, Snoozer was forever pregnant. My grandmother was a single working mother in the 1940s and trips to the vet were simply not in her budget. So, whenever Snoozer delivered a litter, she put the wee ones in a cigar box, drowned them in the laundry tub, and disposed of the unopened box in the alley. One kitten did not die and made his way out of the cigar box and back into the yard. Snoozer reclaimed her baby and protected him fiercely. The thing of it is, the time under water and in the cigar box did quite a bit of damage to unfortunate Dumbo. He looked odd -- with incredibly over-sized ears -- and he swayed when he walked. These special traits made both Snoozer and my young uncle treasure Dumbo all the more, and he survived to live a happy life.

3) Rover. A huge St. Bernard with a heart to match. Unfortunately, he also had jaws to match. He was very protective of my uncle and this got them both in trouble. While rough-housing, my uncle found himself at the bottom of a pile of kids. He called Rover to help. Rover did, lifting one of the children up with his teeth and removing him from the pile. The big dog didn't mean to hurt the kid, but then, didn't much care if that was the outcome, either. The boy's back looked as though he'd suffered a shark attack and his angry mother went to the police station and demanded Rover be put to sleep. It took all my grandmother's powers of persuasion to bring Rover home, alive and well, but never to be let off his leash.

4) Mr. McDuff. My uncle was very fond of this German Shepard, and was sad that the dog didn't return the affection. It had something to do with my teen-aged uncle first accidentally setting McDuff's tail on fire, then accidentally squishing the poor dog's tail under a rocking chair. McDuff learned to avoid him -- which, while sad, was probably wise.

5) Countless fish. Until recently, he always kept tropical fish and loved watching their lives unfold in a big aquarium. He gave both my kid sister and me guppies which we kept for a long time. And not that long ago he set my young nephew up with a fish tank. My nephew became terribly attached to one of his fish (christened "Hungry") and was inconsolable when he died. Hungry was not flushed but was buried in the back yard. This is the cornerstone of my nephew's relationship with his great-uncle.

6) Dog. A ginormous turtle who required more care than my uncle could give him. It was with a heavy heart that my uncle donated old Dog to the Morton Arboretum. That was about 30 years ago. It occurs to me today that Dog may still be happily paddling around out there. I hope so.

7) Corky. This little old terrier already belonged to my uncle's second wife when they married. His wife kept Corky relegated to the "mud room," not understanding that pets are members of the family. Since my uncle encouraged Corky to enjoy full use of the entire house, they became fast friends. My uncle had many photos of Corky sitting proudly beside the recliner in the livingroom, wearing a variety of neckties. I don't know how this practice began, but it cracked my uncle up that Corky would sit still so patiently, submitting to having a perfect windsor tied around his neck.

8) Brandy. Corky's successor. A huge, big-hearted girl -- part golden retriever, part yellow lab. She died unexpectedly of an undiagnosed heart ailment. By this time, my uncle was already suffering from Parkinson's but he valiantly gave Brandy a proper burial beside the garage, the area she most loved to patrol.

9) Miss Kitty. A tortoiseshell cat my mother found while on vacation in Wisconsin. Since the stray looked so much like her cat, Snoozer, the one she had as a little girl, she really wanted my uncle to have her, and, since he had a great deal of fenced-in land, he was happy to take her. The thing of it is, unfortunately, Miss Kitty turned out to be pregnant. My uncle and his wife found good homes for most of Miss Kitty's offspring, except one ...

10) Bennie. So named because she's striped like a Bengal tiger. She was my uncle's most pampered companion at the end of his life. Now partly blind and a little frail (she had many surgeries related to her thyroid a few years ago and she remains tender at the incision sites), but with a very loud purr, she now lives with my mother. I wonder if, now that my uncle no longer needs her, she will decide to join him in Heaven.

30 Days

Day 27 :: What’s the best thing going for you right now? My outlook. I'm suffering with sadness right now, but it will pass and I'll be OK. Because just now my cat Charlotte checked in on me, carefully grooming my right thumb, and it made me happy. As long as the little things still lift my spirit, I'll be fine.

Day 28 :: What if you got pregnant, (or got someone pregnant), what would you do? This question annoys me because it assumes I'm both sexually active and young enough to get pregnant. We're not all potential breeders, about to board the ark in pairs, you know.

Day 29 :: Something you hope to change about yourself and why. My laziness and complete lack of discipline. Because it gets in the way of my happiness and contentment.

It is what it is

This is the floral arrangement I'm having sent to the funeral home for my uncle's service on Friday. I won't be there. Because our family patriarch will be. And he molested me.

He and my uncle were not close. In fact, they clashed often over the years. Recently, when told of my uncle's desperate straits, he conveyed to my mother that he really didn't care much.

Yet he will, no doubt, be in the front row at the service because that's the kind of 14k pig and hypocrite he is. I'll be at my desk, at work. And my family will be fine with this because maintaining the illusion of a "normal" American family is more important than doing what's fair ... or what my uncle would have wanted.

Oh well, it is what it is.

I could go to the service, of course. And risk a scene with the old pervert. At which point I might start screaming. I don't need that kind of stress and crap while I mourn someone who actually mattered in my life. So I'm going to protect myself by staying away.

If there's anything that matters to me more than my family's bullshit image of itself, it's my sanity.

Movie Monday -- Movies that Make You Want to Travel

Share the movies that made you want to get up and go, linking back here at The Bumbles. And don't forget to visit your fellow participants!

For once I'm going with very recent movies (two are in theaters now) instead of classics.

The Town. The aerial shots of Boston, plus Fenway (which practically has a costarring role) and the car chases down the narrow streets, made me realize I haven't been in that great city since in 2004 -- and that's too long.

Sex and the City. I mean the first movie, not the second. (Part of why SATC2 failed is they moved the action to Abu Dhabi, where they don't belong.) In the first movie, "the city" is, of course, NYC -- Carrie's true love, which is so seductive even Jennifer Hudson has to leave the midwest to give it a try. That scene at New Year's, when Carrie makes her way to Miranda's apartment, is especially moving to me as one who navigates another great (but significantly smaller) city via public transportation. I can't imagine living in New York, but whenever I see it on screen I long to return for a double-shot of urban glamor.

Morning Glory. See above.

Well, that's done

My uncle died Saturday night. He was 68 years old. He was suffering from pneumonia, which exacerbated his Parkinson's Disease. He had trouble swallowing and was facing the prospect of having a feeding tube inserted today, so I believe it was a blessing that he died peacefully, in his sleep.

I loved him.

In February, 1964, he took me along as he ran an errand. That day he bought me this record and told me that I had to watch The Ed Sullivan Show that night. It was that night that I fell forever in love with Sir Paul.

He wasn't the best man in the world. He could be short-tempered and selfish. Sometimes his actions reflected a deficient value system.

And yet he was always good to me. I judge him by that. I remember him that way. I mourn him.

I like thinking of him as happy and whole and with God.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Baker's Meme

Note: There were a bunch of rules and mandates that we were suppose to give but Bud lost them. Or hid them, either way it is his bad.

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. If you could interview anyone on your blog (alive or dead) who would you chose and why? Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. JBKO. My all-time idol. I want her to tell me how she kept her dignity and sanity in the face of unendurable pain and relentless public scrutiny.

2. What do you feel is your strength as a blogger? I post often and write about a variety of stuff.

3. Can you share a little bit about yourself that you have not already mentioned on your blog? Even though I love Chicago with all my heart, I am something of a renegade in regards to cuisine. I prefer thin crust pizza and put ketchup on my hot dogs.

4. If you were forced to change the name of your blog, what would you change it to? Why? "Christmas will be canceled." I'm told that I often threaten my coworkers with this -- as in, "If we miss this deadline, Christmas will be canceled and we'll all die."

5. What do you think is the most fulfilling part of being a blogger? Having a paperless, yet still perfectly organized, chronicle of my life.

6. What would you do with your last day if you found you had only one more day to live? I wouldn't want to know. It would be too difficult.

7. You’ve been doing medical research for decades and have finally found a cure. What was it that you found a cure for and why did you choose this particular ailment? The affection some still feel for bad 70s adult contemporary music. It's not only a scourge, it can lead to addiction. How else do you explain Fanilows?

8. What is your most guilty pleasure? Watching Nancy Grace on HLN. I know she's horrific. And yet I cannot look away.

9. Answer only one. What is your favorite book, movie or TV show? JFK: Reckless Youth. It covers his life from birth to his election to congress. The Kennedy family hated this book so much that they rescinded the author's access to the family papers and there was no second volume. While it is pretty juicy about his fondness for a well-turned ankle, it does a terrific job of chronicling his courage and resilience in the face of pain and obstacles that the public never knew about or could even guess. And it taught me a valuable lesson: no matter how good a life looks from the outside, you have no idea how it feels from the inside.

10. What do you think is the very best smell in the world? The one smell that can take you back to a time and place of a very vivid memory in your past? The minty/licorice mix of these throat lozenges. My beloved Grandpa kept them on his bedside and smelled faintly of them all day. I miss him very much.

I love George Clooney

Watching Michael Clayton for the umpteenth time and am once again impressed by how good he is, and how effortless he makes it look. Yet it can't be easy to play "Shiva, the God of Death."

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: Dark Lady

1. Have you ever been to a fortune teller? If yes, what happened? I spoke to fortune tellers and psychics rather compulsively during a rocky, isolated time in a relationship that was very important to me. I was desperate to know what the future held for us. I thought most were charlatans but one gave me a genuinely valuable insight: apropos to nothing I had told her about myself, she told me that I needed to really feel the love I received animals. Not only did I have cats of my own, at that time I was spending a lot of time doing volunteer work at an animal shelter. So it was appropriate and helpful.

2. How do you cope in an uncomfortable social situation? Try to make the best of it until I can high tail it out of there!

3. A genie appears (of course). She asks, “If you had 3 wishes but each took 3 years off your life, what would you wish for and why?” Sorry, but I'm not interested in such a deal. Sounds more like a devil than a genie to me.

4. Would you rather lose your soul mate or never meet them at all? Oh, wow! This one is tough! I suppose I'd rather lose him.

5. What is the hardest thing that you have ever had to do? I ended the relationship mentioned in Question #1. He was a good man, and I loved him, but we weren't happy.

6. Have you ever had a miracle happen to you or your loved ones? I almost got creamed by a cab. No way I would have survived that. I think of it every time I cross the street at that spot.

7. Tell us about a quote that you can relate to. Why can you relate to it? "East is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does." Groucho Marx. I love the way it confuses people when I invoke it.

8. What personality trait has gotten you into the most trouble? Being a smartass who enjoys quoting Groucho Marx.

9. For those in The States, how was your Turkey Day? If not from the US, do you celebrate a day like Thanksgiving? I had an unconventional but pleasant family get together.

30 Days of Honesty

Day 25 :: The reason you believe you’re still alive today

Day 26 :: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I lumped these two together because both answers point to Faith.

I am still alive today because God wants to be. As my friend John reminded me last weekend, we "tore up" and "did some damage" in quite a few Chicagoland bars and restaurants in our party days. I drank a great deal and did coke and poppers. My judgment was obviously clouded and bad things could have happened to me. John was beaten and mugged once in those days, and he's a foot taller than I am. Yet I'm here, healthy and not addicted to any of the substances I played around with.

My heart has been desperately broken on more than one occasion. There are times I have hurt so badly that I would do anything to make it stop. And yet, I have never seriously considered taking my own life. I have discussed this at length with my oldest friend, who explains her unhealthy attraction to all things related to Michael Jackson's passing because at the time of his demise, she was praying for her own death. She was having health problems, romantic problems, problems with her children, and truly believed it would get no better and death would be a relief.

As much as I hurt, and as alone as I may appear to the outside world, I know I am never truly alone because I have the Lord. He gave me this life and He will decide when it's over. And I also trust completely that tomorrow has the potential to be better than today because He gave me free will and the ability to see the bright side, the humor, and the small miracles in even the ugliest day.

One day, when I was as miserable as I felt I could be, when the entire world felt gray and rainy and deeply and profoundly wrong, I was running across the street to go to Walgreen's, and out of the blue, one of my favorite songs came on the radio and through my headphones. It made me smile for the first time in days. I will always believe that was God reminding me there is always something in life, no matter how small, to make us happy, to "get our hearts ringing in the key that our souls are singing."

Makes me glad to be average

From Vanityfair.com

Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?

Take the quiz.

September 2010

Excerpted from Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?, by Pamela Keogh, to be published in October by Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc.; © 2010 by the author.

1. DURING TIMES OF STRESS, YOU ...

a) go for a walk on the beach.

b) meditate.

c) pour gin in your tea.

2. FOR YOU, SEX IS ...

a) uncomplicated and fun!

b) a way of saying, “Thank you.”

c) a means to an end.

3. BEFORE YOU MEET A MAN FOR DINNER, YOU ...

a) shave your legs.

b) run a Dun & Bradstreet on the guy.

c) break out your tippy-tallest Manolos and hope for the best.

4. YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING ...

a) with your day completely planned.

b) and do whatever you feel like.

c) turn to the person next to you, and say, “Hello, dear.”

5. YOUR CHILDHOOD IS SOMETHING ...

a) not discussed.

b) to be celebrated.

c) you've been running from your whole life.

6. YOUR FATHER ...

a) loved you and gave you confidence.

b) was Clark Gable.

c) taught you to throw a football.

7. YOUR MOTHER ...

a) scares the hell out of you.

b) left you all of her Balenciaga and Schlumberger.

c) secretly loves your little sister (you know, the “pretty one”) more.

8. AFTER YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE ...

a) offers you the lead in his movie.

b) asks you to marry him.

c) has a Cartier bibelot on the breakfast tray.

9. IN YOUR OPINION, MONEY IS ...

a) everything.

b) no, we mean it—everything.

c) not that important—as long as you have a roof over your head and Veuve Clicquot in the fridge, you're cool.

10. MEETING YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU ...

a) convert to Judaism.

b) brush up on your French.

c) eschew underwear.

11. FORMER BEAUX KEEP UP WITH YOU ...

a) on Facebook.

b) on the front page of The New York Times.

c) they don't. They're still devastated by the breakup. They'll never get over it. Never.

12. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ...

a) your roommate from prep school.

b) your hairdresser, makeup artist, stand-in, publicist, housekeeper, majordomo, Peggy Siegal—or some varying combination.

c) just you, baby. Just you.

13. WHO SAID, “ALL MEN ARE RATS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED?”

a) Jackie’s father, John “Black Jack” Bouvier

b) Gloria Steinem

c) Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot

14. WHO SAID, “JUST GIVE ME CHAMPAGNE AND GOOD FOOD AND I’M IN HEAVEN AND LOVE”?

a) Oprah Winfrey

b) Ina Garten

c) Marilyn Monroe

15. OF THESE MODERN-DAY CELEBRITIES, WHO IS THE LEAST MARILYN-ESQUE?

a) Madonna

b) Scarlett Johansson

c) Lindsay Lohan

ANSWER KEY

To Determine Scoring:
Tally up your responses, giving yourself one “Jackie” point for each question you answered about her correctly and one “Marilyn” point for each correct Marilyn answer. Whichever score is highest corresponds to your predominant archetype. In case of a tie, you are either kidding yourself or are Uma Thurman.

1) a) Jackie
b) Jackie
c)Marilyn

2) a) Marilyn
b) Marilyn
c) Jackie

3) a) Marilyn
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn

4) a) Jackie
b) Marilyn
c) either

5) a) Marilyn
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn

6) a) Jackie
b) Marilyn
c) neither

7) a) either
b) Jackie
c) Jackie

8) a) Marilyn
b) Marilyn
c) Jackie

9) a) Jackie
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn

10) a) Marilyn
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn (of course)

11) a) neither
b) either
c) Marilyn

12) a) Jackie
b) Marilyn
c)Marilyn

13) a) Black Jack Bouvier

14) c) Marilyn Monroe

15) a) Madonna while she may have looked like MM in her youth, her MO is pure JKO.

Still feels wrong

Just watched Oprah Winfrey's "Remembering John" tribute on what would have been his 50th birthday (yesterday). That feels so wrong. Both that The Hunk would be 50, and that he's gone.

He was literally a paparazzi target before he was born. Jackie was pregnant during the 1960 Presidential campaign, and he was born weeks after the election. He was two months old when he moved into the White House. So he literally grew up, and died, under the camera's (and our) gaze.

He was pedigreed, wealthy and gorgeous. He worked when he didn't have to. He wasn't known as a randy Lothario. He must have felt tremendous pressure to live up to his parents' legacy, which he bore with grace and did them proud.

Then he was gone. Tragically and unnecessarily. If you're interested in reading more about him, What Remains is very good.

Happy to be home

Thankful that this Thanksgiving was so stress free. My nephew chose the venue: Old Country Buffet. The food wasn't great, as cuisine selected by an 11-year-old seldom is, but it was customized to each of us -- for example, I had fried chicken instead of turkey. I was happy to see my niece and nephew, and on the way out, my sister said she was thankful that I love her children so. And I do.

I'm also grateful that the get-together was so short. Four hours, start to finish. My family gets along best in short spurts like this. Now I'm happy to be home, in my pajamas, sipping brandy, catching the last episode of the Law & Order marathon.

Ripped from today's headlines

So far, the episodes of today's TNT Law & Order marathon are familiar. Maybe because they're all reruns. I mean, why else would I already feel so acquainted with these plotlines?

• A comedian who picked up underage boys, brought them to his playland estate in The Berkshires, and had his way with them ... all the while wooing the parents with money and riches.

• A struggling actress is found dead after a one-night stand with a well-known, eccentric piano player, once considered a genius but now a recluse with a fondness for swords.

• An intern goes missing and is eventually found dead. The New York City assemblyman she worked for denied an affair, yet actually had been intimate with the poor victim and knew more about her disappearance than he told.

Remember, Michael Jackson was a musician and Neverland was in Southern California; Phil Spector was a producer who collected guns, and Gary Condit was a Congressman from California. So any resemblance is purely coincidental.

30 Days of Honesty

Day 24 :: Make a playlist to someone and explain why chose those songs. (Just post the titles, the artist and letter)

For my best friend ...

While you are forever ready with wisdom for me, often delivered in your best "I really mean it" dad voice, you seldom face your own questions or try to find answers in your own search for peace and satisfaction. You try to stay in the moment, putting one foot in front of the other, until you find yourself confused, half a gameboard away from the "start" square, wondering how you got here.

I don't know what you want, so I don't know where you can find it. But I do know you deserve to be happy and content. You are a good man and you take your responsibility to the family you have built very seriously. I admire that enormously. That's why I hope your heart finds happiness.

100 Years -- Five for Fighting -- It's not just you, you know. Every time I hear this song I'm struck by how closely it tracks with your life. "I'm 45 for a moment; the sea is high and I'm heading into a crisis; chasing the years of my life ..."

Ooh, Child -- Five Stairsteps -- You gave me this song once, when I was blue, remember? Now I'm returning the favor. "Oooh, child, things are gonna get easier. Oooh, child, things are gonna get brighter ..."

Badlands -- Bruce Springsteen -- A healthy ambition is one thing, Sweetie, but you should know where you're going and why. You have your own gifts and talents, and while following them may not deliver you to the place your neighbors and family feel you should land, you may just end up happy. "Poor men want to be rich, rich men want to be king, and a king ain't satisfied until he rules everything; I wanna go out tonight, I wanna find out what I got ..."

Fine Line -- Paul McCartney -- The older we get, the more spooked we become and making wholesale changes to our lives becomes more difficult. So if you want to do something, do it now, before you turn 50 or 60. Or make peace with the choices you have made (and acknowledge that these are choices you have made). "Whatever's most important to you, well that's the thing that you got to do; whatever's most important to be, well that's the view that you got to see ..."

Me prefer Grover

But that's a minor quibble. I'm on board for Cookie Monster as host of SNL. See below, and you'll want to do the same!

I Want Wednesday

I want Kate and William to be happy. I don't know why I care, but I do. God bless them both.

Don't want to grow up!

You Are Peter Pan

You are the mischievous type, and you always have a twinkle in your eye. You love trouble! You refuse to grow up. You don't like to being told what to do, and you have a stubborn, independent streak. You are brave and bold. You love adventures, and you even believe in magic... at least a little. When you aren't out on your latest quest, you're at home dreaming of faraway lands.

What Fairy Tale Are You?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes