I'm sorry I don't like him

Had a late lunch Tuesday with my former art director. I hadn't seen her in six months, partly because she's still working. She's the person I worked with the closest the longest. I'm touched that she misses me and I'm happy that whenever we see each other we pick up exactly where we left off.

I'm also pleased that she gets along so well with her second husband. I knew her ex – a very handsome, charismatic guy who flirted outrageously and cheated on her extravagantly. Her divorce left her shaken. Now she's married to a man who supports her and treats her very well. I was impressed by how attentive he was during her bout with breast cancer.

So what's the problem? I don't like him.  

It's especially awkward because he seems to like me very much. He even suggested we meet at a geographically undesirable bar because he knows it's a favorite of mine and picked up the bill. I offered to at least leave the tip but he wouldn't hear of it.

Which makes me feel guilty for not liking him back.

Here's the thing: he finishes my sentences for me and always gets it wrong. He tries to make everything a joke, even things that aren't funny. He can be achingly insensitive.

Example: She asked me about my nephew, recalling how close he and I are and how much I love him. I spoke of his recent career struggles, how disillusioned he is with his new job. Hubby's response? "Let me play the world's smallest violin." It was hard for me to keep my face neutral and remain wordless.

I know he's trying to be clever and cute. In fact, I know he's trying. He had a few rehearsed Cub-related questions at the ready. It's not like he strolled into the bar planning to be an ass.

But I don't like him.

So what to do? Since he's retired, there really isn't a time when she and I get together that he can't join us. I've decided I'm going to carve out a few hours every month for a nice, long blab fest over the phone. The way she and I used to talk when we were working from home during covid, and then, after we were both let go. 

She's freelancing, so I haven't been calling her out of respect for her time. But she says she misses it. In fact, it "Call me!" was the last thing she said as she was getting into the car Tuesday. It will be a good way for us to keep in touch.

Without him.