These are the thoughts and observations of me — a woman of a certain age. (Oh, my, God, I'm 65!) I'm single. I'm successful enough (independent, self supporting). I live just outside Chicago, the best city in the world. I'm an aunt and a friend. I feel that voices like mine are rather underrepresented online or in print. So here I am. If my musings resonate with you, please visit my blog again sometime.
Here's how to play.
• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
This is from Grudge Match by Mike Lupica. Our narrator, Sunny Randall, is a Boston PI. Sometimes I relate to her. 😀
"Tony wants to talk to you," Junior had said at my front door. "And before you say something smart, like you can't never help yourself, it really ain't a request."
"Fortunately my schedule is wide open the rest of the afternoon," I said, "So you're in luck."
Junior turned to Ty Bop. "See that right there? She can't never help herself."
In 2010, my oldest friend and her daughter moved to California to be with her blood relatives -- her cousin Sharon, Sharon's two sons, and their kids. The move has been a disaster. Her physical health has deteriorated, her emotions ping pong, she's lost every job she had out there and is now retired with no money. Zip zilch. She's been served with an eviction notice and has to be out of her rental on December 1.
Who is she moving in with? Her daughter is now 27 and living with her boyfriend, but "can't" take Mom in. Her cousin Sharon, now a widow, wants to see what it's like to live alone. Sharon's sons won't even help my friend with the move, so you know they're not letting her stay with them. My friend's son, now 37 and living with his wife in Philadelphia, echoes his sister and says he "can't" help his mother. So on December 1 she begins renting a room with the only friend she's made out there. The only nearby friend she has after 14 years. And their relationship is tumultuous, since she fancies herself in love with him and stirs up unnecessary drama because the feelings aren't reciprocated. This living arrangement is not tenable long term and I worry about her constantly.
Why am I writing all this here in response to this question?
Because you can't always count on family.
If I found my independence slipping away -- and who knows? I might -- I don't think I would hit bottom as my friend has. I mean, I own this condo and could always sell it I had to. But I know I could count on my niece to kick in at least some cash and my nephew -- who still lives in his old bedroom at his parents' house -- would be there for the move. But mostly I would look to my friends.
Before I found myself on the verge of homelessness, I'd consult with Kathleen, Nancy, Joanna* and Elaine. I'd call on my former art director, too. While I miss the love and support of my late friends John and Henry more than I can say, I do still have good girlfriends to lean on. Btw, I met Joanna and Elaine in 2013 and reconnected with Nancy in 2016. All people who became fixtures in my life after my oldest friends moved. I realize how lucky I am. I really don't have a hard time making friends. Which is the point of this post ...
November Challenge: Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs it plays
I turned to Pandora and here's what she thought I'd like:
1. I Will Always Think About You (The New Colony Six) 1968
2. Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes (Edison Lighthouse) 1970*
3. Over You (Gary Puckett and the Union Gap) 1968
4. Don't Sleep in the Subway (Petula Clark) 1967
5. Dream A Little Dream of Me (Michael Buble) 2005
6. Return to Sender (Elvis) 1962
7. The Way You Look Tonight (Maroon 5) 2010
8. I Only Want to Be With You (Dusty Springfield) 1964
9. I Say A Little Prayer (Aretha) 1968
10. Burning Love (Elvis) 1972
Pandora was right. I enjoyed this thoroughly. I should do it more often.
*This one made me mist up. When my friend's daughter, Rosie, got married in September, this was the bride's dance with her dad. He sang this to Rosie since she was a baby and they both knew all the words. He is one of the most remote men I know and seeing this open display of love and joy was very moving.
1)
This was Whitney Houston's first big hit, her introduction to a mass,
national audience. But music was not her first career. While she was
still in high school, Whitney was a model and Seventeen magazine covergirl. Is there a print magazine in your home right now? If yes, who is on the cover? Vanity Fair: the girls from Wicked.
2) During her modeling days, she also appeared on packaging for Simplicity patterns. Can you sew? I can hem (I'm 5'1, so even petite slacks are too long) and mend and replace a button. But no, I can't really sew.
3)
"Saving All My Love for You" was the record that made Whitney Houston a
superstar in the UK. Let's flip that: Tell us about a British performer
you enjoy listening to. Sometimes I'm just in an Amy mood. Here's my favorite.
4)
This song was composed by Michael Masser. He left his career as a
stockbroker to pursue his passion for music and scored his first major
hit with "Touch Me in the Morning" by Diana Ross. Do you feel you have a
greater affinity for the analytical/logical or the creative/emotional? Creative/emotional.
5)
The lyrics were written by Gerald Goffin. He, too, took a circuitous
route to music success. After high school he joined the Navy. When that
stint was over, he went to college and studied chemistry. He worked in a
lab for a while, but that was just to earn a regular paycheck until he
could support himself with songwriting. What was your first job after
you finished your education? How long did you stay at that job? I was an admin (secretary, in those days) for Sears, Roebuck and Co. in Sears Tower. After 5 years, I was lucky enough to get a promotion to catalog copywriter. They didn't promote from within very often, and I know I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That copywriting job opened the door to a real career and I'm grateful.
6) While this
week's song was Whitney's first hit, it wasn't her most biggest hit.
That was "I Will Always Love You," from the soundtrack of her movie The Bodyguard. "I
Will Always Love You" was written and originally recorded by Dolly
Parton. The film's star and producer Kevin Costner called Dolly
personally to get her permission to use her song, a courtesy she
appreciated. Who has recently been thoughtful or kind to you? Katie O., our temporary manager at the card shop. She gave me an extra, longer shift yesterday. I asked what was up: did we get a big shipment in or has traffic unexpectedly increased? Nope. She told me that right now Corporate isn't being so bearish about payroll and she saw an opportunity to let me make a little more money so she grabbed it. That was so nice of her. She doesn't even know me! We texted and talked on the phone, but I didn't even meet her until I showed up for my extra shift yesterday.
7)
Whitney was a big fan of tomato soup. So is Barbra Streisand. (Maybe is
bestows some kind of musical superpower!) What's your favorite soup for
an autumn day like today? Clam chowder is always good.
8)
1985 wasn't just big for Whitney. It was also the year Bruce Willis
became a household name when his TV series premiered on ABC. Can you
name it? Moonlighting! I've been bingeing on it on Hulu, and falling in love with David Addison all over again.
9) Random question: While dining out, have you ever sent food back? No.
• 7.5 ounces of Cokeat
5:00 AM. I don't usually start the day with a pre-dawn can of soda, but
I woke up with a caffeine headache. Thursday was a weird day and I bet I
didn't have my regular 15 ounces.
• Glass of water. Just your basic 8 oz.
• Glass of chocolate milk. (Milk makes my morning vitamins and meds go down easier.)
• 24 oz. of water at the card shop.
• My big meal of the day: A sliced turkey sandwich with lots of sweet barbecue sauce, a pair of hushpuppies, and a side of mac-and-cheese. (Of course I didn't cook this. Picked it up at the barbecue place on my way home from work.) Washed it down with my second 7.5 oz. Coke. (No headache tonight!)
• Another glass of water and a trio of Chips Ahoy cookies.
• I wasn't hungry, but I had some applesauce and another glass of water because I was worried that my gut wouldn't feel I've had enough fiber today.
• I filled my 18-oz. water bottle for my nightstand.
I'm feeling especially peevish, post-election. So I'm sorry that this was asked today. But here goes ...
1) People who don't acknowledge gifts. I don't expect a formal thank you note, but if USPS or Amazon tells me my present has been delivered, it would be nice to know it actually was received.
2) My neighbor manages to knock on my door at the worst possible times. (I'm in my underwear or I'm grilling a piece of something on the old George Foreman or I'm literally "in the bathroom"). How does he do it?
3) People who come into my space and are negative or rude. Example: Wednesday morning, my cousin Rose sent a joint text to me and a friend of hers in Texas, asking us "childless cat ladies" how we were feeling after the election. Now, I have never met this Texas friend of Rose's. She responded with a tear drop. I said I was sad but I quoted Abraham Lincoln, also a cat lover, and said I hoped the "better angels of our nature" guide Trump. I followed with prayer hands and a cat emoji. That bitch told me I should "learn Russian." Oh, for fuck's sake. Who are you and why are you in my life? Also, I simply refuse to be negative and angry for the next four years.* But more than that, again, who are you and why are you in my life?
4) That my glasses are always dirty and smudged, yet I don't notice it from my side of the lens.
5) Dayforce, the scheduling software used by the card shop, is different on Android than it is on Apple and my screen looks so different from that of my coworkers'. Frustrating! However, I'm not going to invest $1,000+ on a new phone to facilitate my minimum wage job.
*I handwrote and sent 250 GOTV postcards and nearly 50 more for Ohio's Sherrod Brown. That was more than $150 in postage out of my pocket, not to mention time. I also donated money every month to first Biden and then Harris for President. I'd wager while I was doing all that, Rose's Texas friend was scaring her cat by yelling at the TV, but doing nothing more.
13 products Millennials don't buy. I spent more than 40 years in marketing so reading consumer research surveys is a hard habit to break. I've been fascinated by the studies that reveal adults born between 1981 and 1996 are just not that into things that have long been a way of life for old farts like me.
Some, like calculators and alarm clocks, they consider redundant because they have always had smartphones to perform those functions. Others perplex me. There is no app that can replace beer.
Anyway, here's my by no means exhaustive or scientific list of goods and services that have not captured the hearts of millennials.
1. Alarm clocks.
2. Bar soap.
3. Beer.
4. Breakfast cereal.
5. Bulk warehouse memberships.
6. Cable TV.
7. Calculators.
8. Cruises.
9. Designer clothes.
10. Fabric softener sheets.
11. Golf.
12. Paper napkins.
13. Postcards.
Please join us for THURSDAY THIRTEEN. Click here to play along, and to see other interesting compilations of 13 things.
November Challenge: Your views on mainstream music.
For the most part, I like it. I enjoy today's superstars -- Beyonce and Taylor Swift, and if I may go back a little, Katy Perry and Pink. I think it's great that young girls have such successful role models. Of course, I'm old. I turn 67 this month. Every generation has their own music and their own self expression, and this generation's is not mine, nor should it be. (The last "new" singer that felt personally relevant to me was Amy Winehouse, and she's been dead more than a decade.)
One thing about mainstream music has always annoyed me: some feel it's fashionable to diss whoever is popular because they are popular. I find that with today with Beyonce and Taylor Swift. I know when I was a little girl in the 1960s right on through the late 80s, it was somehow cool to shit on the Beatles. I bet it was the same with Elvis and Sinatra.
There's also the "I've never even heard [Beyonce/Taylor Swift]" school. People have commented on Saturday 9 that way as though it was something to be proud of. First of all, you copied the link to this week's song, you wretched nitwit. It's on your own blog (or the post you're commenting on), and you are so lazy or think you're so above it that you can't even click on it. I hope I never become that intellectually incurious.
After the shock wore off, I was offended. The thought of Donald Trump
sitting in the same office as Lincoln, FDR and JFK gave me a visceral
shudder.
I have to believe that those giants of inclusion and eloquence still
inhabit the Oval Office. I hope they can deftly influence my new
President to behave like the great man the office demands.
I pray the better angels of our nature alight and land on Donald Trump.
I originally posted this 8 years ago. I meant it then and I mean it now. I doubt President Trump would believe me, but I do pray for him ... and our country.
WWW.
WEDNESDAY asks three questions to prompt you to speak bookishly. To
participate, and to see how other book lovers responded, click here.
PS
I no longer participate in WWW.WEDNESDAY via that link because her blog
won't accept Blogger comments. I mention this only to save you the
frustration I experienced trying to link up.
1. What are you currently reading?Grudge Match by Mike Lupica. Sunny Randall was one of Robert B. Parker's creations. I liked her way (way) better than his Jesse Stone but nowhere near as much as Spenser. Upon Parker's death, Mike Lupica continued the Randall series, with the approval of Parker's estate. As I read 12 Months to Live (below) I was reminded how good Lupica was at getting into the heads of strong women characters and decided to pick this one up. 2. What did you recently finish reading? 12 Months to Live by James Patterson and Mike Lupica. This book was like a candy bar. I enjoyed it as I consumed it, but will remember little or nothing about it a month from now. In fact, I've already forgotten details of the ending. I could look at it again, but I don't care enough.
Lupica and Patterson (I suspect mostly Lupica) have created a very interesting character in Jane Smith, the hot-shot lawyer who never loses. I read to get to know more about her. Not her case. The teased twists and turns were not that hard to anticipate. The coincidences are just ridiculous. I know this is a series, but I doubt I'll be back.
Here's how to play.
• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
This is from 12 Months to Live by James Patterson and Mike Lupica. After opening arguments in a major murder trial, the defendant's wife requests a private one-on-one with her husband's attorney, our narrator, Jane.
"Judge Prentice wasn't amused and, for the record, neither was I."
I feel myself biting through my lower lip hard enough to draw blood. I'm tired. I want to get outside, do my few minutes of standup, and then head back east.
But I'm doing my best to behave. A constant challenge.
"For the record, what I did today had nothing to do with your husband, or the judge, or the prosecutor, bless his heart. And it wasn't for you. I was only addressing the jury ..."
November Challenge: Bullet your whole day (Monday)
OK, let's see how long I do this before I get bored ...
• Woke up on my own (no alarm clock)
• From bed, caught up on the local news (a lot about the passing of Chicago's very own Quincy Jones) and then switched to Morning Joe
• Did those twists the orthopedist taught me. 5 on each side. Roy Hobbs helped by grooming the top of my head. My left knee feels a little wonky.
• Finished that bottle of water on my nightstand. (It's still cold!)
• Tooled around the web -- Facebook, email, fellow bloggers, and my nephew's baseball column. I want to check out the Chicago Sun Times and New York Daily News online, but really, I've got to get out of bed sometime.
• Fed the cats. No cats have ever, in the history of catdom, been as hungry as they were.
• Checked my phone. The oral surgeon can squeeze me in earlier than expected! YAY! No, I am not happy about getting another dual crown lengthening. But I appreciate being able to use up my 2024 benefits.
• Confirmed the dental appointment, wrestled with Dayforce, the scheduling app for the card shop. Apparently it works better for Apple than it does for Android. Unfortunately, I have Android. It took longer than I should have, but I requested the day of surgery and the following as days off.
• Did last night's dishes. Watered the plants.
• Chocolate milk and meds. Only one prescription -- for my cholesterol -- but a fistful of vitamins and supplements.
• Icing my knee and touching up my pathetic pedi. Can't afford a new one until after the 19th. Hope I don't offend anyone at yoga tomorrow with my chipped digits.
I'm bored with this already and I haven't even gotten into the shower yet. Sorry.
Why are we so quick to demonize those who don't look like us or share our same life experiences? Thanks to Governor Abbott of Texas, my neighborhood up here in Chicagoland received a sudden, unexpected influx of migrants.
Instead of resenting them for panhandling, for cluttering our sidewalks, for using tax-payer dollars and community resources, let's consider what it's like for them.
• Fleeing poverty and oppression with just the belongings they can carry.
• Headed for Texas, where at least the climate is familiar, but ending up in the chilly midwest.
• Unable to understand much of what is said around them as bureaucrats decide their fate.
• Not allowed work permits for weeks, so they can't support themselves or their families.
What would happen if, instead of ignoring or glaring, we smiled at them? Treated them like neighbors instead of intruders. Gave them a dollar or at least a kind word. Made eye contact and connected through our common humanity, rather than assume they are here to "poison the blood" of our country.
Tensions would decrease and serenity increase. The world would be safer and more welcoming.
My favorite book thisyear is Camera Girl: The Coming of Age of Jackie Bouvier Kennedy by Carl Sferrazza Anthony.
This charming biography concentrates on a very specific time in Jackie's life: from ages 19 to 24. It starts with Vassar and ends with her wedding to JFK, the day she became a public figure.
She began that five year period by making repeat trips to Europe. She forged a lifelong friendship with an elderly Irish priest, boarded with a widowed countess in Paris and became a regular at the theater and jazz clubs, and (my favorite part) was actually detained by the Russian embassy in Vienna because they suspected her of espionage!
When she returned stateside for good, she became engaged to and then broke up with a stockbroker, in large part because she did not want to be an upper middle class housewife. She preferred The Washington Herald, where she went from The Inquiring Camera Girl to a columnist with a byline. (Funny that a woman who would come to loathe the press found such satisfaction working for a newspaper.) Important though her job was to her, she had to give it up when she married because it was the 1950s and that's what women did. She believed that being the wife of a politician would be worth it and, as she wrote privately to Father Leonard, she had finally fallen in love.
This sensitive, insightful book got me wondering about my own mother and those years between high school and matrimony. I know there were no trips to Paris or Vienna for my mother, but I don't know what she did do during that period. The way my mom told her life story, nothing much happened to her until she met my dad. Of course, that's how most biographies treat that period of JBKO's life, too. This book makes me sorry I never asked about it when I could.
Local events, parades or festivals – either in your hometown or state. Chicago has the annual Bud Billiken Parade every August. An offshoot of the Bud Billiken Club, the after school organization devoted to reading and community involvement, it celebrates "back to school." Lots of kids and marching bands and gymnastic displays. The mayor and gov are always there and celebrities, too. It's the largest African American parade in the nation. I thought every city had a Bud Billiken celebration until recently. But no, it's Chicago's very own.
Life update – what’s happened recently, moving house, family wedding, vacation, new pet, visited with a friend, and so on. I'm still learning how to be old. Yesterday I received a very important looking notice -- "Please do not open if your name is not shown on the front of this envelope" -- from National Government Services. It scared the crap out of me! What have I done wrong? Turns out nothing. In August, my primary care physician ordered lots of blood work as part of my annual physical. Either she or her staff used the wrong code on the paper work and/or didn't provide enough health history to justify them all and Medicare is refusing to pay for three of the tests. The notice says, in very formal and legal language, that as the patient I "could have no reasonable expectation" that these tests were not covered by Medicare and I will not be billed for them. My doctor's office has to pay. PHEW! It took five (5) pages to get me to this conclusion. Five nerve-wracking pages! Now I know what National Government Services is and how they work and if ever I receive another notice, I won't panic so.
Do you have any family traditions this month? Nope.
The holidays are about two months away, Do you begin shopping or creating now or wait until December? I shop all year around. If I see something that feels right for someone, I grab it. Here's my favorite find for 2024: My cousin Rose is studying cartography and is very picky about her little purses (they have to be small and vertical in orientation). I found this on Etsy and I think she'll love it.
What is your favorite November memory? I thoroughly enjoyed my Thanksgiving get togethers with my friends John and Gregory. We always got dressed up dined out. It was so much less stressful than the family gatherings I grew up with. Anyway, John died in April. Gregory and I are continuing what John called "Orphan's Thanksgiving" in his memory.
Now that the weather is getting cooler do you prefer? Staying indoors or going outdoors? What do you do? I love walking in this weather.
Describe your favorite local restaurant? It's a sports bar that specializes in seafood. Great clam chowder and lobster bisque, great vibe.
Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving? Friendsgiving
If you could take any class, what would you select? I'd kinda like to learn Spanish
To celebrate November would you rather enjoy pumpkin pie or sweet potato? Hmmm ... May I have both? For purely scientific reasons. I'd like to compare/contrast.
How do you handle setbacks and failures? Not well
If everything in your house had to be one color, which color would you choose? Pantone 294, Cubbie blue.
Who or what would you haunt if you were a ghost? Paul McCartney. I'd like to hang with him and use my ghostly magic to make his life easier. Like Samantha on Bewitched. If he reaches for his cup of tea, I'd move it closer. Things like that. I'd be his indispensable spectral assistant.
Have you ever worn clothing with the labels still attached? No. I have very sensitive skin and wash everything before wearing it.
What's something weird that you recommend everyone try at least once? Alligator. I had it once -- breaded and on a stick. I don't remember how it tasted. I just recall that feeling quite proud of myself: "I'm eating alligator!"
November Challenge: Something I feel strongly about.
"As you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." From the Book of Matthew. That's what I try to keep in mind when I encounter the migrants who have ended up in my community because Governor Abbott of Texas callously sent them up here.
I've heard all the political ads that demonize migrants. They tell me that these lonely, confused people panhandling on my local street corners are criminals and terrorists. Trump supporters would have me believe they are "poisoning the blood of our country." It's not lost on me that they claim to be loud and proud Christians. Guess their Bibles don't include The Book of Matthew.
I take my faith seriously and it offends me when people use it to justify their xenophobia.
1)
Taylor Swift sings that when her mind wanders, it usually returns to a
specific day in December. How about you? Do you often daydream? Or do
you focus on what's happening in the moment? My wanders all the freaking time. I wish I could harness it better.
2)
She's looking back on December. We're going with a different take: As
we enter November, what are you looking forward to this month? Thanksgiving and my birthday.
3)
The lyrics recount a casual conversation between two former
sweethearts. They talk about their families, their careers and the
weather. Are you good at making small talk? Personally, no. But at work -- whether dealing with clients in my previous career or customers at the card shop -- I do just fine. It's my job.
4)
This song was rumored to be about her break up with Taylor Lautner, the
actor best known for playing a werewolf in the popular Twilight
series. In acknowledgement of the Halloween season: Did you ever trick
or treat as a werewolf, vampire, witch, ghost or other scary creature? No. My mom always chose my costumes, and she didn't like the scary stuff.
5)
Taylor is currently involved with Travis Kelce of the Kansas City
Chiefs, and naturally this is his busy time of year. How's your football
team (NFL or NCAA) doing this season? I'm afraid I don't like football.
6)
Taylor
loves chicken tenders and says she'd eat them every day, if calories
weren't a consideration. If you were to enjoy tenders right now, what
dipping sauce would you prefer --sweet/sour, barbecue or honey mustard? I like them all. Lately I've been requesting honey mustard.
7) Thinking of food ... Taylor
Swift recently donated $5 million to Feeding America with the funds
earmarked for those affected by Hurricanes Helene and Milton. Does
it make you feel good to do good? If yes, what is something you've done
recently to help others? (It may give other Sat-9ers ideas for something
they can do.) I carry these blessing bags in my purse. Each zip-lock bag contains lip balm, a breakfast bar, a packet of tissues, some hand sanitizer, and a dollar bill. Since most of the items came from The Dollar Store, these bags cost me very little, and I am happy to share them with those in need. I think it's important to let people know you're thinking of them.
8) Back in 2010, when this week's song was a hit, the iPod Nano was also popular. Did you have an iPod? I'm sure I still have my iPod around here somewhere.
9) Random question: Did you more recently run the dishwasher or the clothes washer? Clothes washer. I don't have a dishwasher.
