When is a friend not a friend?

When you realize you miss him entirely too much, that's when.

It's a long, complicated story, but my best friend (my "office spouse," as they like to say in the magazines) was laid off on April 7. I haven't seen him since. He's moving to Denver, so I know realistically I may never see him again. (Yes, we say that won't happen; but everyone says that, don't they?)

So here we are, two months later. And while I miss him differently, it would be a lie to say I miss him less. It's not a stabbing ache anymore. It's more a constant, throbbing pain. I miss the man who used to call me or email me a dozen times a day. I miss knowing where he went for lunch, and him asking what I'm going to with my little nephew this weekend. I miss gossiping with him about coworkers. I miss the in jokes. I miss having late dinners with him when we'd compare notes on our childhoods. I miss looking over at him when he's driving and noticing that little chicken pox scar near his hairline.

We still talk (rather) regularly. I heard from him both via phone and email last Friday. But here it is Wednesday! Where is he?

Getting his house ready to sell. Exploring new job opportunities. Spending time with his wife and daughters (his real family).

I have lots of friends that I go weeks without hearing from. This is not quite 5 days and I am very, very sad.

I think it's time I admit that he is not my friend. I'm in love with him. And it's very, very sad, too. Married, with children, living in another state … Nothing is ever going to come of this. Because he's a very good guy and a better dad, I'm not even sure I want anything to happen.

I'm just very, very sad.